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Parenthood, Australia, Sweden, Family

Family, Life, Noah

I've realised that I've been getting a lot of new readers lately and a lot of people have asked me about my life so I've decided to make a post about my life with Noah and an update on my life right now. So I guess it all started back in 2015 when I moved to the Sunshine Coast, Australia with one of my best friends, Bea. We got an apartment together with a German girl, and I started studying Creative Writing at the university close by. Bea and I lived together for about half a year and we had several roommates that come and went, but Bea and I really lived. It was all fun and games, and school was going great and we were having the time of our lives.

As time was ticking by, Bea's visa was running out and suddenly I was desperate for two new roommates. With my luck, Laityn (Noah's dad) and his brother found my ad on a website and moved in straight away, even two weeks before Bea had to leave the country. We all got to know each other well and enjoyed each others company. They had many friends who started coming over, and stayed, which was not a problem at first... but eventually, Bea and I sort of felt like parents, bossing people around in our own home. Laityn and I got very close, very fast, and I do like calling it love at first site. However, I was embarrassed about it at first. After Bea left, Laityn was basically my escape from all the nonsense and many house parties that my roommates hosted. We would lock ourselves in my room and get drunk together, and talk about all sorts of things. As Laityn and I grew closer, our other housemates grew more comfortable around us and suddenly it got so out of hand that we were asked to move out of the building. Laityn, his brother, myself and a couple of other people found a house together that we moved into with time. But as time was passing by, we as housemates stopped getting along as well as we used to, and I started to feel low. I was always waking up feeling nauseous and fatigue. I could spend a whole day in bed and still be extremely tired. I was sick at all times, and my concentration lowered that I had lost almost all motivation in school. Every time I went, I felt as if I were about to die, my whole body was not functioning almost. Laityn started getting concerned for me and asked me repeatedly to go see a doctor. One day as Laityn was out at sea for work, I took a pregnancy test that ended up being positive. By this time our roommates had invited untrustworthy people and drugs into our home, and I decided not to stick around that sort of disrespect, so Laityn and I moved out.

For a couple of months after that, it was just Laityn and myself. Moving from house to house, place to place. Trying to decide what to do. We ordinarily talked about an abortion, but when it came down to it, I just could not go through with it (THANK YOU GOD that I didn't). I started to feel better physically but it was hands down the hardest time of my life. I was so ashamed of myself and was feeling so out of place that I couldn't think straight. It was horrible, and it couldn't have been easy for my poor baby either, feeling all that pain within me, but I loved Laityn more than I ever had loved before, and I wanted more than anything to believe him when he told me that everything was going to be ok. But it never was, and time was running out. By the end of it, I just wanted to cry to my mum. One day I realised that I had to stop living on hope, and be realistic, I imagined raising a child in an unknown culture completely alone without anyone experienced to help me, only Laityn. We were not ready for that, I wasn't ready for that, and I worried that it was not going to work out for my baby, so I made the decision to leave my boyfriend behind and return home to Sweden where I could get the help and support that I needed. I asked Laityn to come with me, but I knew it was a long shot and he decided to stay and make it work for us so that we could come back and live as a family. Leaving was the hardest decision I ever had to make. I spent weeks crying myself to sleep because I missed my boyfriend so much. It felt like there was an actual hole in my heart that only he could fill, but it got easier with time, and I thank god every single day that I took that step. Who knows how it all would've turned out otherwise.

I was so sad during my pregnancy. By the time I got back to Sweden, I was physically in pain again. I had extreme pelvic pains, bad heartburn, cracked ribs and it was so hard to just get up in the morning. Even harder without the man I loved by my side. But all my friends and family supported me to 100% and it felt amazing after feeling the lack of support for so long. The first couple of doctor visits went well, but about a month before my little beanie was born, I went in for an emergency ultrasound due to weird positioning of the baby. They told me that could happen during stressful pregnancies and that I'd have to be extra aware of any movement but return the next day to make sure, the baby was positioned correctly again. Thank god it was when I came back. My friends threw me a beautiful baby shower shortly after where his gender was also revealed. After watching the movie The Notebook, the name Noah just clicked within me, and Laityn and I both decided on that name. And not long after that, was my incredible son born on the 31st of March, 2016. A human so perfect, I couldn't even believe my eyes when I first saw him.

