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Parenthood, Australia, Sweden, Family

Life, Noah

Good evening beautiful readers! It has been a long but great day. Noah and I went to town to meet up with a friend for some shopping. I didn't shop as much as I'd hoped but I'll just have to go back into town another day when I am ready to hurt my wallet haha. Noah is now one years old and about three weeks and as he is becoming more and more fun, wonderful and hilarious, he is also becoming more challenging. He tries talking, he wants to eat by himself, he shows his own opinions, and he reacts to different situations. He is very demanding for such a little guy, haha, super cute! Right now I am trying to potty train Noah AND to get him to start walking. For his birthday I got my little man a potty but he was terrified of it. He would yell out and crawl away as fast as I put him on it. It got better after that, he sat for a few seconds but he didn't let any cries out. Today we made a new record. He actually sat there for a few minutes. He doesn't understand what he's suppose to do while sitting on it though. My mum told me to get a children's book about sitting on the potty and read it for him while he's on it, but I would love ideas on how to get him completely potty trained. Since Noah is my first child, I don't really have experience on the matter and I feel completely lost. So please, advice is very much needed and appreciated.

The walking is an actual issue for me and I am DESPERATE to get him on his feet now. When Noah was born they told me that he was unusually strong and that he was going to start walking early. Already at four months, he loved walking while holding someones hands. At six months, he was crawling... fast. And he just got faster and faster. He got so comfortable with it that he lost all interest in walking. If he would have been willing to, I bet he would've walked at around 9 months old, if not sooner. He takes a few steps, then he realises it and gets back down on all fours. Sometimes he takes his large toys, such as the car or the plane or he takes the furniture and walks while holding that, and sometimes he just gets mad when I try to get him to walk. I was told to just let him do it in his own tempo but I so want him to walk. Is there any way I can convince him to start?

A little photo of the cutie pie. Look how happy he is while being on the potty, haha!

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Life, Random

Today has been one of those days where I woke up with my heart in my stomach, where I didn't have the energy to do anything, I didn't want anyone around me, other than my son. I started writing a post this morning about how awful I felt, emotionally, just to get it all out and it felt good writing it all down for myself and I was going to post it until I realised that it was totally pointless, I hate it when people feel bad for me. And what I hate even more than that is when I feel bad for myself. Lately I've been disappointing myself. It feels like it wasn't too long ago I was planning my new chapter in my life, move away to some exotic place and become a successful writer. But here I am, back in the place I promised myself I was never going to come back to, the place where time stands still. I'm a mother living in my parents home, a world away from the father and in love with someone that the universe seems to be against. The exotic place I once dreamt so much about is now a place that has left scars in me. Is it my fault that it all turned out like this? That Noah doesn't see his father? That I don't have a place for him to call home? A place for just us? That I am raising him in a way I never wanted to raise my children? Am I doing it all wrong? Am I enough for my son? These are the thoughts that haunt me when I get like that. These among many other thoughts. But as I see it, I have two choices. I can either let this bring me down, effect everyone around me, or I can pick myself up, dust myself off and do something about it. I know it is not easy, it never is, but it is so worth it. I am not going to be stuck here, no way. I am going to get my dream, and I am going to have Noah live it with me. We are going to take the exotic fantasy and we are going to make it our reality. I am so rich to have Noah, so fortunate and to have so many people around me to support me. know that not everyone has that, and I hate that I my head fills up with such pity thoughts for myself when I know that there are people out there who have it so much worse.

But for the time being, I am respectfully asking to let me be. Nothing makes me feel worse than having people up in my face all the time telling me to cheer up. I need to do that in my own speed and I reach out to those I want when I want and I'll be the happiest human in no time :) I am going to turn it all around and get on a journey to start loving myself again. I'll begin small, and thats just what i did by dying my hair.

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Family, Life, Noah, Pregnancy, Random

How did you find out you were pregnant?

