Haft en fantastiks helg.

Fredagen slutade med att jag äntligen hittade mer relevant forskning till min uppsats. Nu gäller det bara att komma igång å läsa samt göra det bästa av situationen då den ska vara klar och inlämnad på onsdag senast 12.

Lördagen blev det hem till mamma och hennes man för middag ihop med min mormor plus hennes man. Vid 17-tiden drog jag och mannen hem för att invänta en kompis till honom och hans tjej. Blev sällskapsspel och mycket skratt innan det var dags att dra ner till Backstage Rockbar för att lyssna på Lillasyster: som var lika bra som alltid. Lilleman sov hos sin mormor så vi kunde få fira hans pappa. Kvällen blev väldigt lyckad och min man hade en toppen dag.

Idag, söndag, har vi hämtat hem lilleman, saknade honom otroligt mycket när jag vaknade runt 7 men var skönt att få sovmorgon. Dock kände jag mig helt mörbultad trots att jag endast drack vatten. Inte mycket har skett idag utan vi har försökt att ta det lugnt bara. :) Just nu sover mina killar, jag tittar på Harry Potter och ska snart försöka komma igång igen att börja läsa min artikel, om en liten sak distraherar mig så tar det en stund innan jag kommer igång med skolarbeten igen. Det är riktigt störande men får försöka jobba på det.

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I tisdags hamnade jag hos kompisen, som även funkar som min frisör. Ända sen vi träffades 2013 har hon skött det mesta av mina färgningar av håret och även klippt mig. Tror jag varit hos frisör två ggr. Hon har räddat både min ekonomi och mitt hår.

För mig var det lite jobbigt att klippa det då jag försöker få långt igen efter att vi klippte ner det till 3cm längd för 2,5år sen. Men ca 3cm är taget och det växer ju snart ut igen. ☺️

Älskar att färga mitt hår men vet inte just nu hur jag ska göra med det. Kommer kännas lite mer professionellt om jag har min naturliga hårfärg och inte någon neon färg när jag väl ska börja söka jobb och den rosa jag vill ha är svår att färga eller bleka bort.

Jag älskar nagellack då det finns så himla många underbara färger. Men tyvärr så gillar inte mina naglar det. Jag producerar någon form av olja som gör att det lossnar jätte fort. Efter två dagar har jag typ inget kvar, vilket gör att jag tycker det är jobbigt att måla naglarna för att det lossnar så fort.

Men, kompisen testade en nagel för några veckor sedan och efter håret så målade vi alla naglar. Det är (om jag minns rätt 😝) någon form av gel-lack som ska stela under led-ljus. Första testet vi gjorde höll i två veckor, vilket är länge för mig. Så ska bli spännande att se hur länge det får sitta denna gången. ☺️

Idag onsdag var det dags för årets första konsert vilket handlade om film och tv-spels musik. Vi spelade teman från zelda, w.o.w, angry birds och star wars.
Så dagen till ära gjorde jag en sminkning inspirerad av sångaren i Follow The Chiper, som hon har i musikvideon till The Rising. Plus att läpparna är inspirerade av Padme i star wars.

Om ni är nyfikna på var jag fick min inspiration ifrån så tycker jag att ni ska följa länken och kolla in videon.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7hUqJA7RDY

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Varje gång jag handlar concealer eller foundation har jag alltid haft problem med att hitta rätt färg. Antingen är det för ljust eller för gult.
Men igår inne på kicks tog min man mod åt mig att be om hjälp för att hitta en salva som lugnar påsar under ögonen. Blev att jag förklarade mitt problem för hon som hjälpte oss och vips så kom jag ut från affären med en ny concealer.
Mitt problem just nu är att jag är uppe flera gånger varje natt, för att mata min son, och sover inte bra så jag är väldigt mörk under ögonen. Vilket jag idag äntligen har kunnat börja dölja, känner mig överlycklig. Men jag kommer antagligen fortsätta med att inte använda foundation då jag för övrigt känner att jag har ganska lite att täcka över.

