Haven't posted in a while! But we've been here in New York visiting family since the 6th! It has been fun getting to see everyone and hanging out with siblings. It has been so cold and the snow is CRAZY DEEP!! This week there was a storm and all the businesses and stores were closed. Vehicles that are not emergency vehicles were banned from the roads as well!! Of course the next day was beautiful and we had a fun time playing outside and walking the kids home from the school bus!

Every Friday there is open swim at the school! So last week we went and we just went again tonight. Today being the Holliday they were giving out ice cream for 50 cents! Aubree loved her ice cream cone! Then we went and enjoyed time at the pool!

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I am 15 almost 16 weeks pregnant! Little peanut is healthy and growing! I have not felt any baby movements but I'm getting so excited and wait to feel them every night before I go to bed!

With my first I always had dreams she was a boy. All the Chinese gender signs and myths said I was having a girl.. I felt in my heart she was a girl. I just knew it. And she was! My sweet Aubree❤️❤️

With this baby I've had no baby dreams and I have no leaning feelings towards a boy or a girl! ITS DRIVING ME NUTS LOL.
I will be so happy with either. I'm just so impatient and want to know so I can plan and name and so many other things!!


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And I'll use you as a warning sign
That if you talk enough sense, then you'll lose your mind

And I'll use you as focal point
So I don’t lose sight of what I want
And I've moved further than I thought I could
But I miss you more than I thought I would
Oh I'll use you as a warning sign

That if you talk enough sense, then you'll lose your mind
And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be
Right in front of me, talk some sense to me

And I'll use you as a makeshift gauge
Of how much to give and how much to take
Oh I'll use you as a warning sign
That if you talk enough sense, then you'll lose your mind

And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be
Right in front of me, talk some sense to me

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Today was a really good day! We hung out at home this morning while my grandparents went to church.

I actually did my hair and makeup and got ready for the first time in forever... I actually wore a bra😜

The when they got home we went to my great grandmas for a family dinner! It was good to see everyone! I haven't seen that side of the family in a while! Aubree loved having another little girl to play with! Alene is just her size! All the kids had fun running around and teasing each other!

Hope tomorrow is a good day like today!

Snuggling my little miss tonight❤️

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I was reading my journal from a while ago and found this... needed the reminder

I have been struggling with my own social phobia and feeling self conscious about the way others view me and my life choices. I have started to realize that the only one my fears are hurting is myself. I have a right to my opinion, as does everyone else.

I started by thinking of what I was actually afraid of. I am afraid of no one listening. I am afraid of someone judging my opinions because they are different from their own. Most of all I am afraid of failure. As I thought about what it was that I was actually so worried about I also came to the conclusion that not everyone is out to get me. I set this high bar in my head thinking that people will always criticize me for how I feel. Yes. I will always have someone who disagrees with my views but not everyone is out to judge me. It is all in my mind.

I need to realize that not everything is going to go my way at once. I need to start small. By expecting big outcomes all at once I am immediately setting myself up to fail. It is not fair to myself to set such high standards that are not easily attainable. I need to have goals that I can easily achieve in a reasonable amount of time for the situation that day.

It is ok to be spontaneous. I love to giggle and have a good time. I should not let the opinion of others bring down my own happiness. It is okay to be different. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter dont mind." - Dr. Seuss

I need to work on surrounding myself with uplifting people. It will do me no good to sit round a group full of stupid having no common interests. I need to expand my friends and find some that will help and motivate me to be the best I can be.

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We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

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Well today my feeding tube was placed.

I can no longer eat food because throwing up would cause the tube to kink or come out. Which sucks, but hopefully this is what I need to feel better.

Maybe I should name it? Add a little light to the situation..

Aubree looks at me like I'm a monster now. I think it scares her. Which makes me sad... but I hope she gets used to it and wants to snuggle soon!

On a better note Aubree got a bang cut today! Now her hair isn't in her eyes all day!

She definitely is a crazy girl❤️❤️❤️ oh. And it snowed all morning and all night last night! Went from sunny and grad to clouds and snow!

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Today was a great day! Woke up bright and early with Aubree and she again wanted oranges for breakfast 🍊🍊🍊

She's a monster when it comes to oranges😂

My aunt Jamie came over today. All the kids had so much fun together! I think they enjoyed playing the piano most. Aubree is going to be a piano player.. she sits and could play forever!🎹🎹

Denisse came over for a while and helped me get my space in the basement cleaned up. I got some things organized and made it look the best I could! Tomorrow someone's coming to look at he house. Guess for refinancing? Idk. lol I just cleaned.

I only threw up twice today! So today was a very good day. Lost another pound though... so. Boo for that. BUT my home nurse comes early in the morning and we're talking about the feeding tube I will have through home care.

The feeding tube will go through my nose and down past my stomach. I am able to eat like normal even with the feeding tube. If I am really sick they recommend me not to eat much that day though because throwing up will irritate my throat even more and the tube could come out. So every day even if I'm sick they will be putting nutrients into my body down past my stomach so it's able to stay in my body even if I throw up.

It is going to suck. But I know it's what I need right now to be healthy and hopefully stop losing weight!

Tonight I have enjoyed snuggles with my love bug. She refused to go to bed and just wanted to snug.

She's still so little. I am going to miss these times. One day she'll not want to snug and she'll no longer want me to read to her or sing her songs. I am enjoying it and loving every minute of it while I can.

She laid in my arms sleeping for two hours tonight and all I could do was tickle her cute cheeks and stair at her cute button nose.

I love her so much. I hope she knows how much she means to me and how much she lifts my spirits each and every day. She is definitely my saving grace❤️❤️❤️

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