Header
Parenthood, Australia, Sweden, Family

Life

2008, I was 13, and had just come back to school from winter break. In gym class, we were all playing basketball. The athlete in me wanted to make every score, which I can't remember if I did, but I do remember one because straight after, I fell on the ground and my right kneecap was about six centimetres out of its ordinary place. I ended up going to the hospital and everything else is blurry in my memory. For over a year after the traumatic event, my knee kept dislocating at random times, and I got so used to it. My joints in my knee were so damaged that in September, 2009, I had surgery. I was hospitalised for about two weeks and spent many months on crutches. It was a long road to recovery and my four scars on my knee remind me everyday of my strength. Still until this day if I overstrain my knee, it can hurt and I can have trouble using it for an entire day but compare to how it used to be, I feel like Usain Bolt haha! I was coming to peace with it, it was ok. I was fine with living that way. Until it happened, the thing that was not suppose to happen, something I've dreaded for years to come, my left knee dislocated.

It started in Australia. My knee would jump out for a few seconds and then back in. It would hurt and I would stay off it for about a day to stay on the safe side. It wasn't more damage than that, and not very difficult to live with, because it did not happen too often, and I was hoping with enough exercise, it would not get worse than that, and on some level, that is what I believed, until late last night. I was up watching a movie with my sister and dad. Noah and my mother had both gone to bed. Suddenly Noah wakes up and starts crying, so I go in to calm him down. I remember picking him up, and then suddenly he was on the floor, screaming like crazy and I was down with him, screaming equally loud. My dad, my mum and my sister rushed in and helped us both to bed, it was tough getting through the night with the intense pain shooting in my leg. Today I've been able to walk, but just barely, very slowly and with every tenth step I take, it has felt like my knee is about to pop out again. I went to the doctors, who told me that I must go to a physiotherapist and hope that they can build up my joints in my knee otherwise there is a pretty big chance that I'll need surgery on that knee as well. She has given me medication and strict bedrest for the rest of the week as well. My arm is also in bad shape today, I assume that I bumped it when I fell last night since it is completely blue and swollen in two places. Right now I am just praying that everything will heal the way it should, that the physiotherapy will work out well and that I can live my life strong!

Design your blog - select from dozens of ready-made templates or make your own; simply “point & click” - click here!

Likes

Comments

Family, Life

Happy Saturday everyone. I am absolutely exhausted. I've hardly had a drink in two years, and today I am hungover for the second time this week haha. The past few days have been hectic but absolutely wonderful. It all started on Wednesday, the day started off calm but once my friends came over, the party really started. We had endless amount of apple martinis and rose wine. We played some drinking games and when we were all bubbly enough, I left Noah with my parents and let me friends take me out to a bar in Malmö. Carib Kreol, a bar I used to spend a lot of time at back in the day. It was good to be back and was welcomed with a shot by the bartender haha love it. There we all had some drinks, met randoms and danced to the music. It was a great. We ended up having kebabs later on and I got home just after one because I missed my little man haha. But I will go out for an entire night soon, I am promising myself that! The next day I was woken by my son and my parents when they came in singing happy birthday for me... Thats right. I am now 23... I mean 17 *cough*. I opened presents and had cake for breakfast. My sister and her boyfriend, Anthony flew then in from England and we watched my birthday movie (its a tradition to watch "overboard" with Goldie Hawn every year on my birthday) It was a very relaxed day until the sun started to go down and we finished our tacos for dinner when I started playing 90's classics and we just started dancing and going insane. After a few hours of hyperactive behaviour, we watched a horror movie and half way through it, my brother and his girlfriend, Joan flew in from Holland. So we were all reunited. Yesterday, Friday, was midsummer. And for those of you who don't know, midsummer is a very big holiday in Sweden. So we went to some family friends who had a party where we ate good food, played fun games, made flower crowns and had endless amount of snaps. We came home around 3 and Noah and I went to bed straight away and slept till about 10 today. Everyone in his household today has been like zombies. Just exhausted, and the weather has not been great today so besides going out and playing in the rain puddles, Noah and I have just relaxed here at home. Now we are preparing for a BBQ tonight. I am so hungry haha.

Stay safe and enjoy your Saturday everyone.

Likes

Comments

Recipes

I want to be that soccer mom who brings the best homemade cookies in the world to my children's sport teams. And for weeks now I've been baking chocolate chip cookies, trying to find that perfect recipes but I just kept failing. Until today, I FINALLY found it. The perfect recipe. My belly is so full but so happy at the same time. Try making them yourself, and add your own little touch to them! They are too DIE for!

