Hej allihopa!! It's been a while since my last post and that is because I have been busy enjoying summer xD Now school has begun for me. Svenska som andra språk aka SAS (Swedish as a second language) So I applied a the end of June for SAS Part 1. I passed SFI course D and got a final grade of C. There were a lot of things I needed improvement on, mostly with speech, verbs and tone but it is my goal to be fluent one day so I am going the farthest I possibly can with the language courses.
SFI C & D- Check!
Next stop SAS!!
I'm a pretty modest person and anyone who really knows me will say that I have 0 self confidence. From my previous posts I hope that ya'll can hear the anxiety I struggle with, constantly having to listen to the inner monologue in my head telling me I'm not good enough and that I should just stop trying so hard because what's the point? Whenever I speak I apologize. This isn't just with Swedish, this goes for anything I'm unsure about even things I'm good with are met by me saying "I'm sorry I'm not that good yet. I'm sorry if this is not good. I'm trying. I have a basic concept but I'm probably wrong." Yeeeeesssss anywho...Now I will all tell you the story of how my horrible inner voice and I finally got something done. Inner voice will be indicated with Italics.....Hello....I'm the inner voice....creeeeeppyyyyyy *insert spooky ghost noises because I'm that level of mature*
Moving right along!
Today was the first day of class so I got there nice and early. The teacher remembered me from last time and she told me and one other girl to take a test to see if what level we're at.We sat down in a different room far away from one another and separated from the teachers. So we were told the objective of this test, how much time we could take and to do our best and whatever felt comfortable....Now for me, I have a hard time writing about boring subjects in English, writing about boring subject in Swedish is basically torture. I turned the page and BOOM I was met with a picture of a cow...The objective was to present an argument after reading an article about meat consumption and why we should lessen it or stop it completely because of the negative effects it has on the environmentzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....zzzzzzzzzzzz.....SO I put on my big girl pants and read the article. I understood everything I read and I chose to base my argument on lessening meat consumption.....We love meat.... I started my opening line with:
"Nu är det mer än någonsin dags att tänka på miljön och den påverkan vi har på vår planet." (Now more than ever it is time to think about the environment and the impact we have on our planet.)
Yesssss, that's good! It's probably wrong but passion has to count for something right?
Annoyed with Ms. negativity inside me I say to her: Pull your shit together. We can read and write in Swedish. We know stuff. Let's do it!
So I continue to write and erase constantly....
Ya know....this is why they gave you the scrap paper....You should use the scrap paper....dumbass....
My thought process: The climate....klimat...klimatet....????...scribble scribble.....erase erase.....Fffffffffffffffuuuuuuuu.....
Um.....it would make more sense if we put that sentence last.....
*Furiously erases and rewrites a whole paragraph*
Stop capitalizing 'jag', this is not English..
Me spelling a word: Changes....Förandrar....Förandringar
The inner voice rolls her eyes so far I can see the whites: It's förändringar you idiot....Oh Oh!! Write that down on the scrap paper to show them you know how to think!
I think maybe 20 minutes have gone by and I'm nearly finished with the garbage I have written. I am not at all happy with it but I tried my absolute best, It was definitely more than 200 words and it was written on the backside of the paper. I take a glance at the girl next to me.
Is she finished?? She's probably better...
I see her pull out her phone and I'm not sure if she's texting or cheating. But I was finished at least. I handed in my paper and she was impressed with how quickly I finished....I was not at all impressed. It felt half assed and I felt like if the subject material was more fun it would have blown her mind. Anyway I shrugged and told her I didn't really like that subject, that it was a little boring and hard for me to write but I tried anyway. She laughed it off and the girl she was sitting with (who honestly looked a little bitchy) snorted.
The whole way home I had to deal with the anxiety queen....
You spoke too fast...You said a lot of things wrong...You finished too fast...You should have written more....We feel pretty crappy right now, we need junk food to feel better....We're probably at level 1....OH! what if we suck so much they tell us to go back to SFI....I bet they think you are ignorant....I bet they think you're stupid...We should watch 'Hey Arnold!', that will make me shut up for a while
She's relentless...so the rest of the day was spent with the boyfriend which was magical. We went to the gym which we recently joined and that made me feel much better. We went home and I cooked dinner and then checked my email for my results. I have basically ignored it all day at this point and was afraid to look.
I opened the school software to check the course they enrolled me in and low and behold: Svenska som andra språk delkurs 3
No effing way man........And then there was silence. Sweet, sweet silence.
I'm several combinations of shocked and amazed right now. I honestly don't know why I skipped 2 levels. I wasn't as surprised when they skipped me to SFI C instead of having me start at the beginning but this honestly was a shock. I was sure I had bombed that test. I was 1,000% sure I would get level 1. I'm so pleasantly surprised and I still can't get over it.
Adventure time quote that fits me right now:
I feel radder, faster...more adequate!