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Hello! 👋🏼


Lately the son turned 11, so we've had three birthday parties for him, which means three cakes.

I went to my second ice hockey game of my life, this time my son played so I actually enjoyed it.

Tonight I'm making an African chilli stew I've never made before, and injera pancakes to go with it.

I'm just here preparing for giving birth any time, any minute now (please)!


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it was freezing outside today, which is why we spent approximately 10 minutes outside. We just had to see the sun for a while, and it was worth the cold. I'd rather take ice cold with sun than no cold and no sun.

Painting with watercolors also makes the day.

Other than that I've been trying to sew the perfect pair of pants for the January baby. A tiny pair of pants with warm fleece on the inside. All the prototypes are donated to the dolls of the house.

And this tea. It feels like it's what I've been lacking for the last couple of months when not having had a certain favourite tea but been drinking whatever I've found in the house, until now. Now it's only this, everyday and all the time. And it's so good!

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In my profile it says I'm fond of vegan recipes. Well, I wrote that just a month (?) before becoming pregnant and sausage-loving, but now I'm starting to feel like my old self again. Lately I've started liking things I used to like before pregnancy and I hope it's a sign the baby is ready to leave my body soon.

Anyway, before pregnancy I used to make stews with chickpeas, in many different varieties, but the base was the same for everyone. Tonight I made a good one with the same base, but way more simple than I used to make and also mixed before the chickpeas went in. So here it comes, my vegan superstew base:

1 tbsp minced fresh ginger, 1 tbsp or 2-3 cloves of minced garlic, a broth called Hey Bombay, and to be added at the very end; chickpeas and lime juice. In between the garlic-ginger and the lime juice finish you can add almost anything. Beans, lentils, sweet potato, bell pepper, carrots, lemons, turmeric, ANY fresh root vedgetable I'd say. And top with coriander, Italian parsley, regular parsley, mint, or whatever herb you find tasteful with what you've put in the stew. And I find chickpeas very delicious in every version I've made so I'm sticking to that. Whatever food I'm making I'm always amazed by how incredibly good this is every time, and I'm never getting tired of it.

Today I made something very similar, at least it had the same base as "my" stew, but instead of the broth I'm using it had a lots of garam masala and "only" carrots and chickpeas in it. It was from the book Every day cooking by Minimalist baker (http://minimalistbaker.com) (whose recipes I've loved for a couple of years now), which I got for Christmas and it's (amongst with the iPad) my favourite gift.

To the left: some chicken stew for the rest of the pack.

Here's what it supposed to look like according to the book. And here below it what it looked like. She might have used a more colorful garam masala, maybe made her own fresh garam masala just before cooking or something? I used to do that too until I found the perfect blend at Malin's foodie living (http://www.foodieliving.fi/sv/) (I know it's possible to link it right to the name but my toddler deleted the nouw-app from my phone and somehow it's not possible to do it from the website).

This big mama had herself three full bowls of this delicious stew and could barely get up off the chair after had finished the last one. and there's still quite a lot of it left! Being the only vegan/vegetarian/whatever in the house has its benefits. (See, I'd like to go fully vegan but it has to wait until after the baby is born if I don't want to go to a nutritionist every week and eat a handful of pills).

And, here's my latest obsession. I'm so crazy about these, and about every liqueur filled chocolate on the market. And the doctor said already one month ago to cut down on the sweets, don't want to meet her again now just want the baby out 😣

I'm very very ready for getting rid of the big belly and saying hello to the little baby! And for goodness sakes, becoming my old me again without these hormones making me emotional and unreliable and teary eyed all the time!bi was a cryer before but the last 8 months have been ridiculous. Come out baby, I'm ready whenever you are!

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My grandmother passed away.

It's the first death by which in not completely devastated, crushed and desperately crying to God in my despair. Still she was like a mother to me when I grew up, I loved her so much as a child I would cry in the evenings and my mother asked me why I was crying and I would answer; "I'm thinking of grandmother and that she will die one day". Still when I was 13-14 years old I would sleep beside her in the same every night I spent there. We also argued, I found her irrational and unfair sometimes. I also was ashamed of her once, when shopping together and she wouldn't go up the elevator nor take the escalator. She was simply afraid of them both. When I had my first apartment we would day dream about her moving next door to the same kind of apartment, she liked mine so much.

