I'm trying to be okay with all of this change that has been happening in my life. I'm going through the motions of a breakup with someone who I knew for a long time wasn't right for me. I'm still battling with the idea that I'm in love with someone that I only knew for a month before I flew back to Australia. I'm even more torn between wanting to stay here in Australia, finish my degree or buy a one-way ticket to America to see what could be? Love is a strange thing. It makes you sick. But you would chase it to the ends of the Earth just to taste a trace of it.
It's hard knowing you feel so strongly about someone you barely know. I don't know if I'm in love with the idea of this person or whether their charm, wit, humour, generosity, love, affection and thoughtfulness just lingers on in my mind. This person is 'woke'. They are real. They understand shit. They're just fucking lovely. Yet they don't say much. And it's this mystery that keeps me hooked. I want to know who they are, what keeps them up at night, what they dream of, what fuels their fire, their 'bucket list' items, their strange desires. I want to know it all. But I don't want to scare them away.
It's a hard position to be in. To live 10,000 miles away from someone but crave every inch of their being. To still feel their lips pressed on your neck and their touch around your waist. To hear their funny little laugh they do or their bright smile that literally makes you melt. The fact that there is someone out there who I cannot flaw. Who is seemingly perfect in every aspect and the universe is dangling them in front of me, just out of arms reach..