I was always sick, always exhausted. Every thing I smelled made me nauseous and it didn't matter how much I slept, it just never seemed like it was enough. I just thought I was very hungover and had some combination of the flu. It wasn't until I was out eating pizza with a friend that I realised that what I was feeling wasn't normal, and that maybe I was pregnant...

How did everyone react? Friends and family?

I probably gave everyone I know the shock of their lives. Everyone was mostly concerned at the start but that all turned into happiness as time went by.

How has life changed since you’ve become a mother?

I can't be as selfish anymore, thats for sure. Everything I do now effects my son so I have to put him first in all situations. I don't however think that I have changed that much as a person other than the fact that I am more responsible now, and that I now know the meaning of life.

How is your relationship to the father (Laityn) now?

Sadly, there is definitely room for improvement in our relationship right now. We just can't seem to see eye to eye on things but we just have to stay strong and keep on fighting.

How is your relationship to your friends now?

All my friends have moved on in one way or another, but we keep in touch and meet up whenever we can. Obviously we can't have the party all night friendship that I once did with many of them anymore, but ever since I got pregnant it has been clear who my real friends are. And I've made some new mummy friends too!

Have you come across any judgement because you’re a young mother?

Absolutely! But I just sit back and prove them wrong. My age doesn't effect my ability to parent and those who know me, know that as well. As long as Noah is happy, thats the only judgement that matters.

What is the best thing about being a parent?

I like everything about being a parent even though it can be extremely overwhelming sometimes. I love just having Noah around all the time and knowing that I am the most important person to someone.


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Life, Random, Pregnancy

The other day, I wrote a post about people who love to hate. The comments on this post went completely off topic and became a heated argument. Reading the comments, made me realise how extremely different views this world has. The comments were about abortion, something that I personally don't think has anything to do with terrorism. People can think what they want about my view on abortion but here is what I THINK about it.

Before Noah was ever in my life, I honestly did not really have a second thought on the matter. I'd always hear people say that they would have an abortion if they were to get pregnant as if it was no big deal... I know now that is not the case, it is not as simple as people paint it out to be. Before I continue telling my story, I'd like to point out that I think that abortion is a wonderful thing. Accidental pregnancies do happen all the time, and not everyone knows how to be parent. It is a lot better that these people stop themselves from becoming parents when they are not willing to put their all into a child's life. It is better that these people live to take care of themselves rather than be miserable for the rest of their lives, blaming their children for their existence. Children shouldn't be brought into this world if a parent isn't there to take care of them. Calling abortion a type of terrorism, is extremely judgemental and wrong, and saying that people should abstain from sex completely unless they are trying to become parents is just plain ignorant and a very close minded view of the world because thats now how it works these days. People are going to have sex, and there is not anything anyone can do about that. All that can be done is to recommend these people to be safe but to also keep in mind that contraceptives are not either 100% effective. HOWEVER, with the risk of being very judged for my opinion now, I do think that the limit of when abortion is ok is far too extreme. When I got pregnant, I got the shock of my life. I was on the pill, I was being safe and I was not expecting that. Laityn and I decided to explore our options and when we went to the doctors to discuss abortion, they told me the different stages of abortion. The first stage is just a pill, that gets rid of the foetus. At this point, the foetus is not considered human, it is undeveloped, unaware and senseless. This is up to eight weeks, after that the foetus starts turning into a baby and develops a sense of touch. I was way over eight weeks when we found out I was pregnant and I was told that I had to have a 'surgical' abortion. Something in me broke down and I just felt that it was not right. If an abortion has to be done surgically, I personally feel like that it is an actual living being. I felt my baby within me that moment and I just knew, that I was not going to take that step. Honestly, I do believe that at a certain point abortion does turn into murder. When I heard that it is legal in the third trimester in certain parts of the world, I was so shocked my body was shaking. In the third trimester a foetus, or rather the baby has fully developed bones, just like we do, it opens its eyes, just like we do, and it practices breathing for the real world... that is a human being and in my opinion, "getting rid" of that is wrong and coldblooded. I can't express my happiness that I have Noah in my life. The first part of my pregnancy was the worst part of my life and I try avoiding to think back to that dreadful time, but when I do, I remember that I even considered aborting my child, it makes me ache. I can't even imagine doing that and honestly, I don't even think that is something I would have been able to live with later on!

