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I'm back....

Unknowingly, I had taken a break from writing. The reasoning behind it truly remains a mystery to this point. Refraining from writing a bit was because I could not think of absolutely nothing to compose and for someone who believes that creativity flows in her veins and always has engaging ideas in her mind; this was quite alarming at first until I had just..... accepted it and thus guided me into going into this hiatus.

The numerous times where I have sat down with a pen in hand and my handy dandy journal to compose something worthy of publishing and wrote absolutely nothing but a word or two was endless. The anxiety I felt was immense but I had hidden it and used excuses such as "this is just a cycle I'll be able to write in a few weeks" but it wasn't the case at all.

It became such an exhausting process to write that I felt as if I had lost the ability to produce contents. I began to realize that I had doubts about my work; questions such as "Is this good enough" and commentaries such as "No, do not post this. No one will like it" started to swirl in my brain creating this whirlpool of other negative thoughts that submerged from an hidden place to hinder me from doing something that I'm incredibly passionate about.

Writer's block can truly damage the flow of your work if you allow it and I did exactly that. I allowed it to extract from me the desire to write and thus created in me the passive aggressive attitude I had develop towards my writing. But enough about my hiatus, for this is in the past and I'm back to create, inspire and do what I love dearly, which is writing. As for everyone who reads the contents I compose, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I appreciate you....

 

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Once upon a time, there was a little girl who never allowed fear to cloud her actions and lived her childhood to the fullest. Her environment was filled to the brink with encouraging and supportive elders. As she began to grow older, her world suddenly came crashing down. Comments about her skin color and her hair were thrown at her and none of them were positive. There was such a few selections of representation around her that it was almost impossible for her to relate. Society became the evil stepmother, often out to get to her and almost every time succeeding. It didn't make it easy for her to love the fact that her skin color is equivalent to chocolate and the beautiful and spectacular fact that everything about her is a mixture of her mother and father. All thoughts running through her mind were negative and it was revealed in her composure and the way she spoke about her appearance in public. Self-Consciousness engulfed her like a flame ready to destroy every part of her; without giving her a chance to even tame it or put it out.

That little girl is me

For the longest time, I had to fight in order to believe in the beauty that I have inside and outside. Removing every last bit of negative thoughts that were embedded in my mind was one of the most difficult task I had ever executed in my life. Fighting the urge to downplay my beauty each time that it appeared in conversations with friends and such became one of my goals as the journey to self-love began. Concentrating on becoming a better version of myself which in return allowed me to understand what it meant to go through a period of time; when hearing words such as "You are beautiful" seemed to contain more lies than truth. Learning to accept the fact that when the beauty is taken away or disguised for a split second, the person that shines right through the seams is incredibly breathtaking, her soul is alluring and the words that come out of her mouth displays love, encouragement, inspiration and hope....

Sure enough, many have been in the same place as I was about two or three years ago. The most important phrase to remember when going through this rough time is that " It'll get better". My desire is to let you know that you are enough, more than enough. You are absolutely astonishing, not talking about your appearance. Your soul is grasping and you deserve to be cherished. My dear, or whoever is reading this right now, I ask that you acknowledge all your features and all that is beautiful about you; even if it is the simplest of things. Write them down and place them somewhere that is constantly at eye level such as a mirror. Please erase the negative thoughts and think positively; I can guarantee you that it is easier said than done but it is a step that is crucial on this journey of self-love and confidence. Allow yourself to feel beautiful, wear that dress that you placed in the back of your closet because it made your love handles stand out more. Cut that hair of yours because it accentuates your features, love; only if this is what you want.

Devote a portion of your time to be alone; to reflect on yourself and be one with your inner self. Fall in love with yourself internally and externally; for that will allow you to never reject the beauty you have within and outside. Have a relationship with God; He is the example of everlasting love. The same God who created the extraordinary mountains and fascinating beauties in the world such as the sunrises, sunsets and many more created YOU. He created a lovely human being with a heart that pours out love and happiness. Let that sink in a bit, love. As for today, I challenge you to speak out some amazing characteristics about yourself. You have been brought this far to fulfill a purpose that was only meant for you to accomplish. To whoever reading this post, you are enough and with Christ, everything will fall in place.

