Breakups are hard.

Broken hearts, broken promises, it's all quite a mess.

But never before did I link a broken relationship to a broken friendship.

What are you supposed to do when the friend who came to you for all the hard times just about shuts you out when it all comes to a head?

I was sure as hell stuck for answers.

Give them space? Push back for their own good?

I thought maybe trying to find a balance of both would do it but now I'm not so sure.

It's not the same. And I don't know if it's just me or if something really did change. Of course I can't ask because if it's all in my head then I end up being a terrible friend who only thinks of themselves. But if it's real, well shouldn't the person who stood by you and only ever tried to look out for you get some answers?

I never seem to know what to do...

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What to do?

When the butterflies that had been dormant for so long start flapping their wings hesitantly.

When you can't help but smile when you look at them.

When it hurts your heart to see them upset.

When you can't help but swoon when they remember the small things.

But you're still not sure.

Because despite all the good you can't help but doubt if something could ever truly be there.

When what you feel is so far from anything you've ever felt before you don't even know what to call it.

When all you want to do is know every detail about them, and have them know the same of you.

When all your walls have been broken down and you have no plans of rebuilding.

But you can't get in their head.

You can't know if whatever it is you're feeling would ever be reciprocated.

And you fear an end before you've even seen a beginning.

So what to do.

When all the rules you used to follow don't seem to apply and all your heart wants to do is fly.


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Thank you.

For the good, the bad, and everything in between.

I can't tell you how much it meant to me. Means to me.

I remember everything and while I can't ignore the nights I spent crying myself to sleep because I wished with all my heart we had had a different ending, I wouldn't change a thing.

There may never have been a stolen kiss, but there was a stolen heart.

I think it's time I took it back.

You'll always have a place in that heart, even if it isn't in the way I had hoped it would be so long ago.

I don't think you know, or will ever know, how much you helped shape me into who I am today, but for that I am grateful.

You showed me what it was to speak before thinking in the best way possible. You showed me what it was to trust. To be open. To be valued. To be vulnerable.

And let me tell you... I'm never going back.

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