I decided to dedicate this post to the subject ALCOHOL, seeing as it's Alcohol Awareness Week this week.
Alcohol (Ethanol) is a psychoactive recreational drug and I think that many of us forget that, the fact that it is a drug that affects our brains and our bodies. It's been used as a social past time for thousands of years throughout the world and it's accepted by most of us.
Alcohol have always had a very high priority in my family. A lot of times it was even prioritised over me and my brother's psychological welfare and it’s always been a somewhat sensitive subject to me. I'd consider alcohol to be the major reason behind most fights I've had with my family and friends.
I have two complete different views on my parent’s alcohol consumption. I only ever spent every second weekend in my father’s place, the rest I was living with my mother. I can’t remember my father drinking on the weekends I spent with him when I was very young. We’d always do things, go places. As we got older though, he and my then stepmother would consume alcohol. There were often fights between them when they were drunk, which is always unpleasant for other people, especially children. I used to dislike it when my father was drinking, it wasn’t unusual that he’d get frustrated and a bit aggressive, but sometimes we had great fun too. It completely depended on his mood.
I think that my father has “calmed down” a lot growing older, at least when I’m around. We have a much better understanding now when I’m older. I don’t mind my father drinking or even drinking together with my father. We get along great and we’ve become a lot better on communicating since when I was younger.
It’s been the complete opposite with my mother, I used to always be OK with her drinking and her having friends over and such. They were funny to hang around with and it didn’t feel like my mother changed too much when she was drunk, she’d just be happier. It’s only as I got a bit older that I understood that she was drinking quite often and that she would prioritise buying alcohol over other things for us kids sometimes. I wasn’t moved too much by it though, I was still happy.
When I was a teenager and had started drinking myself I was often partying with my mother, which I thought was fun. None of my friends were doing that and they all loved hanging around with my mother. We had a lot of fun together. My mother later went to rehab for her drinking and this is where it all changed in my eyes.
After rehab, she stayed sober for a while, but eventually she started drinking again – not as often, but her thoughts on her drinking was now completely changed, which in turn, I think, changed her. I think this is where I really started to fight my mother over alcohol. We’d fight every time she was drinking, or even consider drinking. We still do to this very day.
What makes me so sad about this whole thing is that my mother sometimes think I don’t love her, which is as wrong as it could get. I love my mother incredibly much, I love my mother when she’s sober, not when she’s drinking. I don’t see her as the same person after she’s been drinking. She’s then no longer my mother to me. I know it sounds very harsh but that’s how I feel about it. I’ve tried to explain this to her, but I haven’t been able to do so without her getting upset, which is understandable, but it’s also something that’s very important for me to say to her.
Growing up with two drinking parents surely has affected both myself and my (older) brother. He decided to stay away from alcohol most of his life, he only recently started drinking. It has also affected how I drink alcohol, I used to be afraid of becoming like them when I got drunk, so I did everything in my power to control that wouldn't happen.
Nothing, alcohol or no alcohol, changes the fact that I love both my parents incredibly much. I wouldn’t want to change them or my childhood for anything in the world. If anything, it made me stronger and more understanding. It made me grow up a bit faster but I’m happy I did. It just made me more secure in myself earlier in life.