​Had to get some photos of Aurora in her princess Aurora pajamas before she outgrows them. 
She's almost 18 months and outgrowing her 2T clothes.

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​I probably forgot to mention I have a sister. She's a telemetry tech at a hospital and a waitress on the weekends, she works hard! That's why she hasn't been around much lately. But now she's gonna start a YouTube channel, and I've been recruited to help. Seeing as how I own the camera and equipment. 

Briegh's an amazing makeup artist & fabulous at hair styling. I like to think she's been influenced by me a bit, but she's definitely surpassed my skills. So now we're both learning to edit video footage! Hopefully my first video won't be far behind. Her video has been posted yet, we want it to be as watchable as possible for her first episode. Stay tuned!

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​Tried to take a few shots around the house & attempted to vlog a bit yesterday, although we didn't do anything interesting. It seems impossible to find decent lighting in my house & Rory of course won't ever sit still. Thanks to my mom for this shot of Rory & I. I really wanted to vlog with my iphone because it's comfortable to carry around and I just bought a selfie stick but then Rory took it in the bath so it's done. That means I have to record video on my big dslr which is excellent quality but also intimidating. Hopefully we'll get out and do something mildly interesting to share with you guys. 

One of these days I will post a video on youtube, but it will probably take 100 attempts before I'm happy with it.

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​A few more edited shots, from before we proceeded to trash the dress.

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Finally another photoshoot! Photographed by moi, hair and makeup by my sister, and the dress was the model's actual wedding gown. It was a wonderful collaboration, I've been craving a beach shoot & something bridal, so I mixed them. It started out as a wreck the dress, but kind of became something else. I wish I was anywhere near a real beach, but at last we have a lake so we made due.

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Finally I was arraigned by a judge & bail was set for $1,500. I got to call a bondsman and was told $240 to get myself out of jail. I called my mom and she brought the cash. Some more paperwork, then they gave me my bra back, and I was free to go. I have to call my bondsman every Wednesday to check in, and wait for a court date. I will most likely have 6 months probation, random drug tests, fees, and community service. I guess if that's all, I'm pretty lucky. On the other hand its goddamn ridiculous.

Home sweet home, a hot shower later, I was human again. I vowed to never forget the misery of that experience, and moreover never let my daughter have two parents in jail. That I let that happened, even for a single night, is shameful and humiliating. I put that on myself. I know what I did was illegal, and as much as I hate that it is, I can't change that. So obviously, I quit smoking. It's a process. It is a medication as much as it is a habit.

The icing on the cake... happened the following Wednesday. Aurora's first trip to the ER. My back was turned for a moment & my sister's dog snapped at her. I heard her little bloodcurdling scream and ran about 4 steps and grabbed her up off the floor. She had instantly curled up face down on the floor, I picked her up and there was blood all over her face. I grabbed the nearest towel, honestly I'm not sure where I got it, but I immediately started running bath water and just blotting the blood off her face. It was coming from a little gash in between her eyes, about a centimeter big. I was already calling my mom on the phone, she didn't answer. Somehow I managed to calm Rory enough to set her in the bath and most of the blood was washed away. My mom was back from the store, and I told her what happened. This was all within 5 minutes or so. We knew we should take her to the ER to be safe, didn't think she would need stitches, but definitely antibiotics. My mom had put the dog away in her room, and I got Rory dressed. GG tried to give her a dose of Tylenol, but a moment later Rory exorcist-style puked all over the kitchen floor, me, mom, and Louie. Whoa, she'd never done that before. We took turns cleaning ourselves up & redressing. Man this was traumatic.

We made it to the ER, they looked at her, determined she didn't need any stitches & prescribed the antibiotics. They also had to call animal control and take down a statement about what happened with the dog. An animal control officer told us we could surrender her to quarantine for 10 days to determine she didn't have rabies. We knew she didn't and that she had a history of being ill tempered so we knew that the most humane thing to do was put her down.

My sister adopted Asteria from a shelter as a puppy, and soon was a variety of sicknesses. We'll never know what happened to her before she came to us, but she was always a very high-maintenance, nervous, fearful, and unpredictable animal. My sister did not have the time to devote to training her, and on various occasion she bit a view people. Over time we stopped having any guests over, and then she got out and attacked a neighbors dog. My mom actually paid the vet bills to have the dog taken care of. My sister actually looked into multiple doggy boarding schools and training facilities, but nothing was within our capability. We all hope that because she was exposed to my daughter everyday, it would be different. They lived together and played together as Rory grew. They were obviously fond of each other and "Roo-roo" was actually one of Rory's first words. But all it takes is once, and it was obvious that Asteria didn't attack Rory, but she nipped and could have easily injured, disfigured her, or worse. There's no risking it happening again. And we couldn't have her suffering in a cell at shelter, knowing she had a short horrifying life left before the inevitable. So my sister bought her some cheeseburgers and spent their last night together, then they went to the Animal Control office and put her to sleep first thing in the morning. It's very sad, and Rory keeps asking for Roo-Roo. 

