Oh hi there..

Hope the week has been good!

I have developed a really bad cough and last night I couldn't sleep for more than one hour straight without waking up either having to pee or to cough my lunges out. It is very annoying and every time I cough it feels like I'm hurting the baby :( I know that getting a cold or coughing during pregnancy is not harming the baby but it sure feels like it.

I read that a woman's immune system goes down quite a bit in the third trimester? I have been around so many people who's either had a cold or a viral infection, also public transport probably doesn't help either, really hope I start to feel better soon!

Today I've just been relaxing at home, I have had no energy to do anything due to the lack of sleep I am having, Little P is head down and the pressure on my bladder is unreal. I constantly have to get up to pee, it really disturbs my sleep and sometimes she starts moving around and kicking so it takes longer to fall back asleep again.

Anyways.. the highlight of this weekend was our private 4d scan yesterday. I HIGHLY recommend it!!! We got to see her face in 4d and it was such a crazy experience. I may be biased but she is the cutest and most adorable little baby I have ever seen <3. As soon as I saw her, I saw so much of her dad in her. She really looks like him! Every scan has made me cry (hello hormones), but I kept it together yesterday, however as soon as we got in the car and I looked at the pictures again I just broke down in tears and the love just felt so overwhelming. Our little angel baby! At the beginning she was hiding her face with her hands, she's done this before. It's as if she knows haha. After a while she finally removed her hands from her face and placed them on one side of her face, in her mouth and below her face haha.

I am less than three months away now!! It feels like everything has gone by so quickly and slow at the same time. I will share my birth plan and thoughts about giving birth soon it you guys want?

My husband has just made a chicken and veg gratin for dinner while I have been lazy on the sofa feeling sorry for myself, so time for dinner and relax time with my favourite person. 

If you know of any good natural remedies to cure this cough let me know. I have tried lemon, ginger etc.

Hi bump! <3

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Can I just say how happy it makes me that you guys are still reading my blog and that my readers are increasing. It would be amazing if you started writing comments as well! :) I would love to know who you all are? What kind of posts you’d like to see more of/less of etc?

How’s your weekend been?
I have had a pretty relaxed weekend at home mostly. As I mentioned previously, we are in the process of buying a new bed, however the correct way to put this is that my handyman of a husband is building us the bed :). I don’t even know how many times we went out to look at beds and he felt that every single one of them weren’t ‘good enough’, which translates to ‘I’m going to build this bed’. After a while I caved in and let him and I have to say, so far it is amazing! Really good quality and I got to decide the design, I went for a very simple and minimalistic bed. He has done such a great job and I can’t wait to share with you guys the end result once he is done.

We decided to invest in a really good mattress from Heals, bedding, duvet and pillows. We got two of those huge king size pillows and two standard size ones, I’m SO excited!! Secretly I’m hoping I’ll be less uncomfortable sleeping but I doubt it, guess we will see.

As I have also mentioned, I finally decided to invest in a camera and spent a while figuring out what to go for/where to start.
Luckily my lovely friend Laura helped me with figuring out which camera to go for and in the end I decided for the canon m6, I am very pleased with my choice. It is perfect for a newbie and for the type of photographs I’m looking to take/learning how to take. I took it out with me yesterday to try it out and I understand why some people fall in love with photography! It is so much fun and can’t wait to learn more and to become better.

Besides that and how in love I am in my new camera I don’t have much to report. Next week will mainly be about work and getting back into some sort of routine, however on Saturday we have our 4D scan to get a better glimpse of our angel baby ❤️

My husband is out tonight at a work do so I’m alone, already thinking about what to eat?

Hope you have a wonderful day! 



Good evening!

First of all I must say how much I enjoyed swimming. It felt so good and I left feeling much lighter and less uptight, it was so nice to get to use my whole body again. I am definitely going to stick with swimming 2-3 times a week because it makes me feel very good and relaxed afterwards.

I have missed that feeling! There has been times in my life where I have been more active and gone to the gym on a consistent basis and I have always felt so good when I have done that. Both mind and body have thanked me for putting the effort in and pushing myself. However, then there's still those long periods of no gym visits and very low activity and my excuse is always that 'life got in the way' or something along those lines.

I definitely know that exercising for me is more a mental barrier than anything else. I have a lot of self belief and self confidence in many areas of my life but when it comes to maintaining a consistent exercise regime and taking the necessary steps, I somehow always stop in the middle somewhere and blame it on that I have never been an exercise person so that will just isn't instilled in me. SO many excuses!

I do see myself as someone who manifests her goals and dreams very confidently. I don't mean this in a bragging or condescending way but when I truly want to achieve something or gain something, I always think about it in a very positive way, as if it has already happen. There is never a shadow of doubt or negativity and before I know it life has moved and/or rearranged itself so what I have been asking for can happen. Now that doesn't mean that it happens the EXACT way I thought or wanted, no, it never does. But it happens and manifests itself in the way it is supposed to and I always realise afterwards how that was supposed to happen that way in the first place.

As a project manager (as my husband likes to call me), I have my long term goals for each year/years and my short term ones. The short term goals always leads the way to the long term goals but I am always super flexible about how I will get there, and if I notice through out the way that the path I am embarking on is actually not what I intended it to be, I change and allow myself to feel what it is I really want.

One of the toughest lessons for me that I have had to learn during the past few years is to Loosen the grip.

