Life, Random

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew there was something different about me. I wasn't special, not more special than anyone else, but my mind did not function the same way. My whole life, school was a pain. From the very first math book I received, counting was an issue. No matter how many times I tried, how many different ways I was taught, I couldn't do it. As I got older, math got more advanced and it became harder for me. I'm creative, so I've always enjoyed music, art, writing... but none of that mattered when a little girl hears from grown ups that she won't ever make it in life. Thats right, time and time again I was told by several teachers that I was a lost cause and that I wouldn't ever become anything. If you hear something like that enough times in your life, you start to believe it yourself.

It was not all bad, a lot of the time, I actually really enjoyed school. Going to see my friends every day and making new ones, but there were times when it got so bad that I simply just gave up on it. I actually never really noticed that it effected me more than just my school work until recently when I've realised that having a learning disability that for the most part of my life has been unknown, is probably part of the reason why I go through periods at the time with high anxiety and depression. I'm an extremely lucky person, having the parents that I have, because when everyone else had, they never gave up on me. Around 6th grade, I took a test where I was diagnosed with dyscalculia but that was not something I got on paper at that time, but the subject was not talked about enough for any of the teachers to do anything about it, so I continued as a regular student, feeling more stupid than ever. When students with dyslexia got special treatment, I did not get the same option. For years this effected me, not just in math but everything else because it finally came to the point where I just didn't have the energy anymore. For years I met more teachers than not where they told me that dyscalculia was not real, I was just dumb and that I needed to redo several grades. Thankfully I've however had those few teachers there who's seen my potential in subjects that I aced without a struggle that kept me going.

When I was in the ninth grade, I was in a boarding school and I was an extremely unhappy teenager at this point for several reasons. I had math class, just like everyone else several days a week and just like everyone else, I did my best. But my best was once again not good enough. I remember once that the students who 'weren't doing too good' in math had to do some extra homework. I, of course, was one of those students. I remember going home, sitting with the piece of paper in front me, trying to figure it out and even though I did not understand, I tried anyway and I finished it. I was the only one who had actually done it and handed it in. My teacher took one look at the paper and said that I had to redo it because I was not suppose to write the answers on the same page as the questions. I copied the answers and wrote them down on a piece of paper where it once again was not right. The third time I handed it in, once again, being the only one who had actually done what I was told, my teacher told me that all the answers were wrong and that I would never be anything if I didn't try. I remember that moment so well because there was something within me then that triggered. I got so angry in a way that I'd never gotten before, and I yelled at the teacher, went to my room in tears, called my parents and just wanted to give up on everything. It may seem like a little thing to get mad about. But I'd heard it so many times before and I knew that no matter what I did, I'd never get it right. I stuck out till the end of the year before I did a second dyscalculia test and I finally got the results on paper that was sent to the new school I'd decided to change to. The school I went to in the 10th grade was not a great school but my very last day there, my math teacher held me back and told me that I should never ever let anyone tell me that I am not good enough again. That was the first time I had ever heard that, and those words gave me the strength I'd needed so badly to never give up. After that did I not only change school, but country as well where I was back with teachers who had never even heard of dyscalculia but after a couple of months studying math, we all agreed that math should be dropped from my schedule. My principle that year told my mum that I was not good enough and that life was going to be to hard for me. That time however, instead of breaking down, I wanted to prove him wrong, with or without math. I held my head high and I passed high school with flying colours. Not only did I pass high school, but my grades got me into a good university. Now almost four years has passed since I graduated and I've studied creative writing, I am now studying screenwriting and I have applied to get into another university. I've recently been introduced in the business world, I blog, I'm writing a book and the most important job, I'm a mum so to everyone who ever told me that I was not good enough, I just want to say, with all due respect, IN YOUR FACE. I am still young, and I am still figuring myself out like many others, and if I ever were to become a teacher, my main goal would be to never, ever make anyone ever feel stupid again.

It was only a couple of years ago that dyscalculia was discovered and there are still teachers out there today who don't believe it is a real thing. I've always had a hard time understanding those who are fully aware of learning disabilities such as dyslexia and dysgraphia but can't process that there is one related to numbers. Everyone is smart in their own way, and anyone can do anything with the right equipment. My feelings about getting the message across are so strong so that more teachers out there can educate themselves on the subject and teach students in ways that is fair for everyone. Living with dyscalculia is not shameful and most people with it have a lot of strength in other areas. If everyone becomes aware of dyscalculia, then more people can get help and education can become everyones choice! If I can do it, anyone can. Help me spread the message across for our future generations to come so that everyone can be treated fairly and no one has to be looked down on again for not having a mind that works in all areas!!

