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Hi guys! I thought since I kind of was itching to write for a bit that I would make a little post talking about saying goodbye, and especially saying goodbye as an au pair. 

If you haven't been an au pair you're probably wondering why I make it seem like it's different, but trust me, it is. Because as an au pair, you have to go through goodbyes a lot. First of all, to your own family before you leave. That goodbye is one of the strangest things, because you're all excited about the adventure that awaits you, and so are they, but you still have to say goodbye to each other. You're going off to live in another house, and they are going back to your house that now has an empty room that used to be well, yours. You know they can come visit, and that you will be facetiming regularly, but it's still going to be different. The thing is though, that you get used to it. You get used to being gone, and they get used to not having you around.

The thing with making friends as an au pair is that there is no exact date when you will all leave together. Sometimes you meet someone who has been there for months already, who's getting ready to go home. Sometimes you meet people that arrive around the same time as you, but who will leave early because of a problem, or will stay longer than you because that's what they want to do. We're all on our own personal journey. You get very close to the people you meet while you're away. I don't know how many times I've had discussions with my friends of how it doesn't seem like we've only known each other for a year. This experience is so intense, and for a short time these people become incredibly important to you. You need them. Then suddenly, it's time to say goodbye. If you're lucky, they live in the same country as you. You can see each other on weekends. You can keep in touch and support each other. But it's so different from before. And that is really sad. If you want to keep the strong bond you made, you both need to work on it. It's so easy to just - lose it.

I've said goodbye to three wonderful people now. Emmy, who's already back in Sweden. I already miss having her around. Jordan, who will be staying in the UK for a while, but who I won't be able to see again before I leave. Louise, who I spent the day with today in London as a little last hurrah before she leaves for a roadtrip. These three have been very important to me during my year here. They have made me laugh even when things were tough. They have understood me, and stood by me. I will never forget how much their friendship has meant to me.

Saying goodbye to your host family is probably the strangest one. I've been through it already, with my American one. You go from living with them, being part of the family, to suddenly being gone. You're replaced by someone else, a person who takes over the room you've slept in for the past year. Takes over the care of "your" children. You go from talking to them every day to occasionally talking to them when it works for you both. You're still part of their family, but at the same time you're not. If you haven't been through it, you will never truly understand what it's like. The kids do kind of become your kids, and suddenly you're just not going to see them anymore. They are going to continue to grow up, and you'll be watching it happen from the sidelines. It's a very strange feeling.

I would say I'm getting kind of good at goodbyes. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I guess I've kind of just accepted it? That this is how it is. Just because you have to say goodbye now, doesn't mean it's forever. You will be able to see them again. It won't be the same as before, but that's how life is, isn't it? I still have about a week left until I need to say my last goodbyes.

If you're reading this far, you should send a message to someone you haven't talked to in a while. Keep the flame alive, you know? It could turn out to be the best thing you've done today.

<3

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First of all, I know I haven't been blogging again. I'm not gonna do the whole excuses thing, so let's just say that this is a space that I can return to when I feel like it, and leave it at that.

Second of all, I want to talk about my current situation and the changes I've decided to make. Not because I have to explain myself to anyone, I just want to have my thoughts documented so if I'm ever doubting my decision, I can go back here and read.

I'm not staying in the UK. That probably comes as a surprise to some people, since I really planned to do exactly that. My au pair time is coming to an end and I was going to get a new job, study a distance program from Sweden, and stay in London. That was my plan until this weekend, when I realized that these plans were the exact reason why I've been feeling extremely ill and panicky for the last couple of weeks.

First off, I didn't get in to the program I wanted to study distance for. I did however, get into the one that is campus studies only. In Kristianstad, which is my home town in Sweden. Finding out about this, really turned everything over. Because I was set on studying. It's what I want to do this fall. I want to get my brain involved in school work again, I want to be able to get a degree in something. Being an au pair is nice, but I'm done. I've had enough of it now. I love kids, but right now I'm honestly ready to have a break from them. I'd like to just be responsible for myself for a while.

