I've been occupied with work and haven't really been in the mood to sit down, take time to write a blog post. A small update; my bag found it's way home back to me, I miss Ben, I've had some stressful days at work and life happened.
I thought about something earlier. I've been staring at this blog post for a while now, trying to fill it with my own thoughts but not much is written. I know that this post and these thoughts I have come from somewhere. It's in the past and it's what happened to me that made we want to write this. I get stuck with my words but I feel so creative right now. I want to write this long post about Time and Space but as I started writing it... Like I said, I get stuck. I guess it's called writersblock or something like that? I get like this sometimes. I want to write something, my fingers tingle from being in the mood to write something but in the end I'll just write couple of words that won't make sense to anyone because they are my own thoughts and I need to write them down somewhere. I know that I can use google docs but... I want people to understand me and my thoughts that I have? I tried to be more open with Ben when it comes to my thoughts. There's just this weird feeling that I have where I think I'll get judged by what I'm thinking if I tell him. Not only him but... Specifically him. Anyways, I tried to write down some of my thoughts about Time and space, see below.
The word and concept about Time and Space.. Giving someone time to think, giving someone time to heal, giving and taking time. We're all dependent on time. Time can heal our scars if we let time do it's works of wonder. We shll never forget however, that we have to work some on our own to achieve healing. Maybe the healing means that you have to be on your own for a while or maybe it means that you have to spend time with people that you love. Time means something different to everyone and you never know someones else definition of time.
There's different reasons why someone would need time. Time off from work, time off from family, time off from a poisonous relationship or time off from being yourself. There's plenty of reasons why you'd need to take time off from something and they're all valid reasons for you. People may not understand it, but as long as you feel like this is exactly what you need then do it. Not everyone will accept your choice but in this world we need to be a bit selfish in the choices that we make. If we need to find happiness in a dark place and you need to let go of negativity, then do what feels right for you. If you know that your choice will hurt for a while but you'll end up happier... Don't stop for anyone. Take your time. Do what you need to do in order to make you happy again.
I saw a quote on tumblr that everyone has to heal in their own pace and I couldn't agree more. There's going to be impatient people in your life, trying to make it their time for you to heal. They will try and put pressure on you in makin decisions that mostly apply to them. These decisions will create a pressure on you and get in the way for your time to heal. Almost forcing you to accept a decisions you weren't ready to make or do something for others that you weren't ready for. This can either end up being something positive or it can go down south fast. Screw those people, they don't care about you if they force themselves and their own worries on your healing time. They might tell you to stop being so negative, stop doing this and that only for the purpose of cheering them up. They will tell you that their problems are bigger than yours and their depression is nothing compared to yours. Stop listening to them and take time off from them. Are they really worth being so close to you?
Time isn't just about taking time off and making sure that whatever is hurting is going to heal. Time also consumes us and creates a bubble where you disappear for a while in thoughts. We think about time and try calculate how much time we need from something. That time isn't enough or that time isn't going any faster. You long for someone you love but there's almost too much time until you get to see each other again. Days, weeks and even months until you see each other again. You get frustrated sometimes and time couldn't move slower. You start thinking about how time matters, almost getting obsessed with counting down the days as if that's the only thing that matters. You stop thinking about the outside world and you're just in this bubble where you count the days, weeks and months left. Another day pass by and the only thing that changed was that another day passed by. The countdown changed by one day. One day, but you're still obsessing with time and how much time there's left.
It's all about the term Time and Space, that makes us either heal or it consumes us whole. I believe that we have a choice when it comes to time and space. We need as much time as we need for whatever we're going through. No one should pressure you into anything.