Anything that I have wanted and held on to too tight, I have held on to it for all the wrong reasons and as such not been able to manifest it. This is something that I have had to learn the hard way and it took me a very long time to have the instinct to realise the true meaning of loosening the grip.

My lovely and beautiful friend Susie who'm I admire and look up to a lot for her strength called me once out of the blue when I was going through a career crisis (lets call it that) and I think she could hear the desperation in my voice. Before I knew it she had sent me this book by Rebecca Campbell 'Light is the new black', I remember reading it on a plane (pregnancy brain - cannot remember where I was flying to or from) and when I came to the chapter on loosening the grip, it almost felt like that chapter was written for me. Every single word just spoke to me and somehow it was so clear that all along I had gone about things the wrong way.

It still took me a while to fully understand the meaning and its interpretation into my life but once it hit home properly, things started to change, I start to change and my view on life and what I wanted changed.

I no longer feel the need to hold on to something with such a tight grip and feeling a sense of desperation or thinking if I have x I will feel so and so, or if y happens I will finally achieve this or that. Because it is not about that.

I am already all those things, and so are you. It is about allowing yourself to fully step into who you really are and what your heart really desires. Without feeling the need to hold on too tight or thinking you have to do or be something to fulfil someone else's perception of you.

If you pay close attention to the people who manifest their dreams and goals, they probably all have something in common. They walk boldly towards the direction of their dreams, knowing and believing it is already there. They already are!

If I compare this to my mental barriers in regards to maintaining a consistent exercise regime, it is quite easy to see that I am not manifesting that fully because I lack the confidence and belief that I already am or already have it. I see myself as being half there or whatever it may be.

I have set certain career and personal goals for myself, which have all been achieved but never in the way I would have ever imagined it to. Does that make me sad or proud of myself? I do feel very proud because even though some parts have been extremely challenging, I have managed to move myself from A to B with belief and clear actions. I have raised the bar for myself and allowed myself to be clear on my intentions and what it is that I want for my life without feeling a sense of guilt or shame, or that the closest people to me wouldn't understand.

There is still a long way to go and I have so much more to achieve, but I know in my heart that I am finally on the right path. Regardless of how the road will look in a months time, six months time or even a year. It will be exactly what I will need.

Becoming a mother and starting a family was never one of my aspirations as a young girl. I never thought or put my happiness in the sole purpose of starting a family and becoming a mother. For me it has been more about allowing myself to be me, do me and become more clear about myself and my life before embarking on that journey.

However, now ready to take on that journey, I know with such confidence that the other part of my power as the woman I am, will truly shine and develop this coming year as I will meet our baby daughter and be her mother. We already have our family and it gives me that bit of extra strength and power to be the best version of myself. But to also allow myself to maybe be a lesser version of myself on other days. It is all okay!

For this coming year, my intentions are to confidently embrace and grow into the new life that has already started for us and will continue to manifest itself. To always be close to my husband and prioritise our relationship and marriage because we are essentially a team and the foundation for our family. To always listen to him, show him encouragement and the space to grow and be himself but also the opportunity for us to grow individually and as a couple. Most importantly, to remember that in the most challenging times ''this too shall pass''. Tough times aren't here to break us, but to grow us stronger. This is something we have lived by since we met and always supported one another in everything life has thrown our way.

To continue feeling confident and true to myself and my intentions in regards to going back to work after maternity leave. I look at this with a warm heart and positivity because it will manifest itself in the way it is supposed to for me and my family. I don't see barriers in terms of combining both, because I am so flexible in my approach. As I am looking to spend my time with my daughter and working, I know whatever it will be, will allow me to do so while also allow for me to keep earning more money.

To grow this blog and my social channels. I love the community that exists for new mums and existing mums on social media. I am looking forward to getting to know more empowering women but also maintaining and nurturing my existing friendships.

Work on my mental barriers when it comes to exercising and maintaining a healthy lifestyle because it is no longer just about me. My daughter shouldn't be my sole purpose for changing this, but she definitely is one of the drivers behind me wanting to change my perception and mindset in regards to being a healthy version of myself.

Go on holiday with my family. The thought of seeing little baby P enjoying playing around in a tiny pool warms my heart and I can't wait for her to experience that.

Move to a house with more room and space for our family, where my husband can have his shed/workshop and I can have a bigger kitchen, garden and just a new place for us to settle down in for the next few years ahead.

This is definitely the year of family and finding our new 'normal', to keep elevating myself and confidently ask for what my heart desires and know I am worthy of it.

What are your intentions for this year?



Hello you!

It has nearly been one month since I wrote here last and I wish I could say it is because I have been so extremely busy and occupied but that would be lying. I have had some time off from work during the holiday period and been trying my best to wind down and relax, recharge my batteries and prepare myself for what's to come next.

I am now 26 weeks pregnant and will enter the third trimester in a couple of weeks time! It really feels like time is flying by and before I know it, she will either be here with us or I will be counting down the long last days until she makes her entrance.

At the moment I am feeling okay, the nausea and sickness has stayed away for the most part but the tiredness and exhaustion is still very much there. Yesterday my body was so exhausted and I kept falling asleep as soon as i laid down, I think I had about 3 naps in the middle of the day. Today I have more energy and going to go for my first 'pregnancy' swim in a little while!