I thought I'd be able to still stay here, try to find work and just push the studying back for a bit. I realized, however, that I in no way am in the right financial situation to be able to live comfortably in London. If you aren't already aware, it's insanely expensive. I could probably manage if I had a bit more time, and found a decent job, but to be honest, it just isn't the right time for me. It was hard though, realizing this. Because my mind was so set on staying, while my chest and stomach were constantly tight with worry. I was worried of going back to Sweden and hating it. I was angry with myself for not realizing it sooner, because my late decision put my best friend in a hard situation as well. But when it came down to it, I had to face it. I need to think about what's best for me right now. Going back to Sweden, and going to school. Trying to save a bit of money. Finding opportunities to continue to grow while educating myself. That's what I need to do right now.

I've done so much since I graduated. I've been in America and the UK. I've met people I now know I will have the pleasure to know and love for a long time. I've worked on my confidence and the way I feel about myself. I've gotten so comfortable, just being me. Now I need to work on my future, build it up so that it can turn out as bright and happy as possible. I need to stop running for a while, you know?

I'm not planning on saying goodbye to London forever. I can actually really picture myself living here in the future. I've fallen in love with it, and I will return. When, I don't know. But when I do, I'll be ready to give living here a real shot.

I still have three more weeks until I fly back, and I plan to make the most of them, and appreciate everything I have here. My host children, who I know I will miss a lot when they aren't part of my everyday life anymore. All the little spots I've grown to love over London. My incredible, amazing friends who have made my year here so wonderful. I wouldn't change anything about my time here, and I feel so blessed to be able to say that after having had a successful time in America as well. I'm so fucking lucky and I know that. Hopefully, my luck will continue into the new chapter.

I'll see you on August 24th, Sweden! <3

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Let me tell you guys about last week, because a lot has happened that I need to document.

On Wednesday, I was in Camden with my two favorite people (Frida and E) and we had the most delicious freshly made pasta with pesto that I've ever had. I could seriously eat pasta with every meal, I have a problem. Anyway, I was so happy to spend my day with these two. As I'm writing this, Frida is in Sweden for a little holiday, and just because I know she'll read this I can tell you all right now how much I miss her already. *sad face* Come back soon, bestie.

On Saturday, Emmy and I had decided to take a little trip out of London to see something new! Our destination was Oxford, which is very easy to get to by bus! You guys probably know that Oxford is the city of Oxford University, which is super cool. It's a really beautiful city with lots of incredible old buildings, churches and even a castle. We managed to see quite a lot, although most things were closed because of the Queen's birthday, which was a bummer. I'm also suffering with a cold at the moment and was coughing through most of the day. Still, I enjoyed the trip a lot and Emmy is the best travel buddy! <3

To finish off the week, I somehow managed to get three of my awesome friends (Emmy, Louise and Amanda) together for a day of standing by a barrier for 6 hours. It sounds ridiculous I know, but look. I had found out through the internet (tumblr) that there was going to be filming for the fourth season of Sherlock on "Baker street" (the show doesn't actually film on Baker street) and I knew that I had to try and be there because well, DUH. I live in London, I'm obsessed with Sherlock, it just had to happen. Luckily, I had my crew with me! #cranelock (Inside joke)

The time passed surprisingly quickly, and even though I didn't actually get to see that much of the filming because it started really late and I was too far away, it was still one of the most fun days I've had here. I can now say I've been on the same street at the same time as Benedict Cumberbatch (!!!!!!!) was there, I've been really close to Mark Gatiss taking pictures with fans, and Emmy and I watched Amanda Abbington and Martin Freeman (!!!!!!!!) from like, no distance at all. Still not really over that last part.

