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After a dark and sadly night

Day will come back with fearless light

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Just as a tear fall down your cheek

Just big as that size

The sun will rise


Just as a flower ends its life

Another one will be growing up


Just as a mountains heavy burden

You will be light as the wind over the sea

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Burning in flames

I can't believe you that me like a flower

That died without water


Burning in flames

You will never know

and I will never see you again

I know the world will need a better place than flames

-



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​Have you ever felt so tired that you don't feel tired at al?

Lately Ive been feeling so tired that I couldn't bother any more. I have a lot to do but theres also a lot that I want to do instead. Sometimes I can't see the point in stuff and in witch way they'll help me to become who I want. I know what I want to be, who I want to be, what I want to do and how I want to live.

You may say that Im lucky for knowing that but think again. What if you knew who you wanted to be but not being able to do anything to get there? Okay, so maybe I have time to become who I want to be and maybe I really shouldn't wait anymore, maybe I don't want to wait anymore but I just can't move. But I can. 

I feel like theres just too much in my head to concentrate on what exist now. Maybe I distract myself with too many thoughts and so much music in my ears that I just don't want to listen anymore. I remember that single moment a few weeks ago when just for a second, everything was so clear, so simple and easy. Now I don't know anymore.

The more time that goes, the worse it feels. The worse it gets. I don't want to sit still anymore, I want to do something. To create something. To reach the top of my dreams, and keep reaching until Ive reached my goal. Until Ive reached my true self.

I wonder what would happen if I woke up tomorrow with the passion and strength to start to build my dreams right now. To build my dreams of becoming who I want to be and do the things I want to do. 

And theres so much I want to do but I just don't know how to start. I guess the start is the hardest part. Cause when Im on the road, I will not give up. Not for one moment, not for one single second. Never. Then why is it so hard to start if I have the strength and passion to become what I want to become? Why is it so hard to start?

I just want to be who I want to be, I want to be somewhere else then where I am. I want to be somewhere beyond my lifestyle, I want to reach high and become successful with my work and passion and inspire people and learn from people and help people and let people help me. And I want to wake up. I want to wake up from this distracting tired world and start moving. 

I really want to.

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Finally we have a break from school and work and I cant feel more relaxed.

I have time to do everything I want to do and right now everything seems to go the way I want to. Even if Im a little behind and my anxiety keeps worry me like hell I still feel more relaxed than usual.

Yesterday I worked on a piece of my own and I put a lot of effort into it and I feel like it might be something I want to do a while. Draw, play the piano, sing, write... Just being creative cause right now when I dont have that much pressure on me I feel like I could create anything. And it feels great.

Maybe I should start to write something more important about dreams and future but right now I dont mind. Living in the pressence is also good sometimes if you only live in the future. And its very important to do it sometimes cause if you only plan your future that might never come and then? how will you live in the future when the future become the pressence?

I feel like lately Ive accept the fact to go after a scedule and the fact that what I do right now will matter. I just need to plan it up. But right now I dont need to do anything even if Im behind, and accepting the fact is a hard choise but relaxing when you realize the fact.

And right now I feel like doing something, creating something and I dont feel that a lot nowadays.


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​You've probably already realized that time goes unnaturally fast. Especially when you have so much to do. Tomorrow I got a test in geometry and statistics and the day after Ill have a test in genes and mutations. These two days that will come will be one of the most pressurized days so far. Still Ive had enough of studying and I just want to do what I want to do without feeling any guilt in any way. I just want these days to be as quick as they can and let them pass away. I want to have a break.

And this should definitely be okay to have. Anyone deserves to study the way thats best for them and take the time they need. If you for example study in classes you might not be able to learn just because you don't find the learning methods to be customized to yourself. Of course that really doesn't happen in real life. I just want to study and learn without pressure, I want to learn from interest.

And then we should be allowed to have free time to be able to focus on our interests too. Lets say that you're a student that study nature but learn the program photoshop on your free time. What if you need to study so much that you don't have time for anything else? You might feel a little sad because you can't use some time to create with passion. What if you just want to read a book? Or spend some time with friends? 

What if you just want to take a break? Maybe rest? How will you be able to do that if you don't have time? 

I believe theres a better way of studying and a better way for us to be able to learn. Maybe one day it will be better but for now...


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​I hate when people tell me to be something Im not. 

Why? 

Im going to be myself, Im going to be the one I want to be, not the one other people want me to be. Whats the point with that? Instead I could be myself and by being myself Ill get surrounded by people that appreciate me for who I am. Not for who they want me to be. 

I hate when people say to me to change. If I don't want to change, Im not gonna change. People keep telling me what to do, what to wear, what to make, what to say and I just get so mad at them for trying to make me something Im not. 

Let me be myself. Let me be who I want to be without anyone that harasses me, steps on me, speaks like a jerk to me. Being someone Im not is one of the most painful things to do. Imagine not to be able to do the things you love to do, imagine not being able to express you opinions you have anymore. Imagine not being able to wear whatever you want. Imagine not being able to act like you do, eat like you do, sleep like you do, believe in what you want, love the one you love, train like you do, think like you do. 

Wouldn't that be painful?

I do not believe theres one place in the world where you can truly be yourself without people being against you. Theres always going to be people against you and thats just horrible.

What do a person simply need to do to be themselves without any fear or risk for being hurt or amused or abused or beaten or even killed?

when are we going to be able to live in harmony in the world and never be afraid of what might happen if people finds out who you are?

This pressure can even be unbearable. the fact that other people does not accept who you are can hurt so much that one simply can not stand it anymore. 

Why can't people be reasonable and accept the fact that people are who they are?

Why can't we simply judge a person on its acing of good and bad instead of itself?

