Waking up to snow on Sunday...

The celebrations were so much fun Saturday night. We started with dinner and drinks while catching up and pre gaming at home old school style. I was driving so I was drinking alcohol free beers. I actually found a really yummy one, clausthaler lemon. Maybe tasted more like soda than beer but it was nice drinking something else than just a plain soda when it's party time.

We went to the city pretty late and after going back and forth on where we were going for a while, a group of 12 girls has a lot of wills haha, we ended up at the old classic Park Lane. I spent many weekends here being 16 and 17! Sneaking in and dancing all night was the highlight of the week for sure. I had some old friends from the Netherlands that was visiting that was there too. So I got the mix of both old friends and new friends. We ended the night with some food before I drove my friends home. I woke up the next day to this view outside of my window. Haha it might look like I went out for a walk in the woods but nope, that is what I see if I open my door and my windows!

My Sunday was chill. I caught up on the phone with friends and had tacos with my brother in the city. I met up with my Dutch friends at a bar before I headed home. I got home pretty late and that's not my usual Sunday here in Sweden. It reminded me of what my life used to look like in New York. I loved partying on Sundays cause it felt so unexpected and the expectations were low so we always ended up having so much fun!

Cheers to this weekend and all my great friendships. Grateful for every single one!

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1. Spanish night at Ida's with Elin. 2. My background at the moment. The girls at the 1 hotel in Brooklyn. 3. My girls and colleagues voluntarily at work on a Friday night.

Hi guys! How are you? I love posting pretty pictures from beautiful places but now being back in Sweden it's not really that many pretty things going on haha. I went through my pictures on the phone and realized that I only captured the occasions viewed above. The other 10 that were new for this week were screenshots of funny things...So I guess it hasn't been the "prettiest" week but it has still been a good one. I thought I should be better at that. Sharing more from my everyday life.

So the week started with a call at 7am asking if I could work at the school. So I got up and got ready and took off. I got to work every day this week so I've been hanging out at Lillekärrskolan from around 8-17 every day. So good! Cause I haven't figured out my work situation properly yet but there's many bills that needs to be paid so I'm grateful for every shift I get. The kids are so cute and cool so I actually like being there with them.

On Monday the Swedish men's soccer team were playing an important game against Italy that would decide if the would make it to the World Cup or not. They played 0-0 which meant that the win from the previous meeting took them to the World Cup and Russia this summer! So I was watching that and everything around it so I went to bed pretty late...like every other day this week.

On Tuesday I went with Annie and her friends for a quick coffe after work before I headed to my handball practice. It was a good one. Lots of energy and good vibes!

On Wednesdays we, Me, Elin and Ida, try to gather to have our weekly Spanish nights. I know some Spanish after six years of studying in school and Elin and Ida knows a little bit too. So we try to gather to learn more and just hang out. I think all of us are more excited for the "final test", which should be a trip to Barcelona or something with lots of salsa and sangria haha. Just letting you guys know here that I'm suggesting that! It was my week so I held in the class, we were working on verbs. I brought a Spanish tortilla and a tomtato salsa so that we would get that Spanish vibe haha...

On Thursday we were supposed to have a game but I got cancelled so I just went home and haha no I didn't...I was planning on doing that but I went to the gym and did a BodyPump class. Haha can't believe I almost forgot, I'm laying here in bed so sore two days later. I did some groceries after that and painted some more in my hallway. I'm having friends over next week for friends giving so I'm a little stressed. Cause I want it to be done before that. I'm painting it white instead of the raw wood look that it has now. I won't have time to do any decorating but as long as the paint is done by Wednesday I'm more than happy!

And Friiidayyyy! Haha I was really tired and needed Friday. So nice waking up not needing to go to work today. A lot of kids left pretty early so it was a really calm afternoon. Me and Rebecka, a colleague, were making dance videos on musicaly (an app) while the few kids that were left played school in one of the classrooms. I actually ended up staying 1,5h extra cause we were having such a nice time. Annie and Johanna stayed too so we were four teachers and two kids left at the end haha...

