Wow. I cannot believe the response I have received from my first post! I am truely blown away from all the love and support I have received, thank you!

It's the inboxes of people expressing their gratitude of someone speaking out and them knowing their not alone that is the reason I decided to post these blogs. I'm glad I've been able to shed even the tiniest bit of light for some people.

I do want to continue on with my story and explain how I got from where I was to where I am now!

After I had well and truely hit rock bottom and decided I needed to get back to the land of the living, I moved out of 'our' house and into my own. I was pretty lucky that I had most things needed to move out almost straight away. I can honestly say that having somewhere that was my own and not filled with memories was such a big help for me. I began going out again, spending time with old friends and making new ones. I realised it was hard for me to be with my old friends, one had a newborn, another had just got married and the third was in a new exciting relationship! I was so far from any of that, that it hurt me to be around them. So once again, I began to cut myself off from them. I knew what I was doing was awful, but I knew for me that it's what I needed to do to keep moving forward. Thankfully, when I finally did reconnect with them again, they were very supportive of me and my situation.

The more I hung out with my 'new' friends, the more I saw my old self coming back. I began to stop caring about what others thought of me, said about me and other peoples opinions in general really!

Until something so majorly heartbreaking happened. I'm not going to go into the details, but it was something that shook me so far to the core that I felt like i was back at square one. The self doubt, feeling worthless, all of it. It was as though I hadn't made any progress over those 3 months. I couldn't function. My body ached, my mind was numb.

Work went back to being a struggle but being surrounded by my amazing work friends is what got me through the day. If it looked as though I was getting lost in my own thought, my dear friend would always pull me back by cracking a joke or simply telling me I was going to be ok. I know I've thanked you numerous times, but you really are one of my saving graces Sue!!! So thank you so much, for everything.

The Christmas school holidays came around and I was working around at Penneshaw. Being out of Kingscote was a huge help for me, it gave me time to think and clear my head. I began going for walks along the beach in the mornings and some nights. I realised that if I didnt go, I was grumpy and an awful person to be around. This was the breaking point for me. I noticed that I felt better so when school came back and I was home in Kingscote, I started going walking a couple of times a week. I went to the doctor and explained that I felt like i was ready to cut back my antidepressants. So we cut them in half, from 150mg to 75mg. If you've ever been on the awful things you'd know that it's a huge step down. I began to feel even better, like a fog had been lifted away from overhead.

I was so proud of myself and the more psychologist appointments I went to, the more we decided that I was ready to come off the tablets completely. Here we are, May 2017 and I'm no longer on antidepressants, exercise is my best friend (thanks to all my amazing gym buddies who make me go even when I'm not up for it) and I am the happiest I've been in many many years. I am happy within my own self and don't rely on anyone for everything anymore, just somethings. I feel confident enough within myself to go out for a coffee and sit there alone without thinking to myself, everyone's looking at me, they're thinking I'm a loner etc etc. I go to the gym, take my dog walking and am no longer afraid of being judged. I just simply do not care about what others think of me anymore. I'm at the point in my life where I know that I am a good person and a good friend to have. I stick by my friends and stick up for them when needed. I'm compassionate and caring, truthful and reliable and will do anything for those I love. I feel as though life has put me through hell so I can rise above it all and come out a better person. It's been a heck of a fight, but im out the other side and am so grateful to be here today.

There are so many people who go through shit in their lives and consider stopping it once and for all. Out of everything that I'm proud of about myself, it's that I had the strength to stay and fight. Because believe me, there were times when I really was ready to give it all up. If you're having a hard time, especially if it is hidden away from the world, just ask yourself this; What sort of world would it be without you in it?


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Well where do I start? I can count the amount of blogs I've ever read on one hand and here I am writing my own. I guess I'm doing this because I'm an awkward person in real life and want a way of expressing myself. I've never been good at writing and don't know if anyone will find what I'm writing interesting but here goes nothing.

I'm 25 years old and live in South Australia. I'm single and split with my boyfriend of 4 years about 8 months ago. I'm the happiest I've been in a long time but it has taken me a LOT to get here. I guess that is what this blog is going to be about, my journey from rock bottom and how I got to where I am today. Whether it be for myself or others out there who are going through or have been through the same thing.

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety about 2 years ago. A group of us were on a houseboat down the river for a friends birthday and I just could not get happy. All I wanted to do was stay in my room and cry or sleep. It was then that my ex said to me that I needed to talk to someone about how I was feeling. I remember messaging my friend and saying how I was feeling and she told me I should go to the doctor. When we got home, I did. I went into the clinic that I've attended for the past 12 years and sat in front of the man who delivered my little brother, put the cast on my broken arm when i was 13 and told him that I hated myself and hated my life. I pulled down my pants to show the self inflicted cuts that i had hidden away from the world. I will never forget the look in his eyes. The look of sadness and heartbreak. It was at this moment that i knew i was doing the right thing by getting help.

He put me on 150mg antidepressants and referred me on to see a counsellor. I got home and was so proud of myself for admitting that I had a problem and that I had gone to get help. That feeling did not last long. I had pulled myself away from society, stopped playing netball, going to watch football and even catching up with my friends. I continued to put on weight which just fuelled my hate for myself and my life. My poor partner at the was trying so hard to get me back into everyday life but I just couldn't do it, I pushed him away. I thought that the pills and the counsellor appointments would help but they didn't. I still felt like shit and I continued to cut myself. I had a new little kitten so could get around the cuts and scars by blaming her for scratching me. I never did it to end my own life, but more for that being the only thing in my life I had control of. One day my partner was trying to leave for footy and I didn't want him to go. I had a complete mental breakdown and showed him my cuts. There was complete heartbreak on his face and he just didn't know what to do. He hugged me and then I felt silly so told him to leave. He did. Not long after he found out about my cutting, I got fired from my job. "I think you need a job better suited to your head". This was the tuesday morning, my last day was on the thursday. Life only got worse after this.

My self confidence and self love continued to plummet. I changed antidepressants and stopped seeing my counsellor and moved onto seeing a psychologist. I'd seen her before but decided it wasn't for me so I stopped going. I wasn't getting any better or any worse. I wasn't living, I was just existing. My relationship continued to get worse. We didn't talk anymore, he went out more and I stayed home. We still spoke about marriage, kids and the dream house we had planned. But i think it was both of us trying to keep that dream alive. I turned 25 in September last year. I was having a quarter century meltdown when everyone i spoke to told me that "25 was my year", "25 was the best year of my life" so I began to feel a bit better about it.

Until the day after my 25th birthday. My ex got home and told me he couldn't do it anymore. He broke up with me and then left. I was completely snd utterly heartbroken. My whole life was turned upside down. I had put everything into that relationship. I cried for days. About a week after it happened, i took myself over to my 70 year old neighbors place in a state and pleaded with them to take me to the hospital. I needed to get away from my house because I thought I was going to do something I couldn't take back. When we got to the hospital, one of my friends mums was working. She is the most amazing, warming person I could have hoped to be there. In saying that, when she asked me why I was there, I nearly couldn't get the words out. I was there because life had become too much for me to handle and I was ready to end it. The doctor had prescribed me with sleeping pills months before and I was ready to take the whole packet and not wake up. Having to sit there and explain to this woman, whom I have always looked up to, that I was ready to end my own life was the kick up the ass that I needed to get my life back into order!

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