Everyday Basis, Photography

Hello everyone! Man has it been long... I've been up with everything lately, or at least so it feels like. My head is filled with stressful lists and things to make sure that are clear before September 19th (will write about that in Sept) and I'm so afraid that I will forget about something or that I'm missunderstanding payment thingies - things that are really important that they're being done correctly or else this will all end in failure.. But! I've been working a lot lately, trying to take my life day by day and focus on what I'm up to right now and not in a month. I find things easier that way. And lists, oh man am I making lots of lists! Everything to keep me structured!

But, what's up besides work and a busy mind? Nothing, really. My daily life structures around these things. I'm trying to give myself a break by hanging out with my friend or meeting up with my family. I've been trying to appreciate my home town a lot more, so I've been there for a couple of days just sigh seeing cause I'm a home town tourist, lol. I also went to a top roof bar with the most enchanting and breathtaking view over my beloved city. Sitting there with your best friend, a cosy blanket, a nice drink in your hand whilst watching the sun set - that's a luxury I wish upon everyone.

Ah well, I'll just be adding some photos here of what's been happening. There're not lots of them but hey, it's something right?

Hope everyone's doing fine. Remember to stay healthy, eat well and get lots of sleep! Huggies


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Hello everybody! How are you holding up? I'm pretty occupied with school right now, so my days are pretty dull.
I've decided on doing a sugar detox now. I need to stop eating so much sugar. It's not necessary and it sure is an addiction to me. I want to live a life without being drawn to sweets so let's do this!
Watching some 13 Reasons Why before I go to sleep, trying to ignore my gnarling stomach, haha. Waaaay to hungry. Had my lunch a little bit too early so my stomach is screaming for food. Ah well, early breakfast instead I guess 🤷🏼‍♀️

Good night!

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Hello guys! Huge break cause of school and once again I'll try to be more active 🙃
Today has been spent at town with my bestie. We've been looking at timberlands shoes and man imma buy me a pair after summer!
After that we went to the liquor store to buy some wine and cider, that'll be spent drinking outdoors tonight with some lit candles and chatting. Really looking forward to it.
We're on our way home now, and god knows what will happen, but that's one of the biggest surprises of life, ye?

I'll update some later! Hope you're enjoying your Saturday~

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​Good morning everyone! Or evening, or night, depending on your whereabouts. 

It's past 8 in the morning here and I'm up all ready for the day. Will be doing some studying today at the library, but before that I will meet up with a friend of mine to cook some lunch together. And eat it of course. Besides from that I have no more plans. I think that I might have time to study some Korean tonight which is nice. Haven't had the energy or time to do so for quite some time now. I strongly doubt that I will be able to read it on a daily basis before summers break, because man these courses are intense... *Sad face* 

Now I will continue finishing my tea and after that start off with my studying. 

Wishing everyone a nice day!

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Hey everybody, hope you're all doing good. I want to say that I do, but that would be an straight up honest lie.

For the last few weeks I haven't felt physically well, which I've been telling you about in my previous blog post. And for the last week I got a cold which made me deadly tired. I still have no energy. My head is pounding for the most of the day. My energy level's on ground level. My body image is terrible and I've been struggling with my binge and purge. I'm stressed out about everything and today, every little trigger has been devastating to me. Although I feel like I should be happy today, I feel miserable.

It all started with my work for exam. I'm exhausted and confused about my education right now. Motivation is down low - I'm not entirely certain if I want to become a nurse anymore. I think I want to settle down with a second level nurse/nurse aid since they have the most contact with the patients. In Sweden, our profession is so busy that we usually don't have time to sit down and talk to our patients, which nurse aids do. So, because of the lack of motivation my tiredness is starting to take over. I don't want to continue, but I know that I have to.

After todays class, I went to the library to get some studying done. I opened up an example exam for me to see what it's all about since our subject right now is the total opposite of objective - it's really hard to say "read about this and train these words and you'll pass!". So just by opening it, I almost tore apart on the inside. I felt like crying. And then another thing hit me hard right in the face, and that was some changes in our schedule. It wasn't much, but I had told my parents that I could be a doggy sitter for their three dogs as they were going abroad for a week, and now I can't do that. I felt so guilty and stressed out and because of that I felt as if they were guilt tripping me. So I lost it. And people were trying to cheer me up, I know that, but they did it in the wrong way. I hate it when I'm at my worst and people are telling me "what to do". No, don't tell me what to do. Listen to my concern, tell me that you understand it and just listen. And once I've calmed down, then you're welcome to come with suggestions. But I can't cope with it when I'm in this much physical pain and all stressed out. It makes my head feel like exploding. And all of this at the same time; trying to focus on a difficult school task, realising that you're life is about to change rather vast in five months and that there's shit tons of things to do before that, parents worrying, me feeling guilty, me trying to get all the pieces together as I am trying to keep my tears from pouring out. It didn't work. So there I was, at the library, crying my eyes out. So I did what I usually do when I feel like this, feeling my anxiety and stress levels hit the roof - I listen to Park Kyung. And that really helped. You have no idea how many times that guy has saved me from so many tears and heartaches. I truly owe him.

