Anxiety is an opportunity taker, a havoc on the mind, a prison of fear, the fear of the unknown and the fear of being seen. It is overthinking constantly and being worried about things you cannot control. It makes you feel like you are about to have a heartattack. You can be sitting on your bed but breathing at 100 milliseconds per minute because you have an intense fear of what the future may hold. Anxiety can start as soon as you wake up. The heavy breathing and panic attack that starts before you start school every morning or before you enter a room. Anxiety is baggage. It clings on it's victims and holds it captive.

Above is a snippet of how my anxiety manifests itself in my life. People with the same disorder can have different symptoms and anxiety appears in different ways for them. I am in no means claiming to be a professional but I am just talking from my personal experience and research so please take all my advice with a grain of salt. If you feel like you are struggling with your mental health please consult a doctor or a mental health professional to get the care you need.

My Mental Health Struggles

This is a long story but I will keep it short. I didn't get diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder until last year but I've been struggling with anxiety for as long as I can remember. I just didn't have a label for it. Instead I thought and other people thought I was just naturally shy and sensitive. When I was younger it was hard for me to get to know new people. It took me forever to open up to someone. I used to have an abundance of thoughts on my mind and what if- questions. I would go into panic mode most of the times. In elementary school, teachers could hardly hear me. Presentations and role playing in class were my biggest nightmare and I usually didn't do that well on them.

Middle school triggered my anxiety a lot. It was just not the best time for me. I was bullied a lot and made fun of. I felt so alone and hopeless. I just wanted to make everyone happy and I felt like a huge failure/disappointment. I had suicidal thoughts and the only thing that got me through was thinking about my family, watching YouTube and listening to music. I had a low sense of self worth and felt like a waste of space. I went to the school counsellor once in middle school because my math teacher recommended me to go but I just brushed all the concerns the counsellor had off and told her I was ok when I wasn't. My math teacher was concerned because I was new and he wanted to know if I was doing ok. Mr. Lomedico is the real MVP now that I think about it but I never appreciated why he did that back then. 

When I was in middle school watching a youtuber named Damon Fizzy in particular helped me a lot though. He went through depression and anxiety but he just tried his best to uplift his viewers. He would always remind us that so much people care about us and we are much more than our imperfections. Also he made funny videos that made me smile. He is still an amazing youtuber. He just doesn't make videos that much because of his anxiety but he is still one of my inspirations. Also I didn't have much family help in this because I felt like they wouldn't understand. It has nothing to do with them but me. My anxiety makes me feel like everyone is going to judge me for something I cannot control. I shut a lot of people out and miss out on a lot of experiences because I talk myself into not going or not doing something that would help me. It's not a good way to live. I did super well in school though and that was my outlet as well. All my friends and teachers thought I was happy all the time because I was always smiling. I wore a smile to hide the pain I was going through to avoid others from asking questions or feeling pity for me. Pity is the last thing anyone wants when they are going through something. But I want to tell people that you never know what someone is going through and never judge a book by it's cover. Just be nice and be a friendly even a smile can make someone's day.

During my first year of high school for the first few days I would just sit and cry in the bathroom during lunch. I hardly knew anyone there since I moved to a new city. During the first two years of high school I still continued to have anxiety attacks and depressive episodes. I would cry a lot but I always made sure I was alone and other days I just felt numb. I always tried to please everyone and put their needs before mine. If someone said anything slightly negative about me it would affect me deeply. I was just pouring out of an empty cup and I started to break but I needed help. Whenever I would be feeling down or wanting to disappear I would talk to an online counseller on Kids Help Phone. Just talking things out helps tons. My anxiety started to improve little by little from Grade 11 going onto Grade 12 but I still struggle with suicidal thoughts on occasion and my anxiety still affects me but I would never want to end my life. I know I am alive for a reason so I always resist my thoughts. Also  ultimately what has helped me the most with my anxiety is Christ and the gospel. My Saviour is my rock and I know he understands me when no one else does. 

