I feel a bit bipolar at the moment. I know that's not what it is, but I constantly feel like I'm walking on a thin, thin line. On either side, crying desperately, on the other, screaming in anger. On either side, wanting to die, on the other, wanting to make something of my life.
Actually, scratch that. I constantly feel like I want to die, not in a suicidal way, just casually wanting my life to just stop. For everything to just pause for a second, so I can think. And sleep. God, I just want to sleep for three weeks. Is there an application somewhere to get 30 hours per day instead of 24?
I am just frustrated with everything and everyone right now, this is simply not working. I wish my classes were just a regular program, and I could quit right now. Stop all of this and work for six months so I can afford to live when I start studying again. Because I really, really don't want to do this anymore, keep up the charade.
Everything seems to give me anxiety these days. Going to school gives me anxiety, so does staying at home. Eating, not eating. Working, not working. Or well, I've actually started to look forward to work each week, more than I do for school. Isn't that a sign something is wrong? When you like your weekend job better than what you study?
Either way, I should stop rambling now...