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So the weekend is the time I get to really go out and enjoy my time off with my friends without having to worry about coming back to pick up kids or to have an early morning. On Friday after work I jumped on the train to get to Hackney, where my dear best friend Frida lives. We got some coconut yoghurt and mango (which by the way is the best combination) and watched Angus, thongs and perfect snogging, which if you haven't seen it is one of the best British movies you can watch. Seriously, it's hilarious and the second hand embarrassment level is HIGH.

I slept at Frida's of course, and in the morning we headed over to this new place that has opened close to her, Palm vaults, which is SUCH a cute place. Seriously, the Instagram potential it has is amazing. I got an iced latte in a mason jar (!!!) and a delicious halloumi muffin. I'll be going back there for sure.

After we finished we headed to Westfield in Stratford and met Amanda, had a little stroll before heading out to central London. We had great time and got some Swedish treats, which is always the best. You don't realize how much you miss some things before you've been gone from Sweden for a while, I'll tell you.

On Sunday, Emmy and I had planned a day out in one of our favorite spots in London, Regent's park. It's such a nice park, and it's by Baker street, for all you Sherlock Holmes fans out there! We got burritos at Chipotle and had a little picnic. It was delicious.

After eating we ended up walking around the park, taking some pictures, finding some weird events, before we ended the day by going to see Whiskey, tango and foxtrot at the cinema in Leicester square. I finally got to see it, and it didn't disappoint. Tina Fey really is one of my favorites, and Martin Freeman was ridiculously hot in it, just a fair warning. I had a very nice weekend, and I could say so much but I think I'll let the pictures have the forefront this time. Summer is back! <3

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Finally, after over a week of not seeing each other, I was reunited with my Emmy Pemmy today. She's been in Sweden (I know right, leaving me for Sweden? No friendship points there!) Kidding. Anyway, she's back now, and I'm very happy. I really need my Emmy time, that much is clear. She's one of those people that I feel brings out the most fun and ridiculous side of myself, I hardly ever laugh as much as I do in her presence. Everyone should have a friend like that. <3

I started my day with a cup of coffee in one of my favorite mugs, this adorable one that Louise gave me for my birthday. Like almost every morning, I enjoyed my breakfast while watching GMM. I'm a bit obsessed, not going to lie, and right now I'm working my way through the earlier seasons, the third to be exact. Anyone else a Good Mythical Morning fan? If you have no idea what I'm talking about, then you should educate yourself, like now, because you're missing out on hilarious and thought-provoking videos.


Around lunch time, I headed into Kingston to see Emmy, and we ended up at The slug and lettuce, which is a really nice pub/restaurant with great price on food. I've kind of fallen in love with their vegetarian lasagna, the goat cheese really does it for me.

After we finished, we headed over to Starbucks. If you're ever in Kingston, go to the Starbucks on Clarence street, it's basically my favorite place ever. The staff is incredibly nice and Emmy and I have sort of made a name for ourselves there, being featured TWICE on their Instagram. We hadn't been for a while, so we definitely made up for it, giggling and speaking about ridiculous things for two hours. The manager came out after a while and smiled and waved when he spotted us. That's how you know you've made it. Also, let me just say that snapchat filters are everything to me. Especially the grumpy down turned mouth.

I wore one of my favorite dresses that I got for like 8 pounds from Forever 21, which is a total steal. Let's just say that stripes is one of my favorite fashion trends at the moment. It also goes perfectly with my 107 Kate Moss lipstick from Rimmel, which is my favorite. The cat nose and whiskers I can't take credit for, sadly. Thanks snapchat!

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I'm here. Yes, this is Emma, writing to you again from an (at the moment) dark and rainy London. I've had a bit of a blog break, as you can probably tell. To be honest I'm sure most of you haven't really noticed, thanks for that by the way. (Jokes.) I'm going to try to get into this again because I do love to have somewhere to write about my everyday life, and I know I will regret it so much in the future if I didn't try. I'm not going to try and go through everything that has happened since I last updated you because none of us has got time for that. Instead, I'm going to tell you about my day with two of my favorite people. 