My mental health still affects me today as an adult but it depends on the time. Some days I could hardly get out of bed. It's literally feels like I am being weighted down and drained of all energy I have but I have great days as well. I went to my doctor to seek help finally after mustering up the courage all these years. My doctor recommended counselling and said we had free counselling on campus. She said I didn't need medicine but Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and exercise should help me. It's basically rewiring your thoughts and the way you think. I went two times but it wasn't really helpful but I wasn't as open as I could of been. It was weird opening up to a stranger and admitting you are not feeling well but I will try again if I need to but right now I am enduring well with the help of God, friends and family.

Thankfully lately I am feeling a lot more better and more happier recently. I do not feel as hopeless as I did before and I know there is hope. I promise you that there is hope. Life has it's ups and downs but the good times make the bad times worth our time in the words of Christopher Drew from Never Shout Never. If we never felt pain, we wouldn't know joy. There are so many people who care about you including me. It would break my heart if anything happened to you. It's ok to be a working progress...we all are but we have to keep moving. I know it can be difficult at times but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you for listening to my story!


How I cope with my mental health

1. Yoga

2. Hot Showers

3. Talking to online cousellors or friends.

4. Journalling

5. Praying

6. Treating myself

7. Abstaining from addictive substances.

8. Reading

9. Buying books

10. Reading talks from general authorities.

11. Watching a funny or uplifting movie.

12. Having a support system

Discussion Question: How do you cope/ take care of your mental health?

Resources:

Kids Help Phone ( Canada)

BoysTown Counselling Service (US)

7 Cups of tea .com Online active listeners

National Suicide Hotline




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Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.”- Moroni 10:3

I started reading the Book of Mormon for the first time in 2014. After watching the Shaytards on YouTube for so long I wanted to know more about their faith since it was the reason they were so happy. The Shaytards are a family that used to do daily family vlogs on youtube and they seemed so happy. I did a google search on Mormons and stumbled upon Mormon.org. I was curious about The Book of Mormon. I was excited to know I could order it for free and it made a big statement to say it would “change my life”. Yes I was skeptical, very skeptical indeed especially with a huge statement like that. I only wanted to read it with the intent of informing myself of their religion. I had no motive to convert whatsoever. I was a 16 year old agnostic and most of my beliefs about God was all rules/ repetition after going to a Catholic school so many years. Also I didn’t even know if God really  existed since there was suffering in the world, I had suicidal thoughts, and he never answered my prayers.

When I got my Book of Mormon:

I ordered it online one day and I went to Mississauga for three days. I came back from Mississauga back to my home city. I never thought anything about The Book of Mormon since I thought it was going to come in the mail especially since I was a super socially anxious person. But in the afternoon I heard the doorbell ring and it was the missionaries. Fast forward they asked me to accept the challenge to read The Book of Mormon daily. I obviously said yes since I ordered it.

Reading the Book of Mormon at first was interesting to say the least. I didn’t understand it and I was confused. Keep in mind I wasn’t a Christian who read the bible everyday until I started reading The Book of Mormon than I started to read the bible daily. Also reading other sources online about Mormons are so biased and make you think the church is horrible because of the false information which scared me back then. Just trust me on this one. Religion is not like a research essay. Going to anti Mormon websites to learn about Mormons is like going to the Taliban to learn about America. It doesn’t help. If you want to know more about being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints ask a member!! 🙂 A person of a certain religion knows best about their own faith than outsiders most likely.

