Tomorrow’s the 19th of July. It is officially a year since I went to Warsaw-Krakow for World Youth Day 2016. So to celebrate, I decide to finally post about my experience joining it. I have been procrastinating for a year to finish writing, even though to be honest, I wrote huge part of this post on my flight home from Warsaw-Istanbul, and then Istanbul-Jakarta.

A little bit of information before we proceed, I joined the Indonesian Pilgrims group for last year's World Youth Day. Before the main event, which was held in Krakow, we got to spend a week for Days in Diocese, which is similar to live in, or the preparation. My Days in Diocese was in Marki, Warsaw, which is the capital of Poland. These are the footage of my trip during DID. This is not going to be a regular post, squad. This is also my thank you note to family and friends back in Poland. So I hope I don't bore you😄 Ready? Here it goes-

I was strolling by the halls of Chopin Airport, Warsaw when I thought of this.

Walking through the front gate for the first time ever, I found more than a dozen of Polish youth (everyone looks like Barbie and Ken to me) singing songs and waving flags. They brought cartons with INDONESIA written on it. The TV crew pointing their cameras on us and calling some of us for a quick interview.

It was definitely a long journey to get to Poland. 12 hours airplane to Istanbul, and then another 2 hours to Warsaw, the capital.

Chopin International Airport, just where I'm sitting right now, hours before going home, watching couples and families hug and kiss, bidding farewells-

Today, there is nobody to hug, nobody to kiss, and nobody to cry for. I have spent a lot of nights pouring out tears like sweat.

Leaving Poland, I never thought that something I once resist joining can be so hard to leave.

In the Embassy of Indonesia in Poland

I'm really bad at goodbyes. But here's a little list of stuffs I'll never ever forget:

1. Mi casa es su casa (My house is your house too)🏠

The volunteers. Marki, the little town I stayed in, welcomed us like never before in my entire life. At a rough average of 17'C to 28'C, it felt like home. They started preparing for our coming, 2 years prior from the event. Everyone was nice. I'll never forget the feeling of being a total stranger at first. Feeling lost, short, little, nothing compared to the locals. My Marki friends, Joanna, Bartek, Marta, another Bartek, Wiktoria, Symone, basically everyone. I didn't manage to get to know all of them deeply, but wherever they are around, it feels like home. I feel liked, I feel better, I feel comfortable, loved, and welcomed.

2. My dear, dear family: Mac, Monica & Max❤

If I were to really write a thank you speech, 50% of them totally goes to you. In fact, I am writing this on the notebook Monica gave me. Ci Vina and I remembered thinking that we would be given a room to sleep in together. But you gave each of us a room instead. Ci Vina slept at Mac and Monica's room, while I slept in Max's. We were speechless. We didn't know how to react. We didn't even know how we felt at that moment. Every morning was like being in the movies. Had the most hotel-like home cooked breakfast for a week during our Days in Diocese in Marki. I never thought someone who speaks different language from mine could love me that much. You showed me kindness without return. You showed me love without structured words. Words cannot describe how much I love each and every one of you. I love you and I'll never ever stop missing you💓

3. The Beautiful Church and Latin Mass

"Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa" which literally means saya berdosa, saya berdosa, saya sungguh berdosa in Indonesian. (through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault, in English). This is one among the things that will stay in my mind forever.

The church which Parish was host to us is St Izydora Church in Marki. The building? Magnificent. Entering the church, it was classic. The altar was simple, yet very vintage. Incredibly beautiful, dominated by the color brown, gold, yellow, and a little bit of blue and red. Every mass, around 10 altar servers (putra altar/misdinar) will line up and join the priest to enter the altar. The Polish are still tight and strong with their tradition of going to church and being faithful to the Lord and the Catholic faith. I prayed my heart out there because people used to say that when you pray in the church you've never been before, your wish will be granted.

4. Belgian Dances

I am a sucker at dancing. This is true. The only one I can do is Indonesian Poco-poco. But there in Marki, we are forced to dance. Their traditional prom dance includes guys and girls walking, taking two big steps and a pause. I must have been the worst. A step for one Polish guy is two of mine. And as a result, I totally messed up.