Min concealer är Smashbok camera reade, BB Cream eyes.

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Okej, vet att det kan verka konstigt, men när jag startade denna bloggen skrev jag på engelska. Engelskan har alltid legat mig varmt om hjärtat och det är oftast det språket jag använder när jag skriver dikter. Dock har det varit mycket med engelskan i skolan så jag har tappat greppet om det. Så när jag har försökt att skriva här vet jag inte vad jag ska skriva, det har varit totalt stopp. Så nu tänker jag börja skriva på Svenska och se hur detta utvecklar sig.

Livet går lite upp och ner just nu. Jag går hemma då jag är mamma ledig, har fortfarande lite svårt att inse att jag är mamma. Det blir mest att jag sitter hemma vilket är jobbigt då vi bor i en lägenhet på vån 3 utan balkong, eftersom jag inte kan komma ut å greja i en trädgård behöver jag socialt samspel, men får minimalt med det vilket är lite jobbigt.
I och med graviditeten är inte kroppen samma längre, vilket inte är förvånande, så min garderob får sig en rensning på sånt jag tröttnat på eller inte använder och det känns underbart.
Även mitt smink har fått sig en rensning, blev nämligen inspirerad av en på youtube att kolla över vilka märken jag använder. Så just nu använder jag inget smink från företag som testar på djur, jag har även valt att välja bort märken som själva inte testar på djur men som har valt att sälja i Kina. Kina har nämligen en lag som kräver att produkter ska testas på djur, vilket inte är okej. Jag är även skeptisk till att använda märken som inte testar på djur (eller säljs i Kina) men som ägs av ett företag som gör det. Även detta beslutet känns väldigt bra för mig. Mitt enda problem med smink just nu är att jag behöver en concealer och foundation, men har problem med att hitta rätt nyans. Känns som att jag är en blandning mellan neutral och varm så har mega problem för inget ser bra ut på mig.

Något mer som känns väldigt skönt för mig är att vara tillbaka med musiken. Jag är med i en av orkestrarna igen och det är riktigt kul att få ett litet avbrott i vardagen och nästa vecka blir första konserten (och lilleman ska troligtvis vara med på repet). Det är inte lika mycket musik i mitt liv och det kan jag sakna, men samtidigt är inte mitt liv det samma längre eftersom jag har en liten kille som är beroende av mig. Så för nu ligger kameran på hyllan och det har inte varit några band-fotograferingar sedan oktober. Jag saknar fotograferingen lite, men känner att det är värt att inte hålla på längre när jag får se min son ligga å skratta. <3

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The autumn was a bit stressful when I tried to manage my classes. It worked very well and now I only have to courses behind me. A long with school I kept on with photographing at the bar, but not very long. I had to quit 'cause I hade to think of someone else except me. And now it's more so.

Just over one week ago I became a mother to a boy. Life has turned around so much and right now I'm really tired, but I'm so happy. Love my little family so much and even though I miss the music I don't want to change a thing. Only time can decide when it's right to go back to some things.

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I haven't been writing in a really long time 'cause I have been working a lot and my mind have been very far away with everything. This summer I worked a lot and it was really fun, but it was a bit stressful not to have any vacation.

But my mini vacation came and as last year we went to Falun and Sabaton Open Air.
Good bands and met up with a facebook friend who lives there and work with the festival. But the most important with this journey was to spend the time with my husband, even though we was on the hotel a lot of the time there only was me and him. The last day when went to the mine in Falun and took a guided hike down there and it was amazing, however, in the evening I was bored and decided to take a walk and ended up at my friends place and we talked about a lot of music and other stuff.
The travel back home was no fun at al, 40miles (sewdish) and after only 10miles the car broke down. We went from Falun to be able to be back home around 15:00 but instead we wasn't home until after half past teen pm. But the car got fixed so happy about that.

School starts tomorrow and so does orchestra and photographing. Gonna be fun but this term I'm not gonna be a part on so many rehearsals but will be there if they need me for the concerts.

