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Vet att det låter fett deppig, men jag är glad att vara singel.

Inga strings attached, 

inga fasta regler,

inga fasta känslor.

Men jag vill ändå inte såra någon.

Och den saying att ''Det är tjejer som vill alltid ha något seriöst, men killar va bara ha det lugnt o chilla''

är helt jävla lögn.

Varför kan man inte hålla på med någon in the moment och inte ha någon seriös bullshit efteråt!

Trött på seriösa saker. Vill leva i nuet. med mig. 

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​You know how you have yourself figured out.

How you are so content with your life.

Great friends, high point of you social life. Finally not fighting with your mom every 2 seconds, AMAZING school. 

Finally in the right place.

Yeah. That's what I thought.

And then one person comes along and makes you doubt everything.

Like, are you, really, happy?

Are you really as content as you thought you were. Without that one person.

Are you as happy as you could be?



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So I've been out for a while, but thats because I didn't have a computer. I'm not going to promise I'm gonna write more often, because I know I can't keep that promise. I have a hola lot going on and I don't even know where to start.

As I said my cousin was here for the summer. 2 weeks. And than me and her family went to Italy, wich was AMAZING! Can't discribe. SOOO HOT! wow. for 12-13 days. After that we took our car and drove down to Hungary so I could meet my mothers side of the family again. for 1 week. Wich so great as well. You have no clue how much I missed my grandma. The only person I can say that I love and loves me for exactly who I am. and even more. so that was great. and when I got back to sweden and spent, i think, 3 days here we took a 30 hours bus, straight to france with our church group. We really needed that. Can't describe how it is to meet 6000 people all in one place. I got some great friends from there, and it's really incredible. for 10 days. When we came back from that 30 hour bus drive back to sweden we we're gonna stay in gothenburg and fly to America the next morning. But ofc. there just had to be some drama. This has been by far the worst fight I and my brother had ever have with my mother.

Awful.... I don't think I have ever dipised anyone this much. I have never really felt like we have a mother daughter realationship but I didn't think it was this bad. I haven't hugged her in what 3 years (except her birthday) I haven't said I love you to her in 5 years??.. And I don't hate her. It just never came natural for me to do or say those things to her. maybe because all that shit we've been through. And this is not a tipical teenage thing. A phase that every teenager goes through. when they can't stand they'r parents and then later regret it. I have never felt close to her. That I can say stuff to her.

Don't get me wrong. I will forever be thankful/grateful for everything she has done for us.

My brother asked her to go home and calm down so we all could talk about this when we came back from America and have calmed down. So that we can repair ou relationship. Because it is broken.                                                                   She said there is no relationship to repair. That she doesn't care anymore.... 

But the things she said I will never forget. She cut herself out of our lives forever. You just don't say that to you children. I just coulden't stop crying. And haven't cried in what.... 4 years?

You don't do that your child. You should be building your childrin up. Not tearing them down. And then act all innocent and get your boyfriend to come yell at us. I don't want to get in to detail but, do you know what he said to us? He told us that he regretted everything he has ever done for us, and that if I don't qapologize to her that we shouldn't come back from America.

Now who the fuck is he to say that. He has absolutly nothing to do with this fight.

There is more but I don't want to get into it. Horrible day. 

I will move out as soon as possible, because I can't stand looking at them. It will never be the same. Or if I can't get a job then I will call SOS sooner or later. 

But hey did I mention that I will be 16 in 1 hour. 




Friends.. I love friends. You laugh even more every time you see them. Honestly, one of the best series I have ever watched.




De är så sjukt bra.! fet video.! shiet



​SO.. Right now, wow, a lot of me being lazy. hehe

Right now I keep dissing my friends because I just don't feel like being with them. Kind of want to be alone. There is one person I want to hang out with but of course that is not possible. Because.. EVERYONE is home. The people I live with are always here at the worst time. When I want to have a party. They're here. When I just want to hang out. They're here. But they are not her that much, auctully.. only When I need them to not be here. + there is an assignment I should have mailed in for almost 2 weeks ago. oops. 

And of course my brothers friends. Don't get me wrong. They are great honestly. But I just hate that most of the time he is there, they treat me like a hole different person. He's there- they are polite, barely look or talk to me. When hi's not there-Crazy, down to earth, amazing friends. Don't get me wrong. I don't expect them to talk with me for hours when they come over to see him. But you know. not so.. wierd. I mean.. one of his friends did try to kiss (sober) but it's not a big deal.  whatever.

