[ Testimony Tuesday ]
[ 19 ]
Coming to do 1st year College in England was scary. I was coming on my own, trying my wings for the first time. The environment was different than what I was used to. I didn't know how to take care of myself, I barely knew what responsibility meant, and leadership was something I'd never touched on before.
Coming here, I would say I knew God. Coming here, I would say I was confident. Coming here, I had absolutely nothing together.
I ended up feeling exhausted for 3 months straight. Since I barely ate, and when I ate, it was toast, my body could not deliver any kind of energy. I was pulling through, day by day. Talking to people became a chore because I didn't want to seem alone, but it was exhausting because of the introvert I am. Term 1 shook me hard. I had friends, I would hang out with people, but I felt very alone. Not having a family to come home to, made me very sad. Jess, my best friend at the moment, decided to leave college as well. It was devastating. I know she did it for the right reasons, but I was all of a sudden even more alone.
One time in one of our sessions in College, we were asking God for things we wanted or needed. As it says, "Ask, and it will be given" Matthew 7:7
I was crying. I was crying because I was scared that no one in England would actually be affected by me. That I would leave, and no one would notice I was gone. I wanted to make an impact, being intentional with people around me and really leave a mark - but at the moment it seemed like nothing of that had happened. I decided to pray for something I'd wished for a long time. Even before I came to England, I prayed the simple prayer of: "God. Give me a friend." I continued to go deeper, as I know God likes details. "Please give me someone I can share everything with. The girl that everyone knows is her best friend. Sleepovers. Long chats. Best. friends." Because honestly, that was all my heart was longing for.
About a month later I found myself talking to Lydia in a room after Honors Ball about her new crush. I was mostly laughing and trying to get her not to walk away. But in my heart I knew something new started. We suddenly found a connection we hadn't seen before. I decided I wanted her in my life. As I boarded my second flight to Sweden, going home for Christmas, we were texting. I always thought I wouldn't be funny enough to be Lydia's best friend, but hey - there she went and sent me the message "you crack me up". It made my heart go warm. As term 2 came around, we spent more and more time together. We ended up having a photo shoot on wapping road (scroll down for a blog post about it) and when Joakim came to visit, she introduced herself as my best friend. I will always remember that moment. It meant the world.
God gave be a friend. God gave me Lydia.
Having all year gone, I was still scared I wasn't leaving a mark big enough. That I really wasn't doing anything. I wanted to influence people where I went. But as we had our last words in the Lecture Hall during graduation week; God really showed me what an impact I had made without even realising it. and not by doing amazing crazy stuff - no, by just being me, and by living my life.
Talking to friends, talking to people and just sharing last words before we were no longer a class together was very emotional. It broke something in me. It broke the lie of me not meaning anything to other people.
What I'm trying to get through this post without crying too much, is that God really listens. When heaven seems dead silent, it's because God is listening to your YOU. He heard me, he saw the desire of my heart, he knew I needed someone; and just as it says - when you ask it will be given to you.
Is there something you need in your life? A sister you never had? The love of your life? A mentor? Someone to help you fix stuff at home?
Whatever it is - pray for it! Ask! God sees you. He sees your heart.
I really hope this story encourages you to stay faithful to God, but mostly - that he will stay faithful to you.