Instagram@mamatill3

I've been lazy for to long now! It's time to do something about it! I'm making small changes already, I've started to eat breakfast and I'm actually rather satisfied with it... I did a new weight check yesterday and it showed +0,9 kg up but I've also been eating a medicine that has weight gain as a side effect and I'm started trapping it down... So tonight I'm going too take the last dose of it.... I just hope it won't go wrong.... This medicine has help my sleep and I've already started to see the effects of it... The worst is, that medicine helps my sleep so when I stop with it I'll won't be able to sleep a whole night again... It's a f***ing hell to live like this... I'm in the middle of to things... Gain weight or lose sleep... And in this situation I choose to loose sleep before gaining weight!

I just hope that I can be able too sleep a little at night.... As long as I can get some sleep then it'll work...

Bye for now

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I've started to sing in a choir... It feels wonderful and I really love it! But it's hard on my voice since I sing the high voice... My voice was very weak today... Last week my throat hurt like hell, but I just need to practice more...

Today is the first day of February and I'm wondering where January went... It goes to fast but in one way it's fun... Because they say that time flies when you're having fun 😊 I wonder what me and Richard are going to do on Valentine's Day... I have no clue about it... But I think it will be a wonderful day. I love him with all my heart and I will never stop loving him ❤️

My teddy bear, my man, my love! The only one for me!

Bye for now

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Today my teddy bear and I celebrate 3 months together ❤️ I love him so much. And we're celebrating with a trip to Helsingborg to see the assassins creed movie. And I'm so happy that my brother comes to. I just hope that the movie is good... Have heard from 2 friends that it isn't as good that they thought it was... So I hope for the best 😊

Today I forgot my glasses at home and I have a really bad headache... At first I thought that it was a reaction to a perfume a person had... But because it hasn't gone away, and I've had it since 9 this morning... So hopefully will it pass when I get my glasses again.

I wish you all a nice day 😘

Bye for now

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It's been 3 weeks of anxiety now... I hate this shit! I just wish this will be better soon... I'm tired all the time but not because I wear my self out by doing things... It's because of my anxiety... Have talked to my therapist about it and there's nothing she can do... They have no doctors and there are no available places in the psychiatric wards... So there's not much I can do...

That's also the reason I don't blog so much as I did before... Hopefully this will be over soon because I don't know how much longer I can stay strong now....

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I've done a lot today and I can feel it my back... The pain is just too much... So I'm parking my ass in the sofa for the rest of the night...

55 buns and 2 bread loaves...

So I've spent almost the whole day in the kitchen all day... So it'll be to go to bed early tonight...

A pic I took when I was going to spiran the other day...

By for now

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This doesn't work anymore... The anxiety won't let me go and in so god damn tired of this shit... I just wish I can get through this without doing something I'll regret... I don't know how much longer I can resist the urge to do something stupid...

This has actually been a good day... I bowled my best score and when I went with spiran to swim I swam 1100 meters... I'm satisfied with it, but it didn't take away the mental pain more than a while...

I'm just happy that Richard is coming tomorrow... I just hope that I can resist the urge until then....

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I know I should be happy, I know I should feel joy... So why am I not feeling happy or joyful? I have 3 wonderful kids and a wonderful boyfriend who loves me for who I am... And still the anxiety sneaks up on me every evening...

I wish I could get the help I need but that won't happen any day soon... I hate the Swedish psychiatric care because you don't get any help until you stand with one foot on the railroad... Fuck Sweden! If it wasn't for my kids, my boyfriend and my friends I would leave this country faster than a mosquito bites!

Bye for now

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I hate that I have to live with this demon... And I can't get the help I need... There are no doctors at the psychiatric care and the psych wards don't have any places at all... Only the worst cases of depressed people gets places... I think I have to change my medicine again... I don't know if I can but I hope I can... Have to see a doctor soon...

On the inside I scream but on the surface I'm fine... The mask is on and it will be on until I feel that I can let go of the demon again....

Bye for now

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After a hard days of BF with my phone I finally can use it again! I'm home now and it was a really nice trip to my mother despite some small issues... Snow, and stormy weather among other things...

When we were on our way home yesterday I took some nice pics when we crossed stora Bältbron and I want to share them with you

Tomorrow we're going to my brother to celebrate his daughters birthday. I can't believe that she's already 1 year old! It's going to be fun and Richard is also coming with us!

Now I'm going to take care of the dishes... Bye for now

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Hope you all had a nice New Year's Eve 😊 I had... It's been a really tough year 2016... Many good things have happened but there have also been a lot of bad things... I've been up and down in my mood, threatened and forced to leave Sweden, I've started an internship and quit again because of my mental health, I've lost a lot of sleep because of many different causes...

But I've also been through a lot of good things... I've been an aunt, I have began to speak with my mother... I've found my true love and I've gotten a new dad and a little sister!

It's been a rough hateful and wonderful year!

I've been through hell and back and I haven't cut myself since last February! I've lost almost 13 kg since October 2015 and I'm actually happy for once!

I hope this year will bring a lot of joy! I'm sharing some photos from New Year's Eve with you and a before/after pic from last year and now!

I wish you a wonderful new year! Bye for now!

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