So, now I'm at home. I couldn't deal with the stress. I talked to my class mate about it and she was understanding. So now I'm at home waiting for my dinner to be ready. I'm keeping it simple today - some oven roasted potatoes and zuccini along with some guacamole. I might take some ice cream and watch the new season of Attack On Titan aswell, cause man I'm so tired, down. I won't be able to focus on school tonight. I just need to rest my mind and think of something else. And eat ice cream, cause it's life.


Wow, that was a long post but I really needed to type this down, I feel so tired, exhausted, fatigue. Words can't even explain it right now. It feels as if I'm so tired that my head is seriously exploding and so tired that my eyes are falling out. Will probably be an early night tonight aswell..

Please stay safe everyone... xxx

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Hello guys

Sorry for being so inactive right now, but I've been feeling dead tired and really sick lately. I have been debating with myself for quite some time now if I should do this and came to my senses that - Yes, I will do this.

I want to live for the revolution, fight to enlighten the area of mental disorders and destroy the stigma that comes along with it. It's pretty much my biggest motivation to why I decided to become a nurse; to help people not only with their physical disorders but also with their mental disorders. Through out my education, I've come to notice that your mind, body and soul goes along well with each other to later on be able to heal your body. It's rather complicated, but I'll to explain it as simple as possible:

A lot of times, when you're enduring physical pain from example an injury or disease, your mental health takes a toll. And you need a strong mind with motivation to be able to pursue a quick and successful recovery. As a nurse, we make sure to not only look after your body, but also to help you out with those mental factors, help you if you feel down, catch up on every little clue when it comes to the care and nursing for you. Just to help your pursue the feeling of health and happiness.

It's rather difficult though, when it comes to mental disorders. There's a huge stigma around it. People who suffer from it have, probably one too many times, heard the words "just be happy" or "you're just doing this for attention". Trust me, after hearing those words during a long period of time, you could even start believing in them yourself which will make it even harder to look for help, cause - "i only feel this way cause I want attention".

So for me. it's really important to highlight psychiatric disorders, let people know that it's okay to have them, that they're not alone and that there's nothing wrong with you. It's an illness that you usually can't help but having. And that you're worth every single chance and opportunity of help that exist. Cause you're worth a lot. You're a person. A person who, just like anyone else, has a life, dreams and deserves all the chances he or she can get in order to pursue health. Cause everyone deserves to be happy.

I myself have lived with mental disorders for a long time. My parents told me once at a psychiatrist meeting, that they've noticed signs of depression since I was 7 years old. When I was 10, I started thinking about suicide. At the age of 11, I started to self harm. At the age of 17, I dared to ask for help. And that was the best thing that I've ever done. I was so afraid and I didn't believe that I deserved the help since I didn't find my life worthy of living. But I finally opened up to my parents and told them how bad my mental state actually was. I think that they've had an idea for quite some time since I've been having some meetings in school because I felt "sad", but this is where I really asked for help and where my life finally took a turn for the better.

My mother followed me to a child psychiatrist where I went weekly for appointments. I received anti depressive medication and pills that'd help me for my sleep issues. They even started off an ADHD investigation. Things finally looked good. But once I turned 18 they "abandoned" me I felt really betrayed by the system (I have had some bad experiences with psychiatrists in my earlier days and wasn't too keen to see this one, and finally when I started to change my mind about this, it all took a turn and my trust went down to zero again). I quit taking my medication and I felt terrible for a while. I had gained so much weight, around +20 kg since one of my coping mechanisms was to over eat. I thought that I'd start to take care of this since I felt so bad about my self, my self confidence was below zero.. I started eating less, exercising more. I lost some weight. I continued and lost some more. After getting stuck at 75 kg, I started to restrict badly. I lost maybe 3 more kg and once again, I was stuck. I was dead afraid of gaining back all my weight at this point, since it was so difficult to lose the weight that I had lost.

And so I moved away from home. I was free, no one was watching what I was eating, what I was doing. My eating habits became so bad that I'd start to starve myself which itself would lead to me binge eating. One day, I couldn't take it anymore and started purging. This became an evil circle that could not be stopped, and yes I still struggle with this on this very day. All I can think of is my weight. My self confidence when it comes to my body is so low. I'm living with anxiety and an "easy" depression which causes my self confidence to drop so low that I've started to be overly conscious of my body. I weigh myself twice every day. I'm anxious of gaining weight. And all this anxiety leads to me binge eating. You see my problem here?

For such a long time, I've been embarrassed to speak about this in public. I usually only tell people this that I trust or that I know. Now, a bunch of random people will be able to read this and judge me. It makes my anxiety go through the roof.

But you know what? Why should I be anxious about it? If I think about what I wrote at the top of this text, there's nothing one should be ashamed of. If I want to be able to fight the stigma, fight for the emotional revolution, then why shouldn't I do this?

