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Parenthood, Australia, Sweden, Family

Life, Random

As a single mother, I have not been able to take care of myself much. I spend the week days working, and then spending time with Noah, and I spend the weekends catching up my time that I missed with Noah as I've worked. Also because it wasn't actually that long ago I permanently ended a serious relationship I've needed the time to wallow and grieve. I have never been the type of person to look for a relationship, I just let them happen naturally when the right person comes along. I'm an over-emotional person with a now very much fragile heart. I keep it safe and only give it away to those who manage to steal it, which usually doesn't happen easily. I think I shocked most people I know when I actually did get into a relationship all those years ago. Lately however, I've felt the need to get back on the dating horse. At first, my thoughts about it were excused because I felt like I was being selfish for wanting to date, but after talking to supportive people in my life, I came to realise that I deserve it. My life doesn't have to be filled with lonely days, wondering why my last relationship didn't last. That it is ok for me to fall in love again some day, a long, long time away from now most likely haha. I am not ready for a serious relationship and I can't imagine myself being so any time soon. I am however ready to meet new people, being asked out, have some adult conversation, eat good food, flirt and boosting my self esteem, something that all women need every once in a while. So that is what I am going to do, this weekend and more weekends to come. With still doubting that what I am doing is actually ok, I am still trying to convince myself that I am not doing anything wrong by dating again. And who knows, if I meet enough people than a first date may actually lead to more. The last time I went on a first date, it was absolutely perfect. We'd been seeing each other behind closed doors, and never spoke about it out in the open, and he was a really forbidden fruit at the time, which naturally, made me want him even more haha. But on our first date, was the first time it was just him and me out in the open, laughing and having awkward conversations. He took me out to dinner, and I remember feeling those butterflies we hear so much about. And just because I didn't want the date to end, I suggested we go to the cinema, which we eventually did but the only movie to show that late was Magic Mike 2, and I have never seen a guy sit so uncomfortably in a cinema chair, I almost felt bad for him. After that we went home, and it is very possible that it was the same night our love conceived our son. We spent two years together and had a child after that. Maybe I'll be that lucky to fall in love again someday, But if I'm not, I'll be happy with having felt it at some point in my life. Not everyone does.

Now I am going to bed. Suuuuuper tired. Goodnight, all <3

ps. How is it that snapchat manages to make us look so much better as some cartoon than actual people?

Move your blog to Nouw - now you can import your old blog - Click here

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Life, Random

Has everyone seen the trend on Facebook, where women put 'me too' as their status? Well to clarify, the point of the status is for any woman who has ever been sexually harassed or assaulted to post #metoo on Facebook, so that we could try to give people a magnitude of the problem. It is for all women who have been victims and for all men who are guilty of the cause to step back and take a look at their behaviour. For every woman who's ever gone to bed with their self esteem shattered and the painful question "why me?" on their mind when they wake up in the morning. For every man to wonder how they would feel if someone treated their daughter the way they treat women, would they be pleased? For every woman who's been groped or touched unwillingly and for any man who's ever thought that laying their hands on someone without getting a "yes" first and thinks that it is ok.

I am a victim of sexual abuse, and so are most women I know. It happens uncountable many times, and it is NEVER ok. We should be proud to be women, and feel safe in our own skin. We should love our men, and they should love us right back, and respect us and our bodies.. A no is a no, not a maybe, and never a yes!

#metoo

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Family, Life, Noah

Hello, hello.

How is everyone? We are doing great besides the runny noses and Noah's cough. Finally, it is just Noah and me and even though help is appreciated, it is so nice to be alone with just my little one. It really does make a big difference in our life because I can finally feel like the mother I am, and not feel like I have to adapt to anyone. We can get into our routines and live by our own rules and it feels wonderful to be a "real little family" and my own boss so to say. It is really difficult to be a feel like an actual parent when there are other people around putting opinions in your head all the time. I can breath and be myself. We all need that as parents, to make sure we put ourselves in the right priority if that makes sense? I've also noticed a huge difference in Noah as well. He is a lot more relaxed with just the two of us and I notice that new traits of his personality really shine through now. Noah has even started to like daycare more ever since his days there got longer even though he always cries when I drop him off. He's made friends that he's excited to see and waves goodbye to when I come to pick him up. Some days he doesn't even want to leave daycare haha. Work is still going well for me, and I am enjoying getting things done and being useful to the community, and I think it is good for my mental health to keep busy and stay distracted. I just wish I didn't have to be away from my little sweetie for so long during the day. Well, well, that is life I guess.