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Random

Check out www.chiquelle.com for beautiful clothes for all occasions. They have sponsored me with some of their clothes and I am absolutely in love with them! The white blouse and the sweater dress is from them. Fancy, gorgeous clothes for a cheap amount! <3

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Family, Life

Happy Valentines Day!! Or one day late. I actually started writing this post yesterday but got distracted with other things so I never finished. So lets pretend its still February 14th. A very special day, no matter if the shops made this holiday to make money or not, it is a day of love and I celebrate everything there is to celebrate. Today I don't want to blog about how much love I have for my son, or how much I love my partner. I do! And I will let the world know that daily but today I want to talk about two beautiful souls who have been a big inspiration in my life. A bond so strong its made me believe in love and a love that I've lived to proven is for all of a lifetime and eternity. I'm talking about my beautiful grandparents. The 2nd of January, 1926 a lady was born into this world and 18th of April 1926 a man was born into this world. The woman was elegant, religious, smart and ambitious. The man was silly, childish, funny and loving. These two souls met in 1949 and fell deeply in love, The 30th of June, 1951 they walked down the aisle and became husband and wife. Throughout their lives together they had three sons, several homes and many amazing memories. They never had it financially easy but they had each other which was enough to never put their happy moods down. I am the daughter of their youngest son, and I am the luckiest girl in the world because I had the best grandparents ever, on both sides! I've been so lucky to have them all growing up and getting to know them. In February, 2014, these two amazing humans, admitted that they were getting old and that moving close to us so we could help them whenever they needed was a good idea. It was a tearful goodbye to the house that carried so many memories, but exciting all at once. Sadly their new apartment didn't get the chance to hold as many memories. My grandfather became demented fast and passed away in May 2015. My grandmother, staying strong for him started focusing on herself, still loving him with every breath. She was the strongest woman I've known. With surgeries, and loss and being so confused some days that she didn't know where she lived. She was fortunate to live long enough to meet my son, and she always held her head high and had the biggest smile on her face around him, even if I knew she was lonely. Just a few weeks ago my grandmother ended up in the hospital with a broken leg, needing surgery. She told everyone who was around her at the time that she had seen my grandfather wave at her. Just a couple of days later, I was about to put on my jacket so Noah and I could come see her, when my dad called and told me she'd passed away.

This valentines day was dedicated to them, two complete opposites, living as one. They spent this day and every day for the rest of eternity together and I know I will meet them again one day.

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Life, Noah, Random

Hello, hello from a happy household! We've had a good couple of days. The house has been full of people so Noah has been so excited about all the people who's been here. My brother and sister left today again but my brother's girlfriend, Joan is still here and so are my parents. For at least a few more days. Some more news on a happy note, I have now taught myself how to unclog the milk in my breast before it gets real bad when I feel a major clog coming!!! No man or woman can even relate to the pain of having clogged milk unless they have been there. It literally feels like the sharpest icicle of all time is inside your breast, stabbing you on the inside. It is so bad! And not only does it cause pain the breast but it also causes fever. I remember when I got it in Australia once during a heatwave, and I froze so much that I was in bed, wrapped in 100 blankets in the middle of the day. The first time I got it, Noah was not old, just above a week old and I actually thought I was dying. Besides labor, it is probably one of the worst pains I've ever experienced. Before Noah, I had no idea what clogged milk ducts even was or that it even existed. No one warned me!! So, I would like to let other mothers know. I love breastfeeding and would not have it any other way, it gives me a special bond with my son, but man oh man... it f*cking hurts!

What is clogged milk ducts?

Clogged milk ducts is when you're producing more milk than comes out of the breast, so it gets stuck. That causes swelling and inflammation around the duct. You usually feel a hard lump where the pain is in your breast and it can even show a red colour sometimes. The milk can taste salty rather than sweet and it can be a bit of a burning sensation after nursing. Noah can tell when my milk is clogged because he doesn't get as much milk out as usual.

What causes a clogged duct?

It often happens when the breast is not completely empty when new milk arrives. A breastfeeding mother should try to empty the breast as often as possible, so feeding often is important. Or perhaps a breast pump? I've never used one but it would probably prevent a clogged duct. Even simple things as sleeping in an odd position or wearing the wrong kind of bra can cause it. A lot of stress is a main cause for getting clogged milk, and even having a cold breeze on your breasts. It is very important to dress right and keep warm! Also if you have been sick, the milk can easily get clogged!!

How to treat clogged milk ducts?

Nursing!! It hurts like a bitch but it is the most effective way! It reduces inflammation. Keep nursing that baby, more than usual because they don't get as much milk as usual anyway when it is clogged. Heat is always a good trick! I usually use a heating pillow or take scalding hot showers. Massaging can also hurt real bad, but it is effective. I usually massage the lump while I'm in the shower. Heat and massage all at once; twice as effective! Try squeezing as much milk out as you possibly can, it doesn't feel good, but the lesser milk, the less clogged it will be.