 

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Am I wrong for wanting someone and for craving someone's presence, vibe, attention, love and affection from time to time? Am I incredibly at fault for letting the happiness that is often displayed on couples' faces fool or for lack of better word force me into thinking that I would never be granted that happiness?

It is impossible for one to find themselves falling in love with myself? Is there something wrong with my personality and the way that I interact? Is it because I tend to get too comfortable with others? Is it because I do not find the need to censor myself and I give the real me to others so that they can perceive me any way that they want?

Could it be that my personality and demeanor is too much to handle? Could it be that I'll rather wait for the right one instead of performing the same mistakes that are often repeating themselves in personal relationships? Could it be that I'm expecting so much of a man?

Questions that are replaying themselves in my head like a broken cassette that just needs to be taken out and replaced by a new one. Questions I'm not sure I have the answer to or will ever have the answer to. At my age now, there's been an emphasis on taking everything slowly and being patient through my journey of life. Moving through life just like a leaf being lifted and led by the wind. It's not an unpleasant thought but sometimes I can't help but feel lost and discouraged. Seeing others evolving immensely well and beautifully through life can sometimes make you feel as though your accomplishments are nothing but dust. And I think it's quite okay to experience such feelings and interacting with others about those feelings are helpful. I believe that this is the struggle of the single life.

 

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What exactly is the wait, you might ask?

Awhile back, just like you, "Wait" was simply the act of delaying an action until a particular time. But soon enough, it became more than just this straightforward definition, if I must say.

As soon as I had gotten my period, my parents and everyone around me had implanted the fear of getting pregnant into my brain and I became even more inclined to the idea of waiting before marriage. I was about twelve at the time and it was still perfectly normal for me to not want that in my future. As I got older and branched out, connected with diverse people, questions such as "Are you a virgin?" would always seem to surface in the conversations. And all the times, they were shocked at my answer. There was always a division with my friends. One or two would always without fail groan and say that it is the worst thing a lady can do; the others, however were neutral they usually would say to do what feels right and do it when I feel comfortable. Thinking back at those conversations, I thank both of those groups of people because they played a major role in the decision that I had made.

While having a heated conversation with a friend of mine, I began to wonder about the process, this long process of waiting. And it all began to sound horrendous to me because who will want to wait that long for someone and who was going to even date me if  I told them right off the bat " By the way I'm a virgin and I plan to stay a virgin until the night of our wedding". I would probably get laugh at and ignored. This long process of waiting is not the easiest, and sometimes in moments of doubt which are occurring more often now, I can't help but feel as though all this is a joke and I will regret deciding this. Recently, I stumbled upon a YouTube video of Shameless Maya and she talked about being celibate and she opened up about the challenges of being celibate. And for the most part, I resonated with her and for the first time, I had found somebody who had made the same decision and is going through it at the same time as I am. The process of waiting is filled with doubts, what if's, worries, moments where the flesh is calling my name and moments of weakness.

But in the midst of all this, faith is what keeps me afloat; reading the bible about the topic and praying for strength and control has been an absolute help lately. What even made you come to this decision? I have an answer for that

Creating boundaries is an ultimate goal for me in anything. I don't believe in partaking in an activity that I only want to partake with my husband. I feel that by refraining from doing so our bond would be stronger and we wouldn't have to rely on our physical needs as much to create intimacy between us. I am doing it for the pure and great fact that I wanted to reserve this part of myself for a man that I know will see more of me. To me, a husband is not only your soulmate but it's the person that God intended for you to take this journey with.

And one might say, it is not that serious. And I would not direct anyone or make them change their minds for I know clear and well that everyone views virginity differently. A girl might choose to wait and say that it sucked and she hated it. Another might have lost their virginity to their first love and they are still together so on and so forth. All to say that everyone's life is different and people go about their life the way that they feel is best. In conclusion, this post is certainly not here to change anyone's minds or make anyone wait until the night of their honeymoon. However, this post is simply here to remind everyone that if they feel comfortable losing it tomorrow and they have no doubt nor fear clouding their minds, go for it. If it isn't the case, wait until you're ready and you're completely comfortable doing so. I should also add that this decision of mine is not  fixed and is prone to change and that is fine.