Oh my Noah, it is him and me, always. I get so mad at myself when I let other people think that they have any say in my parenting or how Noah should be raised. It tears me. I am going to work on standing up for myself, and realise that it is ok for me to tell people to back off, even if they get upset. That is a parents roll, to be the strong one. I am his mother, and I love doing it on my own. The only other person who is allowed to co-parent is his father, and that is just how it is. You and me, little man <3 my reason for living.

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Anyone with a toddler and an instagram account!!!! I am running a little competition on my instagram account with the cooperation of Twistshake. The lucky winner gets a really gorgeous neon coloured sippy cup for their little wonders. All you have to do is:

I'll announce the winner on Friday. GOOD LUCK to everyone competing!

For those of you who don't want to wait around, can buy any product AND get 20% off by using the code martiniitinii20. They have even just recently launched a new feeding series with plates, silverware and mugs. Don't miss this opportunity!

Just click HERE to get to the website.


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Life, Noah

amy,

you are a very strong and inspiring person and i love reading your blog. can you blog about what happened between you and layton and how your relationship is now and if you think you will ever get back together? you looked so cute together

Thank you so much, it is always good hearing from those who read my blog. When it comes to Laityn and myself, I have decided to keep a lot of specific details private from my blog, and there are still things that I haven't and will not ever post here but what I can say is that it was for the best that him and I broke up. It was a very toxic relationship that took a lot of my energy and made me question my own self worth way too many times. It is never ok to treat people like they are below you, and a person shouldn't make promises that will just be broken eventually. I feel a lot better now than I did before, because the more I heal, the more I see the situation from outside the box. What I went through during, and after our relationship effected my health and my every day life and it is a struggle that gets easier with time, even today. I am very thankful now, and always will be to Laityn for giving me our son and for the memories I'll keep cherished but I feel as far as life experience goes, I am ahead of him. He can't take responsibility for his own actions, and can't sympathies with other people without making situations seem worse for himself, and I can't have that type of energy around me if I want to move forward in my own life. He has a lot of growing up to do and I honestly hope it happens sooner rather than later for the sake of Noah and himself. So at this point, I don't see us ever getting back together, and that becomes more and more clear to me everyday. I deserve better right now, and he has to work on himself so that he can grow and find love again someday and do it right. I will always care for him, and be there for him, but I'm afraid that once I starting falling out of love, there is no turning back. If it ever does happen someday in the future, a long time away from now, everything will have to look a lot different than it does today, and I am not going to do it long distance again.

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Family, Life, Noah

But just barely. I know I have not blogged in almost two weeks, my apologies!!! But I've been so wiped out that I just have not had the energy to sit down and blog. My inspiration is going a bit dry too so I don't really know what to blog about so please give me some advice!!!

So what have we been up to? Well, I've been working a lot, which is great and I am enjoying it. It is good to come out there and make myself useful. This month I've just sort of jumped around to wherever they need me, and in October I am getting a schedule on 75% that I'll be working with until the end of the term and that feels wonderful. I am also working on a couple of other things, and getting some offers to do some more work, but what that is, I am going to keep to myself just a while longer ;) I am so happy it is Friday. This week compare to the rest has actually been chill, but I've craved home more than usual because Noah and I have been sick. So I actually called in sick Tuesday and Wednesday because we both had the flu. Noah did however not get sick until Wednesday so he was still in school on Tuesday but hasn't been back since. And even though I have not felt 100%, I still went to work because, well, bills don't pay themselves sadly haha. But this weekend I am just going to try to get completely well, and spend as much time with my little munchkin as possible.

Noah has been enjoying his daycare. The staff is wonderful and he is doing so well there. They send me updates almost on a daily which is much appreciated and he's making many new friends. I am just so proud of my little man. He's getting better and better with his talking and is completely bilingual. I speak only english with him all the time, but he hears Swedish at daycare. I am also working now on getting him potty trained and now he's completely dry at night which is apparently very unusual but he still needs to wear a diaper during the day.

