It´s difficult to start writting and try to find deepness in life when you have been partying all time long. I wish I had written every single feeeling and every single important thing that happenEd to me in this first month living abroad but instead I decided to live my life as always wanted: happy, free and without feeling guilty

MUNA AND GEORGE

People sometimes underestimates the power of living in a pretty place. I can say that the happiness that I´m feeling in largely explained by that. I don´t know why Muna chose me to live with her, I justed posted an advertisement in Spareroom when I was still living in Mexico mentioning that I was a MBA student moving to London in August, that I was looking for a quite place with tidy roomates and that I love music and football. After a couple of skype phone calls we made the final arragement and it couldn´t have chosen better. I live in West Hampstead in a beautiful mansion brick building, with a beautiful garden and a house full of art, books, a piano and two guitars. Muna always puts jazz music and she is great. She loves cooking, reading, she has a lot of culture and can talk about every single topic. Her parents are from Sudan but she was raised mostly in different countries such as the United Kingdom, Lebanon and the United States. She has a great understanding of life and her cultural intelligence is superior.

George is Muna's boyfriend and he is completly different . He is from Rumania, doesn´t read at all, he loves football and works in the construction sector on his own. He comes from a wealthy and educated family but he never liked to study. He was more into playing soccer and he was told to go to college he just told to his parents that he didn´t want to waste their money so he used the money to move to London instead. He has worked for many different construction companies but in the last years since a lot of people alrady knew him he decided to work under his own time and own rules. People call him every single week to make some jobs and I understand that he is doing good money. I like George, he feels proud of working in the construction sector and loves Muna. He was married before but only for three months. He is a good looking guy that eats all the time. He asks Muna to cook for him and he loves watching Britain´s Got Talent.

HULT BUSINESS SCHOOL

About the school I must say that Hult has exceeded my expectations because they were set up very low from the beginning.  I have only took few classes but they have been fun and I have enjoyed the interventions of my colleagues.  I have already made good friends with Kelsey from Kentucky, Esteban from Argentina, Elia from Turin, Jelena from Croatia, Macabee from Chicago, Melisa from LA, Rebeca from Germany, Aziz from Mauritania, etc.  I can´t name them all but so far  I guess that these guys have been my favorites.

I am in Team 5 and I will be working until December with David and Philip from Colombia, Aliah from Yemen, Yi from China and Erick from LA.  We have just delivered our first assigment but I´m pretty sure that we will do it fine as they look responsable.

There is a guy in the program that is great.  his name is Morten, he is from Denmark, his english is perfect and he has his own rockband and had taken stand up comedy classes.  He is so funny and intelligent that makes me wonder if he has more cousins or single friends for me in Denmark that are alike. He reminds me a little bit of Steve (a guy I  dated in Mexico) but cooler.  Steve is not as funny and as natural as Morten but they share some things. They are both tall and blue eyes, they have their own rock bands and are entreprenurs, the difference is that Morten seems to be a good person, he is happily married and I don´t think he is an asshole as Steve is.  Steve has the Peter's Pan complex and Morten seems to accept aging better.  

THE BEST

I could say that the best moments where,

1) The day that Kelsey made us walk for hours in the city of Bath looking for a castle that didn´t exist and it was a damn roman wall

2) The greenwich day.  I enjoyed every single moment of this day.  a) The moment when Elia misunderstood the meeting point at Embarkment tube station and he headed somewhere else and then when he didn´t wait for us and decided to move again to the meeting point when Macabee  and I had just left b) The way Macabee and myself tried to make Elia laugh so that he didn´t feel bad about the communication  issue anymore when we finally got together, c) The openess of Elia and Macabee to talk about life but also to joke and laugh like if there was not tomorrow, d) the inception about and interesting business idea.

3) The interview in Wembley.  I got interviewed on national TV to talk about the spurs and heir champions league group

4) The mexican party.  One of the best mexican parties I have ever attended.  I saw old friends such as Chocoreto, I met Rafa Barrios, I made new friends and I even met a greek guy has been asking me to go out but I have not met yet as I have been busy making other plans.