And then.. there is this guy. He has never looked better. except with that new slicked back hair just doesn't work for him haha..  But he called me a couple times yesterday (tipsy) and he was nice and everything but.. we are old friends. so.. we have known eachother for a while. But lately we kind of drifted apart. and then he asks for my number and calls me at night twice out of nowhere and starts talking about all kinds of stuff. I don't know what to think

And my cousins coming for the hole summer to work a little and hang out. Don't get wrong thats great but 4 months here. The hole summer. That means no sorts of partys. (at my house.) at all :( that sucks. And Eva is being a pain in my ass and is so clingy. Get a life woman. Gosh, 

But hey. Don't bitch about things you can change.



So I finally got my laptop back.

My sucky laptop.

It is really slow. Not like it takes a 100 years to click but I cant download anything on it and I cant stay on it more than a few hours. + it freezes. So.. yay.

But I guess it's better than nothing?

I am thinking of bying a new computer and i really like to be on the internet and play LoL. But because I dont have a computer to play on I haven't played in like months. So it really is an emergency. I miss it so much. I was literally addicted. So I'm thinking of buying one between 2-3000 kr. maybe 4. I was thinking maybe mac but I'm not sure it's the best option. We'll see.



Sorry, i haven't written in a while. But I'm here now :)

Happy new years! A little late..

So I hope you started 2015 great. Cause if not.. well that would suck!

Starting of in 2014 december. I took out every person that i dont need in my life right now. No more negativity.

And then the 31st I had a party at my house with most of my friends. I had an awesome time.

I coulden't have imagend it any other way.

Except for the neighbours coming and disturbing us.

And maybe one of my friends getting crazy and freaking the fuck out in the middle of the night and destroying a lot of my stuff.

And my other friend calling my brother at like 3am, drunk, because I got a little sick. Pipe the fuck down. But still one of my awesomest friend. She just doesn't know when to put down her drink..

But hey. Thats what makes it a good party. haha.

I reconnected with a few of my great friends.

And I am realy happy for that.

And I did get my new years kiss!

Not sure from who thoe... ouch.

But over all it was the wackest, most wierdest but supprisingly happiest party I have been to.

So thanks.

2015. Hope it's the best.



How should anyone know? How the fuck am I supposed to know what is good for me or bad?

Right now I don't know what is good for me.  I always thought that when someone is affecting me bad, I'd leave. Because I don't want to be a bad person. But what if that bad is good for me. Because it's now. Because it gives me an amazing memory.

Like I would go to a party with my friend and we would get wasted. 

Now that is bad right? Alcohol is not healthy, and you literally can't controll yourself if you have one to many drinks. There is a chance that you end up doing something that you don't want to. Or try drugs, and you become affected. Seriously. Or you become addicted. Now maybe not over one party but if you keep on going. 

But? What if you find a friend that lasts a lifetime. Or if you find love. Maybe reconnect with old friends or people that you didn't think of even talking to. And having the best time ever. 

And I mean, maybe it's good going through it now! Cause you don't want to be 50, and going to your first party. Or going to a party at all, for that matter. So what if going through that bad now, is good for you, later.

And that is how I feel about some of my friends. What if having bad friends now, makes me aprissiat the good friends I'll have later. But see, here is the problem. What if you not knowing what is bad for you now, make you loose what's up ahead. How should I know when the bad thing wear off?! But hey. This isn't a fairy tale. Bad things don't just disappear. You have to make an effort. You have to do it yourself. 

The only thing is really that i can mess up my life so easily. Just one little mistake. And boom. It's gone. But that's what friends are there for, right? To try to keep you safe. Try.



When someone asks me about my biggest dream, I tell them.. I have no fucking clue. For the past 2 years I have felt ashamed because I don't have an answer to that. All that I do know, is that I dont want anyone to save me. And I don't want to have to rely on someone. Of course, if someone helps me carry the rest of the boxes, then I guess I won't get upset. I'm talking about, how I don't want to live in my mothers house forever. I want to move out as soon as possible and take control over my life. 

Now I know, I know. People are probably going to start saying you know, enjoy your childhood as long as possible because you are never going to get it back. But what if I have lived out my childhood. I have done all the things I can imagone. I have made great friends. I have eaten for free. I have made unforgettable memories. And I have done all the things you are supposed to go through as a child/teenager. And I mean, just beacouse I move out doesn't mean all that has to stop!? Except for the eating free, or anything free really. I can still make memories, make great friends, and still make it all on my own. Don't be afraid. Fear is your only enemie.

Be your own hero!