I am still suffering with carpal tunnel syndrome, which is a pain and another reason as to why I haven't been updating my blog. I spend so much time in front of screen at work so when I am home I try to rest my wrists as much as I can. At the moment it feels like I am having pins and needles in my fingers while typing. It is very frustrating and I hope it doesn't stay through out the pregnancy, or if it does, that it leaves once she is here!

Her little kicks and movements are much more frequent now, I cannot even begin to explain how amazing it feels, especially when I wake up in the morning and a few minutes after, she starts to wriggle about and move. It is the best feeling ever <3 It still blows my mind that the movements I am feeling is our little daughter! I talk to her daily and play her music, she really likes music because when I press stop she starts kicking haha. I am playing her everything from old Swedish songs to Persian music and pop/rnb. I love those little moments, she makes me laugh so much.

Overall, I would say from week 18 and onwards, I have gradually started to feel better and definitely agree with the fact that the second trimester is so different from the first. I am growing a fair bit week by week and I can certainly feel it. I am going to write about the pregnancy body and body positivity in another post as it is such a huge topic. But given the fact that I am the biggest I have ever been and have a lot more growing to do, I feel very beautiful and proud over what my body has achieved and will achieve within the next three months.

The lows this trimester is definitely the tiredness and the worry. We have our growth scan this month, a private 4D scan to see her face and all other tests that is left for me to take, for example the sugar test (cannot remember the correct term), where I have to drink a very sugary drink to check how my body reacts and if I am at risk for pregnancy diabetes. So far everything has always been perfect but I am still worried before every appointment, even the GP appointments. I suppose it is normal but it is definitely draining on me beforehand.

I do hope that the growth scan will show normal growth. She was growing exactly how she's supposed to during my 24 week check up so fingers crossed it will continue that way.

The mood swings and the emotional rollercoaster is definitely still there. I feel everything so much stronger and find myself quite easily getting in a bad mood. It doesn't take much to push my buttons and I can imagine that it might not be so pleasant for the people around me (sorry J! haha). I wish I could control it, but I can't because in that moment I just feel so strongly that how I am reacting is how I am supposed to be reacting.

The worse is trying to explain why I am feeling the way I am feeling or having to explain why I can't do something/lack the energy to do something. My body just doesn't cope!! I don't have the same energy as I used to and little tasks can become daunting. For example, we are in the process of buying a new bed as we have had our bed for so long and opting for a super kingsize bed now that our family is growing. Just going to look for bed linen and bedding by myself in the middle of the crazy sales really stresses me out. Not only do I have to take a pee break every 10 minutes, but to make decisions at the moment is so stressful. I am super indecisive and keep going back and forth constantly to the point where it drives my poor husband a bit crazy. But I can't help it. I would normally not mind doing something like choosing bed linen and bedding by myself, but at the moment, I want him there to go through the decision process with me in case I choose wrong etc. Not that he would mind in the slightest but I just really want all those decisions to be made with both of us present. It is almost like I get angry because he is at work and I am not.. Totally crazy but hey, I am preggers!

I am also in planning mode, I am trying to plan the next three months, the time after the baby is born and the summer. My brain is on 120 all of the time and I sometimes expect my husband to be the same and when he looks at me like I have lost it or tells me to relax, it makes me react. But then afterwards I totally understand him because I would normally not be like this, in such a rush to figure everything out or have our whole year planned within one week. It is almost like I am trying to 'control' any apparent situation now so when P is here, everything is sorted and the only thing we need to deal with are those uncontrollable situations but life doesn't work like that.

Please tell me I am not the only one? Do you have a similar story to share? I love to hear crazy pregnancy stories of how women have reacted over something that the husband or partner just totally doesn't understand. In the moment it is not fun but afterwards when I have calmed myself down, we can laugh at it. 

I know pregnancy does crazy things to you, and I suppose for me it has given me a never ending PMS and a total need to plan and execute. 

Anyways, our NCT/Antenatal classes are coming up in little over 1,5 months and I will be returning to pregnancy yoga soon. I have had a break over the holiday period and I can really feel how my body needs to stretch. For the next three months of the pregnancy I will be doing yoga once a week as usual and go swimming 2-3 times a week. Even if I go swimming once a week I will be happy. I have heard so many women loving swimming when pregnant so I hope I feel the same. I guess I will know after today!

I am looking into hypnobirthing classes as well, I have read some books on hypnobirthing and it is a method I would really like to try during the labour. I will write more about my thoughts on hypnobirthing later.

I have to pack my bag and head to the gym now for my first swim. But check in later, as another post will be up discussing my goals and intentions for this year!

Excuse the bad quality photos. I have bought a new canon camera and will upload much nicer photos moving forward!



Hello hello!

Hope you are having a great start to December, maybe you have put the christmas tree up (if you are as eager as I am). Next year will obviously be a very different christmas for us, as our little baby angel will be with us and one thing I am so excited about is to introduce her and our family to Swedish Advent Fika.

In Sweden, we really celebrate every advent and it is such a cosy time for families and kids. You light four candles (one for every Sunday, so by christmas all four candles are lit) in an advent candelabra or you can make your own candelabra, as long as it holds four candles. Friends and family come over for Jul fika (pre christmas hang, with Swedish christmas candy and cakes), you listen to christmas music and just enjoy the time.

I know P will only be 8 months next christmas, but I am really looking forward to baking Swedish christmas candy with her and introduce her to a bit of Swedish tradition in England :). She will be too small to understand it but it is something I am looking forward to. I used to always watch and hang with my mum in the kitchen as she baked and cooked, I am hoping P will do the same with me.