What is going to happen now? We are going to keep living this way for this term. I am going to continue working where I've been and Noah's going to go to daycare everyday. Then we will probably take a trip to Australia sometime during the Christmas vacation. What happens after that, I can't say for certain. I can only do everything in baby steps right now. Noah talks to his dad from time to time, I wish it was more often, but I can't force people to do stuff. So thats how it is all looking now and for the time being, it works.

I hope everyone enjoys their weekend. Much love x

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Life, Noah

Hello readers!

I honestly think this is the happiest I've ever been to end a weekend. Not because anything bad has happened to me exactly, but Noah has had so much bad luck, and he went to bed extremely sad tonight which just totally broke my heart. It all started on Friday, when Noah woke up earlier than usual and was being really cranky. I did think that he felt hot when he first woke up but when I asked my parents, they said that he wasn't so I took a risk and dropped him off at daycare anyway. However the minute I left his school, I felt really bad, like there was something wrong so about an hour later, I called to check on him since he'd been so sad once I'd left him there. They said that he was low on energy and felt hot, so I went straight back to pick him up where I then found out that my poor baby had 40 degrees fever. For the rest of the day, I stayed home with him as he slept, rested and took medicine. He went to bed early that night and woke up fever free on Saturday morning. He was in a great mood and his colour in his face had come back. Around lunch time, goofy momma me and Noah put on some music and started dancing around. My boy was in the best mood until he picked up one of his books of the floor and out of it flew a very angry wasp that stung him right on his middle finger. Noah's mood changed in an instant. His face turned white with shock and then screamed as loud as he could as tears came storming out of his eyes. My heart dropped, I felt so bad for him. I have major wasp and bee phobia so I know how bad it hurts. Literally the only thing that cheered him up after that was going out in the rain, to look at all the busses drive by. Noah's mood brightened later as the afternoon swooped in. Him and I watched a movie, and then played with all his toys, ate fruit and enjoyed it together. However during the day, I started to realise that he had funny spots on him, which I assumed was just a diaper rash, thinking it was a little strange since he's never had one before, so I just put some vaseline on every time I changed his diaper not giving it a second thought. However during the night, I was awoken by Noah's crying. I am still not sure if it was the swelling from the wasp that was hurting the most, or the rash but he was in a lot of pain, so I took of all his clothes, including his diaper and breastfed him to sleep, and let him sleep like that with just a blanket over him, which seemed to calm him down. Today, the swelling had gone down majorly but his not-so-much-a-diaper-rash had spread and was all over his legs, arms, feet, and even his mouth. And they were more like blisters rather than a rash. Does anyone know what it can possibly be? He has been in a good mood for most of the day, but seemed to be really itchy before going to sleep and was just absolutely devastated. A nurse I know who came by before to examine them and she thinks it might be something called "autumn blisters" but she was not sure. And if I understood her correctly, they are not suppose to itch. It just makes me feel so blue to see my baby boy in so much pain. I am praying to all gods tomorrow that he feels better because tomorrow his class are taking class photos. Not to mention, a bird also flew into our home today which scared the two of us half to death but I eventually got it out.

It is probably fair to say, that this weekend has not been perfect, but we are hoping for better luck as the new week welcomes us.