My cousin and her kids came over shortly after I got home. I did some pizza and sweet potato fries that we ate while watching Stuart little. When they left I decided to go se Annie and Johanna again that were hanging out at Matte's. So I stayed there for a little bit before I went home to sleep.

A really busy and fun week. My parents are away in Bali for two weeks so it's pretty lonely and scary being in the house all by myself. I'm happy that I got things to do and places to be. It's been a week now so they're coming home on Saturday I think.

I'm having a really lazy morning in bed now. Gonna get up soon. Both my body and head is hurting though...I'm going on a birthday party later tonight and I need to get some more painting done before that. Caio!

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No pictures can ever do this amazing place justice. Watching the view is like glancing over something bigger, something exciting that fills you with life...

Sofie didn't stay for two weeks like I did in nyc. She left after a few days and we spent her last hours at this rooftop in Brooklyn. My friend Steve works there and let us in in the "VIP- area" where they have the pool. Can you imagine taking a swim there and sip on a drink to that view?! Ahhhh.... I need to stay here one night for sure. The hotel is so beautiful and environmental friendly by having locally designed interior.

Becca's friend Justin joined us for a drink too before me and Becca walked home over the Brooklyn bridge. Such a nice ending to a perfect Sunday that started with a delicious brunch!

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Sunday picknick with myself

I really felt like going out to enjoy the beautiful day on Sunday. I made myself some pancakes and coffee and walked over to a little hill with a view. So nice to just be in the nature and in the moment. I had a handball game later that day that we won and I ended it at Elins with some dinner!

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1. Selfie in window light in my new green hat // 2. Posing in my new pink dress in Soho on our way to Mexican lunch for Beccas birthday // 3. Amazing brunch with Becca and Sofie at Dudleys

1. Some inspirational words on a Monday morning // 2. A picture of the amazing view walking on the Brooklyn bridge towards Manhattan // 3. Me posing in front of a red wall on out way to 1 Hotel in Brooklyn

1. Street art in Williamsburg // 2. A cute place with pink doors in Nyc, Sel Rose // 3. Some fresh fruit in Palma

I think all of you are aware about my Instagram obsession! I just love taking pictures, edit them nicely and then put it up along with a caption. It isn't always easy but so much fun!

I've actually gotten a lot of comments and credits lately for my pictures and feed. Thought I'd tell you quick how I do it.

First of all I take and post pictures of things I like and that I think that are pretty/cool/inspiring! You'll never find that energy and time to put on Instagram if it doesn't give you anything back. It gives me joy and it's like a dairy for me, but in pictures. Just love scrolling back at look at old memories and adventures.

I hate blurry and dark pictures, well I don't hate it. But I've chosen to have a bright and colorful Instagram feed so indoor pictures just doesn't cut it. It's sad sometimes cause I have a lot of pretty moments captured on pictures with my friends that are too dark to post. Thankfully I have this blog for occasions like that!

I try so stay to the same filters and warm vibe on all of my pictures to make it nice and pleasant to look at. I never post two similar pictures next to each other and I try to have some space between selfies, food pictures and full body pictures.

I mix it up with random quotes, street pictures and beautiful things. I try to find a balance between red, blue, green and yellow in the feed. To maintain that in an easy way every forth picture is blue, like the sky. Haha as you can see it's a lot to think about. That's why I do a lot of throwbacks to make it work. So there's a lot of energy and time that goes in there but it's like my hobby haha so I don't mind.

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Always together, never apart...

Life's a journey that never ends, or does it? For every day that passes you flip the page and after an adventure with a lot of pages written a new chapter will begin. Sitting up in the air ending an amazing experience in New York a new one begins, or I'm actually going back to an older one. The chapter about my grandpa, about the old man that has been with me my entire life. The man that always was on time, even a little bit early. The man that let you ride with him in the car without a seatbelt (that was cool when you were 7, not anymore). The man that always wore his clogs, even though it was ice on the ground outside. The man that made you pancakes whenever you asked for it. The man who always helped you with anything you ever wanted. The only man I never let say goodbye to me without giving me a hug.