Isn't it funny how we somehow want our own children to 'relive' some of our own happiest memories of our childhood?

Anyways.. for the past week or so, I have been feeling my hands going numb at night time and when I wake up, a bit of swelling every now and then so I took my wedding rings off as I was scared they'd get stuck, but one ring that my mum gave me years ago just wouldn't come off. On Sunday, I could barely use my right arm and hand, so I got worried thinking maybe the ring was causing it so we had to use a wire cutter to get it off my finger because the swelling kept getting worse.

The swelling has calmed down a bit but my fingers and arms still goes numb so I went to the GP and as I suspected, I have Carpal tunnel syndrome. Apparently it is quite normal in pregnancy and tends to go away after the baby is born but it is so frustrating. It really hurts!

As I mentioned in my last post, during our scan last week we got to do a Doppler ultrasound that our hospital offers. I had a few (many) questions after our results that the sonographer couldn’t answer and after calling the community midwives and hospital a few times, we got an appointment to meet with a consultant to get our questions answered.

Little did we know that the consultant we met with was the person who introduced this ultrasound to the hospital. She was incredibly helpful and explained everything to me and put my mind at ease.

The Doppler ultrasound listens to the blood flow from the mum/placenta to the baby. She explained that the UK has one of the highest rates of stillbirths and the NHS cannot afford to offer every woman a scan in the third trimester. Complications tend to occur in the third trimester and measuring the bump may not be the best and/or accurate way of determining the baby’s health. So with this ultrasound, they can better determine if the placenta is providing sufficient nutrition to the baby and the baby’s wellbeing. If it would turn out that the placenta isn’t doing it’s job and baby is missing out on nutrition, they then put a plan in place to make sure the baby is ok and when to start labour.

My results came back 1,6 and anything above 1,2 means you get called for an additional scan in third trimester. This is what had worried me but she explained that they have put the threshold very low to ensure that especially first time mothers gets a scan and that the hospital do what they can to detect abnormalities early on. This doesn’t indicate that our baby would have any abnormalities but if she would measure smaller than average, they can then investigate further. At the moment she was perfect, all organs functioning properly, healthy heart and measures accurately to her age.

During our meeting I asked if they get many women like me who worries and she laughed and said no, but it has made them realise that they have to be careful how they position this ultrasound and make sure they educate women so they don’t leave feeling worried like I did, they are also now writing a leaflet on this to hand to women. I’m glad we went and saw her instead of battling with the worry for two months. I am also glad they took my concerns seriously and providing more information so other women can feel at ease.

I am not an anxious person by nature, but I can definitely worry and analyse situations, especially when it concerns a situation in a new and/or unfamiliar area. One of my lessons to learn through out this pregnancy is to truly trust my body and to trust the process. It might sound easy, but it is not. It takes a lot of practice and the fact that we miscarried two weeks earlier plays a big part in my worry that something will go wrong. I know I am not the only one feeling like this and I also know that the worry never ends. Once your baby is here the worry continues. But at least then, I can see her and get a better understanding of what's going on so it might be easier? No? Maybe referring to it as easier is the wrong word.

I do believe it is important to trust your own gut and instinct, if you feel unsure about something or have questions, ask them! Don't hold it in or rely on Google to provide you with answers. This doesn't just go for pregnancy, it goes for anything in life. If we always choose to keep quiet and/or not use our voice to bring matters to life, we might miss out on the chance to help ourselves but also others. You never know who you might be inspiring or who is going through what you are going through.

I don't think we are every really alone in anything that we go through. What do you think?

My 21 week Bumpie <3



Hello hello. I hope you are all keeping up well and slowly preparing for christmas. I am nearly mid way through the second trimester and I cannot even begin to explain how much I am looking forward to christmas this year, maybe it is the growing bump and the fact that next year will be P's first christmas outside the womb :)

Besides that, I have been feeling okay most days. We had our 20 week scan and our daughter looked perfect, it was so amazing to see her again. Technically we have seen her grow since she was 6 weeks old and about 6mm big. Now she looks like a proper baby (although still very small), she was rubbing her eyes and chilling, showing us her bum as she has done every scan.

My hospital offers an additional check during the anomaly scan that is called a doppler ultrasound, where they check the blood flow from the placenta to the baby and compare it to thousands of other babies and give an estimate of how well or bad the baby is getting blood and oxygen from the placenta. I won't go in to details yet as I still don't know much about how this ultrasound works, in terms of the results. I will know tomorrow because I requested to speak to a consultant to find out more.

Being pregnant and learning about the baby's development in the womb is a TOTAL different story and journey than what you'd ever expect, especially when it is the first time. There are also so many different opinions and research being done that can be quite daunting. I will write about my experience regarding the scans and my hospital when I am further along in my pregnancy and have more content, at this stage I feel it is too early for me to give an opinion.

Anyways, I have been feeling quite tense in my back and shoulders recently. I am not sleeping that well at the moment, either, trying to only sleep on my left side as it is recommended, combined with X amount of toilet visits through out the night, a growing belly and a bed that suddenly seems way too small for two people. So instead of buying a new bed (which is on the list), I booked myself in for a pregnancy massage at home this evening. Wow! I loved every second of it and feel so much more relaxed now, the tension in my back and shoulders is gone and I hope I will have a good night sleep.

As the masseuse was packing up to leave, she asked me what I look forward to the most about becoming a mother. I have never been asked that question and it took me a bit by surprise, I am not going to lie.

