You know how broken you are when it takes so little for you to feel down.
I was in the library today, and I felt like picking up a few books. So I picked up Oliver Twist, Charles Dickens. It's a classic and I think it's so interesting to read about these horrible situations. So I got really amped up, and so fucking excited. And it's been awhile since I got so excited about a book.
So when I got home, I directly sat down and starting reading. And I got so fucking amazed about how beautifully he writes. But I couldn't read, like 3-4 sentences without feeling like complete idiot. Cause I didn't understand shit. And I couldn't help myself from bursting into tears. And I know that it's a hard book and that it takes awhile to get up on that level. But as a person who is American and who lives and have always lived in foreign countries all my life, I have always been the best at English in my surroundings. I can sometimes be even better than my teachers. And even tho I haven't lived in America since I was a little child, I have always had these big expectations on myself. Like this is the one thing that I know. Like this is the one thing that I am actually good at. And now, sitting here, reading something I can't understand, with something I actually thought I was good at. It fucking sucks.
And it's crazy how something so easily-worked-on, and honestly so unimportant to a teenager-from-this-generation can make me feel so fucking bad. Then you know how fucking broken you are.