Why is this even a problem in this intelligent world? Aren't human the most intelligent creature known? Aren't we the ones that need to change this up? Were do these problems come from?

How could we possibly have let this happen? And why doesn't this stop? Why do we never learn?


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​Its okay to fail, Its okay to be sad, Its okay to be miserable, Its okay to be depressed, Its okay to be stressed out, Its okay to be alone, Its okay to have problems.

Let me inspire you with what I learnt today. I learnt that if you want to change then change. If you're mad at yourself for spending time in vain, stop doing it. If its important to change, then its important to change. Rise up, wake up from your daze. Come back to life and start being active. 

It doesn't matter how far you've come, how old you are, how much time that got lost. You can always change to the better. Its never to late. Don't ever give up Keep trying, even if you always fail. Keep trying cause one day you'll be there. You made it. 

Its okay to be like you are, Its okay to be down, Its okay to give up for the moment but never give up for real. Its okay to take a break, its okay to rest. Give yourself time and the power of knowledge and one day, It'll al be great. 

Make up a plan, make up the next day. Practice on small things like: 

In 30 minutes Ill sit down dong 20 minutes math.

In one hour Ill sit down and play the piano.

If you succeed, reward yourself because this is great improvement. Don't push yourself, be nice to yourself. Lift yourself up! 

Later on, plan whole weeks. Plan whole months. Eventually, you'll be following your plans like habits. Thats how easy it is. 

Trust me, you can be anything you want. Use your time with your heart. Use it well. And I will prove this to you the whole next week. Ill be doing a documentary of my day, how I scheduled it and how I followed it and trust me, this is not the first time Ive done this but it might be the first time I won't fail.

Your strength is enough, the only thing you need is to want to change. If you've got that, than nothing can stop you.


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-

​Great tears make you fall

Stumble up and crawl

Some say it will be easier

But this time they might have wrong

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Moonlight daze on your pale skin

Red like blood streams like a flod

Pain, pain, pain is the main

Open up your eyes

I see a darkness that shines

Bright

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The more you dig

The more shells you´ll find

Ill build them up

By flesh and blood

By soul and heart

Tear me down

And I will fall

But great, not small

-


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Sometimes being alone can feel like heaven, Im not the person that trust a lot of people. In fact, I trust no one. Im not the person that fall in love easily either, I might not even fall for anyone. So sometimes, it can just be too much with al these people surrounding you. Just take a time for yourself. If the possibility, take a walk, just go out, breathe air. Hide in your room if you have one. It can feel great just being for yourself. Just coop up. You do not always have to be with other people. 

Maybe you think this is ridiculous but its not. Not everybody need to be with other people, I feel like I have the most sense in my mind when Im alone. Sometimes people just confuse me and bother me and stresses me out. Being alone for a moment can make huge changes. 

Especially if you have severe anxiety (like me) its very important not to get to much pressure on your shoulders whatever it might come from. Just take it easy and take deep breaths. It will go over. It will. 

Whatever that might make you a less stressed out, it can be anything, for example listening to music. Do it. It will only do good for you. (Wow I lost track there).

Being alone can also be painful, depending if you need someone or not. You don't always need someone but sometimes you might do, then do not try to avoid the person. If you need the person, be with the person, but only if its good for you. If not, then don't. 

And thats the finish of todays post.

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​I hate silent moments, silence is nothing that I adore. Thats why I fill it with music. If not my loud thoughts cover the silence. Sometimes its relaxing to fill it with screaming music, when you can't hear your thoughts anymore, you just relax. Its beautiful. Sometimes it feels lonely without something in the background. Sometimes it helps me feel, music is after al feelings. Beside, silence is the worst thing ever. Calm sounds from the forests is not silence. Silence is nothing. 

Sometimes silence can be calming, just, no sounds at al. The question is... Is it ever silent? For real? The perfection of real silence may seem beautiful but... Maybe its more painful than we've experienced yet.

Sometimes when you sit beside someone and don't know khat to talk about it may be very tense. Sometimes when you know that person you might not mind but if you don't know him/her/them? Sometimes silence can make you worried, for example... What if a friend stops coming to school/work? That silence will be unbearable. Silence can be unbearable. Silence can be painful.

Great thoughts for today. Read more tomorrow.


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​Some days may just be enough for you. You can't stand it anymore. Life, society, everything.

Don't give up.

It does not matter about time, it does not matter about today, it matters about now. Make a plan, an easy plan and live tomorrow, never following a path again.

I can't live with the choice that my life is planned, thats why it never works with planning out. I want life to be a risk, an adventure, not just a job. Thats why I stopped planning, I keep everything I need in my mind and live like I want to live now. Do what I need to do now so that I in the end will win instead of lose. I don't need to plan up every minute when I already know what to do. I know what I need to do, so I just do it. 

Some people are similar to me, they can't accept the fact that life will always be the same, that nothing will ever happen, but Ill tell them they're wrong. Before you say you don't have anything you look forward to you might want to think again. 

When I feel like I don't have anything to look forward to I pick up this notebook that I always keep close and start to write. Everything from drinking a cup of tea to travel to Athen Ill write down. Every single little dream and moment I want to experience I write down. When Im done I realize that this will happen one day. If I want it to happen Ill make it happen. It won't be long from now. 

You might worry, what about next? What about when its al done? Ill tell you: This is not a bucket list, you're suppose to experience it, along the way Im sure you'll meet even more dreams, more plans, more ideas...

Sometimes when Im sad I think that happiness does not exist but it do, and it feels great. Everything feels gone, even if its just for a moment, I promise you'll remember the feeling for years. 

Whatever happens you have the power to change it. Nobody else. You have the power of your life, you choose what to do with it and nothing/nobody can stop you.

Trust me, Im not lying. 

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