He looked like a Noah straight away and I loved him from his very first breath. The first few days were fine. Noah was peaceful and slept most of the time, and I loved watching him sleep, but shortly after, I got really sick. I lost my appetite completely, and I had an intense pain in my uterus and even in my stitches, I had 40 degrees fever and could hardly even walk. It took 14 days, and then I woke up one morning feeling much better. I had my mother around then, helping me out, but she left again once I started feeling myself. I loved being Noah's mother from day one, and every single little movement he made was a milestone. But as I grew closer to my baby, I grew further away from my boyfriend. He held a resentment over me for leaving, and was sadly not very nice to me and I was desperate for his attention. I tried for a long time to get Laityn to come and visit us, see how we have it, where I come from and how my life is. After a while we agreed that Noah and I would come to Laityn, so I started saving money and everything suddenly got a lot better between us. Noah and I flew off to Singapore, and then Australia to his father when Noah was over 5 months old.

Noah and his dad got along great, and so did Laityn and I for the most part, but things were absolutely not the same as they used to be. We lived in a trailer by his mothers house which worked fine then when Noah was still little, but that would not work out today. It was great getting to know Laityn's mom, and his younger brothers, and we spent as much time with them as we possibly could so that Noah could get to know his family on his father's side to. I cooked us dinner every night and tried keeping ourselves entertained for each and every day. Most of the days were extremely hot, but that never bothered me. We stayed for almost three months. Laityn was wonderful with Noah but he'd gotten angrier, and at times, unbearable to be around. But it was lovely living as a family, just how we wanted it. It was almost as if we didn't care that our home was small, just as long as we were together. Laityn worked some days so I would take Noah to the beach or the park. We returned back to Sweden just before Christmas.

We spent Christmas in Sweden with my parents, and grandparents, and then we flew to Switzerland with my sister to visit my mum and dad for New Years. It was a big change to go from 40 degrees heat, to minus degrees but we still enjoyed ourselves. As time went by, I started working a bit with selling Omega 3, and I became an influencer on instagram, love it! Noah grew bigger by the minute it seemed like and everything was going great for Laityn and I at the start. But then, just like that, we crumbled again. Again, I asked him time after time to come visit us, and he has still not been willing to. We started to get nastier with the way we spoke to each other and just about a month after Noah's first birthday, we broke up. It was an awful weekend where I felt absolutely worthless. I was broken. But I then decided to pick myself up, dust myself off, and take care of myself. Which I have. Noah is starting daycare in a couple of weeks, and I am going to start working with a more stable job at the same time as I do everything else. Laityn and I are starting to become civil with one another again, and he is flying us over to celebrate Christmas with him this year. Hopefully, for Noah's sake, we will be able to be friends again :)

Noah and me a couple of weeks again, my everything <3

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Family, Life, Noah

Being a mother, I meet all kinds of parents, and I focus on people's flaws and qualities and always wonder what kind of parents they had to end up the way they did, who raised them, how close are they now. And I worry that I won't always be enough for my own child and that his mistakes in the future will be because of my impact on him, something that I am sure every parent fears. But knowing who raised me, I've learned from the best and am confident that Noah will grow up to become a good and honourable man. Sadly, not everyone is that fortunate. So I have one thing to say to those who has brought someone in to this world. Not all pregnancies are planned, and accidents do happen, I know that better than anyone but YOU have a a responsibility for someone else's life. YOU owe someone else to teach them how to live. A whole human life is effected by the choices that YOU make, whether you asked for it or not. Whether you live close, far away, chose to walk away or had your child taken from you, don't make excuses to why you can't parent. If you're a parent, act like one! Be there, always and through everything. Love your child more than yourself, choose them first. Love your child more than you hate your coparent. You don't have to see each other all the time to not be able to parent. Call often, buy gifts, plan visits, get a job so you can support them in some way, get a house for them to stay in sometimes etc. Because your kid is not going to grow up remembering your excuses for not being there, they are only going to remember that you weren't. And one day you may grow up to, and you're going to want to be there for your child, but it will be too late. There is no excuse that is good enough to make a child feel unwanted. They should come first, always, before everything. Only then will you have earned the title "parent".