A flashback photo of Noah in my belly <3 Aw I miss being pregnant and feeling those kicks <3

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Family, Life, Random

I hope everyones day has been as good as mine. How can it not be good when its Easter, am I right? Noah and I had a sleep in until 10am, that was when my parents woke us up. I got an easter egg from my parents filled with candy... and a jar of olives hahaha. I gave Noah an easter egg with 2 pieces of chocolate in haha, but I'd actually made the easter egg myself haha... full points for creativity? and I even got him a present, a little toy... We then drove to my grandparents house in the early afternoon where almost all my relatives on my mothers side was. It is always amazing when we reunite. Eat good food, talk about childhood memories, eat candy from our easter eggs and just have a wonderful time together. Noah really enjoyed himself, especially with my six year old cousin. He follows him around everywhere, it is just the cutest thing. We are home now, and I feel like I am about an entire person larger from all the candy and cake I've eaten. Insane. Noah is still awake, probably buzzed for the very same reason, but I think we are both just about ready to go to bed. I hope everyone has a wonderful Saturday night. Kisses <3

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Life, Random

Whaaaaaat a wonderful day! I am so relaxed right now and I can already feel that it is going to be an early night. Yesterday afternoon a close friend of mine, Linnéa came over and we had taco night. It was my mums birthday so I celebrated that as well, at the same time haha. We had cake and candy for dessert. I am so sugared up from all the birthdays that have been that I don't think I can eat anything sweet for a while... haha. Anyway, today, Linnéa and I went to a spa. I left Noah with my parents, I think this is the longest I've ever been without him, and even though I obviously missed my little man, I realised today that it is still important to think about myself once in a while. I really pampered myself today, it was just what I needed and it was perfect. We started of with having lunch at this restaurant close by and it was absolutely delicious! But we were in a hurry so we basically inhaled the food haha. We then went to the spa, where we were both treated fabulously and we both got a thai and oil massage each... it was amazing and just what I needed. We then relaxed, drank some very strong, very good, ginger tea, spent some time in the sauna and then jumped into the freezing cold pool outdoors before going in to the hot jacuzzi. We were so relaxed and light headed that at one point we couldn't stop laughing but by the end of it we almost fell asleep. That was when we decided to go back home to my place, and Linnea left for her home shortly after that. I went to the gym for a while, but other than that I have literally just been focusing on not falling asleep for the night haha.

I think its important for every parent to spend some time alone. As amazing and loving it is to be a mother, it is also exhausting and I deserve to treat myself every once in a while :)

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Life, Random

I will never understand how a person can have so much hate within them, I will never understand how someone thinks that they have any right to decide how another person should die, and I will most certainly not understand how someone can cause so much pain in the world and have absolutely no conscience. What is even more unbelievable is that there are those who believe that they will go to heaven for taking innocent peoples lives. The past couple of years have been filled with too many terrorist attack, too many lost lives and too many tears. Yesterday was one of those attacks that was a bit more personal for me, because it happened in my own home country. I've shed tears and I still can't believe it, because I will never understand how someone can love hate. But I have one thing to say to those who do; You will NEVER win. You run us over with trucks, you shoot us on the streets, you bomb us but you will never bring us down. Just when you think you've won, we raise together as one, stronger than ever. Hate will never overcome love. Love wins every time. No matter country, a tragedy just makes a civilisation stronger. I have never been prouder to come from Sweden than I am today, and I will keep on fighting for human rights and hope that we may all find our peace in this world so we can all live in harmony together as the one race we all are: the HUMAN RACE.