5) The day out with Alfonso.  After more than 10 years of not seeing Poncho I saw him here in London.  He is a great friend from college and a very succesful private equity and asset manager professional.  He is smart, talented, handsome and the party animal himself  He is like the suits' Harvey Specter character.   He has been single for the last 6 years after he got divorced but now he is starting a new relationship with someone from Mexico. That girl is lucky to have him.

THE WORST

1) I got a flu last weekend and I can´t get rid of it yet

2) I got injured and strained my wrist two days ago when I was trying to take me a picture with Jelena close to Buckingham Palace




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It´s a mistery unsolved, It´s like if I had a hidden aversion to weddings. I couldn´t be at Elvira's, Paola's weddings because I was in South East Asia trying to get away from everyone and everything.

In August my cousin Maria is getting married for the second time in Asturias and Jennyfer will take that step as well but I will not be attending neither of those weddings because I will be moving to London.

I was supposed to go to a wedding with Jacques but I didn´t make it because we broke up before that time. Is the universe telling me something? Is my energy so closed to love or being loved in return that apparently a mistic force is dimissing or banishing me from love celebrations?

Will someone ever put a ring on my finger?

I remember when I was a girl that I never wanted to grow up, I had the feeling that life got boring when you turned 30 years old. Perhaps I never saw my parents in loved and I was refused to end up in a relationship like theirs. I didn´t see any excitement about being a mom, cooking for your husband and kids, cleaning the house and watching TV. I wanted something deeper than that, I travel the world, study a master degree, falling in love deeply and figure out what making love was all about.

I never liked the idea of the spotlight on the bride, the beautiful dress and hundred of guests to share the love celebration. In fact I never liked my mexican family, I found them arrogant and cold. What was the poing of inviting people that I didn´t like to my wedding? Why should I pretend I was popular when I wasn´t? Or to like them? To invite aunts that were nothing but classy and pretty, they knew the price of everything but the value of nothing. I never saw many love affection demostrations at my grandmother house, in fact I was impressed when I saw my aunt Pipi kissing sensually my auncle Carlos. I think I was close to 9 years old when I saw them and I felt ackward of seeing that sexy love demostration infront of me. I never saw my parents kissing each other, perhaps I thought that all marriages should be like theirs and I got shocked when I saw real passion in another married couple

Perhaps there´s no love withouth appreciation. People have loved me and I have loved back few guys, but in my case it hasn´t last. I have felt passion, appreciation, caring instincts but not everything what it takes to marry someone. Will I ever be the bride? Will I ever found my soul mate and a soul mate who wants to marry me?

Today I know I am not ready but unexpected things happen all the time. I would ike to know what making love is all about, not just sex, but being in love.


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It´s even a year since the nightware started, since I paid the consequences of having encounters with bad guys that didn´t care about me. A year ago I started to deal with stress, with a mysterious throat sore and uncertainty regarding an infection that apparently I never had but it was wrong diagnosed since the beginning. My mind made me feel miserable, I thought that I had the most agressive human papilloma virus, the one that could eventually turn into cancer. I started to see several doctors, almosts all of them told me that I shouldn´t worry about the papilloma, that I should live a normal healthy life, that I shouldn´t worry about it, that I should be happy and should exercise a lot to maintain my inmmune system strong. That only 10% of women develop cancer in my situation within a 10 year timeframe, that in the bad case that  i could get cancer there are treatments that can combat it and make it dissapear.

 It´s easy to say that when you are no the one who could get it.  What doctors don´t know is that it took me 32 lost years to become sexually active, i was embarassed of being a virgin at 32.  I finally decide it to lost it with the wrong guy,  I guy that never knew the truth, a guy that once confessed me that he didn´t have feelings about me and he couldn´t understand why he was not into me when I had many qualities that he was looking in a woman.  After him I had 3 other partners.  I always had protected sex but apparently something went wrong with someone.  I don´t even know who he is, and I don´t want to figure it out,  why to blame them if they didn´t want anything serious with me?  if I don´t trust them and I don´t know them?  They were one night stands that didn´t mean a thing but apparently one of them had papilkoma.  It was shocking I only had sex 4 times in my lifetime and started my sexual life very late and just a year after I was already dealing with a STI.  (Or at least I thought that because the lab made a mistake with my results)