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Growing up being the girl that always has a smile on her face and almost every time finds the positive aspect of everything is quite an experience. I rarely cry and I become the cheerful friend and It also does not help that am a people-pleaser. But let me get to the point and real matter.

Why am I always happy?

I have not quite found an exact answer to that question. Although I do ask myself that almost everyday. It's always been a shocking revelation even when things are not where they should be and I am stressed beyond the limit. I smile and I laugh and all of it, is genuine. It is confusing how I manage to keep a positive mindset when all of these combined (stress, problems, self conscious thoughts, etc...) are thrown at me and felt. To somewhat answer that question, I would say that I'm always happy because I allow myself to see that there are more to life than just going through this journey. It's about admiring and taking the time to grasp the little speckles and elements in my life and surroundings. I'm happy when the sun is out and my skin is glowing. I'm happy when I smile at someone and I receive one back. I'm happy because I get to wake up every morning and go about my day. I'm happy because I get to see my little cousins growing up and be their role models. I am happy because I'm grateful for everything in my life. This is just a list of what causes my happiness but why am I like this?

This, I feel will take quite a long time to answer or I might not even find the answer to that question. I don't know why am always happy? Maybe it is because my happiness comes from things that aren't able to be touched? Maybe it's because I'm a spiritual person and I am always connected with myself and my emotions and I'm experiencing and feeling and all of the above? Maybe it's just because I was born in a tropical country and was quite exposed to the sun which released an hormone called serotonin that causes this ever going happiness?

Is it a facade?

I have not allowed myself to say that because I do not believe so. But I would be a liar if I sat here and said that there are not times when I do feel angry, sad etc... But I always try to find a way to make myself smile and laugh. Even with tears running down my face, I will try my hardest to recollect a funny experience and the sad and angry thoughts go away.

I hope this resonate with someone today. Stay blessed and lovely.

Here's a picture of me displaying my happiness F63C4394-1635-4BC8-9282-4658C6779217

 

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I believe on my home page, I  mentioned how I will not only post about my live and my experiences and whatnot but also I will be putting y'all on to my favorite songs so lately I've been gathering songs that I haven't gotten tired of hearing and are my favorite so I thought why not share it. So here it goes:

  1. Bad and Boujee- Migos (feat Lil Uzi Vert)

  2. Like this - Dj Henry X ft Wizkid

  3. Questions - PNB Rock

  4. iSpy - KYLE x Lil Yachty

  5. Shining - DJ Khaled ft Beyonce & Jay Z

  6. Anymore- Ella Mai

  7. Piece of Mind - Kehlani

  8. Boo'd up - Ella Mai

  9. Neighbors - J. Cole

  10. Bazardée- KeBlack

  11. Escape -Kehlani

  12. Superficial love - Ruth B.

  13. Out yo way - Migos

  14. Nobody else but you - Trey Songz

  15. Naked - Savannah Dumetz

  16. Doo Wop (That thing) - Lauryn Hill


I have to put y'all on to my favorite gospel songs

  1. Travis Greene - Intentional

  2. Kirk Franklin - 123 Victory

  3. Casey J - I'm Yours

  4. The Lord is good (live) - Fred Hammond

  5. Marvin Sapp - Never would've made it

  6. Tasha Cobbs - Break every chain (live)

  7. Jonathan McReynolds - Gotta have you

  8. The Walls Group - Freedom

  9. Cece Winams - Never Have to Be Alone

  10. Marvin Sapp - Live

  11. Kirk Franklin - Smile

  12. Tamela Mann - Take me to the King

  13. Kirk Franklin - Revolution

  14. Marvin Sapp- Old Rugged Cross

  15. Lecrae - All I need is You

  16. Anthony Brown & Group Therapy - Testimony


Please let me know if you enjoy these songs and I will be updating this playlist as summer time approaches

 

 

https://play.spotify.com/user/it.s_savy/playlist/0xPMORMU4XftgydE5adY8F

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Today's the day where chocolates are 15% off at the stores among other things and all the romantic gestures are highlighted even more.This is the day where couples do fun activities together and show their love ones/partners how much they appreciate them etc...

