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Dear reader, I will do this as simpel as I can.

United States is the most important country that exists today. USA stands for 20% of the global market, which says a lot. It means that the majority of our world is depended on USAs market and economy in overall. If anything goes wrong more than just a economic crash (we) are screwed. USA has wide access to nuclear weapons and bottoms that can do bigger harm than even our minds can't imagine. The development our human race has accomplished is huge. Free sexuality is developing into a more accepting direction, women has a stronger voice and all culture is much more accepted. It doesn't matter anymore what skin tone you have our background.

Today 8th November 2016, Vice president Mr. Pence declared Donald J.Trump to the 75th president of United States. Mr. Trump who has said that women doesn't belong in the world of work. "A flat chested woman can't be a 10," he is against people with different background and nationality. He is against disordered people and makes fun of them. His vice president Mr. Pence tells that homosexuals can be persuaded or tempered into heterosexuality. More than half of the American people voted for this man to represent the most powerful country. I want to move to New York City one day, live there and be a part of the country. I feel connected to U.S and taking the country as my homeland even if I don't live there yet. I didn't have a chance to vote but they who did have a chance and didn't, I am disappointed. They had a little chance to make difference and stand up for human rights. This man, Mr.Trump has all access to whatever he wants. Reporters say that he can't do just anything he wants because the kongress won't let him, means that the president is depended of the kongress. Donald Trump has the access to a endless amount of money, he has a status that every one knows about, he has access to nuclear weapons and secret control observations. He has the most powerful power, he can do whatever he wants.

I wrote this post cause I am so angry and frustrated. I have almost no words to this situation. But something I really hope to see is that they who voted for equality, free sexuality, be able to express their background or culture, stand up for what is right, for human rights and our rights to be our selfs. Don't let anyone take that away, man or woman, president or friend.

The election is the ugliest game i've ever seen. Love, Silja

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koTrmin5n0g

-picture from google

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T H O U G H T S 

Dear reader,

I never feel, give sympathy or care. And ones I did all that, #downhill for me. I am tired of being the better one. The one doing right and the one getting hurt. I am tired of getting confused, double signals and complications. I am so tired of people that don't know what they want, and because of that they are making their lives more complicated and the consequences spreads to others than they selfs. I am the one taking them, feeling hurt and left alone. I have been confused about my feelings, what to call them or how to handle them. I had this fantasy of getting into a relationship like in those movies but still not that corny. But still, I was honest the whole way. Told what I thought and felt. I didn't do anything wrong and here I am. So do I need to be an asshole to survive? Do I need to play a game? Honesty should be a priority, the thing getting people and all relationships far. He lied to her, he lied to me and he will lie again. I just wanted something mature. 

So I am back at my feet, feels like it at least. Downloaded the tinder app and cleaned my room. I guess it is a sign of moving on, from whatever it was. I am grateful for my wonderful and supportive friends that i have, and I am grateful for me being honest and mature. I am grateful for me being brave and not having a limited mindset because of fear. Thank God. Pain is meant to be felt.

To the Subject; I don't know how to label my feelings for you. I felt compassion, friendship and competence with you. I want you to regret your decision as I regret my strong expressions.

This is deep af. Love, Silja


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T H O U G H T S 

Oh hello reader, This post will be all about you and your self. Some Tuesday chat.

My purpose is not to tell you whats right and wrong. How to love your self and how to not. But in my opinion the problem is, we listen to others how they live their lives or how they "do it." The part we miss is our selfs. It doesn't matter who you are or who they are, we all are lost in our selfs. Questioning our likes everyday. Society is telling us a lot, but the society is ruled by us. You are controlled by others, and you control others. Example, I admire the subjects shirt, the other day i by the same shirt for my self. The subject admires my shoes, the subject bought the same shoes as I did. I may never know that I inspired the subject, or then I am fully aware about it. But most of the time we affect each other unconsciously. And why many of us sees our selfs as a second class or less worth is cause we have a limited mindset. See your self as perfection. Do your own meaning by that word, la perfection.