I will always be the best parent possible for my son. Whether he has two, or three or just me at that part, I'll play every role possible to make him feel loved and beautiful, because that is exactly what he is!

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Life, Noah, Random

tosh: are you dating?

I haven't felt ready to get back out in the field but lately I've started missing it. So I think I may start, just casual dating, nothing serious. No way!

Hannah: What advice would you give single mothers with little income?

To always put your kid first. Make sure there is always enough money for your kid to get new diapers, new clothes, food. They come first, you come second, but they also need their parents to be strong and healthy. Be surrounded by a supportive group of people and never give up. Dream big and good things will come your way with time.

Clem: Where is your baby's daddy? What kind of a man doesn't even come see his own kid? Or don't you allow him to? Like for real what's up?

He's in Australia, where he's from. Yes, I absolutely allow him to come, I've done everything that I can to get him over here to see his son. Why he hasn't come yet you have to ask him.

lola lo: hey just wondering what you are going to be doing the fall? now since noah is older and can be in daycare are you gonna start working or studying again?

Hey. Noah starts daycare on the first of September so the plan is that I'll be working, I am not sure with what yet though but I have several job interviews coming up :)

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Random

Good evening, lovely readers. On my last post, and on previous posts before that I've been getting a lot of questions, so I just thought I'd take this time to let you all know that you can comment below and ASK ME ANYTHING and I'll do my very best to try to answer later on :)

Peace & Love to you all <3

Picture is from the other day when I went shopping with my bestie <3

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Life, Noah

This is one of those subjects that seem to pop up all the time lately; should parents be forced to vaccinate their children? My honest opinion: NO! I believe that whether vaccinations are life saving or life threatening, it is a human right to be able to say no to vaccinating your child. When I made the decision to vaccinate Noah, I was so uneducated on the matter that I trusted my doctor to 100% when she convinced me that it is the only way to let my son live a full and healthy life. After doing my research, I now wish I would've known better AND would have been better at standing up for my own rights. That does not mean that I am fully against vaccinations, because I believe that they do a lot of good a lot of the time, but I have a hard time understanding why a three month old has to be poisoned with them, and not just wait until they are older and their immune system is stronger?

The Pros of Vaccines

I don't think that vaccinations would exist if they did more harm than good, and people these days do get a lot sicker than back in the day so more vaccines are probably needed. According to nation foundation partner organisation, 2.5 million children are saved from diseases that vaccinations are said to prevent each year. In the long run, a vaccinated child is more economical than a seriously ill child. It can also help the future generation due to a vaccinated pregnant women sends on her strong immune system to her unborn child. Due to vaccinations, some diseases no longer or hardly exist anymore. such as smallpox which is no longer a needed vaccine due to how little of a chance it is now for children, or people in general to catch the disease.

The Cons of Vaccines

As we make the decision to vaccinate our children, let us not be naive to believe that it is always for the better. With vaccinations can come very serious and life threatening side effects. These side effects can include allergies and pneumonia but also long term seizures, comas, and permanent brain damage. The ingredients are so harmful that it can cause kidney damage and it is believed that a lot of the time when people develop life time issues such as asthma and allergies it can be because the body is not made to be injected by such metals. Vaccines may work to an extent but they are extremely unnatural and not nearly enough as effective as natural immunity (breastmilk *cough*). Some diseases such as chickenpox and rubella can be treated in a much better and safer way than with vaccinations.

I believe that forcing vaccinations upon people is a human rights violation and that people should be able to decide for themselves once they know all the facts. Noah got vaccinated at 3 months which is in general the average age to get them, but I think that it is way too young! For my next child I will have more facts and I will absolutely wait a couple of years but since we are travellers, I will definitely stay on the safe side and give the recommended vaccines, but not at three months old.

