Hello and welcome to this blog that I´ve been trying to maintain for the last year or so but it always ends up with me running out of ideas (and then deleting every single post)... We will see how this one goes but my aspiration is to not be affected by what I should be writing and instead focus on the things that are valid to me.
The fact that I am writing in english may be weird and unusual (especially to me), but the reason behind this is that I have some non- Swedish speaking friends and relatives who may read this occasionally. In general I actually find communicating in english when using social media easier at times, but not always. English is still a relatively foreign language to me, but hopefully through traveling and such I will continue to learn the language and become even better.
A couple of weeks ago I celebrated my 17th birthday, being seventeen doesn't really favour you anything. But somehow this was the first time ever that an occasion, which in this case happened to be my birthday, made me realise how people have such diverse opinions of their friends and the people around them. An issue that I´ve had my whole life is my strong sense (which in many situations isn't even correct ) of knowing EXACTLY what people think of me. The times that I have asked my friends if they where mad or annoyed at me and them giving me that "really gir??" look are numerous. When I still did not understand if this was a yes or no answer the explanation from them will 9/10 times be that I was way off and that they aren't even the slightest bit of mad or annoyed at me, so basically I was just overthinking the whole situation.
Is this egocentric or does this have to do with trust issues? I don't know. But an incident that recently happened, on november 8th (my birthday), really made me question this.
As a part of my generation, I am a frequent user of social media. And as a part of my generation that is constantly in need of attention and love, I posted a photo of myself on Instagram with a caption that would remind all of my followers that today is my birthday. Without having second thoughts i posted it. The amount of comments wishing me a happy birthday where extremely overwhelming and I am beyond thankful for the people that bring so much joy into my life.
Looking through the comments I saw one that stood out to me.
The comment was very simple but it made a very big impact on me. To be completely honest I had forgotten (or should I say forced myself to forget) about this person who wrote the comment. But for many years we had a strong relationship, meaning we where very good friends. How it ended is still a blur to me, but a big reason behind it is the fact that as people grow older they change a lot. Looking at this person now my first thought is that he/she/they is not the type I would be friends with today, but then again you never know. The thing is that for years, I thought that the ending of our relationship meant that they would not even think to care about me the least. So this comment wishing me a happy birthday really shocked me, there was not a significant meaning behind it but to me it was like an approval. An approval of the fact that even when there are highs and lows in relationships, most people seem to forget and forgive. And the feeling of forgiving can be very scary but also satisfying in a way.
Some people believe that one comment does affect someone, but believe when I say that it really does. It doesn't have to be good, nor does it have to bad. I sincerely hope that this story that I shared somehow may have helped you realise (or maybe not) that you shouldn't spend your time thinking about what other people think about you, because this will only lead to a lot of anxiety. And if you are like me, at times questioning your relationship with others. Just talk to them or ask! You can practically never go wrong by doing that.
In my next post I will talk about ending a relationship with someone, which is sort of connected to this post. This subject is something that has been on my mind a lot lately because in my stage of life "breaking up" with someone (doesn't have to be a romantic relationship, could also mean a friendship) is something that at times has to been to be done but can be extremely painful or an ease. Anyway I hope you enjoyed this post! :)