Frida and I had already decided that I was going to be spending the day with her and her host child, so I headed out in the rain after finishing up my own work, and met them at the Geffrye museum in Hoxton. I have to say it was definitely the most boring one I've been at so far. We were supposed to join a children's workshop but it was full, so we ended up having a quick look around (Frida and I managed to get E very pumped about all the chairs they had on display) before we sat down with a hot drink each. Hot chocolate for me, of course. E went all in with her huge baby chino, as if she could get more adorable.


After deciding to give up on the museum, we headed over to Byron, which lucky for us was in walking distance. It wasn't really raining anymore but the wind was still going strong. If you haven't been, Byron is basically this really cool hamburger place with delicious food. The staff was super nice and we got to color with crayons, could you ask for more? Oh and they'd added cheese fries to the menu. SO GOOD.

After eating and seeing Frida's host mom who works near Byron, we took the bus to Frida's host family's house, where we got busy playing with Playdoh, something you can never get too old for, if you ask me. I made a family of snails (naturally) and E was very impressed. You might wonder why I would want to spend my free time with a 2 year old while my 3 year olds are at nursery? Because she's one of my favorites, and I love the bond I've created with her over to time Frida and I have been friends. Trust me, it's impossible not to love her.

It's after days like these when I'm once again reminded how lucky I am to have great people around me. So make sure to appreciate the people in your life, and spend some time with a 2 year old if you can. Trust me, it's a lot more fun than you might think.

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You know that feeling you have when you suddenly start feeling really good and motivated? Like maybe you usually can't be bothered to really do things because you kind of fall into a routine? That's been me for a while. But something happened this week, and I don't know why but suddenly I have this rush of inspiration to change that routine. Maybe it's because this is a shorter work week because of easter. Maybe it's because my mom and my sisters are coming to visit me on Saturday. I don't know, but I just feel, well, good!

Yesterday, I finally went and got a library card. Oh my god I just realized how lame that sounded, being excited about a library card. But okay, listen. I love to read, I just never read. I want to try to change that. How do I start it? By getting a library card and rereading the Harry Potter series. I'm on chamber of secrets now, and I'm so glad I've started reading them again. If you didn't know, Harry Potter was a huge part of my childhood (says every 90s kid ever).

Today, I decided to head to one of the gyms in the Kingston area, and I'm going to head back there after this to finalize my three month membership. I miss working out. I'm blessed with being one of those people who thinks it's fun. So why not work out?? They have tons of classes that I plan on participating in, and I'm really excited about it! I want to really get into a work out routine again because it makes me feel so good. It's not necessarily about losing weight, even though I wouldn't mind that. It's more about having something to do and being active, feeling good about what I spend my time on.

So I have a library card and a gym membership, and it's making me feel ridiculously accomplished. God, I'm such a nerd. That's alright though.

Now I have to finish this post off because I really need to pee. I'll add some pictures of me and one of the reasons I have such a good life here in London. #bäztabäztizar


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Hi blog! I just got back from a day out in my beloved Kingston, which by the way one of the greatest towns in the London area, if you're thinking of going traveling. I couldn't recommend it enough, it's got pretty much everything you need.

I met up with Wiebke, who I hadn't seen in months. We met up a few times last year, but lost contact. I'm so happy we decided to see each other today though because it was like no time had passed. She's fun to be around and I feel like we get along so well. We had some food at Byron and then met up with Jordan at Starbucks. Jordan is also one of those people I don't get to see half as much as I'd like to, but every time we see each other we just go right back to where we left off. Wiebke had to leave us sadly, but Jordan and I had a walk around Kingston and did a tiny bit of shopping.

Spending the day with them both really brought my mood up a 100 %. I wasn't exactly unhappy when I left the house this morning, but I can definitely feel the difference now. That's what people do to you. I think it's so incredibly interesting and fascinating. How just seeing a person can help you feel better. Even just a text from Frida can help if I'm feeling down.