I liked the Belgian Dance though. 1 2 3 4, 1 2 3 4, inside, outside, turn around. Inside, outside, change. That one you can never ever forget. I wasn’t aware of my last time dancing to it, but we did it several times and met amazing people, French guys even, through that simple dance.

6. Learning Polish

Cześć! Dzien Dobry! Dobranoc! Tak! Nie! Kocham Cie! Dziękuję! Smacznego!

After 2 weeks, I barely manage to remember anything. How do you even say you and I in Polish? I remember learning on the train with our lovely Barteks. Fact is, we barely struggle to communicate there because there were always someone who translates for us English-Polish. People we don’t even know.

7. Beautiful Breakfast

I am not going to say anything, but here’s the picture. I hope Monica reads this, but these were prepared by her. And me and Ci Vina are very thankful for it. She even made us meal for the trip. Sometimes after a long day, Mac, Monica and Max would pick us up at the church and still served us with snacks before bed😊

Polish Blueberry Pierogi, made by our host parent Monica🌟

He wore it right away!

8. Polish and Wayang

Due to privacy reasons, I retain from posting videos with our Marki host parents in it. But I do remember Mac and Monica going back and forth thinking about where to hang the Wayang I got for them. Their expression was unbelievable. They were like a ball of sunshine and happiness.

9. Warsaw’s Old Town

Breathtaking. And they have the most complete gift shops. And ice cream shops. Mac, Monica and Max took us there twice. Ci Vina and I explored and loved every bit of it. I regret not taking a better camera with me. And not being there with my photo-lover dad. The buildings are very classic and beautiful. Very different from the Kota Tua we have here in Jakarta. I would say that the places are similar to those I saw in the prank show, Just For Laughs Gags. Loved strolling in there, especially in the evenings.

Photo by Keddric, my personal photographer who would take pictures with me until they yell at us to hurry up🔥

ft Bartek and Marta making me jealous

10. Museum

Ci Jess, Keddric, and I were bad at crowds. We do love history, but there were too many people when we got there. So instead of leaning stuffs, we turned it into some kind of trick eye museum instead. Here are some pictures about it.

11. A Funny Story

One beautiful morning, we had breakfast with Monica and were talking with the help of google translate, Monica’s english-polish dictionary, and hand gestures. She laughed, we laughed. She said something, we pretended to understand, or at least guess what she said. We said ‘tak, tak, tak’ (yes, in Polish). And then she asked about our education. And I remember explaining to her that I have just graduated school. But she didn’t really understand the word “University” so we used hand gestures. After a while, she realized what I was talking about, and said “Oh, tak tak. Upstair school?” And we replied “Tak, tak!” Having faith at her understanding.

Keddric^

12. Red Group

The Parish youths who were in charge of us divided us pilgrims into 5 groups, if I’m not mistaken. I was part of the Red Group, with two Bartek-s as our mentor. With this group of people, we experienced a lot of things together. We even learned how to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ in Polish because Mac had his birthday on our 4th day staying. The older Bartek even brought a birthday cake for us to surprise Mac right after we got off the bus. And we downloaded virtual candle for him to blow. I could recall the moment over and over and still won’t get bored.

Why you looking at us Bartek?

13. Food

Served by the Parish youths on one lunch time is soup. It was a super duper sweet carrot and chicken. They cooked it themselves. And it was kinda funny because it was the first time I realized that they use fork to eat, rather than spoon like us, Indonesians. In one occasion, Ilona didn’t get any fork so she used spoon to eat the rice. And she said to us “I don’t get a fork, now I have to eat with the spoon”. She looked down on our plates and saw that we used our spoon for our rice. She laughed in confusion afterwards.

Oh, and we did serve them food too. We served them Indomie Goreng. Which is such a pitty considering the fact that Indonesian cultural food tastes amazing and we have tons of it. I think they enjoyed our Indomie. Even though Mac and Monica thought it was too salty for them.