Life has been pretty easy due to the circumstances but I think it is because I've learned how to turn it off a little bit. I've been through so many goodbyes lately that I don't even remember anymore. And it actually does get easier. But that doesn't mean that it's less painful when you actually allow yourself to feel it.

I'm thinking back to the day when I was moving to America. I woke up next to Jonas, packed the last things and we went to grandpa for my last meal (pancakes of course) before I was leaving Sweden and my home for a while. He's been sick for a long time but spending time at his has always been something I've liked to do. When we were younger I loved going there for holidays with the family to eat delicious food, enjoy the company of my relatives and to watch Cartoon Network. We always watched Tom and Jerry haha. Sometimes just going there to watch him watching soccer or listen to him complaining about how bad Zlatan is.

Whenever you were going somewhere or if you came back he always wanted to know about the distances, temperatures and time differences. If he only knew how work Siri out. Oh boy, she would've had to think and talk constantly and tell him all about that and some attendance numbers of the audience on games and how many that could fit in certain arenas and so on.

I have so many great memories of him and with him. I'm grateful for that but we are created in a way that always makes us wanting more so of course I just want him to be here still, all the time. He was in so much pain at the end though so I'm happy that he's in heaven with Rosa now, my grandmother and his wife that he has been living without for over 20 years.

The first thing I did when I got back home to Sweden this summer was to go visit him. But things weren't as they were when I left him. He wasn't at home in his kitchen making pancakes for me. He was at the hospital where he spent quite some time during the past three years.

It was so hard leaving Sweden knowing this. Since I lived away from my hometown, where he lives too, during the previous three years I hadn't spent that much time with him lately. But you can't live for someone else either so I decided to move anyways. Whenever my mum was there visiting him we tried to FaceTime and I told him all about the weather of the day and what time it was. It didn't always work that well due to bad internet but I was always happy to see his face and hear his voice. He usually opened the conversation by saying hi followed by "things are as usual", the same way he had done for the past 20 years. But when he started to say "I'm not doing too well" it went as a spear through my heart. Things was supposed to be as usual and all I wanted to hear was that he was fine. Eventually it started to get hard to look away from it. I know that my mum spent a lot of time with him too. He has been alone for a long time so my mum and her other siblings helped out a lot. Every Thursday when my mum was off she usually had some errands to run for him or doctors appointment to take him to. I knew all of this but having my new life in america going at 110 it's hard to take it in fully. I think my mum forgot to tell me some things too since it was so much going on for her too and also maybe to not make me feel too bad. She knew how much I cared for him and that I hated that I was so far away.

When he started to get really sick, about one week before he passed away a visited him at the hospital before work. He asked "What time is it Jersey?!" I said it's around 5am but I'm not there, I'm here with you grandpa, in Gothenburg. He is so used seeing me on the phone I guess he got confused. When I left he said one thing that broke my heart. I leaned over and gave him a hug and he whispered "I'm so sorry for all this.". That's how beautiful he is, inside out, always caring and wishing the best for us. Never wanting to be a burden or extra work for anyone.

I'm not religious but I do believe in universe and it's power and I think it has some kind of plan for us if we only want to believe it and are willing to work for it. Moving to Dallas felt right at the time when it was happening but moving away from Dallas eight months earlier than planned felt right too. Whenever it came up as an "option" I didn't hesitate. And I'm so happy that I decided to trust my gut that I usually do. It wasn't just about me not being comfortable there, it was about me needing to be home. 10 weeks, that's what I got back in Sweden with my beloved grandpa. Not a single meeting spent at his house. I've been visiting him at three different hospitals and at a short term home for sick people where he stayed when he didn't need help 24/7. I've been trying to be there for him but it's hard. He's usually been the one taking care of us, I don't know how to do it.

I tried to watch my mum to see how she did it and at the end we spent some time together with him. The last night before he passed away both me and my mum slept in his room at the hospital. I tried to stay awake as much as possible to keep him company and to hold his hand. He was almost unconscious but when you came really close and tried to make contact he opened his eyes and nodded his head. He tried to say something or gave you a tiny squeeze. He didn't drink or eat. He got morphine every hour to make the pain go away. Whenever the morphine was out of the system he was in so much pain. I've never seen anyone suffer like that. That's the worst thing I've even seen and I don't wish that for my worst enemy. At the end we just wanted him to fall asleep for good to let the pain go away.