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Started to reflect over my life and how it has change the last couple of years.

To start with, in school i wasn't the person every one wanted to spend time with. After school I was at home for myself and most of the time listen to music, I played in orchestras from almost the beginning when I started play viola and I haven't been able to stop (but more about that later). I was teased from the age of ten, and this made my self confidence fade really quick. I never knew then why and I started to feel bad. I tried to compensate my impopularity by "be together" with the boys, but I got even more teased when we "broke up". Eventually everything went wrong in my head and I started to question why I didn't fit in no matter how hard I tried and I even started to wounder why I even was born, and this follows me even today; the feeling of not fit in anywhere no matter where you are or what you do.
The same year I turned 18 I started to hang out with a few people that were friends with a brother of mine, and this is where the first start of my change started. Well, during my senior high school time I changed who I were from day to day, 'cause I didn't know and I didn't felt like I was part of the class, I was a loner even though they maby won't agree. One of the persons I met through my brother helped me dare to experiment with my hair, we colored it and cut it to my moms big disappointment. But the thing he did that has changed my life the most was to bring me to a festival called Knorrfest, this was a rockfestival in the near by town and I fell in Love.

This festival was amazing. 'First of all, I had just got my first tattoo on my under right arm and the festival bands was supposed to be on that wrist, but when I explained why I couldn't he person said: What the heck it's rock 'n roll. I had a good time and my mind opened up, I started to feel that this is where I belong. This was 2011 and the upcoming three years I worked at the festival that sadly had to move to another location, so they changed the name to Vicious Rock Festival. Unfortunately because of some circumstances I felt unsafe working with them and decided to not volunteer last year and go as a visiter instead. But when I worked I had a really good contact with one of the founders, but after my last work day in 2014 it all came to an end, until over about six months ago when we started to get the connection back. :)

The days went on and I found in the same town another place where I felt at home, the Rockbar; Backstage Rockar. The thing that draged me there wasn't the alkohol (never was much for it and still have period when I just don't want to), it was the live music. My first band to see here was Close Quaters and Vains of Jenna. I was hucked, every time there was a band playing I stood in the front row screaming my throat sore and headbanging so I hardly could get up from bed the next day. But I was happy, this was the way for me to find new music and new bands to listen to and at the same time I met people that liked me for who I was and am. And between Christmas and new year this place made a big change in my life.
Through some friends I met a person who liked the cooking color in my fringe and we started to talk and added each other on Facebook. Still today I can't believe how lucky I am to still have this person in my life and since the summer of 2015 be able to call him my husband. He has helped me reboost my confidence, but in a weird way. I feel so amazing beeing with him and have from the start and since I had school still I lived with my mom so we only had the weekends to see each other, this made me forget about my second home; Backstage. But my husband is making me spoiled by buing me stuff I can't afford and it feels strange 'cause I can't by him anything. But one of the things he bout me, that is changing my life right now, was a digital camera.

This camera came with us came with me when we went to Falun to the festival Rockstad Falun/Sabaton Open air (it has two different names). I took a lot of pictures of the bands playing and it opened my ones to a whole new world, I had fun while doing it. A few weeks later I saw that Close Quaters were coming back to the Rockbar so we went down and I had the camera with me. I took a lot of pictures but it was still fun and I have started to go back every time there is a band there and take pictures and it feels so good to be back to my second home. <3

Even though I met my husband I didn't stop playing viola, and by moving in with him I started in another orchestra which have taken me on such a journey. Playing with so many big artist has really been amazing and still are. But in this orchestra there's a lot of pop so I decided to also go back to my old one to play more classic music.

