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My room is messy just like the rest of my life. I don't know to decorate it. One day I want it to be minimalistic and clean. And the other messy, filled with tiny objects of personal value. Sometimes I embrace the messiness and see the beauty in it. And others it makes me feel claustrophobic and it drives the perfectionist inside of me crazy

I keep my crystals close to me. Reach out for one of them at night I have trouble falling asleep. The light is out so I pick the shape which feels right in that moment. With my eyes shut and heart open. The energy intervenes with my own and calms the thoughts in my head

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I blog and some of my content is very personal but I never want this to be about me. It might sound weird that I post photos of myself and write about my life without wanting it to be about me. I post the photos because I like them as a piece of art not necessarily because I find myself beautiful or because I want the post an image of myself for selfpromotion. Calling my own photos of myself art might sound like I think too highly of myself but honestly I don't. My video about my battle with anorexia was not supposed to be about me as a person and definitely not because I wanted people's admiration or them to write nice words about me. It was obviously nice that people showed their support but that was not the purpose. I have always wanted to post videos on Youtube - and I have posted a few - but I feel like people are very judgmental when it comes to people openly sharing and being proud of a product they have made. I am going to force myself to post more videos both of me talking about what ever I feel like and also more creative videos because I love the process of creating something creative. I want people to reflect upon the society that we live in and they way we perceive e.g. beauty stansards. If me "daring" to post photos of my imperfections and talking about my struggles is of any help for someone or even if some of the things that I write - or what I am planning to write about - provokes someone than I am more than happy to share parts of my life. I crave a debate! Question every-fucking-aspect of your life and never explain why something is a certain way with 'that's just how it is'! If you think me blogging and posting photos of myself is because due to the fact that I am - in your opinion - self-obsessed and an attention seeking girl then that says more about you than it does about me.

With all that being said, here are some photos I took the other day. I personally love using black/white effect for more serious looking portraits since it adds some extra intensity with the more defined contrasts

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on a day like today where the sun cannot get its light to shine through the gray clouds in the sky

will you comfort me when the thunder is raging outside

I think of you in dark times when I'm loosing a part of myself

why do I think that you can pick me up

I do not need you

I am not dependent on our presence

but you make the present struggles more bearable



why am a in free fall for someone who is on the run

how come that two fucked up souls make a perfect pair

one half to the other

want to pretend that I do not care

but you are haunting me

if you decide to flee for good can we run together

never experienced anything like this

stupid is next to I am into you

so let's pretend we never met

I'm torn

want you but I dont want to

become just another one

never want to worry about 27

about what you would do

when in dark times

I am here for you

but are you here too

distant is too far of a distance

what would you do if I came knocking on your door

in the middle of the night

ran away but ran to you


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I text him

-no reply-

2 hours later

-no reply-

I'm semi pissed

Semi wondering if I did something wrong

Wondering if he is just playing me

Start to get really pissed

day after

FUCK HIM!!!

I am a strong independent women

He is not that cute

(yes he is..)

later that day

- no...

"sorry... "

+ actual good reason why he hasn't replied before now

why is he so fucking annoying and cute at the same time?

still low-key pissed

*start laughing at myself*

I expect the worst and he ends up showing his best side



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I haven't worn a bra for about 3 months and I have never felt more liberated in my life! Only on very rare occasions, so max 3 times in those 3 months, have I worn a bralette. I instantly felt weird and started to regret wearing it after I left my house. I do not find bras comfortable nor do I care about underwear, except it has to be comfortable! I no longer have marks from bra straps, and I no longer look forward to getting home and taking my bra off because I simply don't wear one. I have always been very conscious about my body, I mean I had anorexia for 3 years and the thoughts of not feeling like I live up to what ever sick trend is popular or what ever the unobtainable bodyideal is still haunt me at times, but not wearing a bra has really pushed me into accepting my body as it is! I was so insecure in the beginning but I came to a point where I simply did not care. I might feel insecure some days but then I joke about that certain insecurity and move on with my life. To me it helps to say my insecurity out loud and be able to realize how unimportant it is and what a waste of time it would be to worry.

