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I'm never sure of what to write, beacuse to me my life is boring. I only do regular boring things.
Like today, I went to the store to buy food for dinner, I changed tires (only two though) and watched the walking dead.
To me this is boring but it's also a lot.
I think the most exciting thing I've done is planning my halloween makeup (that I probably won't do because I have plans.)
Been thinking about getting hair extensions and changing my hair color to something brighter since I'm naturally blonde.
Okay, maybe not bright blonde but like rat blonde. My roots bother me so much and I can't dye my hair black all the time.
I can always talk about my hair plans, because I love hair related stuff.
Can also talk about my piercing and tattoo plans forever. I love planning so, it's not that weird.
Going to watch movie or two, or ten, depending on when I fall asleep, haha.
To my surprise, but not really, the friend I talked about yesterday ignored me and now I'm just exhausted from thinking.
I should mention, before I start this small rant or just me talking some sense into myself, I always overthink things.
Doesn't matter how small it is or how big it is, I always overthink. Sometimes I overthink things that doesn't even happen.
But anyway, I opened up to them about my autism, which is not something that I do very often because people don't care.
I told them things that I just haven't been able to tell the people around me because I don't want to be like this.
I always wanted someone to understand and that "friend" seemed to do so. After thinking for awhile I just thought that the reason they cared was because it was my weakness (so I got scared and blocked them).
Now writing this I don't really know the reason, and I'm going to try to move on from this and not get scared about opening up.
I sometimes just stop being sad/mad or whatever emotion I feel in the middle of everything so, that last piece sounded kinda weird to me, but what can you do?
Tomorrow (or today since it's past midnight) is a day that I need to be prepared for. So I'm going to try to get some rest now. Not think too much and all that. Goodnight.
I find it funny that no matter what the situation is my brain always finds something bad about it.
The last thing I wrote to my friend last night was a heart but I still think that they hate me, for no particular reason.
Also had one of those "I miss them so much" moment last night (missing my ex). But you can't always go back to toxic people.
I'm just hoping that one day I can be my own happiness instead of thinking something is wrong with me all the time.
Being with others, letting others make you happy is a great thing, but I've become so attached with the feeling of other people giving me joy that I've actually forgotten how to be happy on my own (when others are busy or want to be alone).
I always try to be open about my feelings, before this point in my life I barely talked at all about anything going on with me.
I've found that I need to talk about how I'm feeling to be able to heal and not just push my emotions away.
It's such a taboo thing, that if you talk about yourself being sad you're just looking for attention, which is so not true.
Sometimes you just want someone to listen, anyone. Not needing an answer, just not feeling like you're trapped.
Just writing this made me feel a little bit better acutally. So starting a blog again maybe wasn't such a bad idea after all.