Dating and finding the 'one' seems like a never-ending search that drains us from energy and the lust to even continue. I'm laying in my bed at home and exploring the internet, and while I'm doing so, I fall over John Gray's 5 steps dating guidelines. He wrote 'Men are from mars, women are from Venus’ 20 years ago and his book ’Mars and Venus on a date’ is still very accurate.
This is the first step when you meet someone for the first time. We find ourselves being attracted and hoping that the feelings in this step are mutual. We are attracted to the first impression and the physical of our potential partner.
At this stage the thoughts of being uncertain about our feelings towards our partner are replacing our feelings of being attracted to the person. You will question your partner by questioning if this is the right person for you, does he even live up to the person I picture myself be with? Does he even want to be with me? At this stage is becomes easy for the man to jump from partner to partner, and the women to invest more into the relationship than what he is willing to invest. Will the grass be greener on the other side?
At this stage both partners have taken the decision of continuing the relationship and to commit. This creates a mutually loving and romantic relationship between the two and a sense of security.
At this point real intimacy is being explored and we put our guards down. The partners will start to explore each others sexuality and intimacy.
The last step is the last stage of the relationship were you have committed to your partner and a lifelong relationship can be built.
Today the relationship often starts at step 1, jumps to step 4, back to step 2 and step 3 is at this point completely out of the picture. John Gray stated that every step has to go naturally and not rushed, in order the build a strong foundation and lasting relationship. How many times has it not happened that you meet someone and then took an intimate step, looked back and regretting the action, since the action has taken away the exclusivity, leaving the relationship with a shitty vibe that actually could have become something much bigger. I personally find Gray’s 5 steps so accurate. It is so important to get to know your partner before taking the step of becoming intimate. In my opinion you cant give the entire map of how you work and your body at once, but small hits and leads will make the relationship interesting and not so rushed. Furthermore, when reaching the intimacy step, the attraction and eager to ’have’ you will be much more, because your partner has developed genuine feelings towards you. And so have to you.
Hahaha while writing this i started to laugh to myself. I think that it is sort of ironic that i have all these opinions but still, i have not been taken out on a date date. I often hear that going on dates are still happen, but here hahaha dates never really happen. It is so sad.