Wow! It's been a while. But, today is Monday and I have 40hrs of classroom training to look forward to. Ugh! Don't know how to get through those hours 😂 but I'm sure I'll manage. I've done it before with little sleep so should be able to again!

So what's new? I've done my last day in my old company. Ended it with an Xmas party where I was soooo drunk. But it was an amazingly fun night. So much fun! Wish I could do that every weekend.

Other than that not much have happened except starting the new job. It seems amazing, a lot to learn but I think it will be good in the long run :) every day is like an overload for the brain.

On the bus now to another day. Need to get some breakfast before hitting the office. That's for sure! Hungry 😢

Oh well.. Here's some pics :)

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So the Wednesday have come and we're in the middle of the week. I still want it to be weekend already, but not yet. Have to take a deep breath and get through these days first. It's real struggle but it has to be done.

Yesterday we had dinner in a Japanese place, I wasn't too impressed by the food but the wine was good :) A bit too good to be honest and today I have a hell of a hangover. Woke up this morning feeling like a piece of shit and soooo didn't want to leave the bed. It took me way too long to get out of the freaking bed. But eventually I did it and now I'm sitting in the office. Wohoo! Not! :p A lot of times it feels like a waste of time sitting here. Wish I could have the concentration to read a book or study something, but can't be still and focus for that long :S But it gives me time to play around with the blog at least :D

Going out for dinner tonight again, hope the food will be better though. If not, I'll probably cry. And I don't think I will have any alcohol tonight. Don't know if I can cope with another days hangover and then I'll probably be hungover as shit on Saturday. Haha! The no alcohol went well for a 15 days and then I got back on it.

For the sleeping pills part I failed and had a relapse a couple of days, but yesterday I skipped them again. So I will try to stay on this path and not go back to them. But it's hard when you're not allowed to sleep at all and also have people disturbing you during the nights. What happened with privacy?

Alright, going to focus a bit on work now. Or maybe just do something else? Will add in two old pics from this summer. Was supposed to post them earlier but it didn't happen, so here they come now!

And to you: I miss you. A lot! But you're confusing me so much. So, so much! <3

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Don't you just hate when you think it's almost weekend and you realize it's only the beginning of the week? That happened to me today. It's only freaking Tuesday but it feels like I've been working nonstop for three years or something. Don't know how to get through this week. But I've done it before so I'm sure I can do it again.

The weekend was quite okay. Friday and Saturday was really calm. Spent quality time with the mother, went shopping a bit and then just cuddled with the dogs. Saturday included a lot of anxiety as well, since he texted and was acting weird. Haven't really learned how to handle it yet but I sure hope I will very very soon!

Sunday I finally got my keys back! 🙌 three months later or something. But at least they're back and I can finally get into the house without any issues. Then I went over to my ponny's house and made some donuts. So much fun and I'm so proud over how good they turned out to be! High five to us :)

Going out for some dinner today AND tomorrow. Living the life 😂 looking forward so much for the weekend and want it to be Friday nooooow! But three days until weekend and three days left in the office. Just have to power through!

I miss YOU ♥

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So the weekend begins! Only 5 days left in the office now. Having some mixed feelings as I will miss most of my team. I mean, how am I going to survive in a new office without my ponny, Karate R and JanJan? And brainy ofc! How?! 😨 have to make a sure to meet up for AW-drinks and stuff. That's for sure! But that's probably the only thing I'll be missing to be honest, or.. Well the fact that it takes me 10 minutes to walk to work is also something I'll miss!

Last two days have been so painful and horrible. I'm having a horrible pain in my neck and head. Also been extremely dizzy all the time. Don't know if it's the lack of sleep or what's causing it. I'm begging to higher powers that I'll get some sleep tonight. If not, I'm giving up tomorrow and letting myself fail for one night. I can't continue beating myself up this way with no sleep. But! It's been 7 nights now and 13 days with no alcohol. Go me! ✌️

Was only working half day today and then me and the mother went down to El Corte Ingles. Some weeks ago I won gift cards at work and today was black Friday so thought I would spend them a bit today :) found a sweater/dress and a sweater at least. And ofc, got something for the mother as well. Also tried on some potential new years eve dresses. But have mixed reviews so got no clue which one to pick :S oh well, I'll figure it out sooner or later I guess. On the way home we had to stop cause I was too dizzy and ever since we got home I've just been in front of the laptop watching YouTube. Was supposed to take the driver license photo today, but after Brainy told me that I "look like death today" I didn't have the inspiration to do it today. But I'll sort it tomorrow!

