Out of all people, I have to have a difficulty with socializing. I really hate it. Sometimes, I just want to be at home and watch tv while eating all the random pieces of food in our house. From every cake to every last piece of pickle.
But seriously, who ever invented the idea, that if you hang out with people you will become popular? Well who ever it was, must die. I just don't understand. I was so prepared. I came 2 hours early, and came with 400 rand. (For all Americans, Europeans and Englanders, 400 rand isn't an extreme amount of money)I planned what I was going to buy, but I ended up buying a lot more. Like a lip balm from lush that was 180 rand. And then food from Kauai and then airtime and then clothes from cotton on. It was so difficult. But the struggles are real.
Was that the only thing that went wrong today? No. not really. It was my two friends. Let's call them Katja and Jenna. They both are so close to eachother. And I have just begun to make friends with them. So, obviously it felt as if I was third wheeling. It was ruff. They kept making jokes about me, which weren't to mean. But inside, it still hurt. I know they were probably not meant, but I don't know. It really makes my self conscious sink. But not all went wrong. We ate popcorn, chilled in basements, set off alarms and hung out in lifts. Many times we were laughed at. And the alarm part? A whole different story. We went to the underground parking level to take selfies. They came out quite good 😂 But, without any warning or hint what so ever, we hear a loud ring. No hesitation, we spring from our feet and grab our stuff. We know we didn't do anything wrong, but we ran. And as we ran, step by step we thought the alarm was coming closer to us, even though that was physically impossible. I slammed my fingers onto the button that showed an arrow pointing up, and it wasn't long before one of the four doors began to open. We ran for it, hit ground floor and waited for the lift to launch. Before the doors were completely closed, I still noticed a group of people in a pick up truck heading towards us in their car. What they were doing? Not sure. I couldn't see to long. But what if the point of this story? Live while you are young and mess around before life's over.


Online me, heading offline xx 

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First blog posts are always supposed to be extravagant and perfect. But, not this one. Thats right, deal with my spelling mistakes and grammatical imperfections. This is just going to be you, me and a story. And like every story, one begins at the beginning. I am a 15 year old girl, who just needs help. I need an online diary. And no, a diary where I scribble random thoughts and doodles is not enough. Besides. Those all landed up somewhere in a dusty cupboard at the very bottom. I need something that I can't just decide to quit. I need something that I can commit to. And what best then, well, a blog. And hopefully it wont just be me talking to me, myself and I, but perhaps I could be just that lucky to have a few people reading. Maybe even comment and give me advice. So, this is me.

My name is.. lets rather not mention my name or any others... and i am 15 years old. I have a mother a father and a brother. They are all perfect, beautiful people who I so dearly trust and love. But just like every family, there are problems. But, my problems are out of control. I live with my mom and my brother, but not my father. And you are probably thinking my parents are divorced. Now, if you are, you are sadly incorrect. My dad works in Russia whilst the rest of the family are in South Africa. And, thats not all. My father is cheating on my mom with a woman whom I know. And, she has many times stayed over at our place. And does my mom know about this? Probably. I think she has learnt to live with the fact, that my dad lays in bed with another woman. I remember, this one time we were talking about what would happen if my dad and her got a divorce, and she replied with: "I will become a hard core lesbian." It was to funny. Even though I knew she was not serious, I still felt sad. I knew inside that they don't love each other anymore. Maybe I just learnt to live with the fact, that my dad lay in bed with another woman. Maybe. But besides that. How do I look? Well, imagine this. Blonde, long and luscious hair, blue eyes and pimple free skin. Body goals and big boobs and butt. Basically, I am that girl that everyone looks at and says: "Wow, I would like to be her!" Now, imagine this. That was all a big fat lie. I am not her, and I am no where near to being her. Although, some of that is true. Like the blonde hair and blue eyes part. But nothing else really. Well, maybe the big butt part. But trust, that bum did not form through squats, but through a lot of potato chips and nuggets from McDonalds. Now, Im not going to describe myself any further, because I would love to stay anonymous. But I however will tell you about the inside part of me. Besides the soft and squishiness, I am really sweet. I am really caring, helpful, polite, funny, kind, exciting and mostly crazy. But not all the time. I am not like that every day. Usually if you see me, I am hectic. Impatient. Loud. Lazy. Selfish. Stingy. So, almost like every other human being on this planet. I know how mean that sounds, but, its true. No one is perfect. Especially not me. But, like everyone, I try.

I have a best friend named.. Let us call her Andrea. She is amazing. We think the same, we act the same, yet we are completely different. And surprisingly, unlike all the people in our class, we have stuck together since day one. Fun fact, we both went to a pre-primary school together, and we didn't even know about it. Now, Andrea is amazing. I love her. We were meant to be. But... Im living a lie. Andrea sometimes is a bit, well... rude. I can feel threatened by her. Like she has the upper hand on me. Almost like she bullies me. I have tried many times to not be friends with her anymore. And every time, I always end up back with her. Like a magnet almost. And also, every time someone else joins our group of two, we kick them out. If its not the two of us, it isn't right. This is one of the reasons I don't want our friendship to end. We are so amazing. I mean, its just perfect. Skinny chick who could not care less meets shy, fat girl. Maybe this is why I feel so uncomfortable and insecure next to her. She is so perfect and then you get me. But nevertheless, its only 4 more years till I leave school. Then I wont have to stand next to her so much. Why did that sound so harsh when I typed it out.

Okay okay... getting to the finish of this never ending story, I would like to thank you for reading my first ever post. There is still so much to say. But, that will be coming in future stories.


online me, heading offline xx



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