14. And then, the songs.

The thought of recalling the songs had me in tears. Jezu, ufam Tobie! is my personal favorite out of all the official songs. Jezu, ufam Tobie means “Jesus I trust in You” and I missed singing and dancing to it everytime. World Youth Day Krakow 2016’s theme song was Błogosławieni Miłosierni (Blessed are the Merciful) and they even got a special dance for the song. It was the year of Mercy, so the song is basically about it. Another song was Jesus Christ, You are my Life, and it was my mom’s favorite. They played Hillsong’s This I Believe during the 20km walk to the WYD closing event (I will talk about this on my next post).

Our last night in Marki

Bartek told us about the statue in the middle of the Old Town that can grant wishes of coming back to Warsaw. He said to walk around it three times. I did it 9 times, just to be sure. I miss Days in Diocese Warsaw 2016, even a year after it was over. I hope that I can comeback someday in the future. Darrell have promised me that, on my last day in Warsaw, when I called him crying about not wanting to leave.

In this post too, I want to thank mom and dad, who paid for my trip to World Youth Day Krakow 2016. Thank you for forcing me to do this. To be part of this experience. I know that you’ll only pay for me to go once, but please pray for me so that I can pay for the next World Youth Day on my own. I also want to thank Ko Verby, Ci Velis, Ko Lary, and others that I can’t mention one by one. The team prepared for everything we need to go to Poland. Their hard works clearly pay off because we enjoyed every minute of it. Although they might not read this, but please know that I really really am sorry for causing you so many trouble, and words can’t explain how thankful I am to be part of this group.

I hope to post about Krakow soon. There are still so many things I want to share, so many people I want to thank. Please pray for me, and my memory💛

Beware of me treating this post as a photo album📷

I remember she told us that she owns a restaurant in France🇫🇷

The whole world loves selfies

I can solely swear that this guy is as handsome as Zac Efron😍

Addicted to doors

Can you believe that this one is about to have a baby?!👏

Bartek "Let's go let's go!"

It was so hard to take pictures because they kept asking us to hurry up. But what can we say? Tourists!😜

I hate goodbyes:(

They were not thrilled

On the earlier days. I don't look as ugly as I did on the last days haha

Managed to take pics even though they asked us to hurry

Egen💗 She made friends with French guys fast

I remember watching a drama about Sister Faustina in there. The Sacred Heart of Jesus🌟

Jezu, ufam Tobié that I'll be in another World Youth Day, and I'll be back to Poland in the future, Amen🌹

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"Temen temen, aku datang kesini dengan ekspektasi bakalan bersenang-senang sama kalian. Buat melayani Tuhan seperti kakak-kakak ketua kelompok waktu aku jadi peserta Bible Camp dulu. Dan ternyata, jadi ketua kelompok itu ga semudah yang aku bayangkan. Banyak tanggung jawabnya, banyak tantangannya, banyak capeknya. Tapi kalian tahu apa yang bikin semuanya worth it? Ketika aku ngeliat senyum kalian, tawa kalian. Kalian happy. Kalian semakin mengenal Tuhan Yesus. Aku yakin temen temen ketua kelompok yang lain juga berpikiran yang sama kayak aku. Jadi terima kasih ya semua!"

Ini adalah yang bakal gue bilang ke anak anak seandainya gue yg disuruh bikin speech apresiasi ketua kelompok. Gue baru kepikir sekarang. Jadi untung bukan gue yg mesti ngomong, tapi Lauren.

Suatu kebanggaan bisa jadi bagian dari Bible Camp Trinitas 2017. Walaupun gue gatau bisa nyebut diri panitia atau engga. Karena gue datang ke Bible Camp 2017, tanpa tahu apa judulnya, apa mottonya, apa tujuannya, sesinya tentang apa, ataupun acaranya ngapain aja. Gue dateng ke Bible Camp tahun ini, cuma dengan bekal pengalaman pernah jadi peserta bible camp.