So hello. I'm a nurse student at age 21 who suffers from depression, anxiety and bulimia. And that's okay. I'm not less worthy than anyone. I'm just as important, cause every life is of equal value. I want to fight the stigma. I want people to understand that it's okay to talk about this, to look for help, to help them accept that - this is you. That your diagnosis is not going to be your identity. I may present myself in this text as someone who suffers from mental disorders, but I'm not going to let that define me.

I'm studying to become a nurse, to be able to help people with their health and make them realize that your mental health is just as important as your physical health and that you deserve to pursue it, no matter who you are, your gender, where you come from or what religion you have. We're all humans with equal worth.

Let's spread the love.


So... I've decided to let this be more of a diary. I will talk about my feelings and what's going on in my head. To work my thoughts into words, to look at them and reflect before I do something stupid. I'm in recovery and will see if this is going to be a good tool for me.

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Everyday Basis, Photography

I've always suffered from blemished skinn. I've got red spots all over my face and they seem to wander around my face like it's a freaking roller coaster ride. Now I'm starting to get lots of acne around my nose and chin area. I know for a fact that this specifically is related to my period that is about to come *today* but I want to have flawless skin at all times. Except from my freckles, I don't want any flaws in my skinn. That is something that's never gonna happen, cause no one has flawless skinn, let's just face it. But I want to feel like I'm doing my best to prevent bad skinn and come as close to perfect as I can, for being me. I'll start drinking lots and lots of water again: when I wake up, I'll have lemon water, and before every meal and before I go to bed. And in between these I'll try to finish up a water bottle of 750 ml during the day. I really need this detox man..

So, today I'll just be studying and the hit the town for some work.

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Photography, Books

I've only read to chapter 3 in this book and may I just say, oh my lord. This is such a tragedy, words can't even describe how sad I am for those around the deceased ones from the murder in Arboga, March 17th 2008. I don't know if you guys know about this happening, but there was a brutal murder in a family house where two kids age ca 2 and 4 who passed away due to heavy injuries to the head and the mother left alive, luckily. I'm so going to have a blog post about this book as soon as I'm finished with it. To talk about coping mechanisms; how do you even continue living a normal life with knowing that you went through something like this and losing your kids in the same accident. Dear lord... My deepest condenses to their family.. xx

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Photography, Portrait

Here's some of the pic taken from the photoshoot me and my friend had. I wished for some warmer weather cause we wer'e freezing our hands off, so we couldn't take photos for too long. Sadly.


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Hello guys! Long time no see.. I've been stressing out about my exam I had last Friday, so been trying to prio some of my spare time on other things than studies and blogging, such as sleeping and spending time with close ones.

But now I've come back to life! We've started a new period/moment in school which is about coping mechanisms when it comes to psychological health issues such as anxiety disorders, depression, schizophrenia etc. This has more of a reflection value rather than just collecting and memorising information that has got black on white answers. I do prefer these studies, where as you really try to open up your mind and evaluate meaning of health, nursing considering these areas etc. To me it makes me grow as a person in one way. And I really do look forward for this period since it's something that's really close to me since I myself have and still am suffering from mental health issues. 

And just some random information according this with mental health issues: I've decided om making a tattoo that says "Viva La Revolution". It's something that, to me, makes me think of the emotion revolution. We need to decrease the stigma around health issues and learn not to be afraid to talk about it. I will be having some blog posts about this later on, but I just thought it'd be cool to tell you guys about it. And for those of you who don't know where the "Viva La Revolution" in this concept comes from, go check out "Wake me up" - B.A.P. That phrase has such a strong impact on me and really explains to me why I want to become a nurse. To be able to heal the body, soul and mind. And to do that, we need to contribute to the revolution of the stigma around mental illnesses. We're in a fully modern society with lots of information about this, but yet people see it as a bad thing, something to be embarrassed about and keep to them selves until it's too late; when your thoughts have consumed your whole mind and body and the worst case scenario might appear. I've been there and wouldn't even wish it upon my worst enemy, 

So, back to school. We've got this assignment where we are supposed to read a book regarding mental illnesses and trauma situations and the outcome it brings. My book "Why isn't Emma crying" is about this woman who was badly abused by a woman whom even abused her two young children who sadly lost their lives due to the injuries, and "Emma"'s cooping mechanism: she's not crying. She keeps a smile on her face and people are asking themselves "Has she no heart? Her kids just died." So, pretty much, it's about this woman dealing with a trauma and a traumatic loss. I know that this will bring me to tears one to many times, but hey, in these cases crying is allowed. It's a really difficult area and it's only human to react. I'm really looking forward to reading this book, since I know that it's gonna set big impression on me for a very long time. And hopefully I can bring her experiences with me in the back of my head as I get my Nurse degree. 

This was a really long post, I know. But I felt like I really needed to speak out about it a little bit since it's something that's really important to me. 

Hope everyone's doing great, eating well and staying happy. Love you guys so much xxx

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