Before I went braless, I watched some YouTube videos about going brasless, and especially advise for girls with larger boobs. I feel like society thinks that it is more acceptable to not wear a bra when you have 'fairly small' boobs then when you are cup size C+. Seriously why?? Boobs are basically just a lump of fat and they are being overly sexualized for no reason, in my opinion. Boobs are just boobs, okay? Boobs giggle more when they are free, of course, but it is completely naturel! Do what ever you please with your boobs, if you feel comfortable and people feel offended then that's their own problem. You do you!

I think that boobs are very fascinating and beautiful. They are individual, just like their owner. If people want implants or another plastic surgery that's up to them, as long as they are happy and they are doing it for themselves then I don't have anything against it. Personally, when I was younger and heard about boob reducing, it appealed to me. I have always had large boobs, and did not feel like the fit my body until about some months ago. Now I have accepted their size and I don't want to change anything about them. I will probably continue not wearing bras on a daily basis but if there is a cute bra(lette) there is a (tiny) possibility that I will wear it on rare occasions

Good night xx

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I feel like there is so much in life that I want to experience that I don't know where to start. It sometimes feels overwhelming to get out of bed and get ready for school. It feels pointless because it is not what I am passionate about. I love being creative and creating new stuff, and I feel like school somewhat killed that little girl who used to be good at the more creative things. I was taught it would get me nowhere in life, that the way to succeed in life is by getting an education and a real job. What even is a real job? And what is that so called success? How does this affect young kids? How are the future generations going to realize that there are more important factors in life than money, and that money does not mean that you are happy, if this is what young kids are taught in school. It might not be said directly but it is definitely implied, believe me! I loved art class when I was younger, it was my true getaway from all of the dusty books. I was set free in a universe where I was the creator. No one could tell me what was right or wrong. I started to enjoy letting go of my perfectionism and fought against what was considered "correct". I remember one class where we had just learned about abstract art. It caught my attention since there were no rules and if I painted something which was supposed to look like an apple, then no matter if it looked like an apple or not, that was what it was. I painted a jungle with a treehouse with Littlest Pet Shop animals in it. A lot of the girls in my class liked the painting, and who knows why, I disliked them liking it. So I mixed colors and splashed them on the finished painting. When the others said it was a shame that I ruined the nice painting, I just smiled and said that it was abstract and that I could do whatever I wanted. I wanted to rebel against what was considered "normal" and "pretty" for the prettiness at a young age. I wanted to experiment with different types of art and would spend hours at the after school care in their atelier. I love art. I makes me thing about everthing and absolutely nothing. I reflect upon life and its meaning, and at the same time I zone out. Enjoy the moment and live in it. I get into the world where I was allowed to be the kid who painted with her fingers, who tried different things because she wanted to. I might not have made the prettiest or most correct paintings and sculptures. We were once told to make a mask out of clay. Mine ended up being a pale-white dude screaming with cuts everywhere in his face. Simply because I was sick and tired of looking at all of the pretty faces in clay and wanted to challenge the others and didn't want to do as everyone else. I still to this day try to challenge other people's views on self-expression, I wear whatever I want to even though I know that a lot of people won't like it. But I am not going to fit in to please anyone and then hiding myself in a box. I am still the little girl who paints with her fingers and loves art from the bottom of her heart.

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DISCLAIMER!!! this is my brutally honest and probably politically incorrect, in some way or another, opinion

