Usually, when someone hears that I have been diagnosed as a sex addict the picture that pops into their head is that of a rapist or, at the very least, someone who should not be trusted alone with a woman.

People often think sex addiction is the same as being a nymphomaniac.

Of course, this is complete bullshit!

Basically, a sex addict wants to have sex all the time whereas a nymphomaniac has to have sex all the time. It’s like a want versus a need. A recreational drinker versus an alcoholic.

In my case, I enjoy sex but I only enjoy it with someone who consents. I actually have a very good set of morals and rules that I live my life by.

I am a gentleman!

For example, I would never sleep with the girlfriend or wife of a friend or family member. Even if they are no longer together I would not allow myself to get into that situation.

Why? Because it complicates things and casts doubt over my conduct during the time they were together. I prefer not to be compromised in that way.

I have been in such a situation, many times, and each time I politely declined the advances even though I liked the girls/women and in any other situation I would have been all over them.

Not that it has helped me. On more than one occasion the friend suspected I bedded their ex or current girlfriend. On one occasion, a work colleague stopped talking to me for 4 years as a result of me not sleeping with his ex, though he thought I tried to.

He only started talking to me again after he started a relationship with his best friend’s ex, they later married. We never formally spoke about the 4-year drought of our friendship and it was never as close as it was before.

It happened one day that we were in the mess room at our depot and we were chatting when he mentioned that he was getting married. He said the girl’s name like I should have known her then he clarified who she way by mentioning his, now former, best friend’s name.

I just looked at him and half smiled as if to call him a hypocrite and he half smiled back at me as if to say ‘ah, it happens!’ but it hadn’t happened to me.

Sometimes men judge others by their own morals, which he did in this instance when he assumed I’d either tried to sleep with his ex or did sleep with her. Funny thing was, at the time, I was trying to get them back together.

They did get back together for 4 months then it all blew up when she told her best friend, who was my girlfriend at the time, about what happened, or didn’t happen.

So I have learnt to avoid being in such situations. I always say that you can’t control how you feel but you can control how you deal with your feelings.

For example, I couldn’t control wanting to bang the brains out of a friend’s girlfriend back in 1995 but I could control my actions so I avoided being alone with her. She was flirting with me big time.

I liken it to being an alcoholic. I know I’d want that drink so I don’t go into bars.

At the end of the day, I need to be able to look at myself in the mirror each morning. I don’t lie to get sex, I don’t trick a girl to get sex, I don’t take advantage of a girl to get sex and I don’t get a girl drunk to get sex.

It is important to me that a girl’s experience is pleasurable, not regrettable.

I get pleasure from giving pleasure and I get turned on by being wanted not by being rejected. And I certainly don’t want a 3rd party known to me being hurt as a result.

Even sex addicts have morals.

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How do you define when you have had sex? Why am I asking? Because we all have different ways to classify what having sex is. Why is this important to me?

It’s because I have often been asked when I lost my virginity and before I answer I always have to ask for questioner for their definition of having sex. Their definition shapes the answer I give.

You might be thinking that I must know when I had sex for the first time but the first three times I had sex I didn’t cum. I got hard, I penetrated the vagina with my penis but I didn’t cum. We just stopped because we were interrupted or whatever.

The first two occasions happened when I was 10 and the girl in question was 15. I don’t know what was going through her mind at the time but she chose to take me to bed on two different occasions. Both times I was a willing participant and I’ll detail the story in a future post.

The third time I had sex was when I was 13 and so was the girl in question. Once again it was her idea but it was more of a fleeting thing than in the first two occasions.

What would the law say? Well, on all three occasions what we did would be enough to be classed as rape or as paedophilia if it were that type of scenario. If it was a divorce court they would be enough to prove an act of being unfaithful because penetration occurred and there was ‘in and out’ action going on.

So, why would there be a question mark hanging over if I lost my virginity? Quite simply, because I didn’t cum. That seems to be the important part of a male losing his virginity.

For the record, the first time I had sex and came was when I was 16. That is a pretty cut and dry situation with no ambiguity at all.

To cum or not to cum

Let me ask you this question. How do you define how many times you’ve had sex in a night?

Again, it is a question that can be difficult to answer. Is it by how many times a guy cums? How many times a woman cums? What if neither of you cum, is it sex? Of course, it is because of the legal implications I detailed earlier.

Society seems to be geared towards classing sexual activity by how many times a guy cums. Why? That seems a little fucked up, doesn’t it?

So what if after pulling out of a girl the guy wanks himself off to climax? This can just get really complicated and that isn’t the point of this post. The question I want to ask is…

What is sex?

We all have sex differently. I class a blowjob as sex, Bill Clinton doesn’t. I class anal as sex, Catholics don’t. So if a girl sucks my cock for 20 minutes and we stop before I cum, is it sex?

Does someone have to cum in order for a sexual act to be classified as sex? It would seem so!

Don’t get me wrong, I think all this ‘I had sex 3 times last night’ bragging is bullshit and I prefer to think of sex as a period of time rather than a number of orgasms. I don’t always cum when I have sex, through choice, so why should the time I spend doing what I enjoy become invalid because it misses 20 seconds of muscle spasms?