When I was expecting my first son I noticed she started forgetting things. That was 11 years ago. It didn't escalate quickly, but she soon knew herself she had Alzheimer's. And five years ago she didn't remember things she used to laugh about or memories she had kept dearly. Four years ago I went to her without my children, and spent the weekend with my grandparents and my dad. I'm so thankful for that weekend. I talked a lot with my dad and me and grandmother lied in bed under her self warming blanket and talked about things she still knew and memories she still remembered, suddenly she started repeating herself and I understood that she's no longer going to recover, she's not getting better and it's only getting worse. But it was still cozy and she still knew me. When she went to a home I visited her a couple of times, but soon she didn't know me at all and the look in her eyes was so different from what it had been my whole life I felt afraid of her, I didn't know who it was anymore. So last year was my last visit to her.

I have been grieving her for at least four years already. I've missed her incredibly much. I've wanted to talk to her about a lot of things, I've wanted to talk to her like two adult women talk to each other. I've wanted to ask her about her pregnancies, about how to take care of children, about the body changing with each pregnancy and what did she felt when expecting her fifth child. I've wanted to say that I understand now, I know why she said like she did, why she felt like she did and I understand her decisions now, even if they seemed insane when I was younger. I feel like we have so much in common. I see her in me sometimes, I know I make the same face as she did sometimes in the same situation and I want to tell her that I know that face now, I know how it feels.

Instead of crying my eyes out this time I now feel relief. She's finally herself again. I couldn't talk to her the last years, and I can't now, but when she was here she was someone I didn't know. And now she is someone I know, and who knows me. She gave so much and no one of us cousins would have been who we are today without her love I think.

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die" (John 11:25)

My mother recently told me grandmother used to pray for all her children and grandchildren to meet Jesus one day, to believe in Him. I didn't know about this and it's touching since she never talked too much about faith, at least not with me, and she still prayed for us "in secret". (Matthew 6:6).


On the first picture grandmother when she was young. She was approximately around 1,50 tall, with a shoe size of 34-35. Must have appeared as a hobbit as younger, because she always was the smallest adult I knew. On the second picture; me and grandmother. The two following pictures; grandmother and grandfather. The last picture is me and grandmother, and the last picture I actually took of her. The gaze is someone else's.

I believe she's now in heaven. I wish she could see me now, and my children, but I believe as it is said the the Bible that the dead does not know anything of this world. But I'm happy she is whole, she is free from all illness in heaven. She's got her siblings and her son with her and she is completely free and happy. This is my believe.

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Many people find it beautiful, and maybe some are, but I only find my pregnant body grotesque.

I find it grotesque.


I wish the baby would come out already. But while I wait, I might as well sew some clothes for the baby. Today I made a skirt for Selma and a skirt for me. I didn't have enough fabric to make a suitable for now (!) but used and old skirt for measuring the new one I and it became so small I'm afraid it's never going to fit me. I'm so unbelievably big right now I can't imagine how it's like to be smaller.

My pregnancy list, I just came up with.

Favourite food: sausage (made from pig) (Thankfully I can now eat other things)

Favourite smell: alcohol, gas, all kinds of poisonous liquids

Favourite drink: hot cocoa (At least 3 times a day)

Worst thing with pregnancy: the nausea, and not being able to move properly or bend forward. Being emotional all the time.

Best thing with pregnancy: things that taste good, really taste good.

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I got so inspired today when walking around in the forest! If I've got time I'll make a painting out of this tomorrow. I like these colors more than Autumn colors at the moment. Selma also enjoyed walking around in the snow rather than the slippery icy ground.

I bought my winter boots ten years ago, totally worth the money since I'm still not planning to buy new ones in a while.

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Baby is growing, can't believe it's gonna continue for almost 2 months, we're all enjoying the snow and looking at houses. Dreaming of the perfect home nearby but it doesn't seem to exist.

Every other day I'm a wreck and every other day I'm trying to be positive.

I'd like to recommend some music here. Walk with me by Martha Bass, and There's something in the water by Tom Grennan.