Me and my friend decided to take photo shot the other day in the cold 9pm. I dressed in my white high waste pants, a thin lace bra and a old leather jacket. Cars pass by and the drivers take a extra look at my breast, I get positive response. I posted few of these photos on Instagram and damn people were surprised. "Wait, can I se her nipple?", "How dare she?", "damn she's fuckable." A woman commented on one of the photos, "Did you forget your clothes at home?" I laughed my ass off. So this is my respond; I didn't forget my clothes, I wanted to show my body structure, forms and skin. I chose to look sexy for myself, feel myself. I won't cover a thing for someone else's need or want.

I call it self love.

​Thanks to my boo who took these photos in the cold with me.

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T H O U G H T S 

Dear reader, how is life?

"A woman is more dangerous than a loaded pistol."

Feminism. Being a feminist. Calling your self as a feminist. We woman has been fighting for our equality for years, and we have achieved much by doing that. I do not call myself as a feminist, but I do agree a lot when it comes to the ideal thoughts of feminism and the movement. Equality between woman and men, no matter the subject/work/relationship/economics. The part I use of feminism is something that bothers me the most, and it is we women and men who is causing it. Sleeping around. As a woman it is wrong of me to sleep around. I am a slut, a whore, disrespectful and I am dirty. A man, he is a king. A man sleeping around is respected, good being, qualified and get's a clap on the shoulder. You are so good man.

I got a dating app few weeks ago, and started to talk with men. Men who are soldiers, ambitious students, personal trainers, work ethics and travelers. I talked with all of them at the same time, met them and had sex with them. Wonderful sex. Still, nobody expect my friends knew about it. My mother knew too, and she is the reason I wright about this. She told me that meeting up man nr1 on Friday, and meeting up man nr2 on Saturday was way to wrong. I was qualified as a slut, and i didn't show any respect towards myself. Now, i know it's risky of me writhing about this but I need to share my thoughts. I play like a man. I use protection and I enjoy. I do not tell anyone and I do not share anything, (still, expect my closest friends.) I play clean. I know men who sleeps around, dirty way, uses woman for their pleasure and talks about it to everyone he knows. And it is accepting. I will stop caring about everyones opinions. If I am attracted to a man, and wants to sleep with him, then I will with protection, respects and love. You can call me a FuckWoman, a female version of a FuckBoy.


Love, Silja

​Me and my friend enjoying the Old Town in Stockholm. 

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T H O U G H T S 

Why do I judge other persons for their decisions and lifestyle?

You know, when I see these people who are very poor or assume that they are by looking at their behavior and appearance. When I look at them, they seem so careless. They know who they are and sure lives very poorly and our parents has always said that we need to thank God because we have it better. And I don't know, I had a period when I didn't use a phone for 6 moths and honestly, of course the first two weeks was horrible cause I thought that I was going to die but slowly I adjusted after my "new lifestyle" and I didn't feel that I needed my phone (the need). To not have a phone takes away a lot of privileges but still I kept mailing through my computer to handle business/work etc, and it worked. To have your thoughts on your Instagram picture, Facebook post or latest gossip tweets is painful. My life goes around that Justin Bieber deleted his Instagram account, and that is THE BIGGEST NEWS EVER LIKE OMG!!** I surround my life around everybody else's. To get the best Instagram picture I need the perfect drink, the perfect sunglasses, the perfect background bla bla bla. All this effort on making someone else satisfied. It feels like we are following this image how we are supposed to live our lives. Those poor men 'n women doesn't have that in mind. There is of course pros and cons with being poor but I won't convince myself that my life is easier because all wealth and privileges I have. Not having much money limits your assets and, you live simple af. I just hope that everyone could think a bit bigger and healthier. To live simple maybe isn't a bad thing. Maybe you would be happier? Of course it's harder than it looks, to adjust after another lifestyle, but just think about it. Our society is built on money and we are convinced on a lot of bullshit that our prime ministers are saying and promising. Now it got a bit overhanded but I get very frustrated on the image we all should follow.

This post is one of those "Think bigger" or "Why?" and I just wright everything that comes in mind. And of course I am not a better person and I use those privileges that we have, but it's just an eye-opener.


Question everything. Love, Silja

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