There is something I would like to share with you. On this day, 8 years ago I was in an accident, but let's back up a little bit more!

Back in 2005 me and some friends started a band, and we basically had written a full length album almost 4 years later and we wanted to celebrate and share this moment with friends, so we did!
We invited 50 people and waited a bit for everyone to RSVP. We bought ciders and beers. Then we looked around for locations and decided to rent an indoor sports arena for 72 hours, planned out ideas and prepared ourselves for the big day!

Little did we know that 11th of september 2009 was to become one of our most memorable nights we ever had.
On the 10th we had our food supply run and bringing our stuff to the arena.
The 11th we setup everything and cooked the food! Chicken sallad with garlic bread for 30 people! We had setup some marschall candles outdoors to guide the way in the dark.
During the evening we had tons of fun and had many events planned, but this was about to change in seconds. At some point one of the candles started to burn out of control and had to be put out somehow. I was asked to bring a bucket of water to put it out? Yes, water... I was not sure about that myself and questioned it multiple times. However we decided to go for it, so quickly running down to put it out, asking one more time and hears; "you can for sure put the burning oil with water" from a person who practiced putting out fires. And as soon as I threw water against the fire it was like time stood still. I could hear a regret in what the person just said like "oh, by the way, I think you should not throw water at it".
Well, too late! A cloud of fire 5 times larger than myself approached me, throwing me back, the fires crown licks my neck and burns pieces of my long hair. The rest of the flames lingers on my arm and I end up with something inbetween a 2nd and to a 3rd degree burn damage. The fire was however put out and the evening abruptly change.

It could have gone a whole lot worse. So every year I feel lucky that my life did not end there.

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Last post ended very abruptly, my brain just started to question the entire post and I was instructed to erase the entire post. However, I forced myself not to do so.

I must tell you this. I questioned myself even to go through with the whole speak my mind thing. Sort of procrastinated it. I had about 16 hours of sparetime that could have been spent towards filming a vlog. Instead I ended up staring, working on a graphics project and gaming.

It's 2:20am and I should try to rest this mess called a head. It's not easy though. Too many thoughts spinning around. Most of the thoughts are projects that I have, however most of them requires a working graphicscard, mine is broken. And then I need another Harddrive, cause the others are full. Can't throw stuff out, cause maybe I will need them at some point? Like for a portfolio? And that is another project that is mine that will wait forever til it sees the day...

Who am I? A procrastinator or am I a person that needs a vision?

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So let me tell you things? Over a long period of time I've doubted myself over who I really am. I overthink every single thing I do and question every thought I have. Trying to make a decision, ending up just staring for hours, doing basically nothing. This has been a thing for as long as I can remember and it seems to never end.

As an example; 2015 I decided to get myself the domain for my website. It has taken me 2 years to get nothing. It's so frustrating to not know what you want. You know how to execute it, but to create it, simple?! Right...

My head does not work that way. The way it works though seems to be that I need to have a clear vision to even get somewhere with my projects. Unless if it is not when helping others to create things, then it seems a lot easier.

One of my thoughts is; how can I apply that to myself?

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I'd like to welcome you into my mind, live my life through my words and maybe find strength in what I have to say. However, I personally don't know where the words will leave me, because It's just such a maze in my head. So even if it is good, or if it is bad, here it starts, pure and raw.
I will try to post as often as I possibly can.

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