Laughing is so important. I laugh a lot. Can hardly have a conversation with someone without at least a little giggle at the end. But sometimes I forget how good it makes me feel. Just to let myself laugh. Sometimes when I'm with my host kids I'm so busy concentrating on getting things done and making sure it's done right that I almost miss out on their hilarious comments. One of my favorite things is when we all just crack up and laugh at nothing. The twins tend to start each other off and once they are both belly laughing it's impossible not to laugh with them.

I never feel better than I do when I'm with my friends. It can be sitting at Starbucks with Emmy for two hours, selfie stick in the air while people stare. It can be sitting next to Frida on her bed, both in PJ's with snacks around us, planning our future. It's when Louise and I talk in any accent that isn't our own.

Tonight I'm going to try and laugh as much as I can, and appreciate the three amazing kids I get to care for.

Appreciate the people you love and don't stop laughing!

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Hi guys! I know it's been a while since I posted anything on here, but I will just use the excuse that life is moving forwards and I just kind of need to hang on for the ride the best I can. Right now I'm seated at Starbucks, a place that always gives me a chance to get my feelings down on here. Emmy is right in front of me on her own laptop, obviously.

So, I wasn't sure what I wanted to write about earlier, but something happened a couple of hours ago that just made me feel - ugh. I don't know. So, I'm on tinder. Yes, I know, shocker. I'm not exactly a tinder person, although to be honest, everyone is on there now, aren't they? You can't really say that anymore because it doesn't matter what kind of person you are, you're still probably on there for one reason or another. I get that most people are on there to get a quick fuck. Excuse my language. I don't really feel the need to censor myself on my own blog. Most people look for a good time. I can respect that. What I think is a bit weird however, is how some people go about this.

I matched with a guy who seemed nice. He wrote to me, and I replied with the usual, I'm good, how are you? His reply? Completely ignoring what I wrote, he followed with - I'm looking for a friend with benefits, are you up for it?

First of all, WOAH. We didn't even get through the "how are you" phase before he asked if I wanted to be fuck buddies. Way too early dude. You could have at least buttered me up a bit first. Not that I want that kind of deal at all, but hey, can I at least have some flirting before he tries to get into my pants?

Second of all, has that ever worked out for him? I hope not. I hope that even the girls that are on tinder for that kind of thing would need a bit more information about the guy before they agree to his "terms". I'm not saying there is anything wrong with having a friend with benefits. I'm sure it can be great! But I'm also fairly certain it can get complicated, quickly. And if it's with a guy who doesn't even bother to tell you how he is before he suggests it, I would bet my money on a shortly lived and not very satisfying arrangement.

Third of all, yes, when I like someone on tinder, I actually expect a real conversation. Long for a connection. Is that too much to ask? Should I just give up hope on this app? I don't know. Part of me is still just using it for the laughs. If you've never tried swiping with your friends, you should. It's hilarious.

I don't know why I reacted so strongly to this today. Maybe it's because it was women's day yesterday and I've read a lot of empowering things because of that. Maybe I'm just tired of people thinking they can use each other. Hey, at least I got a blog post out of it. I don't know if it will be interesting to any of you. I hope so. Make sure you get to know your tinder guy before you let him get to know too much of you.

That's it. I hope you're having a nice week!

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Hello blog! This is a quick post to let you all know that I'm reunited with Jara and it has been amazing. She got here on Thursday and she's leaving tomorrow morning (which is super sad btw, not gonna lie) but we've had such a good time. I'm exhausted after a day in Brigton, so I'll let the pictures speak for themselves. Jara, when you read this, you are the best and I'm so happy that I have you in my life. <3 I hope we'll continue being friends for a long time. Thanks for the birthday mug and all the laughs.

I hope you're all having a nice weekend.

<3

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