Why I love The Book of Mormon

But over time as I got my questions clarified and I started reading more I felt God’s love for me and the Spirit. It was like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders and I knew the Lord was with me.  I knew at that time I didn’t want to go without feeling the spirit again. That was the first time i genuinely felt the spirit in my whole life. I got so many answers to my questions by reading The Book of Mormon. Also after praying sincerely everyday and gaining a relationship with Christ I know that God does listen and answer my prayers. I learned that God doesn’t want suffering in the world to happen but life has it’s trials and people have free agency. People use their free agency to take advantage of others like Hitler did. God didn’t make Hitler do what he did neither could he of prevented it because once someone gives you a gift like free will…they can’t take it back no matter what decisions you make. The Book of Mormon has brought me so much peace in my life and I know that God loves all his children whether they are in Jerusalem, Americas etc. It truly is another testament of Jesus Christ. I am so grateful for my Saviour Jesus Christ without him I wouldn’t be  here today. Also The Book of Mormon is a testament that God answered 14 year old Joseph Smith questions when he was confused. God is not a God of Confusion. He will light the way…just as he did for me. I am filled with so much more joy now even in my trials. I hardly have suicidal thoughts as much as I did and I have an amazing church family that lifts me up. Also one important and great thing about being LDS is that we are an active church. Words are nothing without action. We take action to clothe the needy and feed the needy. Service is huge in our church. Also no one does a calling out of greed since all our church positions are volunteer work. Fun fact: Every first Sunday of the month we fast for two meals and donate the money to those in need called a Fast offering. I never thought I would finish or even reread the Book of Mormon at first but I have reread the Book of Mormon at least 3 times. I still continue to read it because just like the Bible it’s a fountain of knowledge that never runs dry and I am always learning from it. Also just like the Restoration brought The Book of Mormon. I am finally restored and brought back to my Shepard. Regardless of the opposition or the sacrifice of being a member of the church. It doesn’t change the fact that this is all precious and real. I wouldn’t change for anything in the world… People can say I am brainwashed or it’s a cult etc but it doesn’t change my choice. I would choose over and over again. Religion is not everyone’s cup of tea but learn to respect others. I respect everyone’s beliefs and I believe there are bits of truth in every religion. If you haven’t read The Book of Mormon or The Bible I recommend you to read it…you may never know how it might change your life 🙂

Words that I associate with the Book of Mormon now: Peace.Joy.Hope.Restored.Happiness. Salvation

I used to think the Bible was an outdated, boring book but now I see it as Relevant. Full of Love, Life, Christ, and is a road map to this life.

“And the Messiah cometh in the fulness of time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the law at the great and last day, according to the commandments which God hath given.”- 2 Nephi 2:26

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Best Companions ❤

 

 

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Remember when you were younger and you had a diary you guarded with your heart full of your “juiciest secrets and embarrassing moments” ….in the mindset of a 4th grader. No…well yeah a lot of us don’t like to admit it but we literally just pour out our hearts on the pages like we were talking to a best friend.

Gratitude journal and prayer journals has a different focus but they should be like your best friends. We have so much to be grateful for and there is so much that we tend to take for granted in life. That’s why I think everyone should have a gratitude journal. Writing in a gratitude journal at the end of the day helps you reflect on all that you have even if your day wasn’t the greatest. God has blessed us with so much in our lives. We have families, a roof over our head, access to so many resources and food to eat each day but going even further than that we should just be grateful to be ALIVE and BE BREATHING! Our bodies are working so hard to keep us functioning properly.

Also what I love about have a gratitude journal or just a daily journal is the fact that you can always look back on it. We might think we have a good memory but we don’t remember exact circumstances and how we progressed or overcame an obstacle in our lives. Looking back at my daily journal I’ve seen how much I’ve grown and conquered through situations that I thought I wouldn’t. I’ve been so much happier and content just realizing the things that I have because I am not constantly looking for worldy things to make me happy, instead I am seeing the light in all that I already have. You can do the same as well.

So here are easy steps to get started with your own gratitude journal! YAY!!! ❤

  1. Start your day with an attitude of gratitude.
  2. Be mindful of everything around you and be open minded.
  3. Reaching the end of the day reflect on all the thing you were grateful for even if it’s 1 or 2 things there is always a reason to be grateful.

NOW LET’S TALK ABOUT PRAYER JOURNALS!!

