You never know the biggest day of your life is going to be the biggest. The days you think are going to be big ones they are never as big as you make them how to be in your head. It’s the regular days, the ones that start out normal, those are the days that end up being the biggest. And today was the wedding, it was beautiful… perfect!
You don’t recognise the biggest day of your life, not until you’re right in the middle of it. The day to commit to something or someone, the day you get your heart broken, the day you meet your soul mate, the day you realise there’s not enough time because you wanna live forever. Those are the biggest days, the perfect days… you know? – Izzie Stevens
Remember when we were little, and we’d accidentally bite a kid on the playground? Our teachers would go, “Say you’re sorry.” and we would say it, but we wouldn’t mean it. Because the stupid kid we bit… totally deserved it. But, as we get older, making amends isn’t so simple. After the playground days are over, you can’t just say it, you have to mean it. Of course, when you become a doctor, “sorry” is not a happy word. It either means “You’re dying and I can’t help”, or it means, “This is really gonna hurt.”
As doctors, we can’t undo our mistakes, and we rarely forgive ourselves for them. But it’s a hazard of the trade. But as human beings, we can always try to do better, to be better, to right a wrong, even when it feels irreversible. Of course, “I’m sorry” doesn’t always cut it. Maybe because we use it so many different ways. As a weapon, as an excuse. But when we are really sorry, when we use it right, when we mean it, when our actions say what words never can… when we get it right, “I’m sorry” is perfect. When we get it right, “I’m sorry” is redemption. – Meredith Grey
Defeat isn't an option. Not for surgeons. We don't back away from the table til the last breath's long gone. Terminal's a challenge. Life threatening's what gets us out of bed in the morning. We're not easily intimidated. We don't flinch. We don't back down. And we certainly don't surrender. Not at work anyway.
To do our jobs we have to believe defeat is not an option. That no matter how sick our patients get there's hope for them. But even when our hopes give way to reality and we finally have to surrender to the truth, it just means we've lost today's battle. Not tomorrow's war. Here's the thing about surrender - once you do it, actually give in - you forget why you were even fighting in the first place. – Meredith Grey
Surgeons are all messed up. We're butchers. Messed up, knife happy, butchers. We cut people up. We move on. Patients die on our watch. We move on. We cause trauma, we suffer trauma. We don't have time to worry about how all the blood and death and crap really makes us feel.
It doesn't matter how tough we are. Trauma always leaves a scar. it follows us home, it changes our lives. Trauma messes everybody up. But maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up. Before we can step up. – Alex Karev
Surgeons aren't known for being warm and cuddly. They're arrogant, impatient, mean as often as not. You'd think they wouldn't have friends, 'cause who could stand them? But surgeons are like a bad cold. Nasty, but persistent.
Practicing medicine doesn't lend itself well to the making of friends. Maybe because life and mortality are in our faces all the time. Maybe because, in staring down death everyday, we're forced to know that life, every minute, is borrowed time. And each person we let ourselves care about is just one more loss somewhere down the line. For this reason, I know some doctors who just don't bother making friends at all. But the rest of us, we make it our job to move that line, to push each loss as far away as we can. – Meredith Grey
Every surgeon I know has a shadow. A dark cloud of fear and doubt that follows even the best of us into the OR. We pretend the shadow isn't there, hoping that if we save more lives, master harder techniques, run faster and farther, it'll get tired and give up the chase. But like they say, you can't outrun your shadow.
Every surgeon has a shadow. And the only way to get rid of a shadow is to turn off the lights. To stop running from the darkness. And face what you fear. Head on. – Meredith Grey
There's this thing that happens when people find out you're a doctor; they stop seeing you as a person and begin to see you as something bigger than you are. They have to see us that way, as gods, otherwise we're just like everyone else, unsure, flawed, normal. So we act strong, we remain stoic. We hide the fact that we're all too human.
Patients see us as gods.Or they see us as monsters. But the fact is we're just people. We screw up. We lose our way. Even the best of us have our off days. Still we move forward. We don't rest on our laurels or celebrate the lives we've saved in the past...because there's always some other patient that needs our help. So we force ourselves to keep trying, to keep learning, in the hope that, maybe, someday, we'll come just a little bit closer to the gods our patients need us to be. – Meredith Grey
Every patient's story starts the same way; it starts with them being fine. It starts in the before. They cling to this moment, this memory of being fine, this before, as they're talking about it may somehow bring it back. But what they don't realise is that the fact that they're talking about it to us, their doctors, means there's no going back. By the time they see us they're already in the after.
And while every patient’s story starts the same way, how the story ends depends on us, on how well we diagnose and treat. We know the story hinges on us and we all want to be the hero. – Meredith Grey
Any first year med-student knows that an increased heart rate is a sign of trouble. A racing heart could indicate anything from a panic disorder to something much, much more serious. A heart that flutters, or one that skips a beat could be a sign of a secret affliction, or it could indicate romance, which is the biggest trouble of all.
It seems we have no control whatsoever over our own hearts. Conditions can change without warning. Romance can make the heart pound, just like panic can. And panic can make it stop cold in your chest. It's no wonder doctors spend so much time trying to keep the heart stable. To keep it slow, steady, regular. To stop the heart from pounding out of your chest. From the dread of something terrible or the anticipation of something else entirely. – Meredith Grey