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Life, Noah

I honestly can't believe how fast time flies. Before motherhood, I already thought it all went by quickly, but since my son was born, it's literally almost like I can't keep up. My beautiful, handsome, funny, lively, silly boy is now 17 whole months! 17!?!?!?! He was only born yesterday, wasn't he?!?!?! I can't believe it, honestly! Well so much has happened since he was born, he has developed really fast, and a lot, and now he's not so much a baby anymore, but more of a boy. A happy, very guy like, boy. Noah is one of a kind, very sweet and loving. He laughs most of the times, but is stubborn and shows his down sides when he doesn't get what he wants. He loves cars, and whenever a car drives by he makes a "brooooom" sound and says "woooooow" to bigger vehicles such as busses or trucks, it is so cute. However, sitting in his carseat, is not fun. He HATES being tied down, where he can't move how we wants, so the car seat and his stroller are big No No's for him. Because of that I hardly use the stroller anymore unless we are out for a whole day, so that he can take his daily nap in there. Noah now naps one time a day for about two hours, before it was twice a day but that has recently changed. Noah falls asleep between 8 and 9 pm for the night, he has his own bed where I tuck him in, but it is right next to mine, so he crawls up to my bed later at night and he always wakes up next to me. He always wakes me up by either sitting on my head or bites my nose, and then he laughs when I open my eyes, but it is super cute, and we spend our mornings either playing in the bedroom, or if I am really tired, I put a movie on for him to watch on my computer. He loves the nursery rhymes video's on youtube, there is a lot of colour, sounds, and music, and Noah loves it. I can highly recommend it for other parents to show their children. Food goes down easy for Noah, he is hardly picky at all, and he eats very well. He eats what he wants, and makes clear signs when he is full. Fruits like watermelon and passionfruit are his favourite though. He is still breastfed before his naps, or when he's sad, and that is his safe place to. It works well for us, and I don't respond to judgement. Noah is a very quick walker, he almost runs now, and loves chasing people around. He's discovered his own voice recently so he likes making very loud squeaks, however, he is not very fast with his talking. I believe it is because he is bilingual, but he understands mosts of what I tell him, and he says things such as, Yeah, mamma, come, there and he also makes animal sounds such as woof, mjauw or muuu. Noah loves music, and as fast as I put some on, no matter if it is rock, pop, hip hop, country or disney songs, Noah dances and tries to sing a long. He knows the dance to Itsy Bitsy Spider, Head Shoulder's Knees and Toes, and many more, and tries singing along to.

I can go on and on when it comes to Noah, he is just an extraordinary child with a large smile and a pure heart. He is just the best, and I love watching him grow every single day.

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Family, Life, Noah

How are you all? Me? Well I am now an official working mom. I got a new job at a school not far from here, taking care of five year olds, and subbing in other classes from 1st to the 9th grade. I started a week ago and I've worked almost every day so it feels like I've worked longer. After having almost two years of maternity leave (thank you Sweden), I am a little rusty but I am excited to get in to the routine of it, and give it my all. Noah starts daycare on Friday next week, which I am still not emotionally ready for, but until then my parents are here, taking care of him during the day. The job is just temporary, such is our living arrangements, because this is not what I want to do or where I want to be in the long run, but for the time being it is just perfect. When Noah starts school, I have to pause my work for a week or two because I am going to go with Noah to his daycare.

I'll blog again during the weekend when I find the time. I have a busy couple of days ahead of me and I am tired due to waking up at six every morning, but I am going to find the time to blog.

xoxo

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Life, Noah

Hey all!

I hope you're all having a good start of the week. We surely are, my sister is here visiting and today is my last official day on maternity leave. Tomorrow I start my new job and I am excited!! A few weeks ago, I made a post about extended breastfeeding, and I promised a reader that I would make one more post about drinking alcohol while you breastfeed. I was meant to do it sooner, but I simply forgot... can I blame it on having a mom brain?

I believe that this is a very personal subject, and a woman can do what they want themselves and what works for them. I hardly drank any alcohol during the first year of Noah's life. One reason was because I didn't want to lose control with a baby, and I didn't want to smell of it or be wobbly while holding my son, and after not drinking during my pregnancy, I was unsure of how much I could take. Another reason was because I was breastfeeding. On average, what I eat and drink comes to my breastmilk and stays for about 4 to 6 hours. At rare times it can even stay in for 24 hours. When Noah was that little to, breastmilk was his only food, so he had to eat at least every four to five hours. So if I had alcohol in my system, that means that my baby gets alcohol in his system too without any other foods to fill him up. They also get 20% less milk with alcohol in it. Some mother's don't mind that, because it can give them a better sleep, but I looked at the down sides of it. A doctors recommendation is to not drink any alcohol for the first 3 months of motherhood. I waited about 7 months before I had my first sip and 15 months before I got fully intoxicated. Now Noah is 16 months going on 17, and he drinks my breastmilk for comfort reasons now rather than to get full, since he now eats real food, so he does get his nutrition from elsewhere too, so if I have alcohol in my system every once in a while, really doesn't matter anymore. However I am still a careful person, and have a drink maybe twice a month at the most, and I don't drink when I know I am going to breastfeed him right after. But I don't even want to go to bed next to him smelling like liquor, so I always take a shower and brush my teeth before no matter how late it may be.

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