Even though I thought I would have a very calm and quiet weekend, it looks like it won't be at all.. But I'm hoping for some sleep!

Going to walk the doggies now and then I think I'll do a facial mask and have a shower before I jump into bed.

Happy Friday folks!

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Wednesday.. Mittle of the week. The weekend are so close but still so far away. Got 7 days left in the office after today and damn I can't wait!

Right now I'm so incredibly hungry and got shitty food with me as lunch. Don't even want to eat it. Ugh! I want something really good and nice, but nope.. The wallet won't allow it :/

10 days with no alcohol and 5 nights with no sleeping pills. I'm so tired that it feels like I'm walking around on clouds. Dizzy and shit and no energy whatsoever.. But somehow my body finds enough energy to have anxiety. How is that even possible? Fuck you anxiety! Fuck you feelings!

A fun thing I can mention is that we decided yesterday to go to Andorra for some snowboarding in the beginning of January. I think it will be epic! Just hope I'll survive with the guys in the car and in the cabbin 😂 and! Now I have to do some workout every day so that my legs and back holds up for the snowboarding 🏂

Oh well, short update today. But better than nothing I guess :) and I still miss him 😭 how I miss the mf! 💔

Full speed to weekend now!

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And then the weekend were long gone.. 10 days left in the office before it's time to change again.. But I'm looking forward to this change so much! I hope this will be the last change for a while and it will be something I really can enjoy.

8 days now with no alcohol. The anxiety are getting better and for the first time in a very long time I spent a whole weekend without feeling hungover. Amazing 🙌 sometimes I wonder why we're even drinking alcohol at all.. Sure it's nice to be a bit tipsy and relax and be more outgoing. But damn, the hangover that we can avoid by not drinking. So worth it! But like everyone else, I know myself too well and know it's not going to last more than the time I've said it will. 1st of December will be an alcohol infused day 😂 but it's OK, I'll embrace it!

The weekend was very calm. Friday just had a coke after work with some people from the office and then home to sleep. Saturday I made a brownie cake with white chocolate pannacotta. Amazing! Went to my ponny's house and had dinner with him and his friends. Pulled pork and the cake for dessert. So good! And fun :)
The always amazing Sunday I spent in front of the TV in the sofa. Had a "power nap" for a couple of hours and then ended the evening with some good old Mexican food with an old friend. I've eaten so much this weekend that I won't have to eat all week.

Today it's back in the office and the time is going so slowly. I'm bored and tired and just want to get the fuck out of here. Have no patience what so ever either. Ugh! 😩 oh well, it's like 3 hours left and this afternoon I will get some tobacco, so can't complain too much.

10 days left and counting..

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It's been a while since the last update. Not that I'm updating for anyone else than myself. But still! :)

Last week I can't even remember what I was doing. Just relaxing more or less all week I think. Fell asleep early on Friday listening to an audio book. It was nice and needed!

On the other hand I managed to fuck things up on Saturday instead 🙌 why go a whole week without fucking up? Way too much wine and stupid things were said. Extreme anxiety and the wish to not have to wake up on the Sunday. But when Sunday came it was just to suck it up and bring some peace offering gifts. An avokado and cola with taste of orange didn't do the trick and with a heavy heart I walked to Taco bell for food before bed.

So far this week it's just been a nonstop train of thoughts running on highest speed in my brain. Heart beating really hard and at times it feels like I'm just gonna fall to the floor and never get up again. I'm so tired and I'm feeling so sad all the time. I know it will go away, I just need to give it some time. But the time is going so slow right now that I don't know how to. And missing my karate-R 🥋 that are in Iran for two weeks. Fuck! But just have to suck it up and move on. There's nothing more to do.