I hope I've helped some people with these notes, it is better to be aware what can happen so you know how to prevent it or how to treat it if you happen to do get clogged milk!!

I'll also share this picture of Noah, we've had a lot of snow lately so he's been enjoying playing outside :)

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Random

I am actually going through a dry period on my blog, since I don't know what to blog about. Any ideas would be very helpful. So please comment below, would be so good! But even so, I can't leave my blog empty for too long, so I thought I'd make one post that seems popular around other bloggers, 10 facts about me!

  1. I've lived in four continents
  2. I always, always gain weight when I'm in Sweden
  3. I kept my pregnancy a secret for as long as possible
  4. I love black and white movies
  5. I like watching the same TV shows over and over again
  6. Noah's father is the first long term relationship I've been in
  7. I have a serious learning disability called dyscalculia
  8. I'm a massive believer in what goes around, comes around. Karma's a bitch
  9. I plan to breastfeed Noah for one more year
  10. I have banana phobia... no joke!

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Noah, Random, Recipes

Baby food... a very common topic among my mum friends these days. Noah's daily food routine is usually the same. He wakes up pretty late for a baby. No earlier that 9.30, where he starts the morning with breast milk, when we are out of bed, its always the same, I have a cup of tea, Noah has a bowl of porridge. Somewhere between 12 and 1 o'clock, depending on how late he woke up, Noah's tired so he falls asleep with some more boobie milk. When Noah wakes up again, he's hungry so he eats lunch. What he has for lunch, all depends on how late we are having dinner. Today we are having a late dinner because we are eating with a friend, so we had a pretty heavy lunch, sausage with mushrooms. If we have an earlier dinner, around 6 o'clock, which is the usual routine, our lunch is not as heavy. A sandwich and a yoghurt perhaps? It fills Noah up well. Between lunch and dinner however, I don't let him go hungry because there are quite a few hours between the two meals, so a snack is in order. That is when I try squeezing in his daily fruit (unless he had that for lunch, then maybe a sandwich). I've often bought fruit puree's and jells in jars from the store, which Noah really likes. Noah has never liked store bought baby food in jars, just the fruit. So its a good thing he got his teeth early so he can chew the same kind of food I eat. Before bed time he usually has a snack again, a sandwich or a piece of fruit, and then some more breastmilk to fall asleep with.

I have recently started making my own fruit purees and such. It is cheaper in the long run, and you know what is in it. It is also super easy to make. You just blend a bunch of fruit together, if needed and then cook them. Easy peasy! I just make two jars of mango and raspberry, and Noah loves it! I can highly recommend it for you mothers out there. I think it is really important for my son to get his daily fruits and vegetables, and now, he gets it everyday without a complaint.

It would also work with vegetables, Noah personally would not like it, so I give him vegetables with his dinner, but a lot of babies would like it in a jar, so I can recommend that as well :)

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Recipes

Tomato Sauce (I don't like store bought tomato sauce so I make my own)

  • Chop one package of cherry tomatoes in half and place them in a pan
  • Crush a garlic on the tomatoes
  • Chop one whole chili and add to the tomatoes
  • Add a tsp of cayenne pepper
  • Add 0.5dl white wine vinegar
  • Leave it on low heat for about twenty minutes
  • Mix it together every now and then
  • When its all a big mush, take of the stove and let cool

Pizza Dough

  • Add 4dl flour, a dash of salt, and 2.5tsp baking powder in a large bowl
  • Add 2.5tbsp olive oil and 1.5dl water to the dry ingredients and mix it all together until it becomes one big dough
  • Let the dough rest for a bit
  • Cut the dough into two parts
  • Roll out the dough so its two flat pizza bases
  • Spread the tomato sauce over the pizza bases and then add preferred toppings :)
  • Place in oven on 200 degrees for about ten minutes until cheese has melted and base is turning light brown

