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when i lie awake at nigh gazing up at the stars many thought cross my mind. only at this time of day can my mind drift of and the process of overthinking begins and consumes me. to identify ones feelings may be hard but to work through them and expressing them can be harder. i am a person full of emotions ripping the inside of my ribe cage to get out and to fill this world with its passion but to pass they need to be identified. I am a person full with feelings i can not express. i can only explain how they feel and ill try to do so. the warm tingly feeling you get in your belly when he compliments your eyes and touches your hand. it’s exiting and new and every time he leans in to kiss you, you can feel your heart skip a beat. the wave of anxiety that hits you when the person you trusted your life with is the one to barry the knife in your back. the feeling when your eyes tear up and then roll over like a flood during raining season. i realized that all these feelings often haunt me causing me different amounts of distress. during me years i have discovered that the only way to let these feeling out is to let them consume all of you. let them take over and dominate, be one with your madness and be one with your happiness. let the passion pulsing in your veins explode and cover everything around you. The only way to get rid of the emotions that are causing you to not sleep at night is to accept that they are a part of you and to learn how to co exist with them. they re a part of you and just like a human they grow, feed and evolve into bigger and stronger beings. baby, the thing i love the most about you is that the passionate glow in your eyes, the child in you is still not dead and i hope you do the best to never lose that part of you. as we grow up we learn to cover and disguise our emotions because we know that simply nobody cares, so why cant I. writing helps, writing helps a lot. the ink that fills the paper at the same time drowns my soul. so i fill papers to avoid to feel. but sometimes even that is not enough and i only have one last resort left, to bad i haven't found what that might be yet.

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He liked to write the words his mouth never dared to speak. he used to sing the feeling his heart never dared to let out. he liked to fuck the girls he never dared to get to know.


her legs were as open as the book i read is. but after the would never ask how she way. her soul was the purest of all but they never saw this. they only see what you show them. never show them you being weak.


she was sad but she did not know why. she wrote a poem she would later use as a Instagram caption.


pain is like a knife in the soul but love is like salt in a wound but baby for you i would create the most beautiful riots. 


i turn my pain to art. my words is my art. never tell me it isn’t. pain is only relevant if it is still hurting and since i feel nothing pain is not a problem for me. don't listen I'm lying baby.


why do i crave the attention of people that she me as nothing. i crave it as a addict craves his next tripp. i crave it as loneliness craves love.


life is fleeting,  only death is eternal. love is fleeting, only pain is eternal. satisfaction is fleeting, only crave is eternal. knowledge is fleeting, only ignorance is eternal. friendships are fleeting, only loneliness is eternal. beauty is the most fleeting things of all. treat your soul, feed it with art and keep it pure and beautiful. worship it. beauty is the most fleeting things of all. 


if i could i would paint my heart but since i can't paint i will try to put it on paper using words. i thought i knew who i was but no little girl. I'm just discovering myself. my feeling, my cravings, my preferences. i want everything and nothing. i want him to myself but i want him out my bed before morning comes. i want love but i through the flowers he buys me in his face. not knowing is scary  


baby use your words. speak about the unfairness in this world, no scream them. let everybody know what is hiding in you. everybody has a story and i could listen to yours until my ears bleed. for you baby i would create the most beautiful riots. i would collect you every pearl in the oceans. tell me you love back plz. 


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Ja Lars du läste rätt, ännu en arg feminist är här för att "förgifta" små tjejernas tankar med nonsens.

feminism subst. [femin'is:m] (feministen, några feminister)

När man kämpar för att kvinnor ska ha t.ex lika mycket makt som män

Där på sida 225 i Natur och kulturs svenska ordlista ifrån 2001står definitionen till Sveriges mest misstolkade, hatade och fruktade ord. F- ordet. och nej jag menar inte fuck utan jag menar det andra ordet som är precis lika tabu. Feminism. Jag sitter här ock skriver ett brev så alla ni byggnadsarbetargubbar och kostymsnissar med en medeltidsmentalitet som tycker att tonårstjejer med stora trutar ska hålla sig på sin plats håll i hatten för här kommer ett brev från en arg feminist och på ynka 2000 ord ska jag förklara just varför.

Jag scrollar ned för min instagram feed och där framför mig med 9385 likes är en bild på Zara Larsson i en transparent blus med en bildtexten som lyder " free the nipple" hatet som öser i kommentarsfältet får mig att rulla ögonen precis på samma sätt som jag gör när SD har något "smart" att säga. "feminist jävel" "kvinnor ska ses men inte höras" "varför hatar feminister männ?" osv osv. Jag fick en sådan lust att kommentera något, försvara mig och mitt folk. men visste att min lilla kommentar bara skulle försvinna i cyberrymden av ett ös av kommentarer så jag bestämde mig för att spara min energi.

Jag är så trött på herrarnas konstanta nedvärdering, förlöjligande och tjat om hur "feminismen har gått för långt" den ojämna makt fördelningen,mansdominansen i samhället, våldtäkter och våld i nära relationer, skönhets idealen,själv destruktiva ätstörningar och bantninshets,obetalda arbetet, och löneskillnaderna bevisar precis motsatsen. Rapporterna om orättvisor som går i taket i världens mest så kallade jämställda land, i ett land där det finns mer män med namnet Johan med chefs positioner än vad det finns kvinnor. Vi lever i en värld där min framtid som kvinnor i förväg redan är bestämd och inte innehåller den en karriär eller någon slags framgång utan snarare bebisdregel och ett medlemskap i en patetisk yogakurs för gravida.