I woke up in the morning when my mum headed to work next to him in his room. The situation wasn't changed and he breathed heavily while his head leaned to one side. It looked awfully uncomfortable but that's how he preferred it at the moment. My uncle and his wife came short after that and we all spent some time with him. We did our best trying to get him some water and to clean his mouth. He didn't have any power left to cough properly or to do anything at all himself. I left for lunch with a friend around 12 and was planning on getting back after that and a workout. I had the lunch and went to yoga and were supposed to head back but I decided to join some friends to watch a game instead since I was going spend the night and the following day with him. The game was almost over when I get a call from my mum. He finally found peace, and were now reunited with Rosa in heaven. I ran out and caught the first bus there. My mum and Jennifer were there when it happened. The nurses had been with him and were turning him around so that he wouldn't stay in the same position for too long. When mum and Jennifer came back in the room he took a few uneven deep breaths before he said goodbye one last time.

When we got back in his room in the hospital the nurses had cleaned and changed him into his own clothes. They put a blanket over him and crossed his hands. He looked so peaceful compared to before. It was a relief seeing him like this but also so so sad.

Everyone came and we spent three last hours with him in that room. Crying and laughing thinking about him. It was so surreal cause he was there but at he same time he wasn't.

Me and my mum stayed until it was only us left. A few days earlier I had decided that I wanted to sing supermarket flower at his funeral. We played it for him with just the three of us in the room.

Giving him one last hug was the most sad moment in my life. His cheek felt like it always used to do. Rough but filled with love, but he didn't hug me back. Closing the door to that room one last time was so hard cause it felt like he was still there in some way. He was just sleeping very deeply. When we left the hospital and walked out to the car it was like I felt it. I felt him flying away up to heaven. The pain in my stomach was awful and I had to lean over and scream out loud. It felt like I was throwing up, all at the same time. After a while it was over and I said a final goodbye for myself.

I slept between mum and dad that night and it was all so empty. Ever since I got home I've been thinking about him. If I wasn't there I felt bad for not being there or I was just constantly worrying about him.

Tomorrow is his funeral. It's almost been a month and I still haven't come to a full peace over the situation. Me and my mum are going to sing 'Supermarket flower' in the church in front of everybody. That's just scary itself but I know that he would've appreciated it and I hope that's he going to sit on a cloud with Rosa watching us. I'm gonna do my best not to disappoint them. But he was always so proud and impressed by me so hopefully he can see pass this if it's not perfect.

Thank you so much for all memories shared. You are a role model and an inspiration in life. I'll carry you with me wherever I go and I'll cherish you for the rest of my life.

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My favorite girl in my favorite city...Happy birthday!

Wow! Haha that word has followed us through this entire trip and sums it up pretty well. We've had so many great experiences and adventures! This trip has been more than I ever could've asked for and it makes me sooo happy to be able to write that down. We didn't really make any plans ahead but we've still managed to do it all, unbelievable! Everything from walks in Central Park, eating food from every corner of the world, partying on the best clubs with all of my awesome New Yorkers, hanging out with my kids in jersey and some low time just for me and Beccie. I feel so grateful and this trip has really put me in a mood where I like to be and stay at.

So one of the reasons I booked the trip this soon (I was back in Sweden for three months) is because I wanted/needed (you know that feeling right lol) to be back and then also to celebrate Beccas birthday. And believe when I say that we've been celebrating haha. So much that when it actually was her real birthday we were almost over it. I managed to get her to pose for these beautiful pictures on her birthday though. So prettyyyyy!!!!

