The last few days have been hectic. Almost everything is work related.. buy lets not talk about that.

Some other stuff that has been stressing me up is..
I've been talking and flirting with a guy (E). A reeeally nice guy. Amazing personallity, looks very good and make me laugh so bad (in a good way ofcourse!). And he flirts back. The thing is.. My friend (K) is dating his friend (A). So the other day we went to A's houseparty and E was there. During the whole party E ignored me? It made me so fucking confused!

And.. okey.. i was sitting and talking about music with a guy (U), who's really close friends with both A and E. This guy played a new written song he just made, we talked about EVERYTHING and had such a good time. He joined me outside when i was smoking.. and he told me he never tried smoking. (No i didnt give him a cigarette!) He actually made me blow some smoke in his face because he wondered how it tasted. And when i leaned forward to blow the smoke in his face HE KISSED ME?! It took me by suprise.. but i still kissed him back. When i went back inside my friend K told me that everyone saw what we did?!
To make a long story short:
E was not only ignoring me after that.. it was like i werent there at all. And we havent talked since then. I've been going around with anxiety until yesterday. We talked randome stuff on snapchat but not about what happend. And thats okey. As long he's not mad, angry or hurt. And he's not.

oh, right.. i told my friend a few days ago about my gift for her. She got so happy that she even cried. And believe me when i say that SHE'S NOT A SENSITIVE PERSON! Even though she made me cry too, it was so worth it!

Tip of the Day:
Dont ever blow smoke in someones face, unless you want to kiss that person! Haha!

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i dont even know what to write about today. I just feel like i need to. I have so many feelings in my body and so many thoughts on my mind, i cant cope. Im not avalibe to filter to make sense.

Im stressed of being stressed. Does that even make sense? No, i thought so.

I know i talk alot about love. even though that scares the shit out of me. I used to be in a relationship, but he cheated. And now its hard for me to open my heart again. I dont wanna risk getting that hurt again. It broked me down.
BUT, thanks to a friend.. im back on the sadle. And i just started to talk to a guy. He is great. Im not gonna focus on him.. the most important thing is that i did it. I tried! Maybe this just turn out as a friendship. But thats okey with me.

Except that.. im nervous. I just bought a gift to a friend. One of my best friends. Her biggest dream is gonna come true.. because of me. And im nervous. I dont know why. Should'nt I just be happy and excited? Dont get me wrong.. I am happy. Maybe im just anxious to see her face when she gets it.

Im gonna give it to her next week.. wish me goodluck!

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I have always had problem with expressing my feelings in words.. but I used to be a dancer. That was my therapy. And it worked. And then i messed up my both knees. i lost my only way to vent.

I needed something that didnt inclued people. Then i fell in love with music. I bought a gitarr and started slowly to learn. Learn to play, sing and find songs that explained how i felt.

So when life feels like shit.. i promise..
There is always a way out. Always!

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I have been feeling very stressed out the last year. In a few years, im gonna turn 30(?!?). And Im all alone. No man. And no kids. If Im even gonna be able to be a mother in the future, i need a man. Very soon!

So.. What do you think when i mention the word LOVE?

I dont know if its naive of me. But when i think about the perfect love.. i think about nothing other than "Hollywood movie" kind of love. You know the great one you read about in books or see on the screen?

Where the man climbs very high stairs, even though he's affraid of hights, just to be with his woman.

A Prince riding on a white horse under a beautiful sunset to save the princess from the bad guy.

Or even taking a bullet to save the other one. Is that naive of me?

Maybe thats why I'm still single.
But the thing is.. I dont wanna settle. I want a man who loves me as much Gerry loves Holly in "PS, I Love You".

But the question is..
Does that kind of love even excist?
Or should I give up all hope?

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Before i start.. im from Sweden and usually write in Swedish. BUT! Everyone who knows me, know my way of writing. And as my name say. i would love to stay UNKNOWED.

People always describe me as positive. Too positive. That makes it hard for me to "have a bad day" without people asking me "whats wrong"?! Like.. back the fuck down and let me be!! I know i cant say that out loud.. thats the reason i decided to create this account. To vent.

So, stay tuned!

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