The year 2015 was a tough year for me. I had broken up with my best friend, I had quit my job and was going to study French at the university. After just one and a half month at the university, I had a mental break down and I had to seek help. I was depressed and I had anxiety, and worst of all, I wanted to die. I felt like I did not have anything to live for, I felt like a loser.
One day I ended up at the psychiatric emergency and it was one of the worst feelings ever. I never want to go back there, never ever! It was awful because I had to take off my shoes and take off my belt so that they could lock it away from me. This moment in my life was probably the lowest point ever. I have suffered from depression and anxiety for a long time. I remember when it all started, I was 12 when I first cut myself and I wanted to disappear from this world. From that point, it has been going back and forth, periods of happiness and periods of depression.
2015 I finally got help and they decided to medicate me, which has really helped but lately it has been getting worse...again. Now I am fighting again and hopefully I will get better. I do not have a lot of trust in my new doctor though and she does not seem very knowledgeable. I have a meeting with her tomorrow and we will discuss my medication and maybe we will do some changes, we will see.
I wish that I could be able to live a normal life in the future, that is my main goal. I want to be able to earn money and go to work without getting anxiety. At the moment I push myself by listening to Rachel Platten - fight song.
"This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me"
Wishing y'all a good day.
XO Yeli Hylander