Setiap tahun, orang orang yang terlibat di Bible Camp kira kira sama. Ada yang sebagai MC, ada yang jadi seksi konsumsi, ada juga para tante sebagai penasehat. Tahun ini gue di upgrade jadi ketua kelompok, dengan bekal pernah jadi ketua kelompok acara satu kali, pas rekoleksi remaja SMI tahun 2015. Peran kami saat itu kurang lebih adalah sebagai peserta yang bebannya dikali dua. Peserta, tapi juga dapat tugas bagiin konsumsi, absensi, menjaga berjalannya acara, memastikan semua anak makan, mengumpulkan anak-anak supaya bisa berdiskusi, teriak-teriak, joget-joget, mengajak anak joget, dan masih banyak lagi. Salah satu tantangan yang menurut gue pribadi paling susah adalah ketika seorang om penjaga pos outbond bilang (ini kira-kira ya) "Udah lah, udah mau habis waktunya, ga mungkin bisa. Ngeratain pipa aja ga bisa. Ini kakaknya gimana sih, tolong diajarin dong adiknya" Ya ampun, sedihnya hati gue denger itu semua. Apalagi anak-anaknya kan? Gue sempet cerita ke kakak-kakak di BIR tentang ini. Saat itu kami compare dengan acara Bible Camp yang udah diselenggarakan bertahun-tahun. Bible Camp selalu jelas acaranya, Bible Camp mengapresiasi ketua kelompoknya, Bible Camp banyak konsumsinya, perhatian dengan anaknya.

Gue sadar tulisan ini mengarah kemana. Dan believe me, gue ga mau nulis tentang itu. There is no such thing as a perfect event dan gue sama sekali ga nuntut kesempurnaan dari Bible Camp ini. But I'm not gonna lie, a deep part of me wasn't satisfy. Di malam kedua, setelah evaluasi, gue capek, gue kesel, marah, sedih, sakit hati, kecewa. Gue kehabisan kata-kata. I started thinking about abandoning everything and to just finish tomorrow already. My roommates and I talked about not feeling appreciated and stuffs. But then I realise. Being tired and angry won't do good for us. Gua mungkin kesel, but the kids didn't know about it. Gua mungkin membuat kesalahan, dan dibentak karena itu. Mungkin gua gabisa terima kalau ada kakak-kakak yang marahin kami. But the kids don't know about that. All they know is that we were all serving the Lord. We were doing good things.

Mereka ga tau apa yang terjadi di balik layar. Mereka ga tau kalau dibalik tawa, senyuman, dan candaan, kami sebenarnya capek, lelah, letih, lesu dan berbeban berat. Mereka datang kesini untuk lebih dekat dengan Tuhan. Untuk belajar mandiri. Untuk belajar bahwa mereka harus mengandalkan Tuhan dalam setiap aspek kehidupan.

Gue ternyata datang ke Bible Camp dengan alasan yang salah. Bukan untuk bersenang-senang. Bukan untuk melayani sebisanya. Tapi untuk melayani Tuhan dan hanya Tuhan. Untuk membawa anak-anak lebih dekat dengan Tuhan. Itu yang semestinya menjadi goal gua.

Believe me, when you have a right goal, nothing can stand in your way. Gua sadar bahwa eventhough gue diomelin, my mission wasn't to please the leaders. My mission is to give the best for the Lord. And that won't do with me bailing mid way and not giving Him my all. Gua sadar, back in the days ketika gua masih peserta. Para kakak ketua kelompok juga mungkin merasakan hal yang sama. Dan karena mereka terus memberikan yang terbaik untuk kami, sampai acara selesai, gue bisa jadi seperti sekarang. Gua terinspirasi untuk menjadi ketua kelompok juga. Untuk melayani anak-anak juga.

Dalam pelayanan, ga ada yang namanya bos. Yang ada hanya ketua dalam organisasi. Ketua inilah yang akan memastikan acara berjalan dengan baik. No one can make me feel anything unless I let them. And so, I decide not to let them get in my head. I have one purpose, and that is to serve the Lord. And so whatever the struggles are, I believe that God won't let me down.

