“You get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place, Like you'll not only miss the people you love but you'll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you'll never be this way ever again.”
Most of the time my life is nothing but purely amazing. I wake up feeling refreshed, excited and just bloody darn happy. However. A few weeks ago I caught an even stomach bug, and never really felt that I recovered fully. It took my weeks to realise that at the end there was no bug left, There was just stress, the fear of the unknown, the feeling of letting everyone down, myself included. I was caught in something I never experienced before. I dont believe in specific "age crises", however, I I do believe that we sometimes find ourselves in some sort of life changing situations, where it can feel almost like a crisis. All of a sudden I had no idea what to think, where to turn, and definitely not what to decide.
I was practically left with 2 options. Either Commit to a 4 year sponsorship visa with a company in Australia, (a company where my heart is, my family is and a place where I have spent most of my time at the past year). Or I would say no and then i would have to pack my life up and leave the country in 26 days. Up until now I have thought that staying in Australia, get sponsored and all of that, I have always believed that that was all I ever wanted, but now I found myself doubting. 4 years is a long time, and ever since I started traveling I have promised myself to be free. Mainly just work as a casual, never been on a lease etc etc. Staying wold not really have aligned with this. But Having to pack up my life in less than a mont, the life I have built for 3 years, in a place I call home more than anywhere else in the world, the thought of that is absolutely heart breaking. It has been a lot of tears, a lot of doubt and a lot of discussions, and I can say that this has been, by far, the hardest decision of my life.
I decided to leave.
Sometimes I wake up feeling excited about new adventures, and sometime I wake up feeling like I have made the biggest mistake of my life. I know everything will be amazing. The future is great. I can not stay in one place for 4 years. But how do you move out of somewhere you love. How do you leave people and friends you love so os so much behind. I should be used to this. I have travelled and left so many places. So many times. yet I never ever get used to it. To be honest, I dont think anyone does. You just do it anyway. because you have to.