It is also the day where all the single ladies, gentlemen and non binary, gender-less lovely human beings are reminded of their singleness. And don't get me wrong, nothing is better than sitting on your couch or bed re-watching episodes of your favorite TV-show or romantic movies but society loves to make it seem that one cannot function well without a partner which I believe is completely false.

Every valentine's day, I would wake up thinking that a secret admirer would suddenly reveal itself and I would find notes tucked inside my locker and every time my fantasy was destroyed. Or my crush would casually tell me that he has liked me for a while and that he wasn't sure how to approach me, very unlikely to happen.

On valentine's day, we expect boyfriends, wives and husbands to go out of reach and plan the most romantic rendezvous. And some of us think that this is the only day to do those extraordinary gestures for them. Why must it be that way? Why can't I tell my love ones I love them every single day even if they think I'm being mushy and comical?

This valentine's Day, fall in love and be in love with yourself or others. Drink wine and listen to your favorite romantic songs or whatever you feel like hearing. Binge watch your favorite TV shows and be a couch potato if you want to. Go out with your friends or by yourself. Take yourself out on a date. Get to know yourself and how amazing you are. My single peeps, embrace the loneliness. Dance by yourself in the mirror. Today and every single day after, do what makes you happy. Do what makes you smile.

Today should be a fun day. Single or not. Married or not. Dating or not.
And from me, Happy Valentines Day. Happy Single Awareness Day.

Happy Valentine's day to you all

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It all started after my last year of high school...

I knew that I wasn't in the healthiest stages of my life and that was a clear and definite diagnosis. I began to acknowledge all the unhealthy parts of my life starting mainly with the things that I was dealing with everyday. The toxic friendships and the academic pressure that was slowly becoming a torture to live with. It was time for me to decide as a human being with perfect control of her life whether or not I was ready to enter the healing center/space. So I began to remove the toxic people; and for someone who hates hurting people's feelings but is remarkably great at cutting people off. This wasn't so hard for me to achieve but it came with a ton of guilt. Guilt that I wasn't sure how to shake off, you know. Soon enough, I started reminding myself that this is my decision and I had learned my lesson. I had passed the test and that was all I needed to move past to the next level. The hardest thing I had ever done was forgiving others. Forgiving the ones that had hurt me in many ways. I had to forgive the guy that made passive aggressive comments about my hair and my skin being "too black" etc...

                                      But most importantly, I had to forgive myself

For putting me down in so many instances For forgetting my worth and how beautiful being black is  For letting myself go and unknowingly being a pushover For not setting boundaries for myself early and not at all It wasn't easy admitting where I had gone wrong because nobody likes admitting their errors and their fails. After that forgiving process which took more time than I had expected, I began with the real matter of the question.                                                                         The healing process Mental health is something that nobody likes to touch upon. Especially if you're black. Worse if you're Caribbean. So the healing process started when I actually spoke about it with others even if nobody understood where I was coming from. That was sort of an empowering  and nerve wrecking moment for me. But I felt amazing after I had done it. The first step I believe to healing yourself, emotionally, physically and spiritually is knowing that you need healing. And that acknowledgment is difficult for people because it was hard for me to know and tell myself that I needed healing and in many ways needed to help myself and get myself to be as healthy as possible.  The second step is to find inspiration and spiritual guidance that honestly is up to anyone what they might choose to do. Some people choose to do yoga and meditate and that is what works for them. Something absolutely different might work for you. I started reading the Bible more often and started reading books about emotional and spiritual growth more and this, I feel was something I was hungry for. In the sense, I was hungry for the words from the Bible, words from authors  and they've helped me reach a level of consciousness and mental growth that I didn't think I would attain. The final step I think is when certain things happen in your life and you go about them differently. Like your old self is not trying to reappear and  force habits down your throat. It does take a lot of time and healing to me is reconstructing yourself from all those wounds, bad experiences even childhood traumas, etc... that we unconsciously suffer from and have taken control of our life.  The healing process is getting that chance to remove all the destructive elements about ourselves and becoming brand new...

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