My thoughts and prayers are with those lives that were lost not only yesterday but in all unfair attacks from Syria, to Russia, to France... that have been going on for far too long now, I think of those still fighting for their own lives and of those who are missing someone in their own lives. I hope all the prayers can spread some strength to those who need. It is just so unfair, the world we live in.

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Life, Random

Hey, hey readers!

I've mentioned in a previous post that I don't want to live and raise Noah in Australia. I've been asked on several occasions since, why that is. To be clear, I would actually not mind to live there now while Noah is still little, but I wouldn't want to have him nor my future children grow up there to become teenagers. So I don't upset or offend anybody, I'd also like to point out that I know some incredible people from Australia and it is such an amazing and beautiful country and I am lucky to have that place in my life. I want Noah to always have a connection to the country and I will always take him there whenever the timing is right. We have friends and family in Australia that we love wholeheartedly and hope to always have in our lives. However, the culture shock I got in Australia is the greatest shock I've ever gotten, and that is coming from someone who's lived in Africa and Asia and has seen cultures that are the complete opposite of my own. The reason why this particular country shocked me so is because Australia is classified as a first world country. Coming from a very modern world myself, but have enough experience in second world countries, I have to say that in my own humble opinion, I would actually not agree. That does not mean that I don't want Noah growing up in second or third world countries, to be honest, I would love to live in Kenya or somewhere else with him. I am a huge believer in education, and I have never been to a place where I've met so many drop outs. It is so impressive when people who drop out of school manage to make it big in the real world but many of the people I've met there have been young kids, 14, 15, 16 year olds, have dropped out of school and don't work so they live of the government. That is something I would not want for my own children. I want them to learn that you have to work for your money and the more you work, the better life you get. That is at least what I believe. Australia also happens to be the country in the world with the most drug abusers. This I have witnessed myself. I am not talking about marijuana or *testing party drugs once in a while* even though too much of that is not always positive either, I am talking about heavy, soul ruining drugs such as meth. The fact that there are so many people so uneducated on the matter that they even allow the drug close to them is absolutely heartbreaking and help me god if someone I love ever ends up in a situation where that is the answer. Of course, this happens all over the world, not just on the Sunshine Coast, but I actually met so many people in these cases that I feared that it would actually bring me down if I were to stay long enough. I believe it is because most of the people I met over there, were inexperienced travellers and staying in such a small place for so many years, everything that goes around, comes around. Before that I don't think I ever had any friends who'd didn't own a passport or had only been to one country before so I want to encourage people to go travelling and meet other cultures so everyone realises that there are bigger problems in the world than the "cunt" someone trashed on Facebook who didn't pay you back or whatever the reason is why so many people bring each other down in that type of environment. I hope that I am a good enough mother that I can teach Noah to say no where its needed, so that one day he can decide to go to Australia by himself with a mature attitude and live life healthily and to the fullest. I sincerely hope I have not offended anybody by expressing how I feel. To tell you the truth, I don't want to live in Sweden either for completely different reasons... but that will be in another post. If I ever do happen to move to the incredible country Australia, I would probably move to Sydney or some other big city where there is more culture but I will always cherish the beautiful things Sunshine Coast has to offer and go there with a smile on my face.