I love Prayer Journals. I normally pray in the morning without writing anything down but physically writing down your prayers anytime you can… just helps keep you focused on God and having a real conversation if you’re not praying vocally. Also another thing I love about prayer journals is that fact that any impressions that you get while you are praying you can write them down and you can refer back to them. Also in my prayer journal I write verses that stand out to me while I was read the scraptures and my impressions from the Holy Spirit as well.

When I read the scraptures that’s when I hear from God the most and he gives me so much guidance/peace. Also when I am reading the scraptures I read it with the focus of action and being able to liken the scraptures to my daily life or help someone with anything that they need. Jesus Christ is all about action and the word is alive. We are called to be the hands and feet of Christ. ❤  So if you have been neglecting your scrapture study I commit you to start reading and pondering the words from all the prophets.

I hope this inspired you to keep a journal, no matter what kind it is. A journal is your history….make it count even in the hard times remember there is always a rainbow.

 

Love you guys to life, because friends don’t wish death on others 🙂

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Hi guys! Long time no see. I am finally on summer break and I can’t wait for second year to start. First year had it’s up and downs but I’ll save that for another blog post . I am 19  now and there is so much more to do and see in the world. I really want to travel more this year and join new clubs on campus. I am excited for this fresh start. I don’t have a lot to say but I just want to let you all know that you are so loved and God is aware of your struggles ❤ If you want to talk, I am here for you.

 

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P.S I am trying to learn spanish ❤ Me gusta el idioma espanol.

Stay tuned for my next blog post! I know this is a short one but I can’t wait to start writing more. My next post will be about how to survive first year of uni.

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****Trigger Warning*** Book contains suicide.

I read this whole book yesterday after buying it on Amazon for $4.00. If you read the summary it seems like quite a depressing book which it is but it has a bigger picture than that. Being a teenager is not easy as some people make it seem. We all go through our trials…ups and downs. People don’t commit suicide for attention. 3 years ago and a couple years before then I used to be in this really dark place. I got bullied everyday…I felt lonely, lost, empty, like I was a dissappointment. All I wanted to do was disappear. I felt like no one understood what I was going through. I never told anyone how I felt and I often faked a smile because of the stigma around mental illness. When someone has sucidal thoughts or feels hopeless all they want is someone to listen. Someone to understand but I had no one or was too scared to reach out.

In middle school and my first two years of high school. I was sinking and I was upset at the world. I was kind to everyone but no one seemed to be kind back. I was anxious and depressed but I hid it. I lost my faith in God and I wasn’t close to anyone. I talked to my family but emotionally I just shut everyone out. I used to cry everyday at times…just wishing the pain would end. I felt so horrible and drained beyond words, I wouldn’t wish it on anybody.

But than in Grade 11 in my junior year…Life changed. Slowly but surely….I found new friends who like me for me. I started meeting with the missionaries that summer and reading The Book of Mormon. I started praying and nourishing my relationship with Heavenly Father. Over time I realized that God does exist and he did hear my prayers. My relationship with Heavenly Father changed everything and having a great support system from my church family. I now know my true worth and I know that God doesn’t cause bad things to happen. God wants us all to be happy. I am so grateful for the gospel and I can now say I am more happier than I ever been in my life 🙂 I am so happy to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Please don’t make fun of anyone going through a hard time or anyone. You don’t know their story or the whole story. I’ve seen so much miracles in my life and I am so grateful to be here today. Keep on being a support to others. I am so excited and looking forward for a new year to come. Wishing you all a Happy New year as well. I am here for you all. I promise you there is light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to endure to see it. Thank you so much for listening to my story. 🙂 Love you all!