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Life

Hello from a cold night. I'm laying in bed having trouble sleeping, watching some episodes of Friends. For a while now, I've had trouble sleeping. My mind won't silence and lately I've been feeling really overwhelmed. At first I did not want anyone to know, I am a mother and I need to be strong for my son, but the truth is, I am also only human, and no person can be strong always. So I've realised that it's ok to not be ok. I've never been good at speaking my mind and telling people how I feel, I've always preferred writing. Words come more naturally to me then speaking. Right now I am living alone with Noah in Sweden, studying a little, trying to figure out what I want to do after the summer and trying to get a quick start at my new job... the truth is I'm exhausted. Not because I'm stressed, because it does not take up as much time as it sounds. I can still spend many hours watching TV and go for long walks, but having all of that to think about drains my mind. It is just too much worry for me. Being a single parent is not easy. Its all the small things that make it hard. I have to clean all the time, everyday and that is not a big issue, but it gets old after a while. I start cleaning one place and Noah is somewhere else making a mess. When we had Noah's father around, he could take Noah when I was for example cooking, but now I have to multi task often, and it is not easy chopping vegetables while having a crying toddler hanging on my leg. I don't want to complain, I am not complaining. I love taking care of Noah, more than anything, but that does not mean it isn't tiring. I can handle it on my own, I am handling it, and I try keeping my relationship with Noah's father private most of the time, but the truth is that a child should be depended on two parents in most cases... not just one. Even if that means just a phone call a day from one of the parents and right now I fear that Noah is going to grow up with myself as an only parent... But I will always be here for my son! Through thick and thin. I will break sticks and stones for him, that is how much I love him, and for as long as he needs guidance in his life, I am not going to go a day without being here for him. Sometimes I wish I would've known how hard it would all be, but then I realise that it doesn't even really matter. Because either way I would be here in this very position. Even with a child around me all the time, being a single parent is probably the most lonely job I've ever had. But I'm a believer in faith and I know that it is all going to work itself out in the end... it always does. Till then I am going to keep staying strong for both my son and myself, but am also going to keep in mind that sometimes, its ok to feel down...

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It Works

For about a month now, I've been selling products from This Works. Beauty and Health products. It is a bit slow to start with but I am getting more and more into it. I'm hoping to find more costumers very soon!! However, becoming a part of the team, is not hard, and it is suitable for most people. I am in fact looking for women of all age (or men) who want to make some extra money. Join the It Works team, it is actually the perfect way! The products are amazing, and I've been so pleased with the once I've been using. And yesterday I even got a report back from a customer that she is seeing quick results from using her product and she is very pleased. Yay! So, want to make some extra money? Well what is a better way of doing that then by looking great and encouraging others to get fit? If anyone is interested, then please contact me by commenting below, my instagram or go in on the website by clicking HERE. Or if anyone is just interested in buying some of the products, well do the same then as well and become a loyal customer for three months where you get 40% discount. A pretty sweet deal :)

And what is a great blog post without a photo of this handsome fella even if it is a bit blurry! Thank you everyone for the great tips on how to get him to sleep on his own. It is still a working progress but we'll get there ;)

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Life, Noah

As a baby grows older they become more aware of their surroundings. For each passing month, they learn new things. Noah is now 9 months, almost 10. He is very smart and he is experimenting a lot with what things to do and what not to do. The other day he jumped off the sofa and banged his head on the floor. Ever since then, he calls out when he wants to get off from somewhere so he doesn't hurt himself. The other day he even climbed backwards down from my bed. That went smoothly, such a little genius. One thing that is so fun about Noah becoming more aware is seeing how he is with other people. He loves people, he turns into such a little flirt. He tries so hard to impress everyone. When I have people over, he is so funny and acts really silly, it is so cute. That shows me however that he knows that I'm his mummy. Because its all fun and games with everyone else until he becomes tired and cranky, then its all about his mumma. I love my relationship with my son. We have so much fun together and I just adore him but there is that issue with the sleeping arrangements... When he was smaller, putting Noah in his crib to sleep for the night was never a problem. He would usually wake up after half the night to come into my bed which was never a bother. He would fall asleep on my chest infront of the TV and I would carry him into his crib to put him down. That has however changed in the past couple of months. Noah has actually started to refuse to fall asleep unless I am next to him. He falls asleep on my chest and I put him down, he wakes up straight away screaming his lungs out. Last night I made sure he was in as deep a sleep a person can be. I think I sat with him sleeping on my chest for an hour before putting him down and he still woke up straight away. I've tried leaving him in his crib to try the cry-it-out method but I just can't stand to listen to it for too long, and the other day when I went in there after I'd done that for a while, he was trying to climb over. When he takes a nap during the day, I usually lay down with him in bed and breastfeed him to sleep where I can later sneak away and he won't notice, but its not like I can lay down in his crib with him. He actually will not sleep unless I am next to him. He wakes up in the middle of the night sometimes and crawls on top of me to fall back asleep... almost as if he's making sure I can't leave him and that I am still there. It has turned into such a struggle that he doesn't go to bed until past midnight sometimes. Once he's asleep, its fine, and it is not like I am suffering from having him sleep next to me, but I still want him to learn some independence and that everyone has their own bed. He's just going to get bigger and bigger, my bed is not... and who knows how long this will continue? If anyone has any tips for me, I would be so happy to hear them. Its better to do something about it now before he gets too big and I become his permanent teddy bear. So please, any advice is good advice! haha.

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