8.43 on a Monday night:
Today was the day when I first experienced a "small" cultural shock. I'm not sure if that's the right word to describe the feeling I have all but it's as close as I can get. It really strikes all of a sudden, like a shock (therefore the name). What the hell am I doing?? It's only been two weeks and I'm already feeling like this. Will I even make a year? It's so frustrating to say things with people not understanding what and it's hard to not know anything. I have to ask people questions all the time and I feel like a child. I can't find my way around here and nothing feels familiar except for my old teddy bear and my boyfriends t-shirt. I miss my mum and her hand stroking through my hair when I'm sad, I miss my boyfriend and his big warm hugs, I miss my siblings even though they get on my nerves sometimes, I miss my dog and how she always would cheer me up after a rough day by snuggling up next to me in bed. I miss my friends so much. I just miss the familiar things and I miss not feeling scared and vulnerable and alone. I've never done anything like this and it's very hard to explain how I feel.
Of course I knew everything would be different, I just didn't expect this reaction from myself. It's very fun and exciting with all the new things, but for me, it's also very frustrating in the beginning to try to adapt. Things that I always have known and things that were "right" in Sweden could be wrong here.
Don't get me wrong, there are so many things I like about my life here and I'm so happy for being here. I really like school, my friends and my family here!!! It's just very exhausting with rapid changes and it's sometimes hard experiencing all the cultural differences. I love New Zealand, I love being here but growing up is hard. Especially when you do it this fast.