What am I looking forward to the most?

In my opinion, it is such a big question to ask and I am unsure if there is a single answer to that question. Becoming a parent is nothing like anything else I can imagine.

It is not like becoming a homeowner, or getting that job you've always wanted. It is so different. When you think about your life and what you'd like to achieve, you set some goals right? Take clear action and do what you can to bring yourself closer to the achieving your goal. You visualise already having/being/doing what your goal is and if anyone would ask you long the way, why or what you look forward to the most, you will probably have a very specific answer. That answer is probably most likely your driving force behind the desire to get there.

But becoming a parent, a mother, is just so different. I can't think of a single thing that stands out more than the others, that I am looking forward to the most. I suppose the idea of bringing a child into the world who's half me and half the person I love, is just magical. I often wonder what of me she'll have and what of her will be her dad? Or if she will be totally different. What will be her place in the world? I am so intrigued to get to know her and be there for her as her mother while she goes through life.

I can't wait to hold her for the first time and to breastfeed her. I look forward to just BE with her. To see the world through her eyes. To watch her learn how to crawl, speak, walk. Hear her little footsteps in the hallway. Ja, so many things!

I look forward to being P's mother, in all its glory. But I am also looking forward to being tested by her, will I be the kind of mother I think I will be or not? I know for sure that it is not all rosey and precious being a parent, probably the opposite. But that is also such a huge part of it, It is not just about the perfect and calm moments that makes it what it is, no it is also about those moments that might catch you by surprise and push you out of your comfort zone.

I don't know, her question took me by surprise and I got this urge to write about it.

If you have an answer to this question, let me know. I'd love to hear it!



Hello lovelies!

I can't even explain how happy I feel when I get messages saying you are reading my blog and you like it. The post I wrote about our miscarriage seems to have touched you guys the most with its honesty. That means so much and I hope you will continue to read and follow my journey.

So, I have been feeling a bit down in the dumps this week with random emotional outbursts that my poor husband and parents have had to endure. It is like I can't even control it and five minutes later I am sitting there crying my eyeballs out over something so tiny and unimportant. Gotta love the pregnancy hormones!

This got me thinking about what I sometimes do when I feel down or uninspired, when I am having one of those days. Sometimes I just let myself feel whatever it is I am feeling and to sit with the emotions. Regardless of how raw they may feel, I sit with the pain, analyse it and after a while, I'll feel ready to move on. Other times, I pull myself together and shift my energy from what bothers me to what inspires me. Instead of thinking about the negativity of whatever may be going on at that time, I think about things that excites me and make me happy.

Because I am feeling a bit ish today, I thought I would shift my energy instead of sitting with the negativity as I know that nothing really is bothering me, I am just having a meh day.

1. My little baby P!! She is my number 1 happiness and inspiration ever since I found out I was pregnant and as time goes on, my bump grows and I go further along in the pregnancy, my emotions and connection towards her grows even more. I will literally explode when I get to meet her and hold her for the first time. I often visualise how it will feel holding her in my arms for the first time and taking her home from the hospital (if I don't do a home birth..). As I am writing this I can feel her wriggle about and it is making me smile <3

2. My husband. I may be bias, but he really is one of a kind and as time goes on, I become more and more proud of him and the man he is, the team that we are. He makes me laugh like no one else and tries his best to accommodate his crazy pregnant wife as best he can. I often wonder what of him she will have? I can't wait to see what a mix of us she will be and the kind of bond she will have with her dad. Dad's are the best and P is so lucky to have him as her father.

3. My family. I don't have the luxury of being able to drive to theirs every week as they live in Sweden, which is quite difficult sometimes. But their unconditional love and support makes it all worth it and I can't wait to introduce P to her amazing family and to spend more time in Sweden whenever I can. I had the best childhood and want my daughter to get to experience that as well.

4. The future! Whenever I think about the future and the next coming months, I just feel excited because everything I am experiencing at the moment is brand new to me. I know next year will bring P to us, a move to another area (?) and house + so much more. It is all very exciting even though I have no idea of how it will all go, I feel very calm and confident that whatever happens and however way things will go, it will happen the way it is meant to. I am trusting the process and that in itself is quite magical. To fully let go and trust that it will all work out - because guess what? It always does!

5. My career. There is so much I want to do and working towards doing, incorporating a new born to it all will sure be challenging and this is another area of my life where I am fully 100% trusting the process. I do believe that we live in a time where women can both be great mothers and pursue their careers. I don't believe that one has to compromise the other, but I do think it is necessary to be willing to think outside the box and be creative in how to approach the two. I am intrigued to see how I will be able to keep both going and how life will look like once I am back working after maternity leave.

I have to say, just writing these points down has totally put me in a different headspace. Try it! When you are feeling a bit down or uninspired, frustrated and feeling stuck. Think about five things that inspires you and I can promise you that the negativity will be gone. I am also looking forward to reading this again once I am sitting there with my baby, planning a move and how work will look like.  Time will tell!



Well hello there!

Apologies for the recent silence. It hasn't been because I haven't had anything to write, because I do. It has been due to the fact that the tiredness and nausea has come back with a vengeance. At the moment I am going from feeling very energetic to extremely tired and sick. Oh, when will it stabilise?

