You know when you've got so many things to say in the same time and you don't know where to start, and you know that when you open the mouth it's all gonna come out in the same time and no one will understand a thing. Like a vomit.

A reply that doesn't exist. A sentence that is getting erased at the same time its written. Like. You know that night when you were talking to this random guy at a bar and he walks with you and your friend to the subway. And he "misses" the subway cause he wants to come with you home. Do you want to walk together. Go together. Go with me. Go WITH me. Go with ME. Sleep. No I'm gonna sleep alone.
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm gonna sleep alone.
- Come on, you are so cold. (He meant cold, like you are a cold person without feelings). And I can really relate to that. Cause Im so cold.. Like a day in May.

And after you leave that guy another one comes from nowhere and wants you to take his line instead of yours. And then you call your friend and you are talking the whole way until you fall asleep. That's real love. Fuck the rest.

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Det gör ont
- Att råka läsa gamla meddelanden från någon som inte längre finns i ditt liv

- Att ha huvudvärk på grund av för mycket kaffe

- Att ibland inte vilja sitta ner i tunnelbanan för att du har någon sjuk tanke om någonting som egentligen är skittöntigt

- Att bli andfådd



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Words from a a collection of organs.

I took a train from Stockholm on Thursday morning, because of some missions in Malmö and Copenhagen.


I forgot to tell them what day I was gonna arrive, but it worked out as usual. I went to drink wine w R, yeah, that awesome person and later I realized that sometimes its just incredibly underestimated with a night walk in a frozen rain.


And everything continues. Photoshoot and the best breakfast with C, too much coffee with some creative people in Copenhagen - I would call them artists. Its about connecting with people that gives you energy and always be around people that lets you live the life you want.


Närduinserattdukanske i n t e hörhemmadärduborellerbordärduhörhemma e l l e r s å g ö r d u d e t


And then it happens. You get sucked into situations, a place where everything happened. Imaginations contra a life story, white stuff, skin, tattoes and a camera. Nothing more. My heart is sore.

//Hedda

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So I haven't written since June. Madness, if I would say it myself. My summer was like a chaotic dream, full of craziness, tears, laughs and stuff. I got to know a guy that was gonna jump on a bike to Portugal. I got to know people that happened to be just in the right spot in the exact right moment. I went to music festivals, clubs, beaches, mountains, cafes and I always managed to find a place to sleep, thanks to everyone out there.

It 's like I retained all that energy that I lost, in one summer...

And now it's the beginning of March and I've got a terrible cold, but I'm working anyway, cause I can still stand on my feet. But I feel a bit like a cigarette butt, phsysically and mentally, cause I'm too sick to go the gym, and I'm too stressed to look relaxed .


#likeanabsentorgasm

Grattis älskade Maria.

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Hey beautiful
Its been a while. A lot of things have happened and a lot of things have not happened. Am I glad.

The past weeks in school have gone so fast and I can't believe that I just emptied my room in Gamleby, even thou I still need to go back and clean the flat. It's like a new chapter is starting. The first year of two is done, my life in Gamleby is over and I'm going to Stockholm for my internship. But before Stockholm I will have one crazy month and I have no idea how to handle it. On Thursday I'm going to Spain for two weeks, to be with M and hang around with friends and his family. And the 14th of July he is leaving Spain for Malawi and I might not see him until he comes back to Sweden some time in January. - Please don't ask me what we're gonna do.

After that I might stay in some friends houses in Spain, maybe, depending on if they have a couch I can sleep on... And then I'm planning to stop a few days in Amsterdam, before heading home to Sweden, also depending on if i manage to get place to sleep.

But as I said... My past weeks have been mental. Weird stuff has happened and I keep pushing it away from me. I had a favorite song, but every time I put it on, it gives me the creeps - so I always change.

I'm still working on the photos from my collaboration with Rami - I will keep you posted 

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Utspätt med kokosmjölk så känns det som kastsystemet i Indien. Några tycks vara värda mer, en annan mindre. And it hurts like hell.

So.. some fast update about my life. In August Im moving to Stockholm because of my photography internship and I just managed to sort out my accommodation issues for the three first months, thanks to Maria, David and Alex. ♡

In around two weeks I will be going to Spain in order to say goodbye to M before he leaves to Africa for six months. I havent booked my ticket back yet since I might stop somewhere on the way back, like Portugal or Amsterdam..

A week ago I spent the national day of Sweden in Stockholm, the best ever.

Jagbefannmigienbalansgångmellanattdansaoch a b s o l u t e l y n o t knowingwhatyouaredoing till klockan sex på morgonen då jag åt hamburgare utan burgare med fina människor.♡


My foot is numb and Ive had an amazing weekend w my family och fick äntligen se Annas Melwa#barelythreemonthsold and now Im on the earliest bus back to Gamleby and a lot of editing.

Si,tequiero.


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Spain: Amazing. Exhibitions. Concerts (var på en konsert där bandet helt seriöst fick hela publiken att ställa sig upp och börja dansa. När händer det? Svar: Aldrig.) The singer was Nakany Kanté.

Bowls of melted cheese, wine, the best mojitos of Madrid (according to Amanda), and a good vibe.

One of the best things was that I ran into the street in Madrid where they had all the vintage and second hand shops in one place.

So in the end of this trip to Spain I spoke spanish, fluently, (at least when I was drunk), and then we went back home. We were, almost, still partying when we got on the plane to Hamburg... Breakfast in Hamburg, before we jumped on the train that was suppose to take us to Copenhagen/Malmö, but there were some technical issues so the whole trip took around 24 hours. HowtotravelfromMadridtoKalmarin24hourswithoutstopping. Oh right, we also got stopped by the police. Of course. Just some questions and nothing else.

I've lost the track on time. I'be been swimming in an almost freezing lake, been in a cottage where you can only hear the sound of the animals and the wind... I've started an awesome collaboration with Rami and I've forced myself into a crazy film project. And I've got myself into a creative hole.

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​Jag ska sova siesta nu, för att liksom orka med ännu en fest. Ännu ett glas vin. Ännu en konversation som kan vara helt omöjlig att förstå med mitt fattiga ordförråd. Som  ett sjunkande skepp i ett förorenat hav.

En redaktör på en tidning tyckte att en av mina bilder var riktigt bra och ville publicera den. Tills han la märke till ölburkarna bredvid huvudmotivet. Men verkligheten var tydligen för ful.

Siesta. Skriver mer imorgon eftersom jag kommer att resa i 17 timmar

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When loving someone doesn't seem to be enough

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Jag hatar nyckelben. Känslor du inte kan kontrollera. Och mens.

Jag hatar nyckelben. När det kittlas inom dig och du kan ta vem som helst bara för att få känna hud.

Jag var den som var kär i alla killar i klassen på samma gång. Typ. Minus en. Mina fingrar krampar och jag försöker få dom att sväva på tangentbordet en sista gång innan jag lägger mig ner, men det är svårt. Omöjligt. Som att få upp en konservburk med bara händerna.

En sån där som saknar alla delar. Jag felar. Velar. Kan inte mer. Längre. Ja. Jag säger ja till dig, jag säger ja till världen ja till värden som inte längre är m.i.t.t. grundvärde utan något som hon vid sidan om mig har kört ner i min hals. Halsfluss och jag tror att jag ska dö för det gör så jävla ont och det blöder och jag kan inte prata utan att svälja utan att sätta i halsen. Men jag sväljer och jag väljer. Han jag inte får.

Att röka. Och känna att det bränner i halsen. Att bli lugn.

Jag hatar nyckelben. Och jag slipper kaffe på mina byxor.

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