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Selma has been keen on painting a lot lately. Since the oldest son had a surgery last week and has been at home resting we haven't been able to go outside, so we've just done whatever Selma wanted to do inside. Mostly watercolour but I got inspired to do a bigger piece with acryl and I can't even paint with acryl colors so I painted the background and then let Selma loose with the colors and when she got tired and started painting herself I took over and here's the result.

I've never done much abstract painting, I simply thought it was too easy to just play around with colors and always wanted something more stimulating or something that demanded more work, but when being pregnant and tired and my brain gets distracted by kids every other minute this is perfect. Playing around and getting inspired by colors is exactly what it is. And mostly Selma is painting on the same paper as I, which makes it a bit more difficult because I have to make her brushstrokes fit into the end result. It's interesting and stimulating enough and it's all my daughter wants to do inside (other than reading books) o it's perfect. Sadly we're now out of her favourite colour; white (!) Luckily her birthday is coming up soon.

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Something that hit me a couple of weeks ago, and I keep getting reminded of every now and then is how Jesus have become one thing among others in my life.

Someone put it to me this way, lining up a bunch of clementines actually, the first one was my finance or household, the second clementine was my family or life at home, the third recreation, fourth job and education and so on, and the last clementine Jesus. A little bit of going to church on Sundays, meeting people for praying together, a little bit of bible study every once a week and praying for others. An aspect in my life. Not my life, but an aspect, just as important as planning my weeks and planning what to put money on next and what the next move in life might be.

This person, showing me this, took a bowl and said that Jesus wants to be that bowl. Took all the clementines and put them in the bowl one at a time, putting my finance in Jesus, my family, my recreation, my job and so on. My whole life.

It spoke to me and I knew this was what I needed to hear. I needed to know. Ever since I sometimes get reminded or I remind myself to put everything in that bowl, not try to figure it out myself but trust the Lord. It has become my prayer to let Jesus be that bowl in which I put all aspects in life, instead of letting him be one of the aspects.

Not wanting to sound preachy, but I needed to write this down so I can remember it myself and the feeling of seeing things more clearer thanks to this methaphor. Maybe it speaks to someone else, or maybe it was just meant for me that evening. Anyhow I wanted to share it.


Lately we've been loving snow. The sons have been outside building forts, snowmen, snow lanterns and giant snowballs and so on. Me and the youngest daughter have been practising going with sled to the grocery store and around the village while the others have been in school. She's so strong, my youngest one! And it sure feels like the baby is going to become a strong one too, such strength in her kicking.

Now instead of praying for that one specific house I so wish we could buy, I'm gonna put that house and my plans for it in a certain bowl, hihi. And try to remember I put it there, among a lot of other things.

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We've had dinner with friends and family three days in a row, and I've been trying new recipes.

First out on Thursday was and Indian recipe from which I left out the chilli peppers because five kids were dining also, but it was still very hot in my opinion. Chicken Murgh Makhani, with home made naan bread.

On Friday I made Pollo Citronella simply because it was the favourite dish of the family who was coming over. I ate something else because I'm more and more going back to vegan and this also contained gluten so. No picture of that because I don't post pics of other people's kids. But it's a creamy pasta sauce with no other spices than lemon, fresh ginger, fresh turmeric, coriander and salt. For dessert I fell for a recipe with my favourite pumpkin; butternut squash pancakes! So sweet and so Christmassy smell with all the spices! Definitely making those again.

On Friday we also discovered we can fit 4 adults and 9 kids around the table. Do I wish we had a dining room...!

Yeaterday me and my sister made pizza with our kids, everyone got to design their on but me and my sister went for a mozzarella, tomato, pine seed and rucola pizza. It's definitely my favourite. Today I made homemade hamburgers for the family only. And I learned it can be both healthy and cheap if you make them yourself. Made everything from scratch, even the dressing. So I know it didn't contain anything bad and no sugar.

Felt like food blogging since I've tried more new recipes than in a while now the last couple of days. Now I don't plan to cook anything fancy in a while. On Thursday I'm actually the one who gets to eat and not cook when a friend is making Galette. So nice.

Other than food we've been eating tons of sweets we got from our friends who came back from New York this week, can't tell what they contain that makes me nauseous but I'm guessing a lot of corn starch...? Or just a lot of sugar? Or just pregnancy :p

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