Something I've been thinking about over the years is how God changed me so much from how I was before giving my life in the hands of ChrIst. I sometimes wonder how I could feel so euphoric, so in love with God the first year after giving my life to Him. And I've come to the conclusion that my life and me was so different befor so the change was so big, and it's still as lovely as it was in the beginning but now I'm used to it. This year is not a big radical change from last year.
2012 was the year I gave my life in the hands on Jesus, I admitted all my wrongs and sins, I accepted Him as my saviour, the one who paid my depts. Before that, I just believed in God. I prayed just as much as I do now, I went to church now and then, I even joined a cell group. I was satisfied with life but I felt deep down inside that I was walking in the ditch, and I needed to get up on the road. I knew it was a question of time only. I started to get interested in the Bible and less interested in other things, but I still had something to do.
Tha I had a dream.
I dreamt of a lion, really big one, waking me up while I was sleeping in my couch. I told this to a Christian friend who thought she knew what it meant, she didn't say but she didn't need to either.
I had another dream.
About one or two weeks after the first dream I dreamt of a zoo, and I had to plan the zoo so all the animals would have enough space in it. And the lion had almost no space at all, and someone told me to just walk past the black panther and the leopard, because they would scare me but not hurt me. And I did, but they tried to bite me and attack me so I didn't feel as safe as the voice had said! Then I got to the lion and could make its space a lot bigger. I didn't get it but when telling it to a friend I understood it at the same time as I told it.
Of course one can have dreams. Special ones that keep you awake afterwards, dreams one can never forget and so on, but these dreams were so different, I felt they had a meaning and I couldn't ignore them or forget them. The lion simply was Jesus asking for me to let him in my life. Waking me up and then letting me know he needed more space. And suddenly one evening I felt ready, I prayed; Lord I'm ready, I now give my life to you and let you be the Lord over my life. If I'm going to become a fanatic Christian, so be it!". And a warm wave went through my body. I fell asleep happy and the next morning I knew my life had a whole new meaning.
At this point I was in love with my now husband and afterwards I so wish that part had come either earlier or later because I so would have needed to focus on other things at the time! Anyway he taught me a lot about God which I'm truly thankful for, but all the relationship things could surely have waited a year or two.
When looking back I remember seeing everything in a new light. There was a new beauty in every moment, the nature and all animals seemed so much brighter and clearer just as if I had been awakened. I could listen To the sound of the rain and it would be so wonderful, the sky was so wonderful and the food and not to mention the sudden love I felt for everyone. I guess you can say loving everyone and everything is what came into my life. Really loving. Not forcing oneself to love, or deciding "I'm going to love everyone", but it came naturally. And a will to do God's will as well. Nothing has really changed, but God has changed me so much so everything that was once new and special and made me euphoric is now "old news". I've been living in it for a while. But now and then I still get amazed of God's greatness, His love and His mercy. I have a lot to learn and I'm happy I can put everything in God's hands and trust him in everything. Every experience is forming me to a better person. And when in doubt, I try to go forward and if I succeed (like 1/3 of the times, I mostly give up) I can see God in it afterwards and how it was worth seeking His will.
I was really meant to write that I'm in need of a house, a cat, a dog, a chicken and a lamb. And a boat. I don't know where all the inspiration to write about my beliefs came from.
I guess I need a shower the most right now. Been coughing and sneezing for four days already and had a fever and sweating all day for the same amount of days...