  • Add 8dl of flour, 1 tsp baking powder, 1 tsp baking soda and a dash of salt to a bowl and mix together
  • Using an electric whip, mix 200g butter, 3dl brown sugar and 6 tbsp of caster sugar together until soft
  • While whipping, add two eggs to the mix, one egg at a time and 3 tsp of vanilla sugar
  • Add the flour mix to the butter mix and keep whipping it together
  • Then add 200g of milk chocolate chips and 150g of white chocolate chips
  • Mix it all together until its all one big dough
  • Roll the dough into small balls and place on an oven plate and use a glass to flatten the cookies
  • Let be in oven on 150 degrees for about 10 minutes
  • Enjoy the amazing cookies


Likes

Comments

Life, Noah

I'm alive!!! So, so, so sorry I have not blogged in forever. For the past three days I've been wanting to but I've had such writers block. But I promise, I'll do better! So what have we been up to? Well honestly, not that much. My mom is here now for the summer so its not just Noah and I in this house anymore. The weather has not been the greatest but I did manage to have a little picnic with a friend until it started to rain cats and dogs on us. Then I smashed my phone so it broke almost completely. So Noah and I went to Emporia where I handed it in to get it fixed and then we did some shopping. Noah got some shirts, and I purchased a super cute bathing suit haha. Noah also had his very first dentist appointment. He had no idea what was going on but they told me that he had unusually many teeth for his age but that they were all perfect. Yay! Yesterday, I actually had a kid free afternoon. My mum, her friend, her friend's grandson and Noah had a playdate so I thought it would be good to catch up on some sleep, but I couldn't find peace. Every time I dozed off, I panicked wondering where my son was, and then I'd remember he's out, but that kept repeating so eventually I decided to give up on my sleep and went for a fika at my neighbour's instead. Later on, after dinner time, I felt a brutal clogged milk duct coming along so my temperature arose, and I threw up so Noah and I went to sleep really early because of it. Today I felt almost as good as new when I woke up and the sun was out. So after breakfast, Noah and I biked to the beach. It was a bit chilli in the water but Noah loved it until he got too cold. Then he played in the sand until the clouds came out and we biked back home. Noah is now taking his afternoon nap and I am about to take a shower and try to massage the clog out of my breast for good. The pain is brutal.

I hope everyone has a lovely week. Please give me blog ideas so I can get more of an inspiration to blog again. Peace xx

Likes

Comments

Life, Noah
"

This is to all the parents out there, especially first time parents. Since the day Noah was born, I've connected very quickly with my motherly instincts. It was almost animalistic, knowing that, that tiny little human was going to be mine to protect. I love that Noah has so many people around him to love him and be there for him. That makes me certain that he will always be safe. I show him off proudly to others and talk about him with a smile on my face but I must admit that I am a selfish person when it comes to my son. I don't mind others playing with him, or watching over him, but when it comes to things such as putting him to sleep, bathing him, even feeding him at times I become very selfish. I can actually feel the irritation taking over my body when someone even suggests doing it "for me". One time, a family member even called him "'our baby" and I actually had to walk away because the flames inside of me exploded like never before. I just wanted to yell out "he's MY baby. Mine! Mine and Laityn's. Thats it". It is so weird because I know that these people are trustworthy and they would protect my son with their lives but I just can't stand it. So I actually did some research on the subject because I started to worry that I was being way too overprotective, but it turns out that almost all mothers go through this, and being selfish is what makes us great parents.

I want to let you mothers out there who are experiencing the same emotions that it is absolutely ok to be selfish with your children. Do not worry about hurting other peoples feelings because there is nothing more uncomfortable than doing something that your motherly instincts are against. No one has the right to tell you otherwise, no matter how close they may be to your precious baby. You are the parent, and what you say, goes. Thats it. Others have to respect that and Don't ever apologise for it. So to everyone who knows me and is there for me, I want to say that I am thankful for all the help and support and in return I ask you all to let me be selfish.

Likes

Comments

Life, Random

How does one know if they're being emotionally abused? I've lately done a lot of research on the subject and honestly, I think that it is being spoken off too little. There are so many people out there in the world who get abused every single day and they don't even know about it. In my humble opinion it is just as dangerous and painful as domestic violence. It is time to educate ourselves on the matter. It is time to stand up to those who push us down, and make ourselves feel good again. Because nobody is worth giving up your happiness for and we as individuals have the right to love ourselves, and be surrounded by those who love us for that very same reason. It is time to make abuse, in all forms, history!

Emotional abuse happens very often in relationships, which is actually absolutely heartbreaking.

How do you know if you're in an emotional abusive relationship?

  • If your partner never admits that they're wrong
  • If your partner often expects you do make sacrifices for they're satisfaction without doing the same in return
  • If your partner refuse to talk about problems that make he/she look bad
  • If your partner gets mad at you easily
  • If your partner hates being questioned about the way he/she treats you
  • If your partner builds themselves up by pushing you down
  • If your partner believes that they have the right to force you into doing things
  • If your partner is possessive or jealous
  • If your partner can say or do anything to you and expect forgiveness straight away

How do you deal with an emotionally abusive relationship?
  • Be aware of the signs
  • Realise that you can't change your partner
  • Recognise the long term symptoms of emotional abuse such as migraines, body aches, panic attacks and depression
  • Talk to someone about it
  • Recognise that your health and safety matters most
  • Find the courage to do the right thing and get out

To those who live everyday with mental and emotional abuse, whether it from a life partner, a class mate, a parent or a so called friend, I just want to say that from the bottom of my heart that I am sorry and that I wish you to find peace some day. Please share your stories about emotional abuse--- talking helps!

