Tonight I’m writing about a issue I know a lot of my friends, including me, have been struggling with. The presence of Jesus. It might sound weird, but please give it a read.
When we are first saved, first met by the Holy Spirit and touched by Jesus’ love, we are very often surrounded by other Christians. This is of course, not every case, but a lot of them. Maybe some great worship is played live, someone is speaking out promises of God and everything just seems to be at peace. Nothing seems cold, not storm is hindering you, distracting you - right at that moment it’s you and Jesus. It might be like that for an entire camp, or an entire conference. It’s amazing, God is doing so many things in you, and everyone around you is just as in inspired. Jesus is good, He’s going to change the world, He saved you all! But suddenly the last day of conference hits and everyone is sad to go, but as well excited to tell everyone at home what has been happening the past few days.
But once you get home, it’s not the same. You tell your family what’s been happening, all the jokes, the surprises, the people, but mostly about what God has done inside of you. They listen, they nodd, and say: ”that’s amazing. What’s for dinner later tonight?”. Something breaks in your heart, because you realize, just because something changed in you, doesn’t mean something changed at home, and in everyone else. Everything around you is the same as when you left, but You are different. A leak is forming in your heart, something shifts, and all of a sudden you’re not as inspired. What did really happen over conference? Sure, someone was healed from a bad back. Yeah, someone felt God’s love for the first time. But what else? Maybe it was just a feeling 1000 people were riding on. Maybe it wasn’t as great as you thought it was.
At conference, you made a decision to take your God-time to a daily basis. To seek His face, to read His word and to pray. At conference, every speaker made the word come alive, the worship was so powerful you simply had to put your hands up and everything was at peace. It’s scheduled, it all has it’s time. Jesus was speaking to you, time after time, encouraging you to become a better you. But it’s wasn’t quite the same when you got home. Suddenly, you’re left alone with your bible. Trying to find a book you enjoy reading and understanding. Trying to form a prayer into words, but it’s not the same. Conference/camp was different and you look back and you wonder why. Why is it so different now? Is it simply because now you’re all alone, and God doesn’t bother to show up when you’re alone? No.
It’s easy to pray when you feel God’s presence.
It’s easy to believe in Him when you see miracles happening.
It’s easy to read God’s word when it’s all about love and how precious we are.
But it gets tougher when it feels like we’re sat there, talking to ourselves.
It’s harder to believe when a family member is diagnosed with cancer.
It’s difficult to believe in a good God when you read that He killed an entire city.
I’m going to break it out for you - being a Christian doesn’t make your life easy. The circumstances around you are the same, they won’t change. What changes is that Jesus lives within you. He’s always been for you, He has always loved you - but when you invite Him to your heart, something shifts and a new power fills you. You circumstances stays - but you change.
When you continuously pray without sensing God’s presence, when you keep going with your bible reading even though you get an hours less sleep every night, things starts to happen inside of you. Faith starts to rise up.
Faith is not believing God when you see His face and when you for sure knows that He’s real.
Faith is not believing God because your parents believe in Him.
Faith is praying in the darkest nights, when you feel all alone, but still trusting there’s a good God out there who hears your prayer.
Faith is giving all your money to church, even though you can’t afford it, believing God will be your source for everything.
Faith is speaking against the spirit of sickness over your family even though you’re scared what the next week might involve for your family at the hospital.
Faith is believing without hearing, feeling or seeing.
Just because you can’t feel God’s presence every time you pray doesn’t mean He isn’t listening for every whisper, every thought.
Just because you don’t always understand what you read in your bible, doesn’t mean it doesn’t change something in your heart.
Just because you’ve done something wrong, and feel bad for years, doesn’t mean God hasn’t forgiven you. You are free.
A lot of times, I feel like I’ve lost Jesus. Somehow I dropped Him on the way home from the subway. "Oh, I’ve must’ve forgotten Him at church, because now, all of a sudden, when I pray, it’s like He isn’t there." He doesn’t speak to me the same way, He doesn’t show up like He very often does. But every time I pray, ”Lord, why did you leave me?” He always answers ”I never left you, I've always been right here”.
He never left me, He’s always here, guiding me and protecting my heart. Even though I can’t see him. Even though I at times ignore Him. He’s always there, trying to get a hold of me and you. Reach out.
But you got to have faith.
Stay strong, stay beautiful. Thanks for reading this massive post. You are all amazing.