Some of you may roll your eyes when you see this title. ’That stupid boyband’ is what you think. What you see is five boys who has taken so many teenage girls’ hearts and you think it’s all ridiculous. Well, let me tell you a story.
I was 14. I was girl who was confident. I loved being with my family, I loved playing the piano, swam at least twice every week if not more, and enjoyed life to the fullest. I was a girl, a simple girl, who loved God and I was living in His freedom. Time passed by and I started 9th grade. I didn’t in particular enjoy school anymore. Suddenly nothing seemed exciting anymore. Something happened, something shifted and life turned from being awesome (you know like life is when you’re 14) to being something I was just getting through day after day. I started to spend more time on my phone. When I say more time, I mean hours and hours. My life consisted of waking up at 6, being on my phone until 6:50, getting dressed, ate something quick to leave the house at 7:10. Then I was at school, pushing through the day, just getting on, to then get home, eat something, then quickly go before anyone else was done so I didn’t have to help washing up and then spent more time on my phone for the rest of the night. The nights when I had swim practice was extra tough. Because I actually had to leave the house, go somewhere and exercise. So I decided to give it up, no more swimming. Who cared? It costed tons of money and I didn’t enjoy it anymore. Now I could spend even more time on my phone. Great, just great.
But what did I do so many hours on my phone? What could possibly be taking me so many hours? Here’s the answer, take a look at the title again. Yes that’s right - One Direction. The band stole my 14-year old heart and I was locked inside it. I read fanfics about them, I looked at their music videos, I knew every song they recorded, I knew every dance move they did, I saw every meme of them and I even wrote stories about them. It was a gift God had given me, to write - so of course that was the right thing to do. I had one Instagram account for my personal photos and one ”fan account” for all One Direction- stuff. I loved it so much. Everything about them. The way the came together as a group, their characters and how brilliantly their voices worked together. I stuck through this one year. Sure, I was growing more than ever in my gift of writing. Sure, I was having loads of fun, but at the same time, I never saw my family anymore. We lived in the same house, but I couldn’t find the energy to see them or actually talk to them at times. It had gone to the point when I came down one night and they all looked at me like they were surprised to see me. ”Are you coming to sit with us tonight?!”
Thinking about it now breaks my heart. Because at the time I was just an innocent girl. But as all this was going on, I started to loose sight of myself. I never spent time with God anymore. My family who loved me rarely saw me because I had given up ridiculously many hours on my phone to something that didn’t even matter. This changed me. I wasn’t as confident anymore. I got influenced with all the other girls who were in the same seat as me. I was not eating, because now all of a sudden I was ”fat”. I didn’t find my worth in God, I found it in how many likes I had gotten on my latest Instagram post. (and if it was up to 20 it was a lit one I tell you). I knew something was wrong, and at times I tried to do something about it. During Christmas my grandmother kept asking me if I was sad or tired, and it absolutely made me wanna burst into tears because no, I had just turned into a really really sad person. I wasn’t happy Nellie anymore. One night I decided to change, so I gave my sister my phone, she was going to be away for the night and come back around 10, and she went away with my phone in her bag. But as she had it I didn’t know what to do with myself. I played a couple of songs on the piano, but then I sat in a chair, staring at the floor and I remember crying. Crying because I didn’t know what to do with myself. It was awful. It was like my existence was in a little machine that somehow had managed to take over my life. I tried to convince myself and people around me that I kept it at a healthy level, but I knew well that it wasn’t healthy. Not only my mental life got affected, but my body as well. I got head aches, I was constantly tired and rarely spoke to people. I lost weight, by wrists and hand hurt, especially my right one from holding my phone too much. My neck was sore and going from a swimmers body to siting still all day really took it’s toll.
But then summer came. It had gone 10 months, nearly a year. During the summer I went to a camp. The camp was so far out in the forest which meant internet couldn’t reach the spot. I could barely get a signal. This meant I go to spend 5 full days without any internet, with my best friends and in God’s presence. Let me tell you if God had things planned. I can’t remember any special worship night where it all just changed, but I do remember lying in my bed and deleting all the 650/1000 pictures of 1D I had. I remember coming home from the camp with only me, my sister and cousin in the room, and tearing off the posters I had inside my closet. I was done. They had taken so much life from me and I was not okay with that anymore. I got on my Fan account and changed the password to something like this ”hfjdsöahb488” and then logged out former. I was done. During the camp I had realized what actually had happened to me. Instead of worshiping God, who is worthy of all praise, who loves me more than I could ever understand or imagine, I had started to worship something else. Instead of spending time, reading my bible and saying yes to God’s promises, I read books about One Direction and said yes into accepting them to my life. I spent money on buying CD’s and what else I could get my hands on, but I never once gave my money to church. They had taken the place God was supposed to have in my life, and I knew in my heart that it had gone bad. After they had released their music video I had hyped for a month, I felt a hole in my heart. Like a big hole I knew shouldn’t be there. A hole I deeply knew only God could heal. That was a turning point for me.
What I want to say with this massive post is that, God’s first commandment may seem really easy. Don’t have any God’s next to Him and love Him with all of your heart. Yes Lord, I don’t believe in buddha or any other gods, it’s only you! But I’m only going to check Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Netflix and youtube first before (and I’ll see if I got time left over, you know have to go to bed early tonight!) I can spend time with you. But this guy is really cute, and he might ask me out so I can’t really turn my phone off, because what if he calls me?
What I’m trying to say is that it may not seem like other Gods, but what you spend your time on is what you worship. Worship is not necessarily only lifting your hands and singing a song. Worship is spending time on something. Be careful what you spend your time on. Don’t lose a whole year like I did. Go back to the source, read the word and worship GOD because He is worthy of all praise!
Thank you so much for reading this, this is one of the closest stories I have to my heart and during the next few weeks I’ll be sharing some more stories. Recently I’ve just realized how important it is to tell your story, what you’ve been through. Because God is working all the time, and maybe your story can help someone else massively. Maybe your story can change someone else’s.
Be strong, courageous and stay true! Jesus loves you.