Jag vill göra revolt. jag har lust att färga håret blått och tatuera in F!:s logga på armenen och stå på Sergelstorg med megafon och predika, jag vill att kommande generationer ska leva i en bättre värld men jag är för ordinär. Jag har inte orakade armhålor och jag har inte bränt mina BH:ar, så jag antar att jag inte är en tvättäkta feminist ännu. fan.

dag för dag vaknar vi upp i en värld där det är något fult att kalla sig själv feminist. Emma Watson och andra superstjärnor får kalla sig själv för feminister för då är det så himla coolt, men vi som jobbar 9 to 5 är rädda. jag är också rädd. Det har blivit som en reflex när någon frågar om jag är feminist att jag svarar"jag vill att kvinnor och män ska ha lika rättigheter" men lilla vännen lyft blicken och läs definitionen av att vara feminist.

så systrar, brudar, mammor, flator och alla ni bitterfittor där ute. Ni som precis som jag är trötta på att bli placerade i ett fint litet fack som bestämmer hur ni ska bete er och vara, res er upp och skaka av er. Tala högre och var inte rädd att andra ska döma er. Våga stå upp för det ni känner och var inte rädda att kalla er för feminister bär istället den slogan med samma stolthet som en modell på catwalken bär 15/16 vår kollektionen. skratta högre, våga bryta upp dina egna stigar istället för att gå på deras asfalterade motorvägar. var häller en nagel i deras öga än ännu en kvinna som faller i en nigning. Dom kommer att skratta åt dig och de kommer att prata bakom din rygg. Dom kommer att frukta dig.

"Jag är ingen mans hatare tvärtom jag älskar män med deras gudomliga colognes." - en smart brud (jag)

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​I feel so bad, usually when I fel this way crying helps but now not a single tear is coming. I feel like I can't breath, like something heavy is laying on my chest. I'm pushing away people that care for me, I'm spending nights in different beds with men who don't respect me and i'm hurting myself by not eating in a healthy way. I'm hurting myself and people around me and i can't seem to stop. i HATE MYSELF FOR DOING THIS. I'm tired, i'm all out of energy. I cant find the energy to get out of bed. I don't have energy to perform my daily ruitines and the worst part is that the person who always stands by my side is the person i can't look in the eyes anymore. 

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Butterflies in my belly. flying around. their wings are tickling my stomach, making me laugh. I was walking on a summer meadow, I was smelling the summer flowers, he was fading aways so slowly they were not even noticing. The sun was kissing our skin with the same tenderness of a mother kissing her baby goodnight. We were happy, we were  hiding away were nobody could ever find us. Our little paradise. I said that i had the worst day of my life and only when I fell into your arms I could breath fully and you told me that even the worst of days only have twenty-four hours. What I  would do  to spend every single one of them with you.  /N

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I love tilting my head back looking at the stars above
I love feeling the summer breeze blow through my hair
I love reading the backside of the milk carton with my sister laughing
I love waking up and seeing the winter-wonder land after it has snowed during the night
I love the smell of man-cologne
I love it when during the summers the light of the sun rising shines me in the face waking me up
I love it when you slow dance and his hand moves down to your hip
I love the feeling just before I start writing a new novel
I love the feeling when I open the page of a new book
I love sitting in my bed whit hot tea talking to my best friend
I love the feeling just before the plane takes of and the feeling just when it lands
I love the smell of animals
I love seeing old pictures from when I was truly happy
I love life.


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I sometimes lie awake at night staring into the hallow white light of a moon that looks like a toenail. I look over the blank veil of the little pond that homes ducks during the summer. I smell the sweet nectar of the colorful flowers crowding an open field. I Feel the warm glow of our only sun on my bare skin during the warm days of spring. I hear the sweet sound of my lovers laughter in my ear and I feel the warm handprints burning on every place he's tucked me. I sometime lie awake at night dreaming instead of sleeping. //N

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To be completely honest my love life is a mess and if you want to be happy you should definitely not listen to me. Now when we got that out of the way i would just like to explain why I am so cynical when i comes to love, relationships and all that other pink coated heart filled bobo crap. Have you ever seen a Hollywood movie about love? (everybody has am i wright?) the way the girl talks about how sad she is and that all men are D-bags etc... and just when she is at her lowest a guy comes and sweeps her of her feet. He does a cute romantic over the top gesture in a goofy but amazing way and then they lived happily ever after. Do you recognize any of this? it would not surprise me if you did because i just described every romantic comedy movie ever made. This my fellow ladies is all lies and it is the hollywood business's fault for making us believe that that is going to happen to us. Life is not like a movie and if you believe it is you are going to en up disappointed. I am sorry. 

Last time a meet this guy with that special sparkle in his eye was this summer. we walked as we watched the sunset and everything was beautiful and perfect. One side of me was all over him and could only see hearts and flowers, but the other side of me tried to tame the beast who was falling for him. Every time i meet a guy i am remotely interested in it is like my body is a battle field team love vs. team reality. The cynical part of me is litterely trying to fight the naive happy side of me, the side that believes my true match is out there. 

Writing this i am realizing i don't really have a point somewhere in alle this blabber. all i am trying to write is that shit you see in movies is fake and it is never going to happen to me that is what my cynical side is saying but my other side is hoping more than anything that is does. At the end of the day it is all about what you want. //N

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