Friday again and I've had a busy and chaotic week with a lot of ups and a few downs.

My parents and brothers got home last weekend and I went to Nottingham with Trivax to see my first show for a while. It was fantastic even though Nottingham isn't one of my favorite places and the rain was horrendous. It took a few days to recover and then it was my Mum's birthday on Wednesday.

We had a relaxing day with her and her main present was a pair of adorable guinea pigs named Donald and Duncan. They're adorable and it's so relaxing to watch them running around in their rather palace like cage. We had birthday cake and watched a film in the evening which was lovely and I think Mum really enjoyed her birthday.

Yesterday was a rough day for me and I'm not sure if I want to write about it yet, I'm trying to rid my mind of it and don't want to start thinking all about it again; so today I've taken care of myself and made sure I'm relaxed and feeling good. Shayan went to Birmingham this morning to finish off mixing the new album and he'll be back later tonight, so I've had a day to myself of relaxation and lots of cups of tea. I don't want to be lazy all the time but today I really needed to put a soft fluffy blanket on me and snuggle up on the sofa.

I've been thinking I'll do a little blog post tomorrow featuring a mini haul of little products that I've bought over the past week or so. I've got some soap and glory goodies and I've also got a little rant about them and their customer service so I'll include that in a different blog.

Now I'm off to have a cup of tea and then to tidy the room and make the bed all fresh for Shayan coming home later :)

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Friday again and I've had a great week. We've been house sitting and cat sitting for my parents, so we've had the house all to ourselves. It's been quiet without everyone here but it's also been really nice and relaxing.
On Monday I went to work and then the rest of the week has been spent peacefully enjoying the space and the weather. We've had some nice homemade food and I even baked a cake on Wednesday.

Yesterday Shayan went to Birmingham for a mixing session on the Trivax album, and I spent the day alone watching movies and having some wine in the evening. I was invited to my Aunt and Uncles house for dinner and my cousin made an awesome sponge cake for us to have as dessert. It was lovely to spend time there and the food was wonderful!

Today has been very warm, I've taken a short walk and now I'm about to do a tonne of housework. Shayan and the guys from the band are coming back this evening after playing a show in Manchester so I've got to magic up more space for everyone to sleep and make the house look presentable.

My Boots order arrived earlier so I've got some brand new Soap and Glory products including body wash, body butter and two mini matte lipsticks. I also got an awesome shirt in the mail and I love it so much!

Tomorrow Shayan and the guys are playing in Nottingham and my parents and brothers are back from Scotland in the late afternoon. I'm looking forward to having the guys back here tonight and it will be good to have family back tomorrow to fill the house, and hopefully they will have brought some Scottish whiskey back for us :)

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I'd planned to sit on the garden and write this but it's too warm and there are too many insects so I've moved to the sofa inside.

I'm relaxing today after working yesterday, I've also been to get some shopping and now I feel really productive. Two weeks ago I started volunteering at the local riding school. I've been doing two to three days a week and last week I was offered a proper job there. I got to ride out in the woods last week and yesterday I was given a lesson. I was so nervous as I haven't had a lesson at a riding school since a few years ago when I did my stage one horsey qualification.

So I tacked up Barney for myself who I rode last week. He's 16.2hh, looks like an elephant and is far too big for my tiny height but he's perfect to ride and gives do much confidence to everyone who comes to ride. We rode in the arena and did half an hour of getting the horses to collect and work in an outline. I've never had the oppertunity to do this before and I did a great job despite being so nervous at first. I think the instructor was pretty impressed with me, and by the end of the lesson I had managed to do walk and trot in a perfect outline. Needless to say I was exhausted, the weather was hot which didn't help but at least now I know I can still ride, but that I need to work on my fitness so much.

It was great and it's so good to have such an enjoyable job to do, the horses are all great and I love being around the horses and feeling so useful. I've noticed as well that my weight is literally melting off me and I'm building so much muscle up it's unreal! It's fantastic to look in a mirror and actually see the results of my hard work.

I'm so happy with life at the moment; we're getting married in less than a month and Shayan had invested in some new musical equipment so that he can record at home. Next week we're house sitting for my parents, plus Shayan  is going to Birmingham and Trivax have a gig in Manchester, so it's busy busy busy for us at the moment.
I'm at work tomorrow and Friday and then I'll have the weekend off before doing Monday and Tuesday next week :)

I'll blog again at the weekend to update you with the horses and all the other things of life.

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Life

Sunday has arrived and I thought it was high time that I updated my blog followers on whats been going on in life lately. Today I'm sitting here with a cup of tea and some chocolate, and I'm enjoying a rest. Shayan is in Birmingham after Trivax played a show in Bridgewater last night, I couldn't be there so I don't have any photos to share, but I'm hoping it went well for them and that the travel was not too exhausting.

This past week has been a great one for me. . . Shayan and I have booked a date for our wedding for September, and I can't wait! There are so many new chapters of life opening up and I'm becoming more confident and adventurous by the day.