To still talk about music but go back to my first festival experience in 2011. There was one band I wast was good and it later on turned out that this band was the reason the festival existed. It was Ravaged. So the upcoming three years I worked with them and I enjoyed their music, but the drummer. Can't stand him. So when I studied music last spring, 2015, I ended up taken the course with the bass-players younger brother, who told me they were in the process of changing drummer. Hallelluja!!! So in november the chance came to see them doing an acoustic session at a local pub near by my place. And I was hooked. Every gig after that I have been their filming and taking pictures to make them bee seen 'cause they deserve it, they are so good and talented. But the thing that drags me to do this for them is that I can really see their love for music when they play.


But all this experience now, both finding myself and be surrounded by this huge amount of music have made me questioning my choose of career. I love teaching and are doing it two days a week if I don't have to be in school. But I also love working with setting the stage ready for a band, be a photographer at the pub and follow this band around. And at the same show my husband that I do want to be with him.
Everything has been tuff and stressful, but at the same time; I've never been happier. And I finally have come to the conclusion that, I don't need make up to feel good about myself, all I need is friends who understand me and accept me for who I am and music. And luckely for me I'm surrounded by both amazing people that have become my friends (some more than that) and a lot of music; in my headphones, live gigs and when I play in my orchestras. <3

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Been spending a lot oftime with my amazing husband this weekend that passed since I'va had and gonna have afew weekends where I either have been at the pub photogrpahing bandsor siting in the orchestra with rehearsals. All of this is real fun,but have been taking time from me spending time with him. So thistime I had no musts accept for him and I've been loving it. And we'vebeen watching a lot of movies. <3

And this week started great, got ready and of to work. Even manage to get my body in a dress, which don't happen to often, accept for the summer. But when I was ready to leave have started to think, and these thought have crossed my mind a lot lately.
I DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE IN MY HAIR RIGHT NOW.
But the most stressed feeling about this is that I don't know what to do with it to feel okay again. I know my husband love it as it is right now and I haven't done anything with it because of that. But I can't stand it anymore, something have to be done. So I've decided to bleach most of it. I'm gonna try and keep as much blue from the fringe as possible. And then only time will tell what will happen with it, but I know this much: I am never gonna cut it of again in any way. Done that three times in three different ways but I like having long hair again and so it's gonna stay.

​With the pink/black hair it's not showing but both sides are shaved and in the picture to the far right only one side is cut. In the middle picture the hair was cut down because of damage from all the bleaches and coloring.

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So the time came once again to see Ravaged do a sort of way acoustic gig, For me it's a half acoustic gig, since the drummer plays on an electric drum-set. And this time I made sure to load the battery for the camera so I really could film every song I didn't had, since my camera died the last time. And as last time it was fun, crowded and really loud. :D

The boys played both fast and slow song with a variety from mid early 40's to self written songs from 2014, and in the middle of all English lyics they decided to put in a Swedish classic from Eddie Meduza.
I'm starting to know these guys better and better the more I spend time with them, photographing and filming, but I knew from the start that they enjoy rock music, So after checking up every song on the set list, so i know when the songs were released, there's no surprise to see that the majority of the songs comes from the 60's-80's.

One song they did really well was Black Velvet, however, the singer thought it to be a good time to mess with the bass-player and he ended up laying on the floor (I'm starting to laugh inside just thinking of it), which ended up with the whole band laughing and well I don't think I have to tell you what happened, however, after this song I really had problem to stop laughing. They boys went from song to song with great energy and some foolishness with a lot of laughter, they are crazy but the love they show when they play is thrilling to see and I can't wait for the next gig to take place.

And until then, here's their version of Hotel California.


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Had the best day in a long time today. Got to open up for the Gothenburg Symphony Orchestra and also play Hungarian Dance no. 5 with them.

It was such an amazing feeling to be about 130 people on stage area. Hope this will be something that can happen a little more often..


So from a concert to a gig. Tomorrow it's time once again for Ravaged to do an acoustic type of gig and of course I will be there with my camera and take pictures and film the songs I don't have.


If my belief is right, I will get a packaged tomorrow filled with goodiness for my music. Time to get my instruments up on the wall and get ride of my old dubble case.


<--- Today's makeup and hair look for the concert....

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