Totally forgot I had this blogg... whops. at the moment life is mixed, I stopped taking my Depression medicine due to bad side effects such as extreme memory loss, panic attacks, tiredness and more. As i quit it I decided to try for a higher dosage of concerta instead and lay off the anti depression meds for now, It worked well in the beginning but now I'm starting to feel as if I'm not aloud to be happy anymore for no reason and I'm pretty much always low-key depressed again which I really hate cause I feel no reason to be it. My biggest problem with getting new ones though is that I can't make phone calls at all, it's one of my biggest anxiety things..... and ofcourse they don't have anyone to email about it instead.. you'd feel like in a place where they are supposed to help people with disabilities they'd have some type of way for people with social anxiety to comfortably seek it.

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So far despite the short time 2017 has been the best year I've had in a long time and I'm really hoping for it to continue that way.

I haven't felt as happy as I do now for years and I have my lovely girlfriend to thank for that. In two weeks I'm going to meet her in England finally, can't wait for that honestly.

I have also finally got the permission thingy to start driving from the doctors, only took me ages to get it ofcourse... but this year I am determined to actually get my drivers licence, I planned to get it by my birthday last year but alas I hadn't even gotten the permission by then. So now I will start studying some, drive and then take an intensive course for 2 weeks, my plan is to have the drivers license before fall but hopefully earlier than that. I am determined to get my drivers license because I really feel like not having one limits me so much.

I wanna move out soon honestly, I've been wanting it for a long time now but ofcourse having no income nor drivers licence makes that easier said than done. When I moved to örebro for awhile I felt very limited, Even if I had afforded to take Alexis over there with me there was no way I would be able to get to him without a car. I pretty much lived in the middle of nowhere and just taking myself to the school bus every morning was a challenge. I mostly quit because of my mental and physical health though, by the time I studied there I had no medication aswell, I could only have Rota some weeks and only meet Alexis during the weekends. By that time I only had Alexis and Rota to keep myself from becoming incredibly depressed.
so now people often ask me if I can really live alone but honestly I see no problem with it as long as I have Rota with me and a drivers license to make me more unlimited, and then I don't plan to always live alone either.

I need to get my medicines more balanced out, I feel like my concerta doesn't work as well anymore and my depression meds give me too much side effects. I have been written over to the adult mental health thingy ( I will use the word thingy alot because my English is lacking) so now I'm last one in queue again though.

I plan to study at SANHCP but a drivers license is required for it aswell as some other things so we'll see about that, my body isn't as tough anymore aswell so I'm not even sure if I'll manage to work with hooves.

For 2017 though I mainly just wanna move on with life and get things done. I wanna spend time with Amber, my friends, do more stuff with Rota and Alexis, get better health, maybe finally start writing more... and of course see cats in fall. I don't know how much I will actually be able to do this year but so far I'm feeling very positive about it.

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