For me, and many other men, it is about the journey rather than the destination.The climax is something of an anti-climax. I get more out of having sex than cumming. I can feel the same high by having sex without the need to make a donation of my DNA at the end.

So in this day when women are sexually equal to men I feel we need to change the way we classify having sex. A woman may not cum, a man may not cum but it is still sex!

However, penetration isn’t enough either. So how can we know when we’ve had sex? Does it really matter? Maybe we need to look at our attitude towards sex generally and not count how many times we are doing it?

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I don’t know why men have such high morals when it comes to sex.

We, as the male sex, think it’s ok to go out and fuck whoever we want, whenever we want and however often we want. Women, on the other hand, should have a higher moral and be chaste.

The same men generally do not approve of homosexuality. Why? I don’t think it is anything to do with homophobia. Men have fucked men since the ancient Greeks and even in Roman times.

No, I think some men are against homosexuality because they are jealous. Pure and simple jealousy!

If a man wants to fuck all the time and women shouldn’t do the same then they are in a bit of a quandary. They want to go out on a date with a woman and fuck her on the first night but in doing so she is devalued in his eyes.

Not my eyes! I am not a normal man and I am not writing about what judge to be right or wrong. I don’t judge because I am in no moralistic position to do so!

For a woman to be worth something to a man, she has to withhold the ‘goods’ and make him wait. But, make him wait too long and she is judged to be a prude or boring.

The line between being ‘easy’ and ‘prudish’ is literally a knife edge.

If she is ‘easy’ then some men will stick around for the sex thus stringing her along and end up cheating on her. Seeing someone who isn’t easy while taking out their sexual frustrations on the one who is.

Some men will date a girl who is difficult to get into bed just to finally get her there and then leave her once he has had his wicked way.

Why? Men want the unattainable.

When I was younger I thought a woman could get laid easily. I thought all she had to do was go into a bar, stand on a table and shout “who wants to take me home tonight?”

Alas, I came to realise it is more complicated than that because what she is doing is devaluing herself. Even if a woman is easy to get into bed, men want to put in a little effort.

If you go and stand on a street corner handing out genuine Gucci bags you will be met with a few different reactions. Some will be suspicious that you want something, some will think they are fake goods and the ones who accept them for what they are will not appreciate them because it cost them nothing.

It’s the same with casual sex. The woman advertising herself on a table will be met with suspicion. Does she had VD? Does she want to rob them? Will she cry ‘rape’? What’s the catch? There has to be a catch!

She would get a much higher success rate by casually standing at a bar and go through the motions even if only to make the most basic of emotional connections.

Men might be simple creatures but even in the animal world, a hunter is suspicious about a free meal.

So, what did I mean about some men being jealous of homosexuals? Well, take a man with the morals and eagerness for casual sex and give them a range of partners who possess the same morals and eagerness for casual sex. What do you get?

A hedonistic casual sex lifestyle where nobody thinks someone is ‘easy’ because they are all men together. It is the ultimate non-judgemental environment.

And why not? At the end of the day, we should do whatever we need to do in order to make us happy and as long as nobody gets hurt who are we to judge somebody else’s life?

Sure there is a problem with HIV but heterosexuals have a problem with chlamydia, herpes, etc. Two men fucking each other might cost the NHS money by contracting HIV but so could heterosexual couples.

One of the biggest drains on the health service and taxpayers in general isn’t HIV (who can be of either sex) it is unwanted pregnancies. In particular, pregnancies that turn in to babies.

People’s right to enjoy their life shouldn’t be looked down on but people’s perceived right to have a child should be.

What makes me laugh with our society is that there are strict vetting practices to decide if we are fit to own a dog or a cat but not to have a child.

We have to learn and be tested on our ability to drive a car but not raise a child.

We need to take a good, long, hard look at our sex education system in the UK and stop supporting people who have children irresponsibly. Put more financial burden on the parents of the people producing the children.

You might think it is a something akin to a police state but unless people can take responsibility for themselves then maybe the state needs to force it on them.

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I guess I should start at the beginning, or do I mean begin at the start?

I love sex. I love women. I know, if you’re a guy you do too. Right? Well, just like most people with an addictive personality, I take it several steps further!

Take the average obese person. Not all of them but the average one. They probably like food. They probably like to consume it. And they probably don’t like exercise!

Well, I’m like that only with women. You see, I love women, they are my food. I love sex, it’s my consumption. And I don’t like relationships, they are my exercise!

If you follow this blog for long enough you’ll notice I constantly compare sex with food. I am someone who doesn’t like to be pinned down to one dish at a restaurant, like to go to a buffet so I can choose. Chop and change as my mood takes me.

Even eating the finest fillet steak every night becomes boring after a while.

But don’t think I am an egotistical misogynist, because I’m not! I respect and admire women. I believe every woman is beautiful in their own way and I class myself as a feminist.

No, women are not only good for one thing. I just don’t need a woman for anything else. Compare that to what I think of guys because I don’t need them for anything at all!

Yes, I am a loner. I have friends of both genders but I am comfortable in my own company.

I am not here to boast, brag or make out that I am smart because I’m not.

Being me might be fun but it is also a lonely life and not one I choose. A cancer victim doesn’t choose to have cancer and I don’t choose this life.

But then, don’t we all crave that which we do not have?

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