Makasih ya squad, udah baca curhatan/ocehan/refleksi diri gue❤ I know that this is different from my usual writings. But I hope that through this post, we can learn to serve God better together. See you soon, bye!

Berkat keberadaan Karsten, gue sangat amat amat amat terbantu. Eventhough we both still look like peserta rather than pembina hmm

"Nebus dosa" - kalau kata Darrell

Gue ga keliatan cukup tinggi buat jadi ketua kelompoknya huh

Remember guys, I post moments, not pretty faces😝

Blurry

Keuntungan dari berhasil nerbangin lampion kedua dari terakhir adalah kenyataan bahwa kelompok kami jadi salah satu yang paling banyak difoto-fotoin kiri kanan yes!

Tebak siapa yang jadi Juara 2 Ajang Kreativitas dan Juara 1 Outbond? N.A.O.M.I🌟

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Maybe you won't remember me.

Cause we were never together at some point. Cause you never touched me and I never touched you. And maybe someday you'll look back at 16 and never be reminded of me.

Because I was never there.

Like a shadow, tingling in the air. What's passed is past. And as you're holding her it feels like fresh air. The colored wind.

I was crazy in L with you. The downside to my madness, the king to my long lost dignity.

As you sat by TV and see me on headline news, then maybe you'll remember me. You said you like watching news, just listening to people talk in the background makes you less lonely. I'll be the host and my name right on the screen as I open the first segment. And maybe you'll be siting right there. Your girlfriend on one arm, and cellphone on the other.

Hell yeah, you'll remember me. I was the one on your cellphone. Every morning 6.20 just like Metro News. And 4am when we slept during an ongoing call after long useless nights right when they play Seputar Indonesia. You'll remember me because I was the one that got away.

You're forever my vodka, and I'm forever your gin. At one point in life I needed you. But what's passed is past. As now I found my tonic.

One who would be watching live as I hit the Headline News.

And smiling at the camera as producers count in 3 2 1,

I won't remember you.

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Good evening ladies and gentlemen🙋 How are you all?

I'm writing this from my flight back to Jakarta from beautiful, outstanding Bali. I'm so so so excited to share our travel photos with you, therefore words in my mind can't wait. As soon as the seatbelt sign was turned off and the lights turn back on, I started typing on my draft. So, here we go!

My family and I spent 4 dazzling nights in Bali, 2 nights in Ubud and another 2 in Candidasa. Some people might not be familiar with Candidasa, but it is actually a good place, a great one even. Located in Karangasem, East of Bali, it is around one hour and thirty minutes drive from Ubud, and one hour and fourty five minutes from Kuta. Yes, it is quite far🍃 but believe me, it is all worth it once you see the view.

There will be at least 3 posts on our trip to Bali, but the pictures I show in here are from Virgin Beach, or Pantai Pasir Putih, Karangasem. The view is amazing. We arrived a little after dawn, around 5.30pm, so we did not get to see the sun shining above the sea😢 But we did catch a glim of the blue-ish, greenish view.

To get to the beach, we'll have to walk around 400m down from the hill. The road is made of stones, so be careful of slipping. And since the beach do not have proper lighting, the locals encourage visitors to leave before dark, approximately at 6.30pm max.

Virgin Beach is really one of Bali's finest hidden gems. It is a thirty minutes drive from the hotel we stayed in, which was Candi Beach Club. Here too, we get to experience the amazing sea view during breakfast.🏖 The water is made of blue gradation, and unlike seas I have encountered before (Bangka and Belitung Island, which are also made of different color, but more like layers of different blues), this one is more into blue-green gradation. Scroll down to see the photos I took from my phone (it's Samsung Galaxy S7)💙

On this year's Bali trip, we did not visit a lot of beaches. We went to Kuta and Seminyak a few years back, so we chose Ubud instead, where we got to see more rice fields, art galleries and all that. I'll talk about this on later posts featuring more photos.

