So, I've been thinking. What the fuck is love? I mean its one very confusing matter. There are songs about it, paintings, poems, every form of art tries to grab the meaning. Get behind it.
Just the other day I went on a date... sort of. (Does anyone ever now if its a date or not?) The conversation was flowing, the laughter was there, but something just wasn't right. Were we too alike or maybe too different.. I am not quite sure. Maybe we just weren't compatible.
However it got me thinking. My definition of love has for a while just been me chasing boys who won't ever going to love me. That was the normal state of mine, up until some time. So naturally I just don't know how to behave when people do actually like me and show some kind of affection. I try and fall back into my old patterns. You know, the obsessive, desperate girl who isn't getting any of that love any time soon. I try to look for faults in them. You have to know about me though, that I love to stand in the centre of attention. No question.
I have heard that the behaviour of mine can be explained and it is actually quite common. From a young age we develop a sense of love. How we perceive the love we receive. Mostly of course from our parents, because at that point of time they are our main source of love. So when we feel like being treated poorly is the only way of getting any love that is the love we think we deserve (So, yeah the quote from ´´perks o being a wallflower´´ had a point) (Also my parents are like the best, so idk how that picture came to mind)
So later in our lives we seek for the same love we are used to, the shitty people, the fuckboys, that isn't scary, it isn't new but it sure is self-destructive.
So I need to seriously reconsider my definition of love and being loved. Wish me luck. I know I can do it, and so can you! Let's do it together and get the love we truly deserve.