I was not only scared about this infection but I thought that got something even worse.  I even thought that I could have gotten AIDS.  All my doctors told me I was crazy, that i was healhy,  but my mind was obssesed with the idea and I couldn´t rest until I made me 3 tests and all of them were negative.  It took me 6 months to forget my obssesion with AIDS and it was a nightmare.  It was a nightmare that I started to have problems with my throat that doctors haven´t been able to solve.  All my blood tests showed that I was healhty, that i didn´t have infections, that my stomatch issues didn´t justify a strong reflux that could explain my atypical throat syntoms and the otorhinolaryngologist​s didn´t find anything suspicious or wrong.  Some doctos even told me that I could be the result of stress.  A stress that started since a doctor told me that apparenlty I had papilloma.

It turns out that my recent analysis showed that I never had the papilloma virus, that i suffered in vain, that I never had anything strange other than a cystitis.  I just knew it... In March 2018.

Since may 2017 my whole life fell apart,  I was sad, feeling that I had lost my health, that I could never date someone again, that i could get cancer, etc.  I started to have phlegms in my throat that haven´t disssapear yet and stopped enjoying my single life at my apartment in la condesa.  I hated being sick but more over I hated the fact that I didn´t know who infected me.  

In September something worse happened and I had to abandon my apartment after the earthquake destroyed it.  And i moved again with my parents.  Everything was wrong, my health, my soul, my thoughts, my concentration, i was not excited about anything anymore.  I just cut my hair, made me blonder and traveled to Asia.

At least i was happy on that trip because I confirmed that I didn´t have AIDS the same week that I traveled to Vietnam and I knew that at least I had nothing deadly mortal that could compromise my health even more.

That trip to Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand distracted me of my miserable life, but also reminded me that my spirit was broken.  I hated my job, I hated my life in Mexico, I was feeling lonely and tired of not meeting interesting people.  In an honest conversation with a lovely  young spanish couple they encouraged me to leave my home country, they told me that I should date an european, that I would fit more there.  I remember even having cried in front of them in a nice rooftop in Saigon.  

When I returned from that tip many things happened, time started to run faster, my godmother died of Cáncer, I got accepted at Hult University in London,  I met Jacques, I started to see him often and I feel in love with him,  we had sex and just two weeks after he broke up with me.  He got upsed because I got a flu and he got sick with flu because of me.  He just dissapeared and broke up with me by text  message one day before my birthday.  I was devasted, feeling sad and guilty of having gotten a flu.  In february he texted me just to blame me that all that time he felt sick and he got herpes because of me.  A cruel lie that made me feel insulted, ashamed and even inscure.  He made me have doubts again and a new nightmare  started all over again, I saw 2 different gynaecologists that confirmed me that I didn´t have herpes, that I didn´t infected me and he was an asshole.

I have lost January-April 18 feeling sad, without understanding why someone who seemed so  happy with me left me in a blink of an eye inventing something cruel about me.  

A year ago I was sad because Luis didn´t love me and left me for another girl and struggling with a wrong papilloma diagnosis. Today I finally sold the leaving room that I had at my apartment in la condesa.  I am finally feeling that I am moving on,  I feel healhty,  my throat issues are starting to dissapear, I´ve sold my dinning and leaving room and I´m moving to London in August to pursue my MBA.  I am even presenting my CFA Level 2 exam again in June and I´m not longer working in Tresalia Capital  The place were I started to losse confidence and self-steem.

My cousin Belen is finally living with who appears to be her true soulmate Rafa and they are already 3 months pregnant.  She was devasted in December and January missing Rafa and now she couldn´t be happier, they got back together and now they are expecting a baby boy.  She makes me have a little more faith in life again.  What if I remember how it feels to be happy once I am moving to London? what if I have the best family vacations in July that will make me forget the shitty Xmas holidays that we had in Acapulco in 2017?  What if I can dive again in the summer? What if I make true connections and friendships in London? What if I find an interesting internship that will turn into a real job offering in London, doing something more interesting with talented people around me?  What if I meet the mysterious tall, dark brown hair, green eyes guy?  What if one year ahead I´m in love? What if I am becoming stronger, happier and prettier?

Selling my things is making me releasing energetic space that used to belong to an unstable version of me.  It´s time to move one.  To sell anything in order to construct from scratch and to move to London with no strings attached

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