We soar and we fly.
For a moment everything is perfect.
We are over and not under.
Head and not tail.
But then we’re struckt.
The plans we had didn’t workout or that thought just wouldn’t go away.
We do the things we said we wouldn’t do ever again.
Indifferent, realisation, anger, shame, tears
The steps we always go through
We hurt ourselves and close everyone out.
'Cause it’s the best way
not to hurt them?
We hurt them, by not trusting them
We don’t trust in ourselves
How can we then trust in you
We don’t have trust to give
We can’t give anything than brokenness
We try and try to put them back
Who would want our shattered pieces?
You fix it but we break it again
You must be tired of us
We only take and give half of what you deserve
Our mind screams ”they’re better of without you”
”Shut them out, shut everyone out”
”You don’t deserve anything of what you have ”
We find a distraction
Something fun that makes us laugh for one hour.
The hour pass and reality strikes in.
What am I doing?
Why did I take that road?
Can I please go back and try again?
Have I really wasted this day on doing that crap?
I didn’t want it… I don’t want it. It’s not me. I’m not like that
Who was I again? What was real and which thought is a lie?
My head just hurt by the stormy thoughts and my heart
I know who helps
I know who I should run to
It’s so hard
I did wrong, I disappointed Him again
That’s how it feels.
He says I am - He died for me when I still was a sinner
”No more chances, you’re out”
He says - I will never leave you, even if everyone else does
”You’re disgusting and filthy”
He washes me clean by the power of His blood.
”Why would He? Again? Don’t you think His done with you falling?
He said forgive them not seven times but seventy-seven times.
He is grace
He is mercy
He is I am
He is my GOD
”I’m still here”
Maybe, but He says: Beloved I love you, you are precious to me. Don’t listen to the lies. By my blood you ARE free!
Then why do I fall again, and again, why is it so hard?
What am I missing?