talamidra

(Not very good) photo of the St. Ludmila Church taken on my way from work. Lovely almost autumnal evening with coffee in hand. Depressed and tired, but i liked my first day, so that's a great step forward.

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talamidra

After living in Bratislava for 5 years during my studies, today I moved to Prague to start working at the Institute of molecular genetics. All alone. On top of everything I had, let's call it a panic attack due to  lack of professional diagnosis. 

I left Bratislava and my (ex-boy)friend's flat at 6 am, got in my dad's car and took a 4 hours drive to Prague. After moving all of my things to my new room, my dad took a look around the flat and told it was horrible and that was the start of crying marathon. I couldn't stop, it just all fell on me. I cried during unpacking, I cried on toilet, I cried when talking to everybody who called or messaged me. I calmed down a bit when the room was looking a bit decent, candles were lit and I was stuffing my face with chocolate watching youtube. I took a short nap because I was so tired due to lack of sleep and excessive crying. After I woke up I had this intense feeling that everything is just bad, wrong, not the way it is supposed to be and the only thing left for me to do is to give up and kill myself. I felt like I'm all alone in this crazy fucking world and there is no one for in the future. It lasted for about 10 minutes.

So what was it, just stress or something to consider seeking help over. I don't know. My goal was to stay sad, but not too sad (SocialRepose), but I managed to get ever more sad and panicked. And that was my great start in Praque :(



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