okay so as a girl who is and always has been very small, what i did the other day surprised not only the people around me, but also myself. what did i do? i joined wrestling. that’s right, the one who complains about literally everything physically challenging joined one of the most difficult and aggressive sports out there. let me tell you, it is not easy. i have never done this much physical activity in my life. my muscles hurt and i get pinned every single time, but i’m proud that i’m actually putting forth an effort to better myself. i’m not in a very good place right now and haven’t been for awhile. mentally, at home, with my friends- things have just been bad and the only way to describe me has been “a mess”. but wrestling makes me feel strong. stronger than the people who try to bring me down, stronger than myself. now i know that’s an oxymoron, but it has meaning. when i say i’m stronger than myself, i mean my mind. i’m not nice to myself and i don’t like myself... but joining this sport has completely changed my mind set. of course i’m not going to automatically love myself, but at least now i’m not tearing myself down, but rather bettering myself. i know it sounds cliche, but i’m gradually getting to a better place and that makes me happier than anything.

bye, losers.

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​hello again. it is another day that i am stuck in this concrete prison. i mean, i can't complain... it's better than being home alone all the time. that gets boring. i don't like being alone with myself. today’s post is a bit shorter because i didn’t have time to finish so goodbye for now,

losers. 

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i am the new kid. you know how that goes... or maybe you don't. but let me just tell you, it's not easy. i joined in the middle of the school year so everybody already knows everybody and every attractive person has a significant otther. but my problems do not lie in the halls of Benzie Central High school, my problems lie in icy blue eyes that once melted my heart but have now frozen it for him and him alone. but these problems started far before i started at Benzie. they started four years ago when i looked at my best friend and thought 'when did he get hot?'. yeah... pathetic, i know. FOUR YEARS AND I AM STILL IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND. i regret it. (take notes, kids.) looking at him like that changed my life. BUT i am not here to spill my heartbreak. that's irrelevant... for now. 

the hour is up and i'm leaving you for now. 

bye, losers.

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