Last Wednesday I went to the local riding school and started work there. I've been wanting to do this for a while after things changed at the farm so I went along and did six hours there. I groomed horses and generally helped out and went back on Friday and did the same. I missed being active and being around horses so much, and this is the perfect thing for me to do at the moment as it gets me out and keeps me active, its like multiple gym sessions a day and its keeping me mentally and physically healthy. I get to care for a huge range of horses and interact with other people who work there as well as instructors and customers. It's giving me new things to learn too, on Friday I was judging the dressage tests of the pony club camp which was great as I've never done anything like that before :)

I'm doing three days there this coming week and although I have to have a nap when I get home each day I'm loving the challenge. Life is exciting at the moment, things are going well and as usual things seem to be sorting themselves out.

In between being at the stables this week I'm going to try and explore the woods and take some more photos, I haven't been using my camera as much lately due to being so busy but I'll make time this week. I set up a store on Red Bubble where I've uploaded some of my landscape photography. You can buy art prints, framed prints, sticker, phone cases and mugs etc with my photos on so if you're interested then visit: 

http://www.redbubble.com/people/screamingevil

That's all for now I think, lots of updates so I'll see you later :)


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It's true, I do. I'm finding myself doing it constantly, and it's getting me down. I don't know if it's the state I'm in at the moment or just that I'm going through so many changes in life, but I need to stop putting myself below other people. 

I'm not like everyone else and I don't want to be, I'm being me. Whenever I see something on Facebook or Instagram about how successful a former friend or school friend has become I try to remind myself of all the good things in my life. I have the best fiancé ever, we'll get married soon, I've lived away in a different city for a year, I travelled abroad, organised a house and moved back again. I also got to grow up and I don't have thousands of pounds of university debt like so many people my age. I have my family and I'm relatively physically healthy with so many goals to achieve.

I'll keep telling myself these things; I am below nobody.

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So Monday is here again and Shayan will be home in a few hours.
Made an important decision today and deleted all my social media apps for a break. I've not been feeling good at all lately and I've decided I don't need to see constant negativity. I know social media has its good and bad parts, but at this time I just need a few days without seeing constant media perfection day and night. That way I'll have time to myself to think and relax, and clear my head and my heart a little to focus on what I love the most.

Other than that today has been uneventful, I've just got back from a lovely loving walk which served as a good time to catch pokemon :D

Shayan will be home soon and I can't wait to have him back, although I'm super proud of how productive he's been over the past weekend :)
Although I'm taking a break from social media for a few days, I'll be focusing on blogging here to keep my life up to date,  I find blogging really helps clear my mind at the end of each day :)

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Life, Personal

Sunday has been so relaxing!
Trivax played a show in Wales last night so Shayan is in Birmingham today. I had a lovely long lie in, a light lunch and some me time on the sofa.

The cat has been hanging around me all day and I've had a lovely Sunday dinner with family. I'm still not feeling great at all  but me time has distracted me a lot, along with the lovely phone call with Shayan this afternoon.

Now I'm chilling in a fresh bed with my pyjamas on and a tonne of youtube videos to watch. I hope you're all having a lovely relaxing Sunday too! :)

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Personal, Life

So it's Wednesday and I've had an odd few days. On Saturday and Sunday we went camping and had a lovely time in Derbyshire. We camped in Hope and visited Castleton on Sunday, with a trip to Speedwell cavern followed by a well deserved ice cream. The weather was perfect and it was great to get back camping again, plus Derbyshire is just so beautiful and perfect for walks and fresh air.

Lately I haven't been feeling great and I'm definitely not the best version of myself right now. It's so hard to explain because so many people just don't get it at all, but lately I've been getting anxious about everything one minute and then depressed about life the next. Nothing seems to have gone right at all in the past two months, first the haunted flat and then having to haul all our stuff back up the country. Then I was let down about the horse I was going to buy and we still don't have a tenant for the flat so we'll have to keep throwing money away each month.

I just feel so stressed all the time, struggling to sleep and not being able to concentrate at all about anything. All I want to do is smoke a pack of cigarettes a day and stuff myself full of chocolate. The boiling hot weather isn't making me less iritable and then I just want to be busy doing horsey summer things, getting fitter again and putting my spare time to good use, but it's just one thing after another. I'm grumpy at everyone lately because I feel like I'm failing so badly at everything, and it's getting me down.
Not a positive blog post at all but it had to be written. Let's see how today goes and if anything goes right for a change.

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The weekend was crazy. Trivax, Sathamel and Daemona all did a great job at Scruffy Murphys in Birmingham on Saturday night. I got some good photos so thought I'd include them here

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This is an angry blog, I think its the first I've written and it might not be the last, and yes, I'm writing this in the heat of the moment.
I have just been let down so badly. I had a huge plan for next week and I've just had my plans wrecked at the last minute. I was promised something really important and so I made all my arrangements and plans, and three days before I would have invested money in something I've been massively let down. I'm disappointment but after all the shit I've been through in life I finally learned that nothing good comes from me sitting here crying to myself. Instead I'm typing this, typing an essay and blasting Shayans music collection through the laptop speakers.

I feel really betrayed by all this, I've dedicated so much of my time to the people this involves and then I get the pleasure of being made to feel like I do right now. But, no feeling sorry for myself, only learning from this and learning that nobody is worth trusting, no matter how well you think you know them.

Thankfully I know that what you do eventually comes back to you and so I'm going to sit here and wish death upon a lot of people. Hopefully the cat will come and cheer me up soon and thank goodness we get to go see the end of Shayans tour tomorrow.

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