What are your thought on vaccinations? Comment below! Lets have a discussion!


Look at my handsome little man. I just can't get enough of his cuteness. The photo was taken yesterday after his bath!

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Family, Life

Yesterday was a great day. I woke up feeling lousy and sick, so I almost decided to just stay in bed all day, but I took enough panadol and nose spray to get a little more life in me and I decided to leave Noah behind with my parents and go for a full on activity day with my siblings, my brother's girlfriend and her sister. We first went for about an hour drive to my farmor and farfar's (my grandparents on my father's side) old house. My beautiful grandparents are no longer with us, and they moved out of that house just a few years ago when they started to get sick. It felt so surreal being there. So many memories, so much love. We even met the couple who owns the house now and what really made me happy was that they took such good care of it. That is all we as a family could have wished for now after their passing. And somehow it felt like they were with us then. Our next stop was at a lake close by that we just stayed at for a couple of minutes before heading off to a massive apple orchard. We had some fika there, and learnt about the different types of apples. It was pretty cool actually. The trip did not stop there. The road trip continued and since the weather was so great, we actually went to a beach and spent a few hours there. As the afternoon hit in, we continued driving to a few towns even further away for some pizza dinner. And then we went to a beautiful place called Ales Stenar which is a big hill with set up rocks. There we watched the sunset which was really incredible but at this point I just missed Noah so much, I couldn't really concentrate or think of anything else. I just wanted to hold my baby boy. From there, we had about a 1.5 hour drive home, and Noah was sound asleep when we arrived. I missed him so much, I literally slept with him on top of me all night. Today, I hardly spent a second away from him. Even during his nap, which doesn't happen often. Now the sun has gone down again and I am laying in bed with my baby boy who's snoring peacefully next to me. I hope he sleeps well tonight because I am afraid that he is getting sick :(. I can't stop looking at this perfect little face. There is just so much love! I think I am going to wait awhile before I leave Noah for that many hours again.

Goodnight all <3

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Family, Life, Noah

I have a question for all the breastfeeding mothers out there; After a certain amount of time, do you ever feel like you're being judged for making the decision to breastfeed your child? I do! Every mother should do what they feel most comfortable with and whatever works the best for both them and the baby. However, I am a huge believer in breastfeeding and I feel strongly that it has been the best for my kid. He is almost a year and a half and I still breastfeed him. I plan to breastfeed until Noah is AT LEAST two years old. When I went to the doctor the other week, I mentioned it as we were discussing prescription drugs, and she actually asked me if I didn't think it was time to stop. I am sure nothing rude was meant by it, but I actually felt insulted by her question. My decision to breastfeed my son extendedly, is an educated decision because I know that it is the best thing for him, but also a personal decision, because it feels easy and comfortable for me. There is nothing more natural or healthier for a child than breastmilk and it is scientifically proven that a baby needs it for at least the first six months of its life (and that is recommended without or very little formula as well), but there are more studies that say that it does that for about five years, breastfeeding does have an impact on the child's immune system, so much in fact that vaccinations may not even be needed after a certain amount of time. Way too often do I see mothers being judged for breastfeeding their toddlers, calling it "inhumane" when the truth is, that up until a child is about five years old, they don't get as much nutrition from anything else. I feel so strongly about wanting to educate parents out there on this subject, because it is talked about way too little. With at least the knowledge, people can decide to do whatever they want without judging us who choose to breastfeed publicly or extendedly.

I believe that formula is a wonderful option for those who have trouble breastfeeding, or don't feel comfortable or whatever the reason it is people decide to rule out breastfeeding completely. However, there is an oil in formula that is used because it is the cheapest kind but is also very carcinogenic that can effect the child in the future. Right now, there are people out there who are trying to recreate the recipe without that specific oil without having it cost a fortune. The formula for a bit bigger children is also one of the main causes for certain food related allergies such as gluten, so to anyone I speak to, I'd actually recommend milk over the "big-kid" formula. But too much of anything is bad for a person as well. As I've said already, women should do what works best for them and what they feel the most comfortable with, but I do also feel that it is necessary to educate because I know that not enough people have all the facts. I don't judge, so please don't judge me for breastfeeding extendedly and publicly for I believe it is whats best for my own child.