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Family, Life, Noah

Whaaaaat a weekend it has been. I am sitting on the sofa completely exhausted. Noah had a blast all weekend and he is till full of beans playing with his new toys. The celebrations started on Friday, Noah's actual first birthday. I can't believe he's already one years old. That went so fast and the day couldn't have been better. The day started with us; my parents and myself. waking Noah up by going in to sing Happy Birthday for him with presents. He was so confused, just laying there staring at us like we were maniacs. I helped him open his presents and he laughed hysterically at one of the shirts he got haha so funny. I got him a car, a potty, sunglasses and an outfit. My parents got him some more clothes. The rest of the day we ate cake, sang songs, played with the car, went for strolls. His best friend came over for a few hours to play. They are just the two cutest little kiddos in the world. He even had a little present with him... Too sweet <3 The day ended with nachos, candy and picking my sister and her boyfriend up who'd arrived from London. Noah and I went to bed late but the celebrations didn't end there. We got up the next day and made some pancakes. a quiche and heaps more. Many of my relatives came during the day for some brunch, and some music games. It was so much fun, for everyone. A lot of laughter. I drank a few too many glasses champagne and went to bed just as late, but I was in a great mood and had a lot of fun. Noah was buzzed and excited the whole time. Even though he is too young to understand that it is his birthday, I think he still sensed that something was happening because everyone was celebrating him and he loved being the centre of attention. Haha, little attention lover. Today has been a very relaxing day. We took a long walk before, hung out with a friend and we've eaten a lot, a lot of candy. My sister and her boyfriend are leaving again tonight, and next week my parents are. As fun as this weekend has been, I am actually looking forward to some peace and quiet. But now its time for dinner. xoxo

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Family, Life, Noah

Dear readers,

I want to clear this up once and for all. I honestly thought that I was surrounded by adults who'd learned how to respect each other and mind their own business, but apparently not everyone has quite been taught that lesson that I like to call common sense. I for one seriously don't need young teenagers I've never met add me on Facebook to judge and question my life, and I don't need nosy people who don't know me to comment on my life situation or judge me for that matter. I am well aware of my situation, I know it is not normal, and I obviously know that people will talk, I am ok with that, but please respect my privacy. I have this blog, where I feel I am pretty open about my life so please read about it here instead. It is inhumane to mess with peoples feelings by making stories up about others lives. Don't assume that I am some evil spawn of satan because Noah doesn't meet his father everyday or because we don't go to Australia more often. People can obviously have their own opinion about me, but once again I want to defend myself by telling my truth. First of all, one reason I don't go to Australia all the time is because I simply can't afford it. I am not made of money and it is more than just a plane ticket, it is living over there as well. Another reason is because every time I go, I have to put my life on hold in the 'real world'. I don't work or study, I can't look for daycare being half way across the world and the longer I put all that off, the tougher it will be for me. "So why don't you move to Australia?" Ah, another question I have to hear about all the time. The truth is, I am a traveller and I have moved around the world a lot and I want to continue that way. I have already lived in Australia and as beautiful and amazing as the country may be, it is simply not a place I want to live and raise my kids in. Why that is I'll share in another post. And honestly even if I wanted to live in Australia, right now, neither Noah nor myself would have the legal right to stay for over three months. I am hoping desperately that Noah soon can become an Australian citizen so that he can one day decide for himself where he wants to be. Another thing I often feel judged about is leaving Australia while I was pregnant. I've probably written about this 100 times on my blog, but clearly I never get the message across so once again I left Australia while I was pregnant because I felt like that was the best decision for my son. Laityn and I had close to nothing and we kept living in our own fantasy world thinking that one day we will have it good but the truth was that time was running out and we didn't have much to offer. Now that I left, I've been able of give Noah everything that he deserves. If I wouldn't have left, Noah would have become an Australian citizen automatically, and chances are, I would have been forced to leave the country when my visa expired without my son. That was a chance I was not willing to take. Noah being with his father and gaining a relationship with him is not something that I feel is entirely my responsibility. I have done and will continue to do what I can to make sure that they are stable in each others life, but there is only so much I can do. The rest is up to Laityn, he knows that and now all I can do is have faith that he will come here to visit as often as I am willing to go visit him. I will absolutely go back to Australia for the sake of the two of them. That is Noah's blood and we have friends and family that we miss and love. I will spend my whole life encouraging a healthy relationship between Noah and his father. And of course do I hope and pray that we can all come to a much simpler solution in the near future.

I can accept the fact that people like to gossip, I'm a person to, I also do it. But I have my blog, this is the truth, this is all I want to share, anyone is welcome to read it and all I am asking in return is that people respect my choices and my life. Thaaaank you, oh, so very much!!

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