Half of the time I have felt un appreciated and the more I grow up the more its shown clearly to my face. Its very easy to say to someone you appreciate and love them but its very hard to prove it. Half of the time we think that we do show it, and you tell yourself I know I show it but looking back maybe it has not been seen clearly to the other person who is receiving.
I believe that actions speaks louder than words even though action can be the most important however there is equal importance to both saying and showing. I always grown to believe that growing up everything will get better but it seems to get worser. There is a time when we are almost there to achieve but its never happening or it happens in a spectacular way than expected. Sure everyone is scared of the future, thats what I believe but I know the future has its mystery. I do believe in God and 80% of times I leave it to him however I have worked hard to achieve what I want and believing that pulling my own strengths will also prove to God that I want it.
My point is, I have had hard times that I has taught me the most lessons especially when I turned 17, thats when I started to see a clear picture of the world and waking up to reality, I sure thought that everything will get better but I repeat it only gets worst. I mean I try to make myself better and setting myself goals but along the way, always challenges arise. I have learnt that I am sensitive even when I know I am strong. I thought that I deserve things in my life but then again I realise nothing can be handled to our hands freely unless you have some sort of return or by just working hard to get it, so my plan was I go and get it and I am still trying to get it. But I do have a fascination of why others get it without trying, but then we are different and have different destinies. But why? I always ask myself. I know what I want but then I normally don't get what I want, I get the opposite or even better which I am grateful, the pain I feel for not getting with the happiness of getting even better makes a combination of my life.
I have insecurity with myself and hesitation to everything I am doing, I always feel that I make everything happen by the little faith that I have and the boat to help me barely pass by to my destination. I constantly have fear which ends with me turning down the best opportunities I could ever have. However I always love truly and keep trying. I am always disappointed by people or by something that I truly put my 100% compassion to and I am so confused in understanding if I am getting disappointed or am I the one disappointing. I fail to understand that this is normal and only I had been too available and trying to please everyone only to end up an happy within myself. But then I am only starting to understand my own WORTH!.