Usually, when someone hears that I have been diagnosed as a sex addict the picture that pops into their head is that of a rapist or, at the very least, someone who should not be trusted alone with a woman.
People often think sex addiction is the same as being a nymphomaniac.
Of course, this is complete bullshit!
Basically, a sex addict wants to have sex all the time whereas a nymphomaniac has to have sex all the time. It’s like a want versus a need. A recreational drinker versus an alcoholic.
In my case, I enjoy sex but I only enjoy it with someone who consents. I actually have a very good set of morals and rules that I live my life by.
I am a gentleman!
For example, I would never sleep with the girlfriend or wife of a friend or family member. Even if they are no longer together I would not allow myself to get into that situation.
Why? Because it complicates things and casts doubt over my conduct during the time they were together. I prefer not to be compromised in that way.
I have been in such a situation, many times, and each time I politely declined the advances even though I liked the girls/women and in any other situation I would have been all over them.
Not that it has helped me. On more than one occasion the friend suspected I bedded their ex or current girlfriend. On one occasion, a work colleague stopped talking to me for 4 years as a result of me not sleeping with his ex, though he thought I tried to.
He only started talking to me again after he started a relationship with his best friend’s ex, they later married. We never formally spoke about the 4-year drought of our friendship and it was never as close as it was before.
It happened one day that we were in the mess room at our depot and we were chatting when he mentioned that he was getting married. He said the girl’s name like I should have known her then he clarified who she way by mentioning his, now former, best friend’s name.
I just looked at him and half smiled as if to call him a hypocrite and he half smiled back at me as if to say ‘ah, it happens!’ but it hadn’t happened to me.
Sometimes men judge others by their own morals, which he did in this instance when he assumed I’d either tried to sleep with his ex or did sleep with her. Funny thing was, at the time, I was trying to get them back together.
They did get back together for 4 months then it all blew up when she told her best friend, who was my girlfriend at the time, about what happened, or didn’t happen.
So I have learnt to avoid being in such situations. I always say that you can’t control how you feel but you can control how you deal with your feelings.
For example, I couldn’t control wanting to bang the brains out of a friend’s girlfriend back in 1995 but I could control my actions so I avoided being alone with her. She was flirting with me big time.
I liken it to being an alcoholic. I know I’d want that drink so I don’t go into bars.
At the end of the day, I need to be able to look at myself in the mirror each morning. I don’t lie to get sex, I don’t trick a girl to get sex, I don’t take advantage of a girl to get sex and I don’t get a girl drunk to get sex.
It is important to me that a girl’s experience is pleasurable, not regrettable.
I get pleasure from giving pleasure and I get turned on by being wanted not by being rejected. And I certainly don’t want a 3rd party known to me being hurt as a result.
Even sex addicts have morals.