Rejection, now there's a touchy subject. I have been rejected many more times than I can even begin to count let alone remember. The reasons, not all know, but of course as a young girls that's not fairly confident in her own skin, let alone my own mind, I tend to always think the worst of myself and at times punish myself because of what I thought the reason was which led to me being rejected once again.
My heart has always been in a good place. I've always been a glass half full kind of person. Which is probably why I've put myself in those kinds of situations. Always trying new things, because lets be honest, its better to try than never know right? After one too many rejections you tend to start loosing that optimism a little bit. Your string of hope gets cut a little shorter bit by bit after every time.
I've had it all, every experience you can think of. I've been put through the grinder and cut right up to the bone in some cases. Honestly, If it wasn't for my tough skin and a hand or two full of people who I always open up and talk to about my experiences I don't think I would be the same person mentally as I am today. As I sit here today I feel defeated in life but as always not yet ready to throw in the towel. Although each experience had been unpleasant on its own I've never let it scar me, even after all the hurt caused by constantly never being 'good enough' or whatever it is, for someone or something. But today defeat got to me, as it probably has on many other occasions before this one. Since I wanted to open up about what I've learned about being rejected and how I now try not to let it influence me as a person (after having been through so much of it) I hope that after I write this post It would also help me to gain more sanity over my mind and lay to rest the punishment and doubt I ended up again putting on my heart. So first thing is first. The next title I struggled to accept but you just kinda have to, and that leads us to...
You might not be the right person and that's OK
This one gets to me a little. I always like to think of myself as a 'fit into everything' kind of person. Be it a new job, a new relationship or applying myself into something that I know I'm perfect for. If it needs me to be a certain way to fit the mold I'll change to be exactly what they want. I want it so badly that I would do almost anything it takes to be the 'right person'. I'd change who I was, how I thought, how I looked. I actually succeeded in some cases to fit the bill as it was on black and white thinking that this was what they wanted. Needless to say, it sometimes still ends up not being the perfect match and in the process of changing who you are you start to loose little bits of who you are like I did.
On occasions I am not even sure about who I am because I have over the years always tried to fit into other people's ideas of what the 'right person' is. Eventually realizing that I ended up wasting time that I could actually have used to embrace the kind of person that I actually am. The kind of person that might actually fit perfectly into another opportunity without having to mold my way into this artificial figure that, lets face, we ourselves don't even like being because its not who we truly are. We might even succeed in wiggling ourselves into these opportunities to later discover that we have some how become unhappy in our lives. Purely because this just is not who we are. It really just was not meant for us. It hard to really process that. For me it is, I though that once you get what you've always wanted you would automatically just be, well, happy. But it never really is that way. It might take you years to first start realizing it but somehow you will.
In other cases not being the "right person" makes us think that "of course, something is wrong with me" . This might as well be my favorite thing to do. A friend of mine pointed it out to me a few times before I actually started realizing that I might actually have a serious problem breaking myself down. It must have been the third or fourth time that day when she actually stopped me in my tracks while I was mumbling on about how I knew the problem laid with me when she stopped me, looked me in the eye and in a strong and furious tone scolded me for beating myself up verbally about not being good enough. Since that day to this very day she would pinch me every time I said anything bad about myself where I though I was never good enough to be the 'right person'. Friends like that are really the ones that you should keep in your lives forever. I then realized how often I did it after it was pointed out to me. Imagine how many more times I would do this in the company of my own thoughts. The thing is there are a lot of people that share this same trait with me and not even know it until they get pinched a few times to actually realize how often they do it. All to try and fit into a mold that they were never meant to fill.
You are inevitably the right person because you are you. Perfectly made and perfectly formed in your entirety. There is this quote that I just love and always try to live by. I hope you will too.
"My heart is at ease knowing that, what was meant for me will never miss me & that what misses me was never meant for me"
See it as your next step to greatness
After every rejection in life you should try to move on into a positive space however bad it was. We are all allowed to have a moment or a day to work through rejection. This is normal. But don't let it settle in your soul. As a woman, I know how hard it is to move past something that every made me feel remotely unhappy. The best remedy for this is to use however you feel to your advantage. Steer it towards something that's going to, in the long run, make you greater than you already are. This whole step takes a lot of maturity to do. Making something good come from something bad. All the successful people of the world before you did just this. It fueled them and kept pushing them to succeed even when the best of the best never acknowledged them. As long as you never allow it to bring you down or keep you from moving forward you will eventually succeed in being greater at the end of your journey.
When you get rejected on your looks, personality, talents, or flaws you should never ever allow it to keep you from enjoying yourself for exactly who you are. Whenever this happened to me It was as if something cut into my heart. But worse than that was that I allowed it to. Today's end result is me struggling to enjoy me. I always worried what people would say, I'd stress myself out beyond breaking point. I still struggled with accepting myself as I am. In the back of my mind I was always too fat, my hair was too dark or light, my feet were to big, my skin was too bad, my hair to short, my jokes to stupid or my voice too manly. I always had something bad to say about myself. I was my own worst enemy. What I've come to realize is that after my rejection this always automatically closed myself up when I was meeting new people or growing relationships with the people that I already knew. And in doing this I made myself more unattractive, less friendly and wasn't being or showing my full potential. I thought that if it bothered one person that it would automatically bother every other person. This turned out to be a lie. This is something that I personally focus on and work on every day. If I look back on it now there might have been a few scenarios where I maybe did not meet a few peoples full expectations but the rest was me just punishing myself to live up to those very few people's opinions and then adding them to everyone else's.
I'd like to leave you with this. You will never be able to make everyone happy. You will not always be chosen. You won't always be the smartest or the prettiest. You might not always be chosen. You might not always be acknowledged. You might not always feel good enough but in the end you aren't the one missing out on something. There is something meant for you and only you, it might not come around now but there is always light at the end of every tunnel. You just have to keep moving, keep pushing, keep bettering yourself living by the simple rules of life and that day, THE DAY, your day will come.
Forgive, Forget and keep looking forward
After everything is said and done a simple rule to live by is to forgive and forget and keep heading forward. If you never try to move past the things that once kept you back you will never be able to move forward in life. Dwelling on things that you can't change or take back will eventually end up pulling you down. This is maybe one of the most important points I've learned from being rejected. You really need to learn how to let go of things that, 1. You can no longer learn from & 2, Thins that will not help you progress further in life.
Closing a chapter and taking what you need from it to fuel you in being stronger and wiser in the second chapter is not only a good point to live by but also a essential and necessary life lesson. If its someone that you need to forgive in order to do that, be the bigger person and Forgive. Only after you have made peace with it in your heart will you be able to forget it. Lastly you can't go back now can you? No, and why would you want to? Moving forward will allow you move on to bigger and better things. Forgive, Forget and keep looking ahead. There are way better things awaiting you.
A little reminder: Everyone has at one point or another faced rejection in their life time. I find comfort in the fact that I am not alone in this on days that it sometimes is a little harder to comprehend. Rejection is a way of life. Rejection keeps you motivated, it keeps you kicking and screaming for me. It keeps you eye on the prize. Allow it to fuel a fire in your hear instead of covering it and letting it burn out.
You are not defined by what you are rejected by - Always remember that!