BY SMALL AND SIMPLE THINGS ARE GREAT THINGS BROUGHT TO PASS

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I know I made my last post saying I was getting baptized but I never got baptized than. I cancelled it due to family issues and indecision  but I finally worked up the courage and got baptized on 11/06/16 aka best day ever. I haven’t feel so much happiness, love and joy all in one day. I am so grateful to take this step and come unto Christ. I love the gospel with all my heart and I couldn’t be more grateful for it’s huge positive influence it has on my life. I could write for hours about the gospel and the blessings of missionary work but I want to let you know that all of you who are struggling in high school or any other change/trial of faith….You can overcome this and will overcome this. Just remain strong and ask the Lord for help. You are not alone. Hoping to make a more longer blog post soon. Let me know how you guys are doing! Sorry I post so irregular but I love you all. Have a great week!

IMG_0440.JPGhey

-Praisinginhisglory

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Hey guys! I’m back! Looooooooooonnnnnnnnggggg ttttiimmmeeee noooo seeeee!

I am so glad to be back you guys! Sorry that I was M.I.A on my posting but I promise I’ll be posting more regularly from now on. 🙂 I want to make genuine content that I am proud of and that will help you instead of churning out content every week. When in doubt I just want you to remember I make every blog post with love and care because you guys are my sisters and brothers for life. I hope you guys are doing well. I haven’t been myself lately but I am finished with first semester exams and now I am me again 🙂 ( figuratively of course!) I give all glory to Christ and his light that helps me carry on no matter what clouds come my way. No matter what you are going through…it could be triumphs or trials depend on the lord to give you strength. I can testify to the power of prayer and I know that Heavenly Father does listen to every prayer and knows every heartache you have been going through. He will never give you more than you can handle so press on with faith even if you stumble…never lose hope.   I got most of the grades that I wanted this semester  but there is always room for improvement. Also guess what?????

I APPLIED TO UNIVERSITY! Time flies by so fast. It’s like just the other day I was 8 years old…haha…well you know what I mean. I am so proud that I am almost finish this journey called high school and I am on to my next adventure. In all honestly, high school wasn’t for me but it was definitely a huge learning experience.

Here are 3 of the most important things I’ve learned in high school so far and I’ll like every student  to know:

  • Number 1) Never compare yourself to others! I can’t stress this enough. I know how easy it is to compare ourselves to others being human in general but it’s unhealthy and you’ll feel so much better when you don’t. We are all blessed with different talents and qualities so judging your work to someone else’s work is not fair to yourself. We all have different passions and strengths that is why the only person you should compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday. 2 of my favourite quotes  that I try to live my life by is: Quote 1) You have been told that, even like a chain, you are as weak as your weakest link.
    This is but half the truth.
    You are also as strong as your strongest link.
    To measure you by your smallest deed is to reckon the power of the ocean
    by the frailty of its foam.
    To judge you by your failures is to cast blame upon the seasons for their inconstancy.” – Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
  • “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” – Albert Einstein
  • Number 2)Find your passions and talents! Always be yourself regardless of what others may say. High school is not only about making the marks but finding yourself like I said it’s a huge learning experience. Don’t get so caught up in getting only a good grades if you aren’t learning anything. Learning is the point of education and we continue learning every single day of our lives. Also try to join sports and clubs. I regret not joining any clubs in school because it’s a great way to make friends who have things in common and you get to see what you like in life. But one thing I did do is volunteer a lot which I am grateful that I did because not only did it make my day to see others smile and be apart of something much greater than myself. I also discovered what I want to do in the future and certain things that are not for me. Be open to try new things even if it may seem challenging at first. You can do more than you think you can and nothing worthwhile comes easy. Also don’t give up if you don’t completely know who you are…that is ok. No one knows who they fully are no matter what they say….this too is another life-long journey.
  • Number 3) Time Management 🙂 Learning to use your time efficiently is so important, not only in high school but in life. I recommend keeping a planner/agenda/ to do list to document what you have to do everyday. Make sure it specific and you hold yourself accountable until you finish. Remember to save time for breaks and treat yourself after a well job done. I still struggle with procrastination today but I promise when you get rid of distractions and find your driving force to do your work it will make your study life 100X better. But like I always say never give up! It’s a process and no body is perfect. Never think that it is just your nature. We all have the capacity to improve and be productive. Life is versatile, you are never stuck.
  • Number 4) Fourth but not least, Remember to keep God at the forefront of your heart and life. I know we are sometimes so busy that we can forget to nourish our relationship with Heavenly Father and stop reading the scraptures daily but trust me when I tell you this. Your relationship with Heavenly Father makes all the difference. God is watching out for you and he loves you. Reading scraptures daily and keeping all the commandments can bless your life so much. Not only am I more happier but I work more smarter. I remember more things and I am less stressed. Never feel like you’re alone…your redeemer..the one who atoned for your sins….is right by your side…turn to him.