So yeah, that was my fucking week.

Now on top of everything, we're smack dab in the middle of the north Texas flooding that's happening on the news. I'll write more if we're not washed away.

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May started out nicely, but this past week was pretty terrible. Fortunately it has all ended fairly well, and there is a lot to be thankful for. For one, I was able to wrap up most of my editing before things went to shit.

I have to own up to the fact that I did break the law, but I can't accept how stupid it is that possession of marijuana is still illegal where I live. I was pulled over for speeding on my way home from work Saturday. I didn't know I was speeding, the officer had his lights on up ahead of me & turned around behind me. I immediately rolled my windows down, I wasn't actively smoking, but I knew I had it in the car. He asked for my license & immediately asked me to step out of the vehicle. My heart sank, because I knew that meant I was already under arrest. He asked if I had it in the car, and I told the truth, hoping (stupidly) for leniency. I admitted I had some pot and a pipe & told him where they were. I shouldn't have said a fucking thing, & I should have refused a search. But I didn't. He told me I'd be placed under arrest & I beg him to do anything but arrest me so I could go home to my daughter. But instead of taking my shit and just writing me a couple tickets, he fucking arrested me for less than 2 grams of weed. Seriously. He let me call my sister, so she could bring my mom to pick up the car, instead of impounding it. I guess that's the bright side. 

Now in my opinion, being arrested & spending the night in jail are 2 different thing. And yeah, I had to fucking stay in the holding cell until arraignment with a judge the next morning. Again, I guess I'm lucky they even got a judge to come in on a Sunday. I do live in the Bible belt after all. On the drive, the cop told me I could lose my child to CPS and that smoking & driving was just as bad as drinking & driving. Once at the county jail, a female officer frisked me and took my belt,  my bra (because it had underwire), my shoes, my hair band, and my plugs. Other than that I stayed in my work jeans and t-shirt. Then after taking my information down, they put me in a holding cell with 4 other women. 

One was arrested for shoplifting from Walmart, one for a hit-and-run, one fell asleep driving and had a warrant for something else I'm not sure. The last had to sit the weekend out for not being able to pay her probation costs. They were all pretty sweet actually, consoled me when I cried about missing my daughter. Two of them had children also. The cell was a long white bricked room, with a small window in the door (with the view of a barren white walled hallway) and a silver toilet water fountain combo behind a waist high partition. A metal bench ran the span of one side. It smelled of BO & had a noticeable amount of long shedded hair on the floor. Did I mention we received no mats, no blankets, no books, & no sunlight. Just those long fluorescent bulbs, hot water from the fountain, and the peak through the tiny window of a CO every half hour or so were our only commodities. And there was a call button we used to ask for more toilet paper. 

I think it was 5 pm when we got trays for dinner. Spaghetti, spinach, some iceberg lettuce to resemble salad, a slice of bread and some banana cake & a cup of orange koolaid. It wasn't inedible, so I tried to eat as much as possible so I wouldn't feel starving later. I might've gotten half of it down, I was obviously too depressed to have any appetite. Around 11 pm we were given mats and blankets to sleep. I had barely closed my eyes before the door open and my names was called. They waited til midnight to take a mugshot and scan my finger prints. The faulty technological equipment used to stream line their processes took fucking forever, and 3 male officers shot the shit while I stood against the wall. What seemed like another 30 minutes went by before they took me back to the holding cell, where I tried to sleep on a couple inches of makeshift stuffing in a plastic bag on top of the concrete floor until they came and took them away again at 4 am. Literally 4 am. At 6 we got trays with cheerios, a slice of bread and a scoop of peanut butter, half a banana, a packet of jelly, the kiddie sized carton of milk & a cup of black instant coffee. Then a female officer took the other ladies, one by one to take a shower. I didn't get one because I hadn't been there over 24 hours, which was fine by me honestly. 






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A few weeks ago my mom helped me take photos of Aurora in her fairy costume. She's 15 months old here and she might as well be 2. I honestly can't think of much else to write now, I need to get some sleep and get a lot done tomorrow for Mother's Day weekend.

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Channeling my sixteen year old self & when I began practicing photography with self portraiture. This is the most creative I've been in a long time, although I have to say this was inspired by Mykie's (Glam&Gore) Avant Garde Splatter makeup video. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvY1IETQ59U) Obviously I don't have badass lashes and contacts laying around, but at least I had some Kryolan Aquacolors & Sugarpill loose eyeshadows from a decade ago...

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