As a single mother, I have not been able to take care of myself much. I spend the week days working, and then spending time with Noah, and I spend the weekends catching up my time that I missed with Noah as I've worked. Also because it wasn't actually that long ago I permanently ended a serious relationship I've needed the time to wallow and grieve. I have never been the type of person to look for a relationship, I just let them happen naturally when the right person comes along. I'm an over-emotional person with a now very much fragile heart. I keep it safe and only give it away to those who manage to steal it, which usually doesn't happen easily. I think I shocked most people I know when I actually did get into a relationship all those years ago. Lately however, I've felt the need to get back on the dating horse. At first, my thoughts about it were excused because I felt like I was being selfish for wanting to date, but after talking to supportive people in my life, I came to realise that I deserve it. My life doesn't have to be filled with lonely days, wondering why my last relationship didn't last. That it is ok for me to fall in love again some day, a long, long time away from now most likely haha. I am not ready for a serious relationship and I can't imagine myself being so any time soon. I am however ready to meet new people, being asked out, have some adult conversation, eat good food, flirt and boosting my self esteem, something that all women need every once in a while. So that is what I am going to do, this weekend and more weekends to come. With still doubting that what I am doing is actually ok, I am still trying to convince myself that I am not doing anything wrong by dating again. And who knows, if I meet enough people than a first date may actually lead to more. The last time I went on a first date, it was absolutely perfect. We'd been seeing each other behind closed doors, and never spoke about it out in the open, and he was a really forbidden fruit at the time, which naturally, made me want him even more haha. But on our first date, was the first time it was just him and me out in the open, laughing and having awkward conversations. He took me out to dinner, and I remember feeling those butterflies we hear so much about. And just because I didn't want the date to end, I suggested we go to the cinema, which we eventually did but the only movie to show that late was Magic Mike 2, and I have never seen a guy sit so uncomfortably in a cinema chair, I almost felt bad for him. After that we went home, and it is very possible that it was the same night our love conceived our son. We spent two years together and had a child after that. Maybe I'll be that lucky to fall in love again someday, But if I'm not, I'll be happy with having felt it at some point in my life. Not everyone does.
Now I am going to bed. Suuuuuper tired. Goodnight, all <3
ps. How is it that snapchat manages to make us look so much better as some cartoon than actual people?