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Well, I'm not that active anymore here but I blame life. I've got too much to do. But just now two girls are asleep right beside me and I'm not yet that tired and recently I've been grieving the fact that my grandmother no longer exist on earth, so I wanted to write about that. I keep forgetting she doesn't exist because I barely ever visited her the last couple of years. I felt so uncomfortable around her when she always forgot who I was and she seemed so uncomfortable herself. For example she loved getting a massage, and once I asked if she'd like me to massage her shoulders and she didn't quite answer so I went on massaging and she got so upset or nervous and didn't like it at all. Something that she used to almost pay me to do before she got Alzheimer's. And now, same thing is slowly happening to my favourite oldsters, my dad's dad and my mother's dad. Not quite sure if they will get Alzheimer's like my grandmother, but they're both on the verge of getting dementia.
Morfar, my mother's father. The chef and the golf player. Always cooking for everyone, always has time for the grandkids. I cherish the moments whe we go and visit him and the kids are asleep and we have tea together and he talks about old times. Been living in Sweden for the last 60 years I often feel like he's the youthful and modern one and I'm the old and conservative of us 😅 He's so open minded, and he knew before me about water bottle challenge and fidget spinners 😁 We also look at art together since I brought him to a exhibition once.
Farfar, dad's dad. The farmer and the sport enthusiast. I think everyone in the town he lives in knows who he is and about his interest in sports. He used to be among the oldest in the competitions and still better than many of the young ones. Mostly skiing. When I was a kid we didn't really hang, other than when he'd show me skiing teqniques and talk endlessly about things I didn't care for, or we'd go driving in his pickup and he'd show me big places like Metsä botnia (cellulose factory that didn't interest me at all at the age of 5😂). It was when I was 14-15 and he taught me how to drive a tractor and would take me working with him, show me his fields and forests, when we would talk and enjoy each other's company. In his case it seems like getting older opens him up more, he seems softer and not so stressed or workaholic likes he's always been.
Here seen with my daughter Ines. I'm so grateful to have these two in my life still, since I no longer take for granted that they will remain the same when I see them the next time. I hope none of them will forget me and I hope I get to spend more time with them than I got with my grandmother before she forgot me completely. I took her for granted and when I found out she wouldn't remember me much longer I had so much drama and fighting in my relationship so it took all my energy and I didn't find the time to go and visit my grandmother. That's one thing I'll always regret, and I will keep missing her for the rest of my life.
I somehow got so sentimental now, of course when writing about things like these, but I was quickly brought back to reality when trying to say something to D and he answered me with a fart, not hearing a word I said with his headphones on ✌🏼️😂 Good night
I've been really tired for a while, tired like in tired of cleaning, cooking, folding laundry, listening to noise and today I thought it was my turn to spend some time alone at an art exhibition but I thought wrong. It made me so disappointed, and I feel like my needs aren't on the priority list at all, and still I'm the one in charge of everything at home, meeting everyone's needs and making sure everyone is fine. A friend of mine said once; no one is thinking of you so you have to do it yourself.
I guess that's so. So I'm going to think of me. Been suffering from tight muscles in my neck for half a year now, as soon as I find a willing babysitter I'm off to a masseur.
And since I'm the only one in the household who doesn't get anything for my birthday, I'm getting me something for myself. A cleaning kit for the car/outside 😂 Doesn't matter what the purpose if it's something I really want!
As for the picture, I've always felt so calm at sea. I think most people enjoy the view of a horizon at sea. Another view I never get tired of is a sky full of bright stars, an old forest, fire, big green fields in my hometown and sunsets. Since I'm the only one caring for me I better start taking me to see these things now and then until I can combine little sleep at night with the dishes, laundry, cooking, shopping, cleaning without going crazy eventually. Maybe in a couple of years I will be a different kind of tired 😁
I actually have the best kids in the world, the most caring and loving persons I could ever share my life with and if it wasn't for them I'd lose it already because of all the bullshit I have to handle now and then. Taking care of them is something I love to do, it's just that I need to be a little bit taken care of myself to get the energy to carry on!
It doesn't happen often, maybe once a year at most, but today I got a migraine.