Anyways... As most of you know by now, we are expecting a beautiful baby girl! Both me and my husband are over the moon and can't wait to meet her in April next year. I have started to feel her more regularly now and it is just amazing. When I am at work and feel her doing whatever it is she does in there, I just laugh and smile to myself. In ONE week I am half way there!! <3

It is impossible for me to be unhappy at the moment. I am not joking. As much as I suffer with sickness, nausea and the fact that life still goes on regardless of me being pregnant and throws curveballs our way every now and then. I still feel incredibly happy, or maybe the right word is peaceful. The past years have been full on with juggling career, planning our wedding, changing jobs and now we are throwing in another big change into the mix and I couldn't feel happier.

Looking back, I can really connect the dots. Things were meant to happen this way for us and whatever happens next will be exactly how it is supposed to.

I am also so extremely proud of the team that is me and my husband. I will one day dedicate a post to only him (much to his amusement..).

Well, all of this leads me in to the title of this post: my thoughts on parenting.

As you can imagine, about 90% of the conversations I am having with people at the moment is around pregnancy, child birth and parenting. I guess it comes with the package and all of a sudden it is all so exciting and interesting to talk about. Listen to other women's experiences and thoughts around it all, having discussions with my husband about it but also learning more about myself and my own take on this whole new journey. Becoming a mother!

When you find out you are pregnant, so many different thoughts goes through your head and the whole experience becomes mind blowing. You start thinking about everything from baby names to the nursery. Perhaps thinking about Life after birth becomes a bit overwhelming at times, depending on where you are in your life. There is so much to think about from so many different perspectives.

For us, who's going to have a multi cultural little rebel girl, incorporating all her three cultures is of paramount. My nationality is Swedish but my origin is from Iran and her father is English. I grew up in a very multi cultural household as a child and I would want the same for my daughter. I am so proud that my parents welcomed both the Swedish and Persian culture into my life and I would want the same for her, so she knows how fortunate she is and also gain a better understanding of her parents, our backgrounds but also for people in general!

But parenting is not just about culture is it, far from. For the past seven years, I have been around children and know very well how much parenting has changed since I was a child. Also how different it is growing up in England in comparison to Sweden. We live in a society where we prioritise our careers more than ever, so when the children comes along they are given more entitlement and put in the centre of it all. Probably much more than previous generations.

I remember growing up and having friends who had very strict parents that wouldn't allow them to do certain things or express themselves in a certain way, that in turn led to them rebelling later on in their lives. On the other hand, I also had friends who had no rules or structure at home, they were raising themselves pretty much and this led them to not comprehend that not everywhere is as relaxed as home and not everyone is brought up that way.

Being too strict or too lenient has the same outcome but in different ways in my opinion. As much as rules are there for a reason, I believe in more emphasis in establishing and setting healthy and solid boundaries and to keep the consistency!

Everything is SO accessible at the moment, especially in and around London. Children get to experience so much all the time and as amazing as that is, it can also breed a sense of entitlement, because mummy and daddy gave them, therefore the rest of the world should as well. With that, boundary setting becomes more challenging as the child 'takes' the power away from the parents and gets to decide what's important.

But with healthy boundaries and parents that leads by example, I truly believe that the child will have a bigger chance in learning that is is great and amazing that everything is there for him/her to experience, but different things have different priorities.

For us it is so important that we parent our daughter in a way that gives her the foundation and platform to be herself, feeling comfortable in her own skin and having the confidence and self belief to do so. But to also be a kind person who respects her peers and knows her boundaries. By that I don't mean or indicate that she should always accept and turn her head down whenever an adult tells her something that contradicts with what she wants, No, it is more about that she gets given the opportunity to express herself but also being taught that life is not about always getting what you want. There is a balance.

It is our job as her parents to guide her and teach her, be her solid foundation so she feels secure and loved but also have the creativity and drive to push and think outside the box. I know it sounds easier than done and that is why it is so important for me and my husband to lead by example and be a team.

Parenting is a topic I am very passionate about and could write about for hours. But I do believe that it is so important to raise happy and secure children with a thirst for life. As adults, we always look to a child and admire his/her imagination and take on life, my aim as a mother to my daughter is to always encourage her to keep her imagination and teach her the skills to cope when things don't go her way. Instead of resulting to throwing tantrums (which she obviously will) and giving up, to think outside the box and come up with new creative ideas but to also know that boundaries are there for a reason.

Please share your thoughts? I would love to hear your take on this huge huge topic!



Hi guys.

A couple of weeks ago I was listening to this Swedish podcast called Förlossningspodden, which is a podcast about pregnancy, parenthood, birth, labour, ja, all of that!

It made me think of my own story of how we got pregnant. As previously mentioned, we were extremely lucky and blessed to get pregnant so quickly but that doesn't mean that our short journey there was pain free. Because it wasn't.

I have been trying to write this post for a few days now and I don't know how to write it. So I will just write.

Me and my husband had spoken about starting a family together quite soon after our wedding (we got married in May this year). We both knew we were ready and the timing was right, but we didn't want to jinx it or take it for granted by assuming that I would get pregnant quickly because you just never know. Sometimes life has other plans for you!

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a bit of a project manager. I like to have a plan. I like to know what I am doing next and why. That goes for everything in my life, so even if our plan was to ''take it as it comes'', I was still secretly hoping I could decide or figure it out beforehand.

I didn't know much about the science and maths behind how to get pregnant, in terms of the different phases of a woman's menstrual cycle etc. All I knew and went after was the accuracy of my own cycle. On time every month and I can feel when I am ovulating so I just trusted my body and decided to not read up on too much and become too focused on it just yet. It was only the first month anyways!