I usually never bother to read comments on other people's Instagram accounts but I recently watched a Danish YouTuber's video about the negativity she receives on her different social platforms. I started to scroll through her comment section on her pictures to see what the comments said. I must be honest and say that I am not only chocked, I am also very pissed! First of all it was only girls from 10ish to 16/17 that commented negative comments on her pictures, they were making fun of her by commenting shit like 'haha dying', 'cringe', tagging their friends (once again only girls!!) followed by the crying-laughing emoji. I am furious not only because this is unacceptable as fuck, but especially because it is girls commenting this shit! From what I have experienced it is girls who bully other girls and it is especially based on physical appearance in one way or another. Aren't these girls who are commenting aware of the fact that it also makes the whole issue we have within society about body-, fat-, skinny-, whatever shaming way worse, also for themselves? Don't they have some sense decency and moral? What happened to girls standing up for each other and praising other girls? Don't they think it is enough that women are already valued less than a man? Since when did it become necessary to pitch girls against each other and hate on one another? Girls are so fucking unbelievably judgemental when it comes to other girls, realize that we a not in a fucking competition people! Open your mouth if only what you are about to say is more beautiful than silence!

So a little shoutout to people commenting straight up rude and shitty comments on other people's what ever: delete your accounts, you are clearly not mature/old enough to have FaceBook, Instagram, Twitter etc. Go play with some dolls or go outside and get some fresh air to your brain so that you can think rationally and realize that what you are doing is called bullying

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Those were some of the words people, especially friends and family, used to describe me after opening up about my life with anorexia here on social media. Of course I am extremely flattered by the fact that it is how they view me. Yet I am still left with a weird feeling in my body. Because even though it might seem courageous and very brave to share something so personal, I do not feel that way. I decided to share my story because there are so many people who suffer from eating disorders but some people within society ignore the statistics and ignore the fact that we have a problem. Changes has to made, for sure! I do not want kids growing up feeling the way I did about myself and physical appearance. I have noticed a tiny change within the fashion industry regarding the insane beauty standards but there is still a long way to go!
I do not think that me sharing my story is brave, I felt an obligation to do it in order to help others and an obligation to speak up. I shared it because it is a part of who I am, and I am just being me with all of my flaws and imperfections.

Thanks for all of the positive response, it has been overwhelming! From the bottom of my heart, thanks for taking the time to caring enough about the issue to read my post and watch my video!

Only love

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I never thought that this day would come where I will openly tell about my battle against anorexia. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa when I was 11 years old. I have through out my childhood witnessed my parents not being able to communicate as adults who have a huge responsibility, raising me. I felt like I was in the middle of their battlefield, which it from time to time felt like it was, and that I had to the responsibility of an adult on my own shoulders. I constantly felt a need to give other people the impression that I was perfectly fine and that everything okay. I held my guard up for so long until 2010. I could not take it anymore, and anorexia became my form of control. I did not even know what anorexia was at that time, I was only 10-11 years old and no kid should worry about their weight/ physical appearance unless it is harming them. I was diagnosed in the summer vacation of 2011 right after I got home from Italy ( where the photos below are from). I remember the day like it was yesterday. I had weekly appointments with my psychologist for three years, but was also in a group for other anorexics. I remember when the others in the group shared their thought upon themselves and the disorder that they were insane, without acknowledging that I was just like them. I denied that I was ill. When I looked in the mirror I could not see the 32kg girl with bones sticking out everywhere, I saw a chubby girl whom I thought needed to loose weight. I was not myself which is super important to point out. The girl I was back then is far from who I really am. Anorexia, like any other self harming disorder, is a mental illness. I imagine anorexia as a ghost taking over my body and controlling every single thought and action. It is a black hole but it felt like I never hit the bottom and that the light was gone. I was my own worst enemy.

The years passed and I was declared healthy in 2013. The thing with anorexia is that it will always be a part of me. It is constantly in the back of my mind. I have learned to control and suppress the thoughts so that I can live a healthy life and start to love my body. Loving and accepting my body is something I am constantly working on. I am insecure as hell when it comes to my physical appearance. I alway tell my friends to love and make peace with their insecurities, I should really listen to my own advice.

The video below is in Danish since I am planning on having talks on schools and etc. in order to spread awareness and make it more acceptable to talk openly about eating disorders and tabus in general. I therefore though it would be more appropriate to make the video in Danish since I can refer to it in the talks. I am planning on making a video in English at some point. Feel free to ask questions if you have any, both in the comment section and also my mail, saralau.contact@gmail.com

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