Have started my two weeks of detox with no alcohol what so ever! Can't continue drinking the amounts that I've done lately. I notice how I turn into a different person both drunk and sober. And I don't like it! And it's not fair to people around me either to have to deal with that shit. But hey, once trouble, always trouble. Isn't that what people tell us throughout life?

Now it's time to get some sleep in this cold fucking house. Brrrr.. Two days left in the office. Looking forward to the weekend but at the same time not. First weekend out of four that I won't see him 💔

But head 👆 and feet 👇!

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It’s Sunday, the oh so lovely but hated Sunday. I think we all love Sunday’s cause you can relax and chill but we also hate Sunday as it means Monday tomorrow. Right now I’m stuck in the middle of the time passing so fucking quickly and the time going so slow. It’s a weird place to be in, that’s for sure.

This week haven’t been as stressed as the other weeks. Wednesday was public holiday, it meant eating Indian food and watching stranger things all day. Started off on episode 1 and watched until the last episode. It was good quality time needed.

Thursday I got feeling and decided to color my hair, never again! Never being spontaneous with my hair again! 😢 I was so unhappy with it. Ended of by having a few beers with A and just bullshitting.

Friday was a long ass day in the office. Omg! Never thought it would fucking end. The plan was to drink a beer with my Ponny and his friend. Ended up with way more than that and getting home at 5AM. Which I could feel the taste of when I woke up at 8AM yesterday morning. Fuck! What a headache! Why do we even drink when we feel like a bag of shit the next day? It makes no freaking sense! But it was a fun Friday, literally felt like 16 yo again in all ways. It was just a good evening! 🍻

Didn’t do shit all yesterday and ended of the evening with the last episode of stranger things and a good cuddle ♥️ woke up pretty early this morning, had some coffee and breakfast.

Now I have to take care of this shit hole of apartment, such an infected tension in this place that I don’t really now what to do. It’s insane! I never stop being surprised by people. Especially by people that I thought I know fairly well and it turns out I don’t. And best part of the day? I get to clean the fucking bathroom again! 🙌🏻👌🏻

Oh well, new struggling week tomorrow. Alarm goes off at 6.30AM. Happy days!

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Damn I wish it was almost weekend again! But nope, only Tuesday. Last week was a hard one. Wednesday my grandparents and brother left, early as fuck in the morning but I was the good person and got up and made breakfast and helped them getting a taxi. Took a little nap and then in the afternoon/evening me and Rebecca went out and had some mojitos, burgers and beers 👌🏻 nice spending some quality time with her and can’t wait for another mojito night in March!

Thursday and Friday contained a high amount of wine, bullshitting and just taking every moment and minute as it come. Was two very nice days and evenings and I’m glad I put some fear a side and went all in! A million thanks to my Nyponros for always pushing me when needed ♥️

Saturday was heavy, but ofc I couldn’t say no when the one and only Nyponros wanted me to join for the wine festival. Who does even have a whole festival with testing wine? And wine testing doesn’t normally means a whole glass of wine, but here it does! Too much wine, laughing my ass off and being crazy with my partner in crime. The perfect type of Saturday! 🍷🙌🏻

Sunday was cleaning and laundry day. And today after first day after work I finished of with some quality time and soup. Just what I needed!

Today, my lovely shoes decided to die. While being in the office. Hoping I’ll get a hold of another pair of shoes ASAP. Or I’ll have to do another version of walk of shame home today.

Over And Out!

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Here we go, first day back in the office after 4 days of weekend. On one hand it’s nice being around my colleagues again but damn I’m tired! Haven’t slept well for the last month and a half. So getting out of bed this morning was a real hassle. But I made it and when I got to work R was waiting for me with coffee and brownies! How awesome?! ❤️

Tomorrow my grandparents and my brother are going home and I am going to miss them and all the small moments I’ve had talking about old memories and just laughing so much. I wish they lived closer by so that I could see them more often. Rebecca are staying another day so maybe we’ll go out and do the town tomorrow. Who knows?

Time to finish my coffee and my brownie :) happy Tuesday!

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