I took a pregnancy test a few days after I had ovulated, thinking it would show if I had fallen pregnant or not. Both me and my husband were excited so when it showed negative I thought, okey, better luck next month. It did discourage me a little bit but we decided to not think about it or let it impact us negatively.

As my period approached, I felt some slight cramps and remember texting with my sister in law, telling her how random my period was behaving. I didn't think anymore of it due to the negative test I had taken a few days before.

After about three days of this random cramp and not much else, I was sitting on the sofa waiting for my husband to finish work so we could go out and have dinner to celebrate six years together. However, I couldn't stop thinking about how strangely my period was behaving and thought to myself to just go and buy a pregnancy test, just to check what was going on. I was more worried of it saying not pregnant and it being my cycle acting up than me actually being pregnant as I was so set on that not being the case.

I got the pregnancy test and peed on the stick, bumbled around for a little bit and when I went back to the check on it and it said ''1-2 weeks pregnant''. I was in total shock!!!

Called my husband several times, sent him a text of the pregnancy test and called my dad straight away. I was so happy and just shouted IM PREGNANT!! He got so happy and my mum just rushed over to the phone and I told her as well and she just didn't know how to react. They were so happy!

My husband called me and was also so shocked and happy, he couldn't believe it. I told my friend as well and we decided to meet in town because I just couldn't think straight. She had rushed and got me Folic Acid tablets and we found ourselves in the baby department looking at clothes, I was so happy that I bought three pieces of clothes for this baby I had dreamt of for so long!

The following day I went to the GP and I told them about the pregnancy but also the cramps I had been experiencing and was still experiencing. The GP told me it was normal and not to worry, I should only worry if it got much worse and was accompanied by blood. I was given a folder with a bunch of pregnancy information and that was it.

I felt quite empty after that appointment, here I am, first time pregnant, no idea what's going on or what's normal and what isn't and all I got was a folder and nothing else. It felt so wrong in a way. I just couldn't shake this feeling off of something not being right, especially as that evening, the cramps just didn't stop.

I went back to the GP the next day to take blood tests but she said that it wasn't necessary for me to take it now as the midwife would do it in a few weeks time. I felt so annoyed and snapped at her a little bit, I told her I have never gone through this before and I don't understand why I am having these cramps? She just told me to relax and not worry unless it got worse and I was bleeding. It felt like the worst advice you could give a woman who's never been pregnant before.

That evening, the cramps started getting worse and I noticed blood. I just felt something was wrong. I had a pregnancy test at home that I took and all of a sudden the second line was quite faint. I called the NHS helpline to get hold of an out of hours GP, after nearly three hours wait, I got a call back and the GP told me I might be experiencing a miscarriage and the only way to find out is to go to A&E.

By now it was nearly midnight, me and my husband made our way to the A&E, we got there and it was so busy, we had to queue nearly 40 minutes to even get to the reception. I was standing up, cramping and feeling so angry. So extremely angry. When we finally got to the reception, the lady barely allowed me to finish explaining why we were there and told me that the waiting time was nearly 3-4h. Again, I snapped at her and told her to let me finish talking, she tried her best to get us seen early or help to check if any other nearby A&E's had shorter queues, but somehow all London A&E's were jam-packed. Just our luck!

We were finally seen and as I was taking a urine test, I noticed some blood cloths, I already knew what we were going to be told so when the doctor told me I was no longer pregnant, me and my husband just sat there, totally confused and empty. We had to go back to the waiting area to wait to be seen by a gynecologist. I just cried and cried. I leaned on my husbands shoulders and was just sobbing in the middle of a busy waiting area in A&E. I can't explain the feeling.

I couldn't bare the thought of sitting there any longer so we decided to leave. By now it was nearly 4 o'clock in the morning and all I wanted was to go home, wash my face and sleep. We barely spoke on the way home and my husband tried to console me while being sad himself, being sad for our loss.

Woke up the next day and it all happened, I was bleeding and felt my body getting rid of it all. The cramping was gone and that was that.

Just like that. Our happiness, joy and excitement was taken away from us, all within three days. I felt my whole life changing from good to amazing and from amazing to pure shit (excuse the language) in just three days.

I was so angry. I felt so angry at my body for failing me. You're told and sold the story, the conception of a woman being able to conceive and give birth. You assume you won't go through a miscarriage or a loss. You just assume that you'll get pregnant and get to keep your baby. I couldn't phantom that my first experience was a miscarriage.

We decided to share this with close friends and family because I couldn't bare the thought of us keeping it a secret and pretend it never happened. Because it did happen. It felt more real than anything I have ever experienced. I had to share it.

When I did, I realised how many women around me and all over the world goes through the same thing. It somehow helped me grief and be okay with it. It somehow pulled me through and the following two weeks I allowed myself to cry, spend time with friends, drink and to just be. I needed it. We needed it.

The thought that kept me going was that I now knew I could get pregnant, it would be okay because we can conceive and I just knew my body wouldn't fail me forever.

I started using Natural Cycles, to keep a closer eye on my cycle and I started to educate myself on the menstrual cycle and its different phases. Somehow all this knowledge made it easier for me to accept what had happened and as much as people, doctors, blogs, websites, tells you that early miscarriage is common and that some women go through it without even realising it, IT STILL HURTS!!!

