I often wonder if I’m a sociopath.
I hate my job. My heart is very cold. I stray from my emotions because they make me feel weak. How can someone defeat me when they can’t touch me?That’s ultimately the biggest weapon we have against each other and within ourselves. Distance is the safest route. I’m somewhat fond of my family. I find it extremely difficult to say “I love you.” The very words make me feel repulsive. My parents, especially my mother, try to get close but I immediately shut it down. None of that close mother-daughter closeness you see in movies or any of that daddy’s girl bullshit.
I seem to be the only affected. I have four siblings and none of them have any of those problems. Where did things go wrong? Am I okay? These questions make me wonder if it’s all good in my brain. I’ve looked it up and I don’t completely fit in with the sociopathy profile. So what’s wrong with me? I feel sleepy now, so maybe I’ll delve more into this subject later. I usually feel writey and notey right before I go to sleep. So goodnight brain.