There has been a lot going on now!
I got an appointment to the adult mental health care center this week, I'm going to meet my doctor again and talk about how I felt that I was miss treated and open up the discussion about Mirtazapin as a was to counter my sleeping difficulties and my depression in one go. I also want to discuss Concerta vs Ritalin and what my possibility are.
It is idiotic that I as a patient has to contact the chef of my doctor to get to discuss medicin that I was sent there to discuss... But! I have big hopes for this new discussion, and I will do my best not to get passively mad on my doctor, me feeling resentment to the place that is suppost to fix me is not good.
CSN has finally stopped making my life difficult (After 6 months) so I went to the hair dresser, bought hair color and wax for waxing my eye brows (yes, I'm extremely lazy with my eye brows), decor plastic and fixed the ugly side of my freezer, and hopefully if I get my thumb out of my ass, I will go shopping for food tomorrow!
I'm really happy with my new hair, my toes are healing and I just have to keep on fighting!
I'm sorry. I'm really trying to be positive, to find the silver lining. I've been buying things and fixing myself to make myself feel pretty and stuff but I just... I don't want to write another depressing post about how everything sucks and how I feel worthless. I'm desperate to not feel this way any more, I don't want to be that kind of person, the kind no one wants to be around because I'm sad all the time. I've been trying, and I'm still trying. I want to stab myself in the chest, I want to feel my heart to stop beating. If I got the choice to die fast and pain-less with no worries about everything I would take it. I keep fighting every day, but as soon the night falls I have no energy left. I will keep my smile at day, but at night I want to die. And I'm so sorry for not having more strength.