However, I ovulated two weeks after my miscarriage, started a new job, got a notification for my midwife appointment for the pregnancy that I no longer had. Instead of cancelling the appointment, I decided to take a pregnancy test, it showed positive.

My mum was visiting us and I remember going to her and my husband at the same time, just saying 'Im pregnant again', both of them didn't know what to say as they were so confused, worried and a bit scared. I on the other hand, was calm and just went and saw the midwife, told her my story and all of a sudden, as I sat there, it hit me that I was pregnant again.

X amount of pregnancy test later to keep checking that this is really happening, an early scan to check the heartbeat in week six and the 12 week scan, this little nugget has stuck by us and I hope with all my heart that our little angel rainbow baby will meet us on the other side in April.

I never knew our journey would start so horrible and painful. I never ever knew or appreciated the pain a woman/a couple goes through when a miscarriage occurs. If anything, it has taught me to never take anything for granted. This pregnancy is sacred to me and as much as I still worry and wonder if everything is OK, I am amazed by what my body is capable of.

It has been difficult writing this post as it has made me feel very vulnerable but at the same time, if women don’t share their experiences we wouldn't know that we aren't alone.



Hello you!

I hope you are very well and enjoying whatever you are doing.

First of all - THANK YOU to everyone that read my first post and for all the great feedback, it makes this so much more fun and exciting to do!

One of my aims is to be as open and honest as I possible can, because we all know that every pregnancy is different and I truly believe that all women should feel comfortable to share their experience in whatever way they like. Your body is growing a tiny little human, of course you will feel some discomfort in one way or another.

As I am now officially out of the first trimester, I thought I would share my experience so far and if you are anything like me, or how I was prior to getting pregnant, not really knowing much in detail about the different symptoms women can get and experience through early pregnancy, what they actually mean and how you ''cope''. Then keep on reading!

So... How would I sum up my first trimester? Exhaustion, nauseous, sick, emotional, exhaustion again, scared, Whaaaatis going on?!?, HUNGRY!

The tiredness that I have experienced and keep on experiencing even today, is NOT what I expected. I have read and heard that you get tired to begin with, but to this extent? This one has been a real challenge for me because I haven't felt like myself in months, a constant need to lie down and rest. For someone who usually never takes naps, I haven't been able to function without nap.

It makes it so hard to function properly, to focus on my life as per usual, do all the things that I would normally do, socialise, exercise, but above all have the ENERGY to do all of these things when all my body wants is to lie down and just close my eyes. Add a full time job, constant sickness and nausea to the mix and it makes it quite unbearable but somehow you power through the best way you can!

This leads us to the constant sickness and nausea, how can I best describe this? Well, it has felt like I am constantly sea sick and/or hungover, where every little uninvited smell can set me off. There has been evenings where I have treated myself to a nice take away, Deliveroo pings and says the driver is two minutes away, my excitement hits the roof. Food arrives and I start to eat it, only to rush to the bathroom a couple of minutes later throwing it all up. Ugh! Not quite what you'd expect, right?

Imagine being emotional all.of.the.time. Yes, exactly! My poor husband has a wife that laughs one minute and cries the next. The emotions have been free flowing and I have just experienced them all, more intensely! Like a PMS that just never ends.

As much as I love food and eating, experiencing the kind of hunger I have experienced at times (every day pretty much) has been a bit difficult, in particular when no one besides family and close friends knew that I was pregnant. Eating lunch at work and getting hungry about 10 minutes later, trying to hide it or act cool and casual with zero concentration, when all I have wanted to do is to bring a big snack pack and just eat my way through the day and perhaps watch a Friends episode or two. Or when being out for dinner with colleagues or friends, having to be extra particular with what to order, making up an excuse for not drinking alcohol, it might sound fun but it does get overwhelming, especially when suffering from such low energy and just wanting to sleep but feeling guilty for cancelling.

All the other symptoms you don't hear about as much, or I certainly didn't. I never heard about the disgusting aftertaste you get in your mouth where it feels like you have been sucking on a metal piece for the entire day, all the excessive saliva, the constant full bladder, constipation, all the gas, random hair growth, breasts that never stops growing, yes might sound fun and all but after a while it just gets annoying.

I have to say - I wouldn't change this for the world because in six months time, I will get to meet our little bundle of joy but there is no need to sugarcoat the early pregnancy stage because it is hard. At least it has been for me. I am still recovering from it all and not over feeling nauseous, sick and tired. I wonder if the metallic taste in my mouth will ever leave?

I hope it does and I hope the next six months will be a bit more pleasant to say the least, but somehow you kind of learn to deal with what you are given. I have learnt to listen to my body and give it what it needs without feeling guilty. If I need to spend a few hours (a whole day) in bed doing nothing because it is what my body needs, then that is what I will do. I am still trying to find my balance with all the pregnancy cravings as they come and go like crazy but I don't stress about it.

As women, we already have so much pressure put on us, half of it is put there by ourselves and the other half by what we think society or our social community expects of us. Don't compare your pregnancy to another woman because it is impossible to. Just take it in your stride and find little ways to cope and do what feels best for you and your soul.

Unfortunately, I haven't photographed my growing bump up until now due to how I have been feeling and the worry of a miscarriage (a post for another day..) but moving forward, you guys will get to see my growing baby bump!

If you made it here - thank you, leave a comment and share your experience. Any funny or not so funny story to tell?