Likes

Comments

Family, Life, Noah

-Being a single parent is twice the work, twice the stress and twice the tears but also twice the hugs, twice the love and twice the pride.

Today I admitted to myself that I am a single mom. I suppose I always have been, but I have been fighting so hard to make sure that Noah has two stable parents. But it takes two people to make a relationship work, and now I have finally admitted that it will not ever work if one is holding on to dear life, trying to make everyone happy, and the other one has too much pride to do anything but bring the other person down, always acting like the victim. I've been in denial for far too long. I've been hurting for way too many days, cried too many tears and protected those who don't deserve it too many times. I won't be able to make my son happy, if I'm not happy myself, nor will I make him strong if I don't show him strength. So instead of fighting for something that only brings me down and makes me weak, I am now going to let myself heal and fight for Noah to have the happiest childhood possible. I am going to be his mother, his father, his shoulder, his rock, his nurse, his cook, his chauffeur, his event planner, his repairman, his maid, his teacher, his doctor, his defender and his protector. Because I am not just a mother, I am a single mother, and from now on, I am going to say that proudly because I will work twice as hard for his happiness. I won't let my life be poisoned anymore because there is no way in hell, Noah is ever going to be effected by that venom.

I can't understand in the slightest, how a person can choose anything over their own children. How their needs are bigger than their children's. I don't get it and I never will. I will always put my child and any future children I may have first and I will ALWAYS be there for them to lean on. Always <3


Likes

Comments

Life, Random

Good evening readers. I've had a very long day but a very great one. It was spent in town with my best friend. She lives in Scotland these days but she is back visiting for a few weeks so a shopping spree was a must. And I honestly did a good job treating myself, something that I don't get to do very much anymore. I like to call it a pre- Swedish mothers day gift haha. Which happens to be tomorrow. I bought myself a dress that looked like it could have been made for me among other things, and we took Noah to the playground. Poor bubba only slept for about 30 minutes today, which is very little for him so he was over tired when we came home and was all over the place. I just finally got him to sleep! But the day did not just end with some shopping and play time, but we went and had very good dinner. It was just a perfect day, exactly what I needed! The sun has been shining for the past few days and it has been real summer weather. Yesterday I even took my first swim in the ocean this year. I really hope the weather is the same tomorrow because then I am taking Noah to the beach! Wohoo! But for now, bed time before I pass out here on the sofa. Good night, everyone <3

Likes

Comments

Family, Life, Noah

Can I just take a moment to brag about my amazing son? He is just so wonderful and I am overwhelmed with my love for him. For the past few days he has been getting more and more on his feet and is now WALKING!!!! YEEESSSS!!!! FINALLY!!!!!! Lord, have I waited for this. And he loves it. He gets so excited, thats it looks like he is almost trying to run and then claps his hands because he knows he is doing a good job. He is just so adorable, I can't even deal. He is just getting so big, more like a child than a baby now. He is even getting a bit chubby... hehe. Love it <3 Baby fat is just too cute. He understands a lot that I say to him such as sit down, splash, smoochy (kiss), bye bye and much more. And he loves it more than anything when I read for him, and every time I finish reading a book for him, he gets upset that its done haha, so I've actually started hiding the books from him otherwise we'd do nothing but read! Haha. Already at one years old does he have both a sense of humour and a strong opinion. He gets mad when he doesn't get what he wants and when things don't work out, but he spends most of his days trying to make me laugh by making funny faces, playing peek-a-boo, stand in funny positions and chase after me. I am just the luckiest person in the whole world to have such an amazing son and I would do anything for that kid. He is my everything <3

Likes

Comments

Family, Life

I am overwhelmed by how many people contacted me today from yesterdays post. All good and supportive comments. Friends, people I haven't spoken to in years, and complete strangers. It feels so great knowing that I am not alone. Anxiety is way too common and more help should be provided for it, but I believe the best way to deal is to keep your loved ones close and talk, open up as much as possible. I am horrible at opening up, it has always been an issue but I am working on it and I can feel myself get a little better at it everyday. This morning I woke up feeling the same as I always do when I wake up these days, miserable and lonely. I had a very tearful conversation with Noah's father on the phone before I even arose from bed, hoping it would make me feel better but unfortunately my heart felt just as heavy. Thank god I have Noah in my life. He brings me hope and strength everyday and gives me courage to get up in the morning. I then had lunch and went for a long walk with a good friend, and that put my mind off things and I was suddenly much happier. When I came home, I read all the amazing messages I'd received about anxiety, people sharing their stories. It really helped hearing other stories and how others handle panic attacks. So thank you, you are all so strong for sharing and I hope you all have a wonderful and peaceful life <3

I would also like to ask everyone to keep my friend, Carlos and his family in your prayers tonight. His baby boy was born four months (I think) premature and is fighting <3 Sending my love to them xx

Likes

Comments