So until next time, take care squad! 💓


Ps. We took most pictures with my dad's new camera, Fujifilm XT-20. Photos I post here are not filtered, because I was too excited to show you guys before filtering it to fit with the rest of my posts. I still hope you'll like it though😀

This is the breakfast view from Candi Beach Hotel, Karangasem💙 Beautiful, isn't it?

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I just finished watching In the Heart of the Sea (2015) less than a minute ago, and the credit is still rolling on HBO as I am writing this. The end scene gets to me, squad.

When First Officer Mr Chase and Thomas Nickerson split ways, it got me thinking:

I must be lucky to live in this era, where goodbyes don't necessarily mean 'not meeting again, ever', but 'until we meet again' instead. Back in the days, in the 19th century, as the film takes place, a goodbye most of the time means that they will never meet again. So people have only tiny hope of meeting this certain person in the future, especially people who are not very significant in their lives, like acquaintances. They do goodbyes with honour and respect.

This is very different to our lives right now. Even when we meet someone for only a while, there are chances we'll meet this person again someday. Facebook, Instagram, anything if they're connected. We ask for their Whatsapp, Line, or just number. We may know for sure that this person is a friend of our friend. And it is even easier to part ways, knowing that if we miss them, they are just one call (or text) away, even the busiest ones.

It's a long shot that I will get to meet my friends (family) again in Poland after World Youth Day 2016, but the fact that we're in this modern phase, with phones, emails, Facebook, Whatsapp and everything makes it a shorter shot day by day. It gives hope that they will still remember me when I return. Very much different compared to back in the days, when even if you still have hope of meeting them again in 10 years, they might have forgotten about you.

So today, I'm thankful for modern goodbyes. The goodbyes that reserve hope and chances of connecting again, even at its slightest chance.


Oh and by the way, you should watch In the Heart of the Sea. Chris Hemsworth plays the lead, and the movie itself tells a beautiful-tragic-heart breaking story. It's a good kind of drama. A manly one, even.

fmoviemag.com & zsazsabellagio.tumblr.com

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Good morning everyone, I am officially 19 years and 2 days old today🌟 yayyyyy!

Well, I guess I'm stuck here. Being 147cm tall, and an adult. No more childlike attitude. Gotta stand tall (short), and be serious and all😒

I like birthdays💓 I've always loved them. They are like the special day where people you thought forgot about you come back. It's the happy day you get to feel loved. True that some people might call it an ordinary day. But it is not!

In fact, I like to think that birthdays are for being thankful. Being thankful for the people who wishes good things to you, for your family, for the birthday cake, for another year planned by God, and for many other stuffs. My 18 days were extra ordinary. I get to be in UI, I get to go to Poland for World Youth Day, celebrate my first anniversary with Darrell, went to Penang, visit family in Surabaya, and all those amazing things😄

So, thank God I am 19. Another year to feel amazed by life. Another year to achieve a lot of goals. Another year to feel blessed. I am 100% healthy, and ready to be happy every day❤


note: This pictures were taken during my last weekend of being 18. Visited Bandung with Darrell, Lauren, Melin & Wishiung. Mom, dad and Vinka joined us at night because they have some things to do first. We depart at 6am Saturday morning and spent 6 hours on the road, but spent only 2,5 hours home the next day though😊

Location: One Eighty Coffee and Rumah Guguk

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“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you❤

Hello squad! I am finally back after long incubating💓 Feels like a life time since I last wrote here, and since I'm not here to stay yet, I'll just share this quote right here. This is actually my relationship survival kit quote. It is one that kept me along this roller coaster journey with Darrell. Written by Bob Marley long ago, yet still relatable even by now.

I especially like the love hard when there is love to be had part. My relationship with Darrell wasn't smooth. It's been bumpy, rough, hollow, dark, anything but easy. I have no bravery to call him my perfect one yet, but at least for now, we're #17 and happy🌟 All thanks to the Lord above🙏

Love hard, squad. And be thankful💛

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