I don't even think we've known each other for a year but we've still managed to hang out in New York twice(longer periods), Mariestad, Gothenburg and Las Vegas. We became close friends pretty fast and I'm so happy to have her in my life. I feel like that it's rare finding friends ever that your able to bond with in a way that we are. We have a lot of similar experiences that helps us understand each other but we also have the same kind of humor which makes us laugh a lot together which pretty much makes it all. I'm so grateful for you Becca and everything that you bring me and my life. I'm so happy that she booked a trip back to Sweden so I'll know when I'll see her next time. And we have more adventures planned. Trust me, sit down! Stars and Stripes and Becca from TriBeCa ain't done yet hahah....Muah!

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Brunch at Dudleys in LES...

I think I found this place through @lovebymj on Instagram. She lives in New York and always visits cool and new spots. Worth a follow!

We went here for Sunday brunch. We were so tired and hungry after a crazy day and night before so this meal was well needed! We had to wait for 45 minutes for the table, fyi if you're planning on going here too but it was worth the wait! We had fries, avocado toasts, banana bread and pancakes! The fries were so crispy and amongst with the truffle mayo they were perfect! The toast itself was a little bit hard which made it hard to eat but the toppings were on point. Such a nice vibe and nice neighborhood to sit in while enjoying yummy food. Gonna miss this so much!

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Ahh more than half of the time has passed already. I'm gonna be on a plane up in the air at this time next Tuesday. I don't wanna think about it, but now it's out there and I can focus on the fact that I'm here and all the fun things I've done and all the in things waiting ahead. Haha this blog is really like my therapist and I'm just outing whatever I'm feeling and it actually makes me feel better. Not always when I realize this is accessible for anyone but thank god for the delete button...

I was picking out pictures for this post and came over a video that I made while leaving the apartment to the airport and that feels like such a long time ago. Obviously because we've been doing a lot of funny things but somehow it feels like I've grown a lot just during this week and that person I saw in the video just a week ago has already changed and evolved through these past days. It didn't end in a good way last time I was in America and being back and only having positive experiences with a good energy flow was something that I really wanted and needed. I'm so happy and grateful for feeling that! I just want to see my total experience here in America from a positive perspective cause that's how a felt 99% of the time. I think I'm gonna feel great flying back in a week after achieving all the things a wanted and a little more. Cause you can never imagine all the things that New York has to offer, it feels unreal occasionally. And being able to be here with my best friend, staying together too(I crashed her place) is just making this trip next level! SOOO FUCKING AWESOME! Can't wait to celebrate her birthday on Thursday haha as if we haven't celebrated enough already. If you've seen my instagram stories - you know.

But back to what I was planning on doing. Showing you a glimpse ofNew York through my phone with a pink filter.

On our way through Soho and little Italy to Pizza Beach in LES we passed the cute door at 174 Elizabeth St // The financial district burning in the sunrise at 7.30 am looking from the Brooklyn Bridge.

This laundrymat is just looking so hurt and sexy at the same time, are you feeling me Justin? // Who doesn't appreciate a cute looking restaurant? Someone told me that Swedish hockeyplayer Henrik Lundqvist is involved in it in some kind of way. Probably an investment? Or does he cook and guard the net at the same time?

GRL PWR! So many cute stores to be found and shopped at on Manhattan, this one found in SoHo! It was all about girls. Considering this weeks #metoo stories, stores like that encouraging feminism and girl power is very appreciated and needed // And to something less serious. A selfie in the crazy morning light at Brooklyn bridge wearing my new green hat that I found on Sale. So happy, really like it! I had my blue one now for a year so I thought it needed a friend.

I'm out in Jersey now hanging out with my kids again. It's been so much fun and I'm happy that they're as happy to see me as I am to see them. Couldn't be more proud over them. They're amazing in every way!

I'm heading back to the city to Becca tomorrow. So excited to see her again. Two days apart has been hard haha! Hopefully I'll meet up with an old from from Sweden in between too. I'm busy as you can tell. So long!

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Pizza in LES at Pizza beach to get the Friday feeling...

Back in New York! Feels so good. We've had so much fun already. Becca has so much going on with work, school and us being here but we managed to find some time for all off us and Pizza. So yummy but we all got soo full! I had the mushroom & stracciatella pizza with truffle. So nice being able to sit outside with your friends in October!

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