Peace!

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Family, Life

We are back from our mini vaycay. Noah has now officially been to seven countries. That is a lot I reckon for a one year old, and we are not even nearly done traveling the world together. Holland was great, a little mini vacation was very much needed. We drove all the way there, and all the way back, which was long for Noah to sit in the car, but I was very prepared with food, snacks, toys, movies and music and I was pleasantly surprised with how well he did. We arrived pretty late on Wednesday evening, so we only really had time for some wine and cheese in Otto and Joan's new home. Beautiful little house. And then we went straight to bed. It was a miracle that the six of us all fit into their cute little home haha. The next day, we were served a beautiful breakfast, then we all got dressed and then we all had to rush to the car for a one hour drive to Otto's university to watch him graduate and accept his diploma. It was a very small, but personal ceremony and afterwards we were all served snacks and wine before driving back to Den Haag where my brother and Joan is located. There Joan had prepared a wonderful salmon dinner for us all and some great cake for desert. We were all satisfied when we went to bed. The next day, was a fabulous day. We walked around Den Haag and captured the beautiful city. Otto and Joan took us to their favourite lunch place, a fancy fries stand, which was just delicious. We looked a bit in shops, and we stopped at a bar for a couple of cocktails. At home, we drank more, and then we headed off to a Peruvian restaurant, where more alcohol was served. Once we came home again, the drinking didn't stop there. Noah fell asleep around 11 but the rest of us stayed up for a few more glasses. The next day, I woke up with the unusual hangover. But it didn't last long. Saturday morning, we got all our packing done, and shopped for our drive back. I made a packed lunch for everyone, and then we hit the road just before lunch time. The drive home went smoothly and we arrived just before midnight. I was so tired that Noah and I fell asleep straight away. Now we are just going to take it easy for a few days before we have house guests and hectic again.

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Family, Life, Noah, Random

Finally a holiday, something that is very much needed. I hate just sitting at home here, I am the happiest when I am out and about exploring new places. And tomorrow, Noah and I together with my parents are going on a road trip to Holland to visit my brother and his girlfriend. I am so extremely excited. I really hope Noah can stay calm for the most part on the way, but we'll see how it goes. I can't believe that half of this year has already gone by and I've only had one holiday. I need to do better for this next half that is on its way. I am not entirely sure whether or not I'll blog from Holland but if I don't, then I'll make a post about my trip once I get back. In the meantime however, I thought maybe you guys could take this time to ask me some questions and I'll make an individual post later on where I'll answer them. That way I'll have more to blog about. I also have some crazy news to share, but I think I'll leave you lovely readers hanging just a little longer before I announce it ;) But stay tuned.

Noah has really developed a sense of humour now. He spends all day trying to make the people in his surroundings laugh by chasing them, making funny faces or sounds and I am just obsessed with that little guy. He's amazing. The other day he kept pressing his face against the window to look like a piggy, I couldn't stop laughing, and I got some funny photos of it too-- check instagram-- but I did manage to get this cute picture of him as well. Little bubba, oh how I love you!

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Recipes

How often are we left with taco leftovers? Well, very often! Our generation eats tacos often, and for some reason we always make too much. Eating it over and over for several days can get a little boring, so I like to get creative by making a taco cake. It is super easy to make, a great way to get rid of all leftovers and its extremely delicious.

  • Put the oven on
  • Place a tortilla bread on a baking dish and cover it with some salsa
  • Scatter some meat, tomatoes, onion and corn over the salsa
  • Top the tortilla with cheese
  • Place another tortilla over the first one
  • Repeat three or four times
  • Place in oven until cheese has melted
  • Take out of oven
  • Topp with creme fresh and cucumber

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