It all started when I had my oldest son and the doctor accidentally punctured something near my spine, and after that I had migraine for a week and it keeps coming every once a year. I sense it immediately since it all starts with me losing parts of my sight, at that point I take painkillers throughout the day and I still have headache and nausea, but it's nothing compared to what it would be like without painkillers. Then I'd go blind within hours and have the worst pain in my head ever, can't talk cant write and when I intend to say juice I say orange or fruit, and so on. So I'm happy with the headache and weakness! Everybody who has migraine every week; all of my respect to you!
Today we went to look at a house (what is it, the fifth, sixth this spring? And we really don't do it for fun, we only look at the houses we are interested in buying).
I really liked it and what it can be, but it required a lot of renovation. And sadly, the location isn't the best. But you can't always have the best. At least this is the best so far. Now we'll just pray that God shows us whether it's His plan we buy it or not. To be honest, the part that scares me the most is moving somewhere I don't know anyone or very few.
No matter how hard life ever gets, there will always be a new morning, and a way back to the light. It is worth the effort of turning around and letting in the light.
I dare to say that I've had more crises in life than most people my age, living in Scandinavia. It never gave me an excuse to turn my back against God however. He planted eternity in every human's heart, deep inside I knew He was reaching out His hand to me and all I had to do was to reach it. And peace came. Because peace is the one true thing everyone wants in life, no matter what you're life may look like and where you are peace is what you need. Peace that lasts for a while the world can give you, but peace that passes all understanding only He can give.
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:11
Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7
I'm so delighted it's spring again and there's light again! Nature is awakening! He breathed life into us, he gave us a spirit of life, and as things grow, breathe and live we know it's His will. Glory be to God, for this day, this life and the joy and warmth He fills my heart with even when I'm hurt, I can feel joy because He already felt my pain. (Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. Isaiah 53:4)
I really just wanted to write about my big zink herb pot where I had some rosemary, peppermint, lavender and oregano growing last year and I think at least the peppermint is coming again this year. The pictures somehow reminded me of greater things, just what I needed.
Yesterday we went off-roading with the baby. It took blood, sweat and tears before we were out of the forest. The youngest son slipped on a stone and scratched both knees and hands. Despite of the little accident we had a nice little walk. I could go on admiring and studying the colors of nature in springtime forever, and the sons who spend most of their time outside this time of years couldn't understand my fascination at all.
Sadly, my favourite forest, which has shrunk by at least 3/4 since I was a kid, is located 20 minutes from here. It's such a privilege to grow up near a forest I think. I remember as a kid I thought paths filled with fir needles was the most common view and big trees with snow on them, now it's such a rare view to me I find it so beautIful I have to take a picture of it each time.
These here 👆🏼, called struvor, and mjöd (lightly fermented drink), putting a white cap on and going on a picnic in the spring sun could be the most Finnish-Swedish thing ever.
the day before yesterday we went to Bergö to watch the fish play. I so much enjoy going with a ferry! And to think that there are people living on an island and going with a ferry to and from work every day is so fascinating. I imagine it's so nIce to grow up on an island since everyone I've talked to who grew up there said they recommend it, and secretly tries to convince us to move there, hehe.
This is from last year watching the fish play. They were constantly jumping up on the ground and back into the water. So. Much. Fish.
As a scout leader (hehe) I feel obligated to say that it's not ok to catch the fish while they're playing. It's wrong to disturb the fish while they reproduce, and it's even been made illegal. Regardless of that some people still do it. But only stupid people 😁
Yes, I know it's Valentine's Day, but we didn't really celebrate it since we're both broke (but we did go window shopping and found fabulous snowboard jackets, even matching ones so that's a bit romantic). But, I made some really good curry for dinner! And the recipe is of course from Minimalist baker, here's the recipe: http://minimalistbaker.com/thai-yellow-coconut-curry-mango/
And here's what it looks like! Picture borrowed from Minimalist baker.
We had it with parsley on top and served with a salad an basmati rice. I say as my daughter's Philippian godfather; rice is life! So insanely good when cooked the right way.
Today was a shitty day. Lucky me who's got the best kids in the world to cheer me up!
The toddler in her brothers' secret shelter or hut or hiding place... Whatever this is! :D
Even if today wasn't the best of days, I'm so thankful for my family. Maybe even more thankful because I faced a big disappointment and became even more thankful for what I have. Now I'm gonna keep praying that everything is going to fall right in place right on time. Here's a verse from my favourite psalm, Abide with me;
I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness
Where is death's sting?
Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if Thou abide with me
Today we went for a walk! First time it was warmer than -10 degrees so we could go outside.
This here 👆🏼 saved the day!