Anyways that is all for today. I’ll be back sooner rather than later! Here is the verse of the day:

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Love you guys to life because friends don’t wish death on others.

-Praisinginhisglory

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Hello everyone! I am so glad to back again. I love you…Yeah you reading this right now! Sorry I haven’t posted in so long but I was trying to get a couple of things in my life sorted out. I have been super busy with night school, day school assignments, university worries and tests….ahh that is a plate full  but now I feel  a lot more energized than before. Regardless of how consumed everything has  been, there are so many exciting things and blessings have been coming my way. I am so grateful for everything Heavenly Father has given me and I am so grateful for each and everyone who reads my posts!

Today I wanted to talk about trust and trusting in the Lord.

All of us goes through several trials and tribulations throughout our lives that may make us feel lost..empty…aimless. We may still believe in the Lord and in his power to do all things but still we fail to trust him which is the problem.

I know sometimes it is hard to put our trust in the Lord and not lean on our own understanding but the Lord knows you completely and sees the bigger picture.

He will direct your paths so do not be troubled nor dismayed. You are in the hands of a glorious, all- knowing God. You are his princess or prince…Do not be afraid to wear your crown…When you are weak, the Lord will strengthen you. I promise you if you put your faith in the Lord, you will not be let down. He loves you more than you can imagine and he sees you as a beautiful daughter or son of God that is destined for greatness. Whenever you feel like giving up. Pray and remember whose hands you are in. Take care!

“Peace I leave with you, not peace as the world giveth. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid” – John 14:27

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Yesterday was a great day! The missionaries came and I had a surprise guest!!!! Guess who came as well? :)….THE MISSION PRESIDENT’S WIFE!!! Sister Clayton and her niece. She is such a sweetheart and an inspiration to me. You can see how much see cares about others and her family. Our lesson was actually about family history and I could definitely feel the spirit. I am so grateful for the atonement and for the opportunity to know that families can be together forever through Christ our Lord. I fasted just the other day and it helped to answer a lot of my prayers. I’ve just been so blessed lately with so much love. I couldn’t ask for a better life or to be surrounded around better people than what I’ve been given ❤ . I know that Heavenly Father is looking out for me and everything will work out. I am almost graduating so I am excited about that but something that I have been waiting for that is even better than that is Baptism!…Yes B-A-P-T-I-S-M… The 7 letter word. If you know me then you probably know that I haven’t been baptized yet.I am so excited to make this step to come unto Christ and proclaim to the whole wide world that I love my Savior with all my heart….Yea, even unto everlasting life. I am also thankful for all the messengers he has sent into my life. The atonement has changed my life and I know it’s through Christ’s grace that we can be saved. I am a child of God and I can’t wait to help shine the light of Christ to others around me while enduring to the end. I rejoice in my Lord and I know that he lives. He has the power to heal any heartache and he has the power to change lives…he changed mine. ❤  I humbly say this in the name of thy son, Jesus Christ. Amen!

“Suddenly the heavens were opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and resting on Him.And lo a voice from heaven, saying, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased”.- Matthew 3:17 🙂

Interactive time: Reflect on the time of your baptism and how  it has blessed your life for many days to come.

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Guess what? I got into 3 out of the 4 universities I applied too. I just wanted to share that with